How many of y'all get annoyed when you find out that, you're been treated like an option in dating just because your partner(crush) couldn't get the person they liked.

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-09-14T10:22:54+00:00

No rants

truthteller8 · 2021-09-14T04:44:24+00:00

I mean I don't think anyone likes being the fall back option. That would be kinda weird.

FatmanSlim93 · 2021-09-14T04:56:06+00:00

If you’re the fallback option just find someone else. There’s no reason to stay with them

Ylduts · 2021-09-14T05:01:25+00:00

It happens it sucks, find someone who views you as their first option. Easier said than done I know.

somenytoi · 2021-09-14T04:45:51+00:00

Ya , so rude , uhh just because we're interested and don't yet have expectations , we still have feelings .

Aran82 · 2021-09-14T06:36:14+00:00

Ghosting Is quite common now so it is confusing when you get along quite well with someone and then are ignored - the plausible explanation is that you are on a menu of options and did not make the final list. It is sad when in today’s age to be formally dumped is an honour.

RoseCapone · 2021-09-14T05:19:02+00:00

I had a friend who had a long time FWB who she caught feelings for. I use to hear about this guy all the time and how he was great/terrible depending on the week. They were FWB for about 6 years and when she asked him to make it official, he rejected her. Less than a year later, she told me that she had feelings for me as well and asked me out on a date. She made a point to tell me she would never put in the same effort/dedication that she did for him. It felt insulting because I know she was only trying to be with me because her original choice rejected her.

So I guess I would say it’s insulting when coming from a long time friend who never showed interested previously (and no I wasn’t attracted to her). Especially when she vented constantly about how terrible the previous guy was and how she would never put in that much effort for a man again.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-09-14T04:47:48+00:00

Perspective is everything. You can look at it like you’re the victim or like the timing was a little off and she might have been further along with them but it fizzled out.

I’d gauge everything on how you two vibe and leave it at that. If you vibe well then you should be happy. If you don’t, say meh, I don’t want to be a fallback. Just my two cents. 🤷🏻‍♂️

RunsWlthScissors · 2021-09-14T06:23:01+00:00

Agreed. And it’s something where we all do it if you’ve been there before. I’ve been a plan B many times. I’ve had plenty of women who were mine.

When you recognize it you should associate it as unattractive, but jealous type people are going to go the other way and it’s fine. In a healthy state of mind, get what you want out of it whether it’s occasional flirty attention, someone to talk to, fwb whatever. Just don’t expect people to do something they haven’t shown they want or are capable of with you. If you have a hard time separating those things for what they are, walk away. Not everyone’s built for it. Only you know what you want/need/can handle. If you can recognize it and can handle it fine, it’s not a bad thing just kinda is what it is.

It’s also no reason to feel hurt for more than the moment. Yea it sucks, but at the end of the day they saved you time that could be spent elsewhere and most people aren’t the match for you. No use carrying that hurt around burdening others unnecessarily, when dating others means it WILL happen at some point to everyone whether they realize it or not. Shielding yourself from getting burned because you were in the past and not dealing with it will only make it harder to move forward into finding the right person.

neetykeeno · 2021-09-14T06:27:00+00:00

Eh. That's life. Person gets a crush, if they are normal and kind of monogamous all their other possible attractions fade into the background. I mean what...would you have it otherwise? It is a normal and good way of being, to have that one main romantic partner at a time focus.

No way in hell are the chances good that you going to be the first and only attraction felt by anyone who has a sex drive worth mentioning. Feel free not to date anyone for any reason you want...the right to reject is absolute...and certainly consider quite carefully whether it is healthy to be with someone whose first choice is still hanging about and seen by them as still a good choice. Buuuut....if you are going to be getting all worked up and upset at age twenty-five because someone had a way big crush on the guy who sat next to you in maths class when you were all eleven years old then maybe your inflexible black and white thinking and the genes that help create it aren't required in the future. Cos now we have Facebook and sexual freedom and don't suffer our infatuation in privacy and silence, this is normality, living with the fact your partner is the same sort of human mess of failed infatuations and stumbling along with confused intent that you are. This is how it is. You aren't being protected from reality any more. Deal with it well enough to leave offspring or don't. No-one cares, that's your choice not our business.

MrBittersweetcookie · 2021-09-14T07:29:54+00:00

You guys got options?

5689g00 · 2021-09-14T07:38:28+00:00

Don’t be anyone’s second choice.

Chiyuki_Fujiwara · 2021-09-14T07:46:34+00:00

My ex met me right after his breaking up with his previous ex and waited for half a year before making it a thing out of respect for me. He didn't want me to feel like a back up. I didn't, so that's fine.

stare_at_the_sun · 2021-09-14T06:32:02+00:00

I’ve always been the distraction or the rebound. I don’t think anyone’s ever seen me as the one.

Nihi1986 · 2021-09-14T07:37:45+00:00

If I really liked the girl and the relationship worked I could be eventually ok with that. From experiencie, though, it's always a really shitty relationship and doesn't work.

Happened only as a teen or very young so I don't know how I would react now. Obviously, this is almost always going to be the case (there's a reason your partner was single, he/she wasn't dating the person she wanted), so depending on how much time has passed it can be fine.

As long as the person comes healed and is interested on you there's nothing wrong but what you explain here is a B plan scenario. You'd have to work a lot on yourself and on the relationship to make it work, to make her feel like you are actually as good if not better than the other guy and a great partner, but you start from a position where's she's not even truly attracted or interested on you, just using you.

87AudreyHorne · 2021-09-14T08:05:29+00:00

It never happened to me, but I wouldn't deal with that, I would lose all interest in that person and relationship. I need to be the one they like the most from the start, it's just how I am, so I wouldn't judge anyone who feels the same way, in fact it makes sense. People need to be loved the way they want to be loved.

upalse · 2021-09-14T09:08:50+00:00

Honestly, I don't understand what's wrong with being the plan B, or having plan Bs and Cs for everything. Humans (that can plan ahead) do this all the time, why should romance be different and somehow "spontanous and disney-like" in this instance? Why should I feel offended about being rebound? Why does it matter?

I hear people arguing that being a rebound people feel "used", but fail to elaborate on (emotionally) why.

Barely-moral · 2021-09-14T04:53:03+00:00

Sometimes it happens that, the guy/ girl you liked won't even like you at the start

Makes sense. I am not likeable at the start. I am not built for short term interactions. My good points can only be appreciated on the long term.

he'll/she'll be just a normal person to you or won't show any romantic feelings.

Acceptable before the relationship start. Unacceptable after it starts.

Then they get broken up/ rejected by their crushes or partners and then they come back to you and wanna have a relationship with you.

The thing I do is look for a woman that knows that she can't do better than me. If the way she came to know that is by getting rejected by other men then fine by me as long as I get what I want.

It's bit painful isn't it? That they're only going to like you because their main romantic interest didn't reciprocate or didn't like them back?

Nope. Not painful. Her inner life is hers. I care about the way she acts, not about the reasoning behind her actions.

All of us should be treated like a choice and not an option when it comes to dating

There are no shoulds. I rather be treated as the only option.

our crush coming back to us because they broke up or got rejected is just an insult for us

This is a different scenario. I don't accept people back. I only give women one chance to invest. If they did not want to invest before they don't get any benefit.

Just an advice, don't you ever let yourself get treated like an option and don't treat anyone like an option in dating

I rather be treated as the only option. About how I treat my partner, reciprocity is the right word. She does her part of the deal, I will do mine. I get what I want, she gets what she wants.

CatchPhraze · 2021-09-14T05:45:53+00:00

People are insane to think they need to be number one in everything. Just be enough your partner is grateful for you and isn't dumb enough to muse or let slip about the one that got away.

That being said you can't compromise attraction and you can tell if someone resents having to settle so much. Leave them. Better alone

HotDamImHere · 2021-09-14T05:53:02+00:00

For majority of people, usually the person they end up with (good relationship or bad) is their second choice or not their original option.

To me, If you make it pretty obvious I was a back up plan, then thats fine. You'll lose being my first option for commitment. Ill smash if you let me tho.

md8716 · 2021-09-14T05:02:44+00:00

Key distinction to make: if you are more alpha than any man she's had up until the point she met you, she's technically not an alpha widow.

So, in theory you don't have to be Giga Chad or only date virgins, but you do have to be able to outperform the average man and operate around women who don't regularly run in circles with overly alpha dudes (like rappers and 6'5" jacked athletes and shit like that)

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StarchRunner · 2021-09-14T06:20:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

StereoFood · 2021-09-14T07:14:50+00:00

What do you do if you think this might be this case but your SO would never admit it?

Blackagar59 · 2021-09-14T07:26:42+00:00

I was an option? Neat.

Jokes aside, everyone does that.

SteveSan82 · 2021-09-14T08:42:50+00:00

I don’t care. I was only with them for sex anyways

The-Wizard-of-Oz- · 2021-09-21T06:03:15+00:00

This happened to me & it was shit.

Really destroys your self esteem especially if it happens on your first relationship that you take seriously

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