Calling women insecure/controlling because they don't want their BF to watch porn

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-10-17T03:25:15+00:00

According to the world, nothing women do is right. So all you can do is right by yourself, fuck what everyone else thinks.

Specific-Composer300 · 2021-10-17T09:53:49+00:00

Whenever I see an anti porn post on insta the comments are FILLED with zoomers ridiculing the poster for being insecure, controlling, jealous etc. And often it's more women than men! It's very sad. Why are young women attacking other women who rightfully don't want their partner jerking off to recorded rape?!

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-10-16T23:50:30+00:00

We are insecure when we have standard, and when we don't. When we want a man, and when we don't. When we decide to have children and when we don't. When we put our career first or when we do it later. Women cannot win in this world either way we are doing something wrong to the masses.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-10-17T03:45:49+00:00

Porn is illegal in my husband's home country. He thinks it should be illegal here too.

As someone who grew up in a country that normalized sex work and porn, I am not going to lie about how much of a damn relief it was to find out he is anti porn.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-10-17T00:47:51+00:00

Pornography is for deprived men and is designed to be addictive for them and then gradually deteriorates the brains capacity for imagination and creativity leads to violence, stupidity, and depression. If im going to have a man in my life I only want a mentally sound, happy, creative, intuitive caring and loving Man. Its simply not possible with pornography in the equation. And YES I will happily choose the alternative of being single forever if this type of man doesn't exist. Im not here to nurse some pornsick man back to health. Do what thy wilt. But Yeah, Ive always felt this way about porn but never felt like anyone else thought this until i found FDS and wow such a relief !

PixiesGem · 2021-10-17T02:17:40+00:00

If I encounter this I plan to say

"Men who watch porn are terrible in bed and their dicks barely work. I want to enjoy myself an have an orgasm, if that is controlling, toxic, or insecure, then so be it"

neon_skelton · 2021-10-17T03:27:35+00:00

I agree. Don’t let them tell you what standards to have.

I was out the other weekend when a married man brought up the topic of porn and I mentioned that I don’t watch it anymore due to how it damages the brain (a lot of people don’t care about the other aspects). He said I’m insecure because I’m single and it’s not damaging because he watches it with his wife.

I stopped watching it 2.5 years ago when I was engaged and I’d rather be single than married to a man who has to watch porn every time we have sex.

eatchickpeas · 2021-10-17T00:27:00+00:00

how many of these men would become insecure/controlling if they found out their partner had a higher body count than them. would any of these men who watch porn actually form a long term relationship with a pornstar? i think porn is problematic but that is a whole another topic. its so readily accessible and plentiful, we have no concrete way of knowing if the scenes are consensual and that they are all above 18. you cant really say porn is consensual in the first place if you know the actress/actors need the money to pay rent

i think its perfectly reasonable for a porn free woman to demand a porn free man. the problem is society acts like you have to accept the man and his porn addiction or you get no man. men want a real life woman and also all his online porn. porn is so central to the patriarchy and how men see and treat women. their constant need to belittle/degrade a woman when they feel bored/insecure coupled with their need to 'claim' their masculinity by increasing their body count, that to me is why porn is the way it is in our society

VelvetKnuckleduster · 2021-10-17T11:21:22+00:00

A couple of years before I got into FDS I dated a guy who was, in hindsight, a raging porn addict. I have no interest in dealing with a guy who has that problem again, just like I wouldn't date a compulsive gambler or someone with a cocaine habit. If they want it so badly, fine, they can ruin their own lives but I'm not going down with them.

extragouda · 2021-10-17T13:09:45+00:00

People call everything "toxic" these days. Don't like to play Fortnite? Toxic. Don't listen to Chris Brown's music? Toxic. Don't date unemployed men? Toxic. Prefer to be an employed woman rather than a home maker? Toxic. Prefer not to get eyelash extensions? Toxic. Don't have tattoos? Toxic. OMG, so toxic. Not into hot yoga? Toxic. Edibles make you wig out? Toxic. Your coffee isn't black? You're toxic, Karen. Your boyfriend said he wanted a commitment and you're just not into him, he's toxic too. That f*kboi you want to marry told you he's not looking for "anything long-term right now" and he only texts you at 10pm, he's TOXIC (even though he already ID'd himself very clearly).

Don't like extra gouda in your sandwich? You're TOXIC!

We're in the PD world. That's post-decency (PD). You can get elected president even if you admit to sexually assaulting women. "Influencers" (the people that are supposedly here to "influence" us) all have sex tapes (sometimes not even consensual sex tapes) and it's just business as usual.

Excuse me while I eat more cheese.

ayaaababe · 2021-10-17T07:05:20+00:00

I agree having any kind of boundaries is seen as being toxic and controlling if you are a woman. I know the majority of men love to gaslight us that there are no men out there that don’t watch porn but in my experience some men really don’t and not because women pressure them but because they are good people who have a problem with the industry on their own. Of course it is a rare “trait” just like all HVM traits in general are.

Also where do we draw the line? Am I a bitch because I don’t want my boyfriend going to strip clubs? Having sleepovers with his female best friends? Fucking other women? Well if that is the case I would rather be a bitch that is happy alone not constantly insecure and anxious in a relationship with a person that loves to push my boundaries.

sjefsiljuuus · 2021-10-17T01:19:57+00:00

They know what they do is wrong, and when confronted about it, they refuse to take any responsibility. Instead, they tell us we are too sensitive, controlling, insecure and that its normal. Or we get told that if we just did show more interest and did more sexy things, they wouldnt need porn.

For everytime they choose to look for porn, they also actively decide to objectify and sexualize people. They are also telling that their needs are more important than our boundaries. They stop being intimate with us, they refuse to give us the comfort and safety we need and ask for - because porn is more important to them. I will also say that living with someone thats pornsick can and will also become dangerous for you at some point, since there is very common for addicts to overstep your boundaries - and eventually assualt you and harm you. You are in a higher risk to get raped, mentally abused and physicially abused.

We are not supposed to babysit men that refuse to take action for their behaviours. We are not supposed check their phones or computers to figure out if they lie to us. We know when they lie. You can feel it in your gut.

They can blame it all on addiction, but even when you are addicted to something - you ALWAYS actively seek out triggers to maintain and feed their addiction. At any point, they can choose to change their habits and take action. Its up to them, if they wanted to, they would have.

There is science that documents well how damaging porn consuming is for our brain, which includes that those who do have less empathy to mention one example. If you find yourself in a situation where someone you date or are in a relationship watches porn, leave. No more chances, dont listen to their excuses. Leave. Because you and everyone here desverves so much better than that.

I am so happy to see that you know your selfworth. You deserve so much better!

Maingurl · 2021-10-17T01:07:30+00:00

Sis, you gotta do what you feel is right in your relationship. Don't let these people tell you otherwise.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-10-17T14:13:22+00:00

He was gaslighting you. Tell him to enjoy his inevitable erectile dysfunction......then dump.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-10-17T17:57:05+00:00

When I was younger, I never actually enjoyed porn, but I wasn’t aware that I had a choice in the matter. Once I realized that, it was never an issue for me.

The few conversations I’ve had about it get the expected reactions from men and women alike; men usually take it as a huge personal insult, as they do anything that denies any man on the planet the possibility of access to sex with me. It also garners a few different reactions from women, ranging from aggression to pity.

The aggression comes from feeling challenged personally in their beliefs. They want so desperately to believe (as many of us did) that porn is “just the way it is” and that it’s a shortcoming to not accept it. “Get in line, we all bear this burden, to not share the load (no pun intended) means a greater share for the rest of us.” To flout that rule in front of them is to expose them to freedom, but Stockholm syndrome makes them believe that freedom from porn is slavery.

Mixing a lot of literary references here, but the point stands, regardless.

Strip away the facade of acceptance, and people get angry. Defensiveness is the sign of being caught in a lie, even if the lie is to yourself.

The pity reaction is actually the one that pisses me off. “Oh that’s so sad that you’re not enlightened enough to enjoy your body freely” kind of condescension. Like what.

First of all most porn is garbage, even if the industry wasn’t disgusting. The actors are gross, the sex is gross, etc. I don’t want to watch that ugly dude fuck a sad, desperate strung-out chick.

I’m not pitiable for not wanting to watch two dumb tubby dudes DP a chick who’s probably trying to pay her rent. Who the fuck gets hot for that?

Ninja_Flower_Lady · 2021-10-18T00:10:00+00:00

I took a stroll through the Nofap subreddit once. I remember one post from there. This guy talked about how he would masterbate to porn only “once in a while, not at all a significant number.” But one day he decided to try out the challenge to stop 100%.

He was shocked to realize how much his sexual attraction to his wife skyrocketed when he resisted masterbating to porn images and fantasies. It turns out that even without him realizing it, he was dissipating that energy that could’ve gone towards his wife.

Anyone who says porn is harmless is either in denial or ignorant of the truth. It’s an addiction. Just like an addiction to junk food ruins the palate for real food, porn Ruins sex with real people.

MyLifeIsWandsXIII · 2021-10-17T03:48:43+00:00

If anything having this boundary is the opposite of insecure, because you know you have the self respect to not stay with a coomer who is possibly an addict or on the road to becoming one. I also don't get how it's controlling? Because if I catch the man I'm dating watching porn then I'll dump him with no hesitation. I won't "force" him to do shit and waste my time. He can stay jerking it to his pixels. It's also not toxic at all, because it's a standard I have - just like I have other standards to ensure my safety and the compatibility of a relationship. If a man watches porn, then I already know we won't be compatible and I won't waste either of our time. So toxic. 🙄🙄

Professional-Pea-317 · 2021-10-17T21:12:43+00:00

"Controlling women by calling them controlling is a neat little hat trick brought to you by the patriarchy."

IAteTheDragon · 2021-10-17T09:13:59+00:00

Just watch his face drop when you say you love to watch massive dongs and hot guys going at it, they would literally lose their shit!

frustratedmarxistfem · 2021-10-18T17:10:56+00:00

I actually think you hit the nail on the head

I'm not interested in changing

When I've gotten pushback on any of my requests, I shut the other person down immediately by saying "I'm not saying I'm going to force a man to do this. I'm saying I will reject a man who doesn't do this"

There is an expectation that womens standards are not real, that what you're saying is that you'll settle for any man and then give him a hard time for not living up to it. Its strange and shows how much women settle.

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2021-10-17T10:50:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Calling women insecure/controlling because they don't want their BF to watch porn
Author	mypetchickens
Upvotes	835
Comments	56
Date	October 16, 2021 11:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q9nbk1/calling_women_insecurecontrolling_because_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/calling-women-insecurecontrolling-because-they.1079124 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079124

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