would a guy really be too nervous to make a move?

wtknight · 2022-07-24T04:32:37+00:00

Removed. No advice posts.

GottaPSoBad · 2022-07-24T01:26:25+00:00

You're trying to think about it from his perspective, but you're really only considering one facet of that perspective. From your mindset, guys approach girls whenever they're (really) into them. It's a binary. Just like saying "yes" or "no" is a binary for girls. But it's way more complicated for guys.

Sometimes the guy is shy, sometimes the guy is scared of rejection (very common and reasonable), sometimes he just hasn't figured out what to say. The people around you don't always help either (on either side).

If you like him, ask him out. If that idea scares you, maybe consider why that is and re-evaluate your assumptions.

Same_Statistician700 · 2022-07-24T01:43:26+00:00

You seem to think men are some kind of alien species.

You didn't make any moves on him, he didn't make any moves on you. The two of you just let any feelings you had for eachother go unsaid. Next time consider at least talking about relationships with the person you are interested in. If you just wait and hope someone falls into your lap, you are going to be disappointed.

Vtridolla · 2022-07-24T01:18:05+00:00

Absolutely… shit is scary out here for mfs. Haven’t you ever been too nervous to make a move? Like why don’t you make a move on him? Go for what you want. You’re not nervous are you?

python834 · 2022-07-24T01:21:51+00:00

I’ll probably get a lot of downvotes for this, but women can and have reported men for sexual harassment, and have successfully litigated or fired said men with and without evidence, especially OP’s situation of a coworker giving the slip-up.

I have a relatively large social circle, and the career women in this circle who have been fast tracked to director level or higher (making around 3+ million annually, L10+) by age 28 have been done so with a combination of work ethic and “sexual intentions”. They get lawsuits thrown to and from these women when their bosses give them promotions but she would not have sex as agreed, or the opposite where she gets passed on a promotion because she would not have sex, or the men/women would be passed over for a promotion because the opposing woman had sex with their boss.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-07-24T01:46:51+00:00

Move on a coworker and risk ruining a career forever? I may like the woman, but it’s not worth the risk of literally ruining my life.

ZealousidealAd7191 · 2022-07-24T01:45:39+00:00

It feels bad enough being rejected by a regular chick, imagine being rejected by your dream girl…😬

comeonmanpod · 2022-07-24T01:34:25+00:00

Anxiety and fear of rejection is real

youarockandnothing · 2022-07-24T01:56:38+00:00

Ask yourself why you think all men with romantic interest in women are confident and willing to make a move. The reality is much more complicated

Totalweirdo42 · 2022-07-24T01:41:32+00:00

Ask him out or ask his friend to give him your number. He may have worried about making you uncomfortable at work and just didn’t have to courage when you were leaving. Sounds like you like him and he likes you. Do something about it

M_LaSalle · 2022-07-24T01:48:39+00:00

The key words in this post are "at work".

If it's at work, I'm not making a move, period. I don't need that kind of aggravation in my life.

As for my dream girl...she's out of my league. There would be no point. I'll make a lot of moves on a lot of women, but my dream girl...is just a dream.

throwaway316stunner · 2022-07-24T03:07:21+00:00

As someone who is autistic:

YES. ABSOLUTELY YES I CAN BE AND HAVE BEEN.

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KingWhoCared86 · 2022-07-24T01:24:29+00:00

I am currently in a very similar situation where I have an attraction and extremely close friendship with a colleague. And frankly as much as I’d like to go for broke and ask her out, I’m scared to lose what I do have with her if she is not into me the same way. Likewise, I don’t want to jeopardize our work environment regardless of her response. Can our personal lives and professional lives be kept separate?

Vainistopheles · 2022-07-24T03:51:57+00:00

I've frequently not made a move for girls I was totally smitten with.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-07-24T04:41:05+00:00

Confidence, assertiveness, and willingness to face rejection are a lot more rare in young men than you might expect these days.

dbz19_kai · 2022-07-24T03:15:25+00:00

When you’re really into a woman and she ticks all the right boxes and she’s you’re type, all the nervousness in the world disappears. It’s like charging the trenches during WW1, you don’t care if you get shot down, it’s now or never.

Sutanrei · 2022-07-24T03:00:57+00:00

He's not interested. Also why do you make the designation 'dream girl?' I'm not seeing where that applies here.

Reasonable-Cup-9143 · 2022-07-24T01:31:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cvslengthbucketlist · 2022-07-24T01:40:31+00:00

Have you never thought about saying something to someone before (a friend even) and then changed your mind because you hesitated and thought it over for a few seconds and realized it sounded weird?

For some people making a move is like that except worse because the consequences of asking someone out and getting rejected are potentially more long-lasting than saying something stupid that doesn't personally involve them. ESPECIALLY in a work environment where your career is potentially at stake.

DisplacedBitzer · 2022-07-24T01:46:56+00:00

Disclaimer, no bad tone meant, it’s how i write sometimes. Guys come in a range of personalities, some shy some not. Like, especially the average guy who has never really had any romantic interest thrown his way, he isn’t going to know what to do. On top of that, scenarios such as being a coworker could really fuck him if it turned out non-reciprocal. The entire premise is kinda wrong as well. Just because you’re not asked out doesn’t mean you aren’t liked. Would you force yourself to ask out men, and if from their perspective you don’t, should they conclude you didn’t really like them all that much? It’s just a bad perspective is all. Like, I don’t buy raspberries every time I go shopping, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like them.

Krouser1522 · 2022-07-24T01:56:57+00:00

Some men truly do believe in the phrase “do not shit where you work”..trust me I met plenty and they stick to it

Da_Famous_Anus · 2022-07-24T02:30:54+00:00

Yes. It’s not a myth.

szclimber · 2022-07-24T02:33:31+00:00

Yes. Some guys are shy and nervous about making a move. I was like this as a young man

Iamallthereis · 2022-07-24T02:42:59+00:00

Did you ever think of approaching him?? Making your interest in him more clear than just chatting at work? Do you only talk to him in a formal setting? Do you expect everything you are interested in and want in life to come to you? Do you not see something you want and work towards getting it? What makes this situation any different. I’m not a fan of gender roles for EVERYTHING

Conscious_Dirt2021 · 2022-07-24T02:50:37+00:00

Most of the time, dudes only have one shot at getting a girl they like. As Billy Joel said, "Get it right the first time, that's the main thing...you get it right the next time, that's not the same thing."

As a result, dudes tend to overthink how to go about approaching girls. It's quite the struggle.

Triad_trees · 2022-07-24T02:51:53+00:00

Be an adult and be direct with how you feel

Eric_The_Jewish_Bear · 2022-07-24T02:56:57+00:00

honestly, theres a bit at play here.

he's a coworker. was he a peer, or a supervisor or something? that alone would turn off most decent dudes, since there could be an inadvertent power dynamic. he could also like you, but not want to "dip his pen into company ink", since that could cause drama should you 2 have a falling out.

but in all honesty, my theory is he wanted to approach you, but couldnt read your signs, or you didnt show any (not placing blame one way or the other). the general consensus these days to me seems to be "women want to be left alone when theyre just doing life shit" which is fair, but fucks things up for a lot of guys out there since we're expected to initiate.

these days if youre into a guy, you have to make it painfully obvious. and when i say that, i mean telling him directly, or basically setting the stage for him to ask you out.

Blindnavigater · 2022-07-24T02:59:57+00:00

Last time I gave a woman my number she lit it on fire infront of me. So yeah

InfinityRelia · 2022-07-24T03:20:23+00:00

I don’t look like Henry Cavill.

drew8311 · 2022-07-24T03:22:32+00:00

If it's his dream girl he would probably be more nervous and less likely to make a move. Been there before myself

Nuka-Victory21 · 2022-07-24T03:43:26+00:00

Do people really not get if your a guy and your don’t know if a chick likes you and it doesn’t work out it can be awkward at best at worst you could lose your job or social circle?

8a19 · 2022-07-24T04:10:54+00:00

guys can be shy y'know

Title	would a guy really be too nervous to make a move?
Author	Reasonable-Cup-9143
Upvotes	15
Comments	155
Date	July 24, 2022 1:16 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w6jfsm/would_a_guy_really_be_too_nervous_to_make_a_move/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-a-guy-really-be-too-nervous-to-make-a-move.1125070 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125070

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