Does having sex “early” ruin everything?

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-14T12:41:27+00:00

No advice threads

sterlingrose616 · 2021-11-14T03:42:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

lartex93 · 2021-11-14T03:42:32+00:00

Guys have 3 levels of of how much they like a girl, and the main factor in determining how much they like you is your looks:

1.- Not interested

2.- Interested in having sex with you but nothing else

3.- Interested in having sex and commit to a relation with you.

The guys you describe seem to be stuck on point 2, so they find you attractive enough for sex, but that much to go all the way to commit. The fact you state you are overweight could be a pretty strong reason. And fortunately something you can fix.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2021-11-14T03:32:50+00:00

What are we debating here?

Sex day 1 or sex day 5 could still result in the same thing. It sounds like you’re probably just way too available and easy (not in a sexual sense).

Also, if you’re saying you’re a little overweight that usually translates to overweight. Date down or get in shape if you want something lasting.

PerceptionTasty1495 · 2021-11-14T03:23:22+00:00

To be perfectly honest with you, they probably had no intention of dating you in the first place. A lot of guys will say and do whatever it takes to get laid and it doesn't necessarily mean that he finds you particularly attractive. If he sees you as beneath him, he isn't going to want a relationship with you. If he saw you as out of his league or his equal, he would probably try to lock you down really quickly.

https://hfboards.mandatory.com/threads/online-dating-experiment-with-pig-woman.2438447/

Even "pig woman" can get a guy with a six-pack to sleep with her.

klauskinki · 2021-11-14T03:03:38+00:00

AwareCicada2163 · 2021-11-14T06:09:14+00:00

You might be too kinky during sex or having sex three dates in. You might also be getting swindled by Lotharios. No harm.

Tinder is not a relationship app.

HilariousHeathen · 2021-11-14T03:40:08+00:00

To be completely fair OP it could be a few things.

The most likely suspects are

It could be the kind of guy you are attracted to. I guess it supposes on where you are meeting these men.
You mention weight several times, I don't know what you consider a little overweight but a decent dude isn't gonna care if you are a little chubby, but if you are downplaying the severity and are seriously overweight that might be the case.

If you think it's the latter, you may want to hold off on hooking up as quickly to weed some of the folks out, or evaluate if youre shooting out of your league?

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-11-14T03:57:33+00:00

Define "stop trying"

Do you mean they lose interest in you or do you mean you can still be together but there's isnt as much effort?

If they lose interest/ghost/stop dating you in general then it's probably that, unfortunately, you fall into the category to "can have sex with, but not necessarily a relationship with" to those particular men. Or those men just aren't into the idea of a relationship at all.

In that case there are two options here.

1) Keep having sex when you're comfortable, so as long as you're okay with having sex with men who aren't going to try a relationship with you after. Which is where I personally stand.

2) don't have sex for a while as this will filter out men who only want sex with you and not a relationship.

If on the other hand by lose interest what you mean is that they're not trying as hard, it could just be thst they've become more comfortable. It's like how men and women stop trying as hard once they get married. Up to you if that's enough for you to keep the relationship going or not

Im_The_Daiquiri_Man · 2021-11-14T03:42:50+00:00

Let’s not ignore that sometimes sex just fizzles out if the chemistry isn’t there.

Newness can make even mundane sex seem exciting.

Once the “new pussy smell” wears off, things can change.

Of course, If the sex is great the guy would be a goddamn idiot to walk away, but that’s on him.

Plopolok · 2021-11-14T05:01:34+00:00

If it's any consolation, there are quite a lot of relationships that follow the same paradigm, it's just common to take longer (months or years) before the guy moves on.

Are you sure that this isn't what you actually wanted? If you could go back in time and make the first guy stay, would you do it, or do you think it's better to have had 3 fun relationships than just one?

Demasii · 2021-11-14T09:44:02+00:00

With the three guys I’ve dated in the past 3 months it’s been exactly the same, everything changes and they just stop trying.

3 guys in 3 months is alot. You are speedy and misinterpreting how invested the men are out of a desire for an emotional connection.

How old are you? It took me a while to develop the interpersonal skills to realize that deep down I knew the men weren't into me as much I was into them.

Pilling_it · 2021-11-14T10:04:08+00:00

You can be honest I’m not sensitive.

Alright.

You mentioned twice you're "a little overweight" in your own words, so whether you notice it or not, it's relevant to you. The advice to get more in shape is easy, and depending on how overweight you actually are, you'll see the changes from easily to very easily.

And I hate to break it to you, but I think it has more to do with the men you go with than anything else, they probably never considered a relationship with you in the first place.

Try to clarify before sex whether you want to date seriously or not? If you place them in a situation where they have to outright lie it's easier for you to notice the body language that doesn't match.

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2021-11-14T12:31:17+00:00

This is male nature in modern age... before sex with you, they pursue you heavily & seem super amazing. Then after they get the sex all attention wanes.

Their sex drive and interest in you drops heavily, you or no longer some prize to be won or conquered.

Some guys even kid themselves into staying with a women they don't like or are unhappy with for years for a consistent supply of it, then after 4 - 5 years maybe they meet their dream women and drop the girl like a bad habit to pursue & immediately try to marry said dream women. This is the main trap women go through post 2000s, since youth &
fertility, younger age = value this happening to a 27 yo then being left when she's 31/32 is scary.

NoMarriageNoKids · 2021-11-14T04:37:18+00:00

They're pumping and dumping.

Gabrielvrape · 2021-11-14T03:45:22+00:00

I know it's hard for many of you women to comprehend this concept becuase many of you think of yourselves as a "awesome" and cool person. But in most cases when men are doing all the effort and initiating all the dates they eventually realize your not worth being with and cut ties.

Does sex early ruin everything? No, it doesnt.

5x_the_Charm · 2021-11-14T03:13:43+00:00

Not for me. Usually they've been more likely to stick around because of the fire that's there.

PM_ME_ZED_BARA · 2021-11-14T04:04:29+00:00

It’s not the case for me. I strive to have sex as early as possible. This way, I waste little time on people who want only sex with me. I enjoy sex and don’t see it as losing if I have it without commitments.

Due to circumstances, I actually had sex with my current long term boyfriend before knowing his name. And so far our relationship works great.

No_Exercise_8670 · 2021-11-14T08:05:34+00:00

Am I attractive enough to bang but not attractive enough for a relationship

That might be the reason. But we don't know without your photo obviously.

Am I just bad in bed and just unattractive

That is also a possibility. You should ask those guys about it actually.

It may hurt your self-esteem but you but those answers are better than what we can tell you here on reddit without seeing you those men.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-11-14T08:07:05+00:00

It sounds like you have ulterior motives for dating and furthermore you extend a covert contract to these men. The contract is "if I sleep with you, you will become my boyfriend and drop any and all other women you may be dating and be my sole sponsor". The guy doesn't know anything about it because his own ulterior motive is "I just want to get laid and have no intentions on getting serious with a woman, being her boyfriend or hubby".

silverface-mt05 · 2021-11-14T11:00:32+00:00

We can't suggest you anything because #1 we don't know how attractive you are, and #2 we don't know what kinds of men you go out with.

Honestly, any normal dude would want to have a relationship with someone they find attractive. It's what normal people do. So if you've been having constant issues with ghosting after sex... sorry, the problem is your taste in men.

Those men that are willing to offer you a relationship aren't the same who will sleep with you.

It's how it is. Same thing with guys who have to go on date after date after date after date and the most they get are one-sided relationships.

If you want some really generalized advice, you'll either have to drop your standards or do your best to look as attractive as genetically possible. You mentioned you're slightly overweight. Start with that.

livs4drpepper · 2021-11-14T13:33:09+00:00

This has all been really helpful and really what I needed to hear but wasn’t getting from my friends and family who were just trying to make me feel good.

I appreciate this subreddit because y’all have actually given me real and helpful information, even thought it may be “hurtful” on a surface level.

I posted this in dating advice and pretty much everyone was “on my side” and saying I was in the right and everything which I just didn’t buy clearly.

This was definitely helpful in what I was looking for; having a bunch of random dudes think I’m a whore and fucking stupid is a small price to pay for some actual clarity on the situation. Thanks

vanillapopsicle · 2021-11-14T07:27:05+00:00

They come in with the goal of banging. For guys at that point, it’s like a show. They put on a performance. Perform, achieve the goal, leave.

If you want a relationship, you want real, not fake. You won’t get the same show. You might not even get the same caliber guy. In fact, you almost definitely won’t. The guy who’s in it for the long haul doesn’t put on that kind of show.

What you want to do is weed out the performers. Tell men you’re looking for longterm. And stick to it. No sex until you see the REAL them. You’ll know it. Otherwise, you’ll keep getting tricked and used.

Mimoxs · 2021-11-14T03:35:54+00:00

They were nice to you to fuck you in this case bc they assumed that that was all they would need to do to get it, and you let them be right about that

But even in cases of ltrs/organic relationships yes they stop trying once sex is secured, much like how some people "let themselves go" after getting married. Hence why women weaponize sex to get what they want so often, because if the man is getting sex consistently without needing to put in any effort, he has no reason to put in effort.

Also Madonna whore complex is a thing that affects some men, but most likely these guys were just never aiming for a relationship to begin with.

In general imo it could ruin a relationship bc the anticipation and excitement is kinda gone so you have nothing left. But that heavily depends on the person and their individual perception. It is not true or false as an overall.

jbo99 · 2021-11-14T03:25:01+00:00

Any guy will “stop trying” more and more into a relationship. The simple reality is we want to date people and then have them fall into the routine of our lives not just be constantly trying to impress all the time. Obviously there’s a balance to be had but it’s not unnatural that this happens.

What is the issue? Like do they just stop talking to you altogether or what? Like what exactly changes after sex?

yungthrowaway97 · 2021-11-14T07:20:21+00:00

No, and actually even guys that are looking for casual can simp for a hot girl and want a relationship. But usually its the guys dating down nowadays not the other way around. I suspect if you dated down you would notice men simp for you, but you might not necessarily be happy with who you find wants to commit to you. But at least that way you can see where you actually stand in the dating market. The level where guys want commitment is equal to your value or within 2 points lower I'd say.

SexyBoyNotYourBoyToy · 2021-11-14T05:35:00+00:00

I’m a kind woman, I think I’m fun and funny I have a good job and my own place. I’m a little overweight I think but I try hard with my appearance and think I’m at least moderately attractive. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

Brutal honesty. Men generally don't care if you're kind. Men don't care if you're funny. Chances are you're not funny anyway. Like maybe 1 in 1,000,000 women are funny, no exaggeration necessary. Women think they're funny because they can make other women laugh. It's a terrible benchmark.

I’m a little overweight I think but I try hard with my appearance

What does this mean? You wear makeup? You get your hair done? Because that's the bare minimum. Weight is like the biggest factor in whether you're a pump and dump or not. Very few men want to be seen with a fat woman on their arm. It's also like the most prevalent thing in dating as you get older, for women it's the men left all have shit jobs and are going nowhere and for men it's the women left all have kids or are fat.

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livs4drpepper · 2021-11-14T04:00:14+00:00

Thanks everyone I think y’all are right I appreciate you even if it’s tough to hear. I think I deff am just attractive enough to fuck but not to date. Could be worse I guess think I’ll just work on bettering myself

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-11-14T04:08:18+00:00

Depends on the people involved. Waiting too long can ruin things too if the person values sexual skills over most other things and the other person is "inexperienced."

jayval90 · 2021-11-14T04:50:31+00:00

I’m conflicted because I feel like I may need to hold off on sex to really form a relationship but to me it’s also a enjoyable and important part of dating.

Wait, do you want easy sex, or do you want an LTR? You can't actually have both.

hatit516 · 2021-11-14T09:14:01+00:00

You’re an average looking girl. Idk what those guys look like but they probably see you as not their match as in to their standard of locking down

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-11-14T09:46:59+00:00

Not necessarily but the male brain is wired to mate one women and then to immediately jump to another because you can only get a woman pregnant once at a time. It's generally a bad idea for the women, but it can hurt men as well as losing all interest in women after sex can't be good for you nor your relationships.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-11-14T11:43:51+00:00

Oh damn girl.

Not gonna lie, I feel bad for you, but then I read your replies and I'm not like... Sorry for you.

You know what the problem is, it's not that you are ugly, judging by your picture and the way you describe yourself you are probably an average girl, that's fine.

Thing is you want to bag a good looking guy, that's not going to happen unless you are good looking (or are extremely lucky).

"I feel like having sex at the moment with these guys" pfff of course you do, I know I would if I was introduced to a very good looking woman who wanted a quick fuck, but if you are going to do this you need to get real, these men are not going to offer you consistency, as soon as you give them what they want they bail, because they are not there to have a date with you, they just want you to lend them some body parts for a while, then release and they are out.

You say you don't want to compromise on looks, that's fine, but it comes with a price. And this is the price, being discarded after. Your biggest problem is not that you don't know why this is happening, you DO know, it's just that you don't want to accept it.

You are not ruining it because you out out early, you are ruining it because you go on dates with men who want nothing to do with you unless it's easy and cheap access to a moist hole without too much questions and "terms of use".

I mean, I can't wrap my head around how can so many women fall for this crap, I mean serious? How can you let a man who doesn't really want you to use you that way? I don't think even the most desperate guys would fall for some shit like this, IMO that's why men hate the idea of hiring escorts, self respect. Learn from incels and simps who would die virgins and fapping to porn before paying a prostitute to let them nut in them.

That being said, my advice is to adjust your standards if you want a true conection. If you like the sex with "hawt" guys then that's it, keep punching above your league, but also get real, they just want to nut inside you and nothing more, keep that in mind next time.

As a man, I've had countless hook ups in my entire life, and I can tell you I was doing it 100% for the sex, but let me tell you, if I would have known women were using me as a meat dildo and not caring about anything else, I would feel probably like you do now.

Hey, girl, have some self respect. For real. This post hurts.

I value that you have the courage to admit it though, lots of women here delude themselves into thinking this shit doesn't happen to women and that women like you don't exist outside some Redpil fantasy. Thanks for the testimony.

Title	Does having sex “early” ruin everything?
Author	livs4drpepper
Upvotes	1
Comments	109
Date	November 14, 2021 2:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qtgfn5/does_having_sex_early_ruin_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/does-having-sex-early-ruin-everything.1084200 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084200

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