Have you ever been cheated on? How did you react?

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2022-09-21T00:21:38+00:00

In college I literally walked in on him and his ex having sex. He begged me to not leave him. I didn’t. That was the last time I ever did that.

The second time I didn’t know until after we broke up.

Third time I learned when my GYN told me I had HPV. How could that be? I had only had one partner for a few years. Well….three guesses and the first two don’t count. I moved out the minute I found another apartment.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-09-20T23:41:11+00:00

I never found out about any cheating til after an ltr was over

That-Job7752 · 2022-09-21T03:06:22+00:00

Yes.

Twice.

Anger, rage and then trying to be understanding. Got back together with both of them.

Fast forward a few years later, I get turned off and will put a wall up for any guy that even smells like a hint of unfaithfulness/ the possibility.

Can’t tell my gut from the truth anymore.

Cheating hurts people. If you read this please please never do it.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-09-20T23:45:03+00:00

three times.

once in high school, he told me and broke up with me. we got back together a while after for a bit and broke up again, cheating not being the issue that go around.

again when i was 19, he told me, i dumped him.

long relationship in my early 20s. he never told me but it was just so obvious he was cheating for a while. it was just a bad relationship. like the cheating was lame but it honestly wasn’t even the worst part

NotRyanPoles · 2022-09-21T00:22:58+00:00

Couple times by the same woman. She texted my friend "I'm horny" at a party we were all at. He told me after the party. I dumped her and she blamed it on being drunk, "it wasn't myself I don't even remember doing that." I naively took her back because I wanted to believe her.

Later down the road one night she was sleeping and her phone started buzzing back to back like she was getting a call. I grabbed her phone and saw it was back to back text from an unsaved number with instructions how to find a video on YouTube. I looked it up and it was one of those prank videos where some attractive dude goes around asking random girls to make out. I see my girlfriend and this guy asks her, and rather than say no I have a boyfriend she gets all flirty and giggly and said "Not now, maybe later."

I lost my shit. Woke her up and made her explain herself but she couldn't. She just stayed silent the whole time. I threw all her shit in the street and told her never to talk to me again.

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-09-21T00:12:42+00:00

I have, but I only found out about it after I had already broken up with him for other reasons. At that point I was like "LOL, that figures" and got myself checked for STDs.

bunnakay · 2022-09-21T02:43:13+00:00

Not to my knowledge, although with one of my exes it wouldn't be surprising.

My first partner did kiss someone else and then fessed up, but we hadn't had any talk of exclusivity so I wasn't mad.

hungrychick404 · 2022-09-21T01:38:18+00:00

Sophomore year of college I looked through his phone and saw that he’d been flirting with a girl through DMs on Instagram. He denied anything physical happening (I believed him then, not so sure about now) and said a bunch of stupid shit about marriage, so I thought it was a normal thing for men to do and stayed with him.

Second time he cheated on me the first time already bugged me and I lost a lot of feelings by then and it was a little easier to cut him off.

Both women (I feel bad for saying this) I would consider objectively less attractive than me. I don’t know if this made me feel much better that he was so willing to risk it with me for people I found to be less attractive than me, but at least I didn’t have to compare my body and face to someone like I probably would if they were more attractive.

Rhubarb_Fair · 2022-09-21T10:29:02+00:00

My husband cheated. He walked out, blaming me for him walking out because I was "an awful person". I later found out that his sports friend was in fact his mistress.

Did I confront either of them? No. I dont see the point.

My ex knows he's a horrific person for cheating and walking on our marriage because of it. I know because he insisted we remain friends after the end of the marriage, got his mother to lie about his girlfriend (former mistress) and still, three years later, tries to hide his relationship from me. He even said I had to help him by being his friend after he walked out, because he was "struggling with his self esteem". All signs of deep guilt and self loathing.

I haven't confronted her because (a) my husband cheated on me, not her, (b) she's a woman who must be desperate to go after married men and to be happy with a man who is a cheater - she must be unhappy with chronically low self esteem enough as it is.

Was the other woman more attractive than me? Not particularly. Maybe slightly, marginally. I just think she's more likely to put up with crap and carry him through life in the way, it turns out, he wants. For example, he lives rent free in her home and now only bothers to work three days per week.

How has it affected me? I now view relationships in a different light

I believed the alpha / beta male stuff. I went for a guy who had a four year degree, good steady job as an engineer, seemed be friendly, kind and caring, as well as fun. Nothing stellar. Usual beta guy. But I loved him, supported him and was loyal.

I now dont see any of those usual signs that a man is beta as meaning that he is a "good guy" or has good morals or is likely to be loyal, or that alphas are "bad guys" and the opposite.

Now I'd also prefer radical honesty by a man in what he wants in a relationship. Does he want to have a housewife type partner? If so, is he career focused enough to support that? Does he want to sleep with other women? Then ask for an open relationship from the start.

liefelijk · 2022-09-21T00:14:04+00:00

Never been cheated on (that I know of), but I did have a boyfriend who would flirt with other girls in front of me.

It made me feel shitty and upset, and then embarrassed and angry at myself for being upset. I almost didn’t want to get mad about it, since I felt I should just be a relaxed, cool girlfriend who doesn’t care. But I did care, and it definitely hurt.

The girl in the occasion that I remember most was pretty, but I wouldn’t say she was more attractive. She was more outgoing than I am, though.

I eventually broke up with him due to logistical reasons (moving away), but the way he made me feel during those times was considered.

Bikerbats · 2022-09-21T01:30:54+00:00

Yep, by my first love. Not once, not twice but three times, because I was that fucking stupid. Took her back twice, because she changed. She still hasn't changed, 8 husbands now and 6 kids by 6 different fathers. Here's the wall for you: At 60, her brother informs me that she already has husband #9 on the hook.

ruboyuri · 2022-09-21T17:07:48+00:00

You cheat, I dump. Because I don’t cheat

Ppdebatesomental · 2022-09-21T01:31:55+00:00

Yep. Found out later…in a way. My boyfriend of 7 years told me there was no way he would marry the only woman he had ever slept with and insisted my choices were to allow him to see other women or break up. Broke up. Shattered my heart into a million pieces and I spent the next two years completely celibate. I honestly thought I would never have sex again, much less a relationship. Of course he was already cheating.

Fwiw, he never dated anyone else as attractive as I was …….that I know of. 😆. I’ve been happily married for years now though, so at the end of the day I am grateful for it all.

Complex-Glass-8539 · 2022-09-21T13:07:26+00:00

Once I know of, you can judge, but didn’t have smoking gun proof, just knew it happened because of how she reacted to my questions (did get confirmation after breakup)…..she knew what I’d do if anyone cheats on me, just like everyone I’ve ever dated knows….I don’t get mad in life, I get even, and so that’s what I did….didn’t hide it either.

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Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2022-09-21T00:00:23+00:00

Nope.

urbangoth · 2022-09-21T00:14:33+00:00

Nope. Not that I'm aware of, anyway.

_revelationary · 2022-09-21T00:41:35+00:00

Yes, my situation happened in college, so I feel like I was practically a kid still - both of us were very young. There was speculation about a girl “friend” he was close with but he denied there was anything going on. She was definitely attractive - so sure, probably more attractive than me. I’m not really a good judge of these things. It bugged me a lot until I started dating my now husband 9 months later. I didn’t have trust issues afterwards because my husband is literally polar opposite, I trust him without question.

Ex started dating the girl soon after and they broke up quickly. I think he’s an aerospace engineer making bank now, probably still up to his usual antics.

darkvalleys · 2022-09-21T00:46:36+00:00

Twice

I dumped

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-21T01:35:23+00:00

Yes. I took him back the first time. The second time I cheated back and then left him.

chalkandapples · 2022-09-21T02:48:22+00:00

risdeveau · 2022-09-21T03:24:51+00:00

When I found out, I dumped. Ain’t no one got time for that shit

2022-09-21T06:52:58+00:00

We were together almost four years and saving for mortgage.

During the first few months of lockdown (the first one) he moved into his parents to be closer to work.

I found out he was looking at escort sites, as I was using his laptop and accidentally saw an email of his.

I rang him up and broke things off there and then. It was a pretty easy break up as I just didn't see him again and I was distracted by everything else going on at the time.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-09-21T07:17:50+00:00

He ghosted me to get married.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-09-21T11:42:04+00:00

Yes my ex husband

I knew he had, so many clues but I didn’t get proof till about a year after we split and I found out by accident.

At the time it was going on I felt so shit and worthless, then paranoid. Then crazy as he told me I was crazy so often I started to belive it.

When I found out, relief that I wasn’t crazy and that I was no longer with him

hdksndiisn · 2022-09-21T14:26:26+00:00

Yes, my first real gf that I moved in with at 19. I had suspicions but thought it was the drugs making me paranoid. Regardless I noticed little things slowly adding up and snooped on her computer, finding a conversation on a social media account that was evidence. So I printed it out. I folded it up and sat on it asking her to come into the living room. I asked her a few questions, one being something about honesty, I’d give her one chance, and had she been talking to and hanging out with “George” (don’t remember real name).

She had a very long explanation leading up to a “No of course not!” Acting like she didn’t even know the name I was referring to. Mind you I’m seated on the time stamped convo of their last rendezvous, when I thought she was at work). So I tell her to give me a blow job. She does. I cum on her face, stand up and hand her the sheet of paper. She sees what it is, starts to bawl, making excuses and begging for forgiveness. I tell her to fuck off, and packed my shit up, leaving her within a day, without saying another word cause she had to go to work after wiping the cum and mascara off her face. I learned all the signs of cheating and signs leading up to cheating from that relationship.

Haven’t knowingly been cheated on since, but haven’t trusted a single woman since either, considering how many I know have fucked me while they had boyfriends (sometimes literally a room a way at parties).

Women cheat, and I’d argue more frequently than men. They just get caught less because they are better liars.

toasterchild · 2022-09-21T14:37:43+00:00

2 times. First guy cried and begged and pleaded for me to forgive him for his mistake. He said that she meant nothing to him and that he just needed to see what it was like with someone else (we were both virgins when we met). I stayed for another 5 years and I regret that decision but at the same time don't because I love my life now.

Second guy was my husband, I found out when I picked up his phone to snap a photo of him asleep with our 6 month old baby on his chest. There was a text from her, they had been shit talking me and none of what was said in the text was true. Then I figured out he hadn't been going to visit his parents with the baby every weekend that I had to work. That was a total SHOCK. I probably would have tried staying for the kid but it would have been a terrible mistake divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. Always just move on.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-09-21T15:36:04+00:00

I never knew about cheating during a relationship, but had reasons to suspect after. Apparently, he was mentally abusing his cheating partners (while our relationship was falling apart) and subsequent relationship partners (after it was over) by telling them they were less attractive than me. Why they still wanted to see him, I’m not sure. It didn’t hurt me so much as make me think he was a sick person.

Sophiatab · 2022-09-22T20:50:00+00:00

At our rehearsal dinner, my fiance announced he had gotten his secretary pregnant and; therefore, he wouldn't be marrying me, the "a cold-hearted bitch." I threw a plate at him. I called him very obscene names. If I hadn't been restrained, I would have stabbed him.

Title	Have you ever been cheated on? How did you react?
Author	Felizem_velair_
Upvotes	13
Comments	60
Date	September 20, 2022 11:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xjnm4g/have_you_ever_been_cheated_on_how_did_you_react/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-ever-been-cheated-on-how-did-you-react.1132293 https://theredarchive.com/post/1132293

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