Only the person in a relationship holds any responsibility for cheating - the third party holds no blame.

SiegfriedSigurd · 2022-11-10T18:26:38+00:00

If the third party is connected to the one getting cheated on, then it's pretty reprehensible, but it's still questionable if they hold blame. I agree that it takes two to tango.

But if a friend was railing my partner behind my back, I'd view them as a piece of shit and boot them from my life, while still holding my partner accountable.

If the third party doesn't know the person getting cheated on, then I don't blame them at all. In fact, I consider it a favor. It's up to them whether they let the victim know or not, but morally I think that they should sooner or later.

cloudydays84 · 2022-11-10T20:18:59+00:00

I think the cheater and the person they cheat with are both scumbags in my eyes, unless the person doesn't know they have a partner. The cheater is just a bigger scumbag.

They don't hold any "responsibility" for the relationship dissolving. So I'm not gonna call them a "homewrecker" or some shit but I am definitely gonna lose all of my respect for them and think they are a shitty human being.

Steakman1 · 2022-11-10T18:31:43+00:00

You’re implying no guilt should be applied to someone who knowingly pursues someone in a relationship. Meaning there’s nothing morally wrong with it. I’m not sure how you can conclude trying to break up relationships or selfishly going after someone you want regardless of collateral damage is amoral. If your personal desires will bring heavy harm to others, then there should be some sort of consequence for choosing to pursue them. This goes for things outside of relationships as well. Generally when you bring harm to others, it comes with a moral consequence.

Certainly the majority of the blame is on the partner who cheated. And all the pain and anger shouldn’t be directed at the person your partner cheated on you with. Because even if that person were to have said no, your partner would have likely just found someone else at some point. But I don’t think we can take it to the extreme and say there’s nothing wrong with knowingly pursuing someone in a relationship.

ManzBearzPigzIzRealz · 2022-11-10T22:48:52+00:00

Let’s put it in a different context. A 65 year old man needs a new organ to live. So does a 10 year old girl. The girl is immediately ahead of the old man on the transplant list and the old man knows this. The old man is wealthy and uses his money to bribe whomever controls the transplant list to get the organ. As a result, the girl dies. Does the old man have any culpability in the girls death, or was it 100% the actions of whomever the old man bribed? After all, it was that persons responsibility to maintain the integrity of the transplant list. Technically, the old man had no such obligation. I contend that they are both responsible.

wtknight · 2022-11-10T18:38:13+00:00

I don’t think that being a homewrecker is ethical behavior. Aiding and abetting is a crime for a reason. Adultery and cheating are not crimes in the west, of course, but the same ethical standard holds.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-11-10T19:04:46+00:00

Indeed, for example, if a full grown adult is standing at the edge of a dark forest and sees a young child about to wander into it...we wouldn't hold him responsible for failing to or even trying to stop the unaccompanied child from doing so. He's not the child's parent, after all. Only the parent can be held accountable in any way. Shared social responsibilities are a fiction.

Glad we cleared that all up.

NockerJoe · 2022-11-10T19:02:26+00:00

Blame isn't a limited resource. If you're knowingly sleeping with someone in a relationship you're shitty. If you're in the relationship you're still shitty.

HavelsRockHardCock · 2022-11-10T19:04:24+00:00

If the third party knows, or knows and dislikes the person getting cheated on, then that third party is deff also responsible and a pos

johnnyGotHisTabla · 2022-11-10T19:05:15+00:00

It's not binary, even though sex is.

If someone knowingly seduces someone who is in a relationship, that person bears some blame, but not ultimate blame.

It's kind of like....yes, the West was meddling in Ukraine which reduced deterrence to the point that Russia decided to invade. That makes it 100% Russia's "fault" even though the stage was set in such a way that they may have felt they had no choice.

That sort of thing.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2022-11-11T08:20:20+00:00

Regardless of gender, I feel that the third party isn’t inherently guilty or to blame for being involved with someone in a relationship.

Are they guilty that my partner cheated? No. If it wasn't with them, they would have cheated with someone else. I wouldn't blame them for the actions of the cheating partner. But they are responsible for their own actions and those should be judged on their own ''merits''.

If you know that person was in a relationship and you try to get into their pants, you would make for a bad partner and people should be giving you the side-eye. Especially if you were friends with the person who got cheated on. You clearly show that you're willing to hurt people to get your way and that you don't really see people in a relationship as off limits. So what's stopping you from cheating on your partner? And if you hooked up with the partner of a friend, that shows that you don't value friendship either.

I do agree that putting all the blame on the side-chick/dude is silly, but I get why someone would try to find a reason as to why their beloved partner cheated and for that reason to not be ''this person is an asshole''. It's easier to say ''that slut seduced them, that's why this happened''.

KikiYuyu · 2022-11-10T20:01:56+00:00

If you help someone cheat on their test, and they get expelled from school, are you not partially responsible? You facilitated the action. Same goes for cheating in relationships. If you knowingly make yourself available to be cheated with, to pretend to have no responsibility is intellectually dishonest, pure and simple.

Bikerbats · 2022-11-10T18:22:50+00:00

If I'm ever on a jury where a guy shot the guy who was banging his ol' lady, there is no power on Earth that will make me vote to convict. If I'm on that jury, he walks every time. That's all I have to say about it.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-11-10T18:58:04+00:00

If you knowingly and intentionally tempt people to engage in immoral behavior, you are still a bad person even if the responsibility for the bad behavior lies with the person who was tempted.

pro-frog · 2022-11-10T22:17:23+00:00

I feel like you're thinking that there's a finite supply of hurt and anger to be dished out, and if you spend some of it on the homewrecker, you end up letting the cheater off the hook, just a little bit.

In reality, you can be hurt and angry at both! If I get stabbed and left for dead, and a stranger just walks by me, dying on the ground, sees I need help, and refuses to call 911, I'd be pretty justified being pissed at them. They didn't kill me, but they had a clear opportunity to help me and they didn't. Am I letting the murderer off the hook if I get pissed at this third party, too? Or in order to really hold the murderer accountable, do I need to just be fine with this rando watching me die?

What the homewrecker does is not on the same level as what the cheater does. They're not the same. But it's certainly not ETHICAL behavior, because you are choosing not to tell the partner they're being cheated on. You're choosing not to tell the cheater that what they're doing is wrong. You're enabling the cheater's unethical behavior. After all, if everyone found it distasteful to help somebody cheat, the cheater wouldn't have anyone to cheat with! You could do your part to prevent the betrayal happening in the first place, but you don't, because you want to get laid. That's scummy. Not as scummy as cheating, but scummy.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-11-10T19:04:31+00:00

from the view of the betrayed party, yes, the one who cheated should bear the responsibility as it was their commitment to keep.

but i don’t think that magically makes actively trying to homewreck an ethical behavior

HavelsRockHardCock · 2022-11-11T00:14:56+00:00

Would you say the same if a permanent STD was caught? What if the person being cheated on gets HPV and then cancer? Could they really be blameless if they knew of the relationship and went through with it anyway?

BaronIncognito · 2022-11-11T01:40:01+00:00

Are you suggesting that actions can be wrong only if they involve breaching a commitment? I think that is a misguided worldview because I reject moral relativism, which this seems to be a flavor of.

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Meihuajiancai · 2022-11-10T19:44:29+00:00

Regardless of gender, I feel that the third party isn’t inherently guilty or to blame for being involved with someone in a relationship.

If you know they are in a relationship and the other part doesn't know about the sex, ie not open, then the third party does bear some moral responsibility imho. It's not as much as the person in the relationship obviously. But to claim they have zero responsibility? My views on morality don't agree with yours.

feanoric · 2022-11-10T19:47:23+00:00

I do not feel morally compelled to fit any moral "obligation" to post-modernists and activists since killing babies became legal, though.

Slipthe · 2022-11-10T20:10:50+00:00

It’s really not their problem whatsoever.

They made it their problem by adding themselves into the relationship.

There's plenty of blame to go around. People are entitled to hate people who have hand in hurting them, even if the are strangers who have no obligations to them.

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-11-10T21:31:44+00:00

Only the person in a relationship holds any responsibility

No. The innocent party takes some responsibility, as they’ve taken some of the risk. In choosing the cheater to begin with. Granted things change, between choosing to be with someone, and them cheating. That doesn’t however negate the choice.

Godspeed and good luck!

domdomdom333 · 2022-11-11T11:09:21+00:00

Of course the third party's also to blame. If they didn't behave the way they do the person in the relationship wouldn't have an outlook to cheat on.

Same way with illegal drugs. When people stop taking it the whole trade will die cause there's no one to sell it to. When you use drugs you're just as complicit for the devastation caused by the drug wars.

BaronIncognito · 2022-11-11T20:46:25+00:00

Oh, and one other thing. Since you like to view this as a contract situation between the two people in the relationship and find the third-party cheater to be blame free, in part because they have no obligation to the people in the relationship: In contract law, there is a tort known as tortious interference with a contract. There, a party with no contractual relationship between the two contracted parties can be liable if they induce one of the parties to breach the contract with the other.

2022-11-12T00:14:10+00:00

I agree. I didn’t homewreck bc he didn’t tell me he was taken.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-11-15T06:07:36+00:00

If it's anything it's a social contract, so "coveting" someone else's partner is to be blamed.

But cheating isn't really a big deal anymore if the other partner had a colourful past and has since lost interest in sex.

Title	Only the person in a relationship holds any responsibility for cheating - the third party holds no blame.
Author	HavelsRockHardCock
Upvotes	6
Comments	110
Date	November 10, 2022 6:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yrnbx0/only_the_person_in_a_relationship_holds_any/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/only-the-person-in-a-relationship-holds-any.1139095 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139095

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