What's it like walking away from your kids?

currentlystupid · 2022-05-25T17:45:21+00:00

I doubt many of us have given up outright. We fight until we can't fight anymore. At that point, its either you live to accept it and work on yourself as best you can or you end it all. You keep your door open forever though. Its terrible, but you learn to become cold hearted and accepting. Not every story has a happy ending, you learn to accept some things are out of your control.

TraditionalThing8279 · 2022-05-25T17:59:08+00:00

I felt like I abandoned my son being forced to do 50/50. I've adjusted it over time to see him more often but just the fact that I don't live with him means I see him less and it sucks.

I can't imagine actually walking away.

akihonj · 2022-05-25T18:09:59+00:00

The question itself is wrongly worded. Nobody I've ever known who has gone through this has walked away from their kids, nobody chose to.

People walk because they have no other option, bankruptcy, lawyers or eat, fight the ex-wife and the apparatus of the state just for a few hours of time with them knowing at any moment it can all be pulled away or refuses altogether and nobody will lift a finger to ensure your rights are maintained.

People, let's be clear, father's don't choose to walk away, they are pushed, refused, shut out, all to such an extent they are left with no option than to make their lives as good as they possibly can without seeing their kids or end their lives because they cannot go on.

So what's it like, no I won't answer that because the question screams, my dad left and I have years of therapy under my belt which actually didn't do anything, now I'm pain shopping for validation.

Eve-3 · 2022-05-25T17:39:48+00:00

Walking away from as in abandoning? Or losing a custody battle and only seeing them as much as you are legally allowed to? Big difference between those two. It sounds like you are describing the guys who are in the second category as if they were the first category. Fighting and losing is vastly different from not fighting or not caring.

degs35 · 2022-05-26T01:36:38+00:00

There is only so much money in the world. When you run out of money to fight, there's no choice. It's the hardest decision to make. Just gotta make sure you stay in touch with them over the phone, zoom, or whatever you can, and be supportive and loving. My ex is taking my kids 6 hours away. I've never cried so much.

eldenchain · 2022-05-26T05:33:53+00:00

I doubt many men who walked away from their kids are on forums like this one. The ones who actually abandoned them as opposed to the ones who fought and lost, which is not walking away.

SudetenNachkomme · 2022-05-26T01:55:30+00:00

Good God the answers on this thread are depressing … and I’m facing a similar Sophie’s Choice.

TL;DR: ex is a total narcissistic, abusive cunt. Married for 4 years; 2 beautiful kids whom I love to pieces. Divorced their mom to protect them since I couldn’t at home. Have 50/50 custody, live in a small rural town, and have been trying to pick up the pieces and move on with life for the past 2 years.

Economy is in the toilet, options for work are limited, and between the rising cost of living, legal fees (she’s very litigious), child support and a spat of bad car troubles I can no longer make ends meet with my current job. Trying to get a 2nd job to survive; now faced with the possibility that will require me to move - possibly out of state - just to make it. Don’t want to leave my kids, but worried that in a month’s time my choices will be take work wherever you can find it - or miss child support, miss rent, go to jail. WTF kind of choice is that? 🤦🏻‍♂️

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-25T16:19:39+00:00

Those men never wanted to be fathers to begin with. For every man screwed by the system, 100 men screw themselves.

You brought kids into the world. Step up and be the dad they need in their life. You aren't a second-class parent.

JonathanApple · 2022-05-25T21:54:41+00:00

I am at a heart wretching point where I feel I need to give up my fight for 50/50 at the moment. The deck is just too stacked against a man with a bitter, vindictive ex. Super depressing.

bediligent · 2022-05-26T00:49:17+00:00

I feel the pain in your question, however none of us voluntarily walked away from our kids. I was given 5 days to vacate the property by court. (I’m in TX, no man should ever leave before the courts tells you)

In regards to your question, So much Depends on the age(s) of your children. And how their mother treats you currently. My Ex was a total bitch. She told the kids of the divorce without my being there, while shopping with them buying shit as bribes. Three kids all teens.

I was confronted about having to leave by them (kids) upon their return from shopping and it was brutal. Their mother couldn’t control her hatred for me, and told them all the horrible bad shit, the court/ legal team says not to tell.

Stay positive, only tell them what they need to know, keep your shit out of it, and tell them you love them, and will see/talk to them often. You have to stay positive even though your shit has been turned upside down.

Hopefully you’ve had the opportunity

PurpleTacoTuesday · 2022-05-26T06:03:51+00:00

That’s a lazy solution. If you want 50/50 then show it.

Knave7575 · 2022-05-25T23:24:47+00:00

Men walk away all the time. The trick is though that they will tell some story to explain why it wasn’t them walking away, but rather that they had no choice.

It is usually bullshit.

The only men who don’t have a choice are the ones who had a judge tell them that the kids were being taken.

If a judge didn’t take your kids from you, then you walked away.

DiningWithTheDonners · 2022-05-26T01:54:30+00:00

I didn't attack any man on this sub. To the contrary, I wish I could empower more of them to step up and stop ceding their rights as fathers and their dignity as men to any of the overbearing women in their life that they've had the misfortune of calling family.

I'd include a lot of mothers, yourself included, in that category too. Guessing by your earlier statement "I raised four sons" that you think you did all the heavy lifting, their father's role was inconsequential? Only reason you probably care now is because your precious grand babies are involved and they need you, because that's what it's all about right, you?

Here's a tip...if you want to understand divorce from a man's perspective then start by listening to them first. We don't come to this sub seeking a woman's POV, there's other subs for that.

Title	What's it like walking away from your kids?
Author	----Poseidon---
Upvotes	16
Comments	64
Date	May 25, 2022 4:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/uxkve1/whats_it_like_walking_away_from_your_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/whats-it-like-walking-away-from-your-kids.1118599 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118599

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