What characteristics are you looking for in a partner?

PriorArt9233 · 2022-04-13T19:33:54+00:00

Things that I would look out for: generosity, consideration, self starter, and a certain strength of character showing determination and capability.

candyfox84 · 2022-04-14T02:14:01+00:00

This might seem uncharacteristic for a man but: nurturing. I’ve noticed this trait is related to a lot of other qualities I value, such as kindness, cooking, and being good in bed.

rightsun__ · 2022-04-13T20:47:47+00:00

Attentive, kind and quiet (as in doesn’t speak much but also doesn’t have a loud/piercing voice)

masterofthebarkarts · 2022-04-13T22:24:21+00:00

In my opinion, there are only two a-priori characteristics that all HVM must possess: kindness and sexual compatibility. There are other qualities that matter of course, but if you don't start with kindness and sexual compatibility, none of the rest matters.

Your man is smart, handsome and funny? Doesn't matter if he isn't also kind and good in bed (with you).

Your man is rich, fit and loves kids? Doesn't matter if he isn't nice to you and only wants missionary in the dark once a month.

Also, you absolutely need both. Try to date a kind man you don't want to fuck and you'll break his heart. Try to date a mean guy who blows your mind and he'll break yours. You must have both.

It's obviously not all you need. But if you don't start there, don't start at all

notochord · 2022-04-13T23:27:49+00:00

Kind, values community and volunteers regularly (but not for the narcissistic “glory” of volunteering), physically fit and takes care of their health (including things like wearing sunscreen, stretching before workouts, and going to the dentist regularly), patient with kids and animals, is able to create their own joy and feel true contentment with life.

BloedelBabe · 2022-04-13T19:31:56+00:00

I’m 41 and unsure that I’ve ever come across a single HVM. I’m conventionally attractive, fit, kind, loyal, a successful business owner, home owner, vacation home owner, etc. I have a couple friends married to HVM, but they are not American.

I’d be drawn to a kind, honest, and loyal man that:

1). valued physical fitness, 2). had his own hobbies (he should be able to entertain himself, and I don’t mean with video games), 3). was motivated to be an equal partner in administering our life together, 4). could pay his own bills on his own income, and 5). was objectively attractive. No minimum height requirement or anything like that, just decent looking.

That doesn’t seem like a demanding list but honestly I can’t find a man with these qualities. Coming across lots of men my age that are pudgy, have no interests, can’t pick up after themselves, can’t cook a proper meal, can’t keep their own internet turned on, and are objectively unattractive.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2022-04-14T02:32:11+00:00

Reliable, loyal, and empathetic. Mainly a do-er with no lip service.

I prefer someone with a quiet lifestyle 🤐. No partying, drugs, and loud activities. Small group of friends preferred.

Organized, thoughtful, and punctual.

Having kids isn’t a priority.

JulyParade · 2022-04-13T20:33:32+00:00

I've always been attracted to engineering types. I like a man who's curious about the world and likes creating things. I like someone who enjoys their hobbies and is passionate about them. And if his hobbies happen to take up a lot of time I don't mind because I have my own hobbies.

I need a man with his own life, his own friends and support system. Not someone that needs constant entertainment. Not someone who thinks women are free therapy. Someone who goes to therapy when he needs it, goes to the doctor when he needs it. A self-sufficient man with the emotional intelligence to know that self-sufficiency is more than just having a job.

Preferably a generous man. Someone who helps his friends before they have to ask, gives to charity, plans events, and is the type of guy people look up to and know he supports them where he can.

I don't have check boxes exactly. Maybe I should change that since giving everyone a chance isn't working out. Or maybe it is, perpetual singleness has advantages! And I need a man that is just as comfortable being single as he is in a relationship!

katiekat0214 · 2022-04-13T19:47:16+00:00

Like attracts like. I for one don't believe that opposites attract. I want someone much like me: highly educated, a highly sensitive person, introvert, avid hobbyist, animal lover, feminist (ally in his case), humanitarian, egalitarian, kind, thoughtful. I found that acknowledging my best qualities was a good place to start. I also want someone whose issues play well with my own. I have high-functioning anxiety and tend to be a perfectionist. Someone who is more forgiving would work well for me.

asoww · 2022-04-14T01:24:07+00:00

• Emotionally available and mature

• Provider mindset (even if we share the financial burden, I want him to step up if he has the chance to, especially when I'm pregnant)

• Strong and secure. Aka, physically and mentally (if he has traumas, he should have worked through them in therapy)

• Has humour that aligns with mine

• Intellectual and socially conscious, humble and always open to learn

• Takes care of himself, his home, the poeple he loves

• A good leader, who takes responsibility for his actions

I think that's it : D

spinsterchachkies · 2022-04-13T20:21:04+00:00

Fitness enthusiast. Muscles, I definitely need that in a man. Enjoys the outdoors, (camping, or kayaking for instance). Loves animals especially dogs. An old fashioned type of dater, (I can’t stand hoes). I don’t need rich, but someone that can provide. He can satisfy me sexually. Humble enough to apologize when wrong and take accountably. Discipline, kindness, empathy, good morals. Sweet, romantic, or wholesome, doesn’t say gross stuff.

Anyways that’s why I’m single. Lol 😂 I just described myself

LeaveMeAlone__308 · 2022-04-14T16:13:24+00:00

Like many ladies mentioned like attracts like.

So someone introverted, empathetic, having a good degree and job in STEM, gym and fitness enthusiast (I love endurance sports and hiking and lifting would be nice to share those), reading books, self help and should NOT want kids.

Yep, Imma die alone 😁

BornToBeWildType · 2022-04-14T08:44:40+00:00

I'm looking for someone intellectually stimulating who can hold their own in a conversation without interrupting me or disregarding things I said (this ties into mutual respect and being a good listener). Someone capable of intimacy (emotional and physical/sexual), and what I would broadly describe as "competent" - has skills/hobbies and is capable of planning and executing projects (both big and small). Someone who looks after himself, is kind and open-hearted, can take problems in his stride, and doesn't look down on other people.

2340000 · 2022-04-14T00:05:37+00:00

I want someone who makes me laugh. I enjoy dry, witty, pun humor and would be happy with a person that can joke around.

I'd also like someone outside of my culture. I grew up in a homogeneous community that had it's benefits, but was too insular.

Of course I want physical attraction, consistent income, etc.

extragouda · 2022-04-14T14:06:34+00:00

I'm not looking. But if I meet someone where there is mutual interest and respect, then they need to: be employed, not lazy, and have the means to look after themselves, be nurturing and know how to take care of a house and their partner if their partner become sick, be responsible and have an understanding of how his actions (or lack thereof) impact others, have integrity and be honest and trustworthy, be a really good friend and be sexually compatible with me.

I also want them to value their health because I value mine. Finally... it would have to be someone I find physically appealing. It doesn't mean that they have to be conventionally attractive or a certain height, but they have to be a type of person that I am attracted to and actually like. I think a requirement should be that they are also attracted to me and actually like me.

I have never met anyone with all of these qualities. I know a lot of men and women who marry people who do not meet everything on their lists, and then they complain about their spouses incessantly. Of course, not everyone can be everything to anyone. But I think the things on my list are very general, very basic things. I'm not asking for, you know, a man who is 6 foot 2 with straight auburn hair, a size 10 shoe, a square jaw, a freckle on his left shoulder, and the ability to salsa dance.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2022-04-14T03:08:02+00:00

I’m dedicating my live to the advancement and passing on of mathematical knowledge , and I think I would have a hard time being with anyone who doesn’t really value that, deep down. Maybe not a mathematician, someone who’s doing the same in physics or philosophy might be ok too, but I don’t think I could be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t find the statement and story of the proof of Fermat’s Last Theorem riveting. Like, what I do matters deeply to me, and I never want to be with some engineer or computer scientist who things that without some type of product at the end effort is worthless. Lots of HV people aren’t passionate about the pursuit of knowledge for knowledge’s sake, or mathematics in particular. that’s ok, they just aren’t for me.

Also environmental issues, like I want to do what little I can to slow climate change, and that’s something I value really deeply, because I would like to have children, and I want to leave them with a world that isn’t completely going to shit.

I guess that’s another thing, I want kids. Lots of HV people don’t, and that’s ok, but I do. I think I’d be a good mom and if I find a man who I think would be a good father, and who I can trust not to run off when the going gets tough, that’s something I want to do.

Also like, probably a tall blonde with glasses and a nice jawline, I used to think I didn’t have a type but there’s definitely a pattern, and I like what I like.

99power · 2022-04-13T22:59:30+00:00

Great genetics that I want passed onto offspring. Moral backbone, similar values. Hobbies that I think are interesting and can teach me something (I love to learn, please impress me lol). Financial stability is obvious. Ideally, you’ve gone to or are preparing to go to graduate school. I relate to nerds and usually nerds relate to me back.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2022-04-13T23:03:19+00:00

Non-negotiables: attractive (to me), respectful, kind and empathetic, has integrity, honest, loyal, is passionate about something, likes to learn, either employed or in education/training for employment, mentally stable, no kids and ok with not having any.

Preferences: from my culture or one with similar values, same religion, interested in science/technology, has at least one hobby that involves physically making things, good taste in music (in my opinion), cooks, bisexual (I prefer bi4bi relationships with men as they’re less likely to fetishize me for my sexuality).

-positivity- · 2022-04-13T22:06:17+00:00

My fantasy list: Preppy, tall, well-mannered, well-educated, clean-cut. Smells good. From a good family. Laidback elegance. A philanthropic heart. Preferably a veterinarian or an art gallery owner. Or is Jack Schlossberg 😩 These are, of course, on top of the must-haves

warinmymind94 · 2022-04-14T07:16:19+00:00

I like the tall dudes that have some meat on their bones but not obese, just tone and strong. I like men that are well groomed as far as hair goes, beards are okay if short and Clean. I like men that take charge in the sense that they have a plan. They make effort in the convo and with me. When they get to a place, they're leading the way and showing me a good time. They treat me. They handle the issues and make sure I'm comfortable. My grandpa was a take charge man like that. It doesn't mean I'm submissive, it's just a man seeing me as a queen and treating me.

I want someone who is direct, genuine, has a happy overall disposition (some call it a good vibe, being positive), has to be intelligent (I dated down before never again), creative when it comes to problem solving, compassionate, and likes to travel (no couch sitting boring stay at home all the time types. The traveler must enjoy seeing new places, learning, trying new foods, etc).

Needs to be respectful of my background as I grew up poor. I'm not as cultured. I didn't have fancy experiences or vacations growing up. I get excited over what is a milestone for me and don't need to be put down or made to feel like I was overreacting when for me, it was a massive milestone in my life.

No last minute shit. No me getting in the car and he wont tell me where he's taking me to eat or what movie we are seeing. Men that have a plan and let me know so I'm comfy know what to dress or pack, etc.

sleepysiri · 2022-04-14T13:03:13+00:00

I’ve always been drawn to certain men and they all have similar qualities.

Ambitious. Honestly, I don’t mind if their ambition is something selfish that pushes them to climb the ladder in their career or make a lot of money, or something selfless like going out of their way to help others and giving to charities. As long as they have ambition, and a lot of it. Men like this tend to want to work hard in other aspects of their lives too and do not need to be asked to do things. They simply do them because they want to. They must be highly educated and accomplished.
SSS: I call this Selectively Strong and Silent. It’s kind of a film trope to have a man that’s strong and silent, but that’s the man I have always been drawn to. They don’t need to show off or be loud and brash. When they speak, their words have meaning. They’re forthcoming and self-assured in their words. They don’t waste time babbling on about useless nonsense. Everything they say has a purpose. He doesn’t need to be validated by others.
Leader: He’s not an egomaniacal, control freak who likes to assert dominance and peacock. He is a natural leader that seems to be a natural at making decisions, guiding others and bringing basic ideas and concepts to fruition. He’s organised, has a routine and is able to earn the respect of the people around him. He is one of the most capable conversationalists and workers in the room.
High emotional intelligence: I admire a man that is self-aware and empathetic. He doesn’t need to experience something himself in order to give compassion to someone else who has experienced that something. He is aware of his faults and actively works on them. He has very strong boundaries and doesn’t settle for someone he does not truly like. He knows when he makes a mistake and makes concrete efforts to make up for it rather than minimise the damage or give a half-assed apology. He is humble and is driven by that humility in how he interacts with people.
Big thighs and pecs: I love muscles. That’s all I can say. A man with big tiddies and strong legs.

Basically me but more organised, focused and buff 🤪

2022-04-14T17:54:58+00:00

I like sensitive guys with a good head on their shoulders. Not so sensitive that they are frail, but having empathy for people around them. I am not fond of overtly masculine men because I compare those traits with desire for power over others.

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2022-04-14T04:09:52+00:00

Patient, kind, calm in stressful situations, resourceful and generally a cheerful person.

Taller than me (5'7-5'10 is my ideal range), brunette, healthy athletic body, long rectangular face, larger nose, thick eyebrows.

I like men in the medical field but not a doctor (egotistical and crazy work hours). I feel like they're more understanding of the female body and just the grossness of bodies in general. I want a man that can handle periods, poop, blood, and body fluids in case our family gets sick/injured.

thewetdog_ · 2022-04-13T20:32:26+00:00

I prefer men who are highly educated, even better if they have a prestigious, elite education like myself. But I can respect self made men of any kind, as long as they are not crass and their absence of pedigree doesn’t show. Not going to sugarcoat it or pretend this isn’t a high factor of my most initial vetting of a man. 🤷‍♀️

I know this isn’t a guarantee of hv, but since the question is what kind I’m drawn to, this is one my bare minimums. Even if his education is just from an okay place, I can respect him if he’s accomplished enough. Will not make exceptions for men from crappy, barely accredited schools though or the “university of life” types 🤢 that’s just me

Edit: surprised at the settling tone of the replies to this. Ladies a man being educated and booksmart doesn’t mean he can’t be handy or nice or hot.

It’s like Madonna/whore complex but for men, thinking if they’re pedigreed they must suck. Remember, just like ugly men won’t treat you better, blue collar or struggling men who barely finished high school won’t treat you better either or be more of an asset in your life. This is a scarcity mindset. There’s men out there that are the full package. In my case, a fancy education is part of the bare minimum package.

Just because a man is working class doesn’t mean he’s automatically more masculine or useful or has more morals or a better character. It just means he literally has a working class job with a working class lifestyle.

annedr3ww · 2022-04-14T20:20:31+00:00

Integrity, values his honor and word to the highest degree, embraces responsibility and duties without fear or hesitation, does not have a additive personality and compassionate without judgement.

MeanWhatISay · 2022-04-16T15:11:18+00:00

Won’t repeat what other commenters said. Will just add he has to be a beast in defending my honour/dignity.

No-your-mother · 2022-08-24T12:03:10+00:00

Could I speak to the man in charge?

Title	What characteristics are you looking for in a partner?
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	203
Comments	48
Date	April 13, 2022 7:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/u2y6ls/what_characteristics_are_you_looking_for_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-characteristics-are-you-looking-for-in-a.1112793 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112793

Comments