I wasted half my life

turbospeedsc · 2022-10-17T06:51:55+00:00

You just recovered half your life.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-10-17T07:18:36+00:00

Your life is half full!

FuckMatias · 2022-10-17T09:53:44+00:00

If you’ve got kids that love you and know you’re a good dad ir wasn’t a waste. They will see what their mom is eventually.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-10-17T12:33:16+00:00

Welcome to the club, pal! Don't worry, you're one of us now :-)

Stats:

50% of all marriages end in divorce.
80% of all divorces initiated by women.
90% of custody awarded given to mothers.

stent00 · 2022-10-17T12:42:05+00:00

She's not yours it was just your turn. The lying is the worst part not being honest with someone that was with you so long is a smack in the face. Grey rock method dude... No more helping her. She has to navigate divorce on her own. You and your kids are what's important now.

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-10-17T14:52:21+00:00

I can second the grey rock approach, it really works, not only for your sanity but also for boundary setting and making her aware that actions have consequences. When my ex cheated and declared she wanted a divorce I went grey rock. Told her my ONLY concern was the kids and myself from that moment forward, that she could do whatever the fuck she wanted but I was done with her and being a cook/cleaner etc. I said I will cook for the kids and myself (she couldn’t cook for shit, so I had to do it all to make sure the kids are healthy , do my share of the washing but she’ll have to do all hers and I wouldn’t be lifting a finger to help her. First time she got home from work and found no food in the fridge and nothing made, boy did she kick off. I bought just enough for us…she can make her own damn arrangements. Everything from that point was 50/50, my monthly costs went down by 50% her up by an equal amount. I think that woke her up a bit to just how hard it was going to be on her wage. She did try to sweet talk me a few times but that bridge was burned a long time back.

Condor-man3000 · 2022-10-18T02:39:08+00:00

She didn't waste half your life, you did. Take ownership for your life. Stop being the victim in your own story.

Who cares if she's dating someone? Quite wasting your time on her shit. Don't waste your time being her adversary. The mature thing and best thing is to not waste your time or energy. Let it go. If you can't, that's something you need to work on.

Stop playing the victim and stop caring more about what she is doing then getting your life turned around.

Maximum-Welder3353 · 2022-10-17T09:51:25+00:00

No need to beat yourself up, we’ve all made mistakes and your not the first person that decided the mate for life turned out to be stone and not a diamond.

As others have said you have recovered your life not wasted half. Look forward and not backward - can’t do anything about the pst but learn from it.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2022-10-17T12:51:06+00:00

Same for me brother. 27 years I enabled her. The only work she ever did come to find out, was on her back.

FastLaneKindaGuy · 2022-10-17T13:42:36+00:00

You have the rest of your life to be an awesome dad and grandfather, and more than likely the right guy for a younger hotter woman that will piss off your STBX more than you can possibly know right now. Work through your emotions in the time being because divorce is going to be a difficult ride. Don’t send her any text messages from now on….only call her and don’t leave any messages. Do not leave your home. She can go stay with her new bf if she needs a place to stay! Give her a week to gather her stuff and leave.

My recommendation is go consult an attorney, and plan to use a court appointed/approved mediator to settle the division of assets.

Do not wait, go file for divorce today! You will have more power initially. Your attorney can write up your petition so she has to leave the house etc. This is a decisive step to take if you want to be in control of your life.

If you want your balls back it’s time to step up and do what men do when their lady cheats.

Jbr74 · 2022-10-17T13:29:32+00:00

Well, you've come to the right place.

hkbk2011 · 2022-10-17T18:00:53+00:00

At least you are with your daughter. My narcissistic ex has my daughters and Im under her mercy everyday.

XFactor-41 · 2022-10-18T23:45:26+00:00

I'm done being anything but her adversary

The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference. The second most painful thing to hear, especially to a narcissist, is "I don't care".

The most painful thing? Silence.

fishingforthought · 2022-10-17T12:07:59+00:00

Good for you on recognizing a problem. You do not owe the STBX anything. Stay strong creat a plan and follow through.

LonelyNC123 · 2022-10-17T12:14:46+00:00

I am so, so sorry. I am very sympathetic. I have also wasted over 20 years on a spouse who does not care about me purely trying to be a decent dad for my daughter.

AWFUL, isn't it?

Sorry, hang in there pal. It is hard. But it will get better.

NewDay0110 · 2022-10-17T13:07:14+00:00

Its natural to be angry about the wasted time, but its a sunk cost. However you are wiser now and you have a wonderful daughter. Look at it as an experience you consumed. There were good experiences, there were disappointments. Its part of your past, giving you certain things that made you who you are today and its time has passed. Time for new things that will be better on their own way!

slab3 · 2022-10-17T13:10:35+00:00

make the rest of your life the best of your life buddy

akihonj · 2022-10-17T14:21:21+00:00

You're hurting now and I know because I've been there also

The best revenge you can have on her is to not be the angry bitter man. Easier said than done, I know.

But gray rock the shit out of her, bills, you'll pay half and so does she no exceptions.

Where she goes and who she's with to you it just means she's making herself somebody else's problem not yours.

Lawyer up and go after everything you can.

Kids, be there for them, show them the kind of man you are and that they get to have at least one stable parent in their lives, they'll remember her behaviour far longer than you will and trust that at some point they'll know and see for themselves.

When that happens she loses, you win, in fact you win everything and she loses everything.

I know because I've been down that road, she's lost our son who wants nothing more to do with her and my daughter is asking questions which are getting too hard for her to lie about.

MikePfromClark · 2022-10-17T15:58:38+00:00

I know you're hurting right now, but thank God she is out of your life and you still have many good years left to find happiness. Make sure your relationship with your daughter stay strong. Be open to love because you will find it again.

warrior_up · 2022-10-17T18:59:14+00:00

The same thing that happened to you - happened to us all. Product of the times, she would have done it to anyone.

Now remember, there’s no Disney movies, family law incentives women to do it again and again, never underestimate a womens ability to justify her own shitty behavior - go get your swagger back soilder, she’s not worth the dirt on your cleats. Bitches be crazy

Stalkmoney · 2022-10-17T22:28:56+00:00

You mentioned being a slave to your narcissist wife. I was the same way. You should listen to this song in the lyrics even if it's not your particular style I think it will resonate with you. It sure did me. https://youtu.be/bmIeTtU1h3M

butchc13901 · 2022-10-17T22:39:45+00:00

You are where I once was. In a few years you’ll be better than ever

yoball · 2022-10-20T19:48:33+00:00

Im 9 months separated from my wife. Only realizing mnow she has narcissistic characteristics. She also sucked the life out of me. She made me feel like shit so much i started watching pirn, then got on grindr and hooked up with a few guys. She found out and according to her the break up was all my fault while accepting zero blame. Ive been in therapy for 8 months now, she went one time. Im having a super hard time with everything about this.

Agreeable_Safety3255 · 2022-10-17T12:02:11+00:00

Now that you realized what the issue is AND are willing to do something about it you are now in the process of recovering and building a better you. Think of this way, from your experiences you'll be a better version of you for your future spouse and daughter.

Eagleseekr · 2022-10-17T16:21:31+00:00

You like many of us fall in love with the love bombing, looks, body and charisma of a woman! We ignore the red flags early on but know damn well we should've paid attention to them earlier. Don't beat yourself up at all over this....many of us are in this camp too. The real question is how are you going to rebound and move forward? The pain is mighty and there will be sadness and depression through this but moving forward with peace and strength will help you gain " YOUR" life and control back....Good luck and keep sharing!

MarketingImaginary75 · 2022-11-08T02:43:08+00:00

That sucks brother I’m just realizing the same I’m just starting

Title	I wasted half my life
Author	phalo
Upvotes	89
Comments	51
Date	October 17, 2022 6:32 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/y63krc/i_wasted_half_my_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-wasted-half-my-life.1136095 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136095

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