How difficult is it to date after college? Particularly if college dating was not great for you.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-01-25T03:29:16+00:00

Dating is easier (relatively) if you can meet more people who are similar to you more frequently.

Hugh school and university essentially forces people to socialise and meet you people every new class and has a variety of clubs that you are encouraged to join

After university that mass enforced socialisation ends.

So now to meet new people (and then figure out which of them can be friends or potential partners) you need to put the effort in. You have to put yourself out there constantly until you find someone.

Alternatively you use online dating.

There a pitfalls in each approach. Growing a social circle and meeting there takes time and effort. Not to mention you have to actively want to meet new people. And you can't play the numbers game and hit on too many women in the circle without turning into "that guy". And if you break up, even in adult circles gossip will abound.

With online dating it's much shallower and a lot harder to figure out a vibe before meeting up. There are guys who I might have not matched with on an app that I'd love irl and vice versa. My husband and I met through social circles and we hit it off immediately but looking at our OLD profiles I think neither of us would have matched with each other. Because honestly both our profiles were really fucking generic. He had the outdoors photo, the sports photo and friend photo. And I got the travel photo, the outdoors photo and the wine photo.

So you know, pick your poison.

-Bazuso- · 2023-01-25T03:32:31+00:00

How’s your face? Height? Do you smell like shit? Do you dress up to date? How’s your hair?(balding, no style), do you go to the gym? Any autism? Shy? These things can make or break it for you and your success with women.

Meihuajiancai · 2023-01-25T03:08:44+00:00

Mm ore than likely if you weren't successful at university you probably won't be wildly successful irl.

However, it's very possible you could do better

NotARussianBot1984 · 2023-01-25T03:17:40+00:00

Success compounds and grows and gets easier

Same with failures. Highschool hard? College will be harder, post graduation? Good luck lol

The easiest time I ever had in dating was in my farm town in highschool. I had a car, many guys didn't. Girls were too young for tinder. All I had to do was approach, be cool, and drive them somewhere fun to date a hot thin girl.

Now? Lol....10x harder and much higher standards. While I've improved, so have girls standards.

I dated some hot girls in highschool (I think I'm pretty decent looking). But now I'm 30? I just sugar date hot girls, normal dating is a waste of time.

Am I an outlier?

Sure some of the girls that rejected me in highschool have come around and hit me up post university graduation. The issue is that it's after them having 2 kids and gaining 40lbs, I wouldn't call that easier dating even if I can date a girl I couldn't in highschool, context matters.

xzpw · 2023-01-25T15:00:48+00:00

Better but still absolutely terrible.

I had no experience up until I was about 25. It was difficult cause I looked young for a while and also didn’t look the way women wanted me to look. Women were always complaining that I was ugly, too short, etc.

Got older and none of that really changed but after so many years of going out almost every night and meeting new people - I did eventually stumble into someone and capitalized on that immediately.

Being post divorce and in my early 30s, it’s still horrible. Can’t change being short or ugly. Can’t change the obsession with white men in big cities. I work on myself and try what I can but it’s a pretty tough world out here.

God forbid you tried to expect anything out of a partner either. I’ll be lucky if I can keep it up for whomever I end up paired with. I had similar issues with the last gal too. It’s hard to find women physically attractive who are willing to date me. Being ugly sucks.

Kaminaxgurren · 2023-01-25T03:31:54+00:00

I got plenty of college left, but so far, dating has been utterly non existent. I would say I have given up hope, but the hope refuses to die, despite my best efforts to exterminate it. If college really is the best time for dating, my hope needs to die real fast.

LiftSushiDallas · 2023-01-25T03:04:13+00:00

Dating in my 30s and 40s has been FAR FAR FAR better than my 20s. But I'm a woman who is fit and feminine so I can't speak for men or for overweight women.

CringeButCorrect · 2023-01-25T15:26:12+00:00

My school is over 60% male. It's a tech school, so the perception is that most dudes are antisocial shut ins. Personally I disagree with that notion, but that's how people see it. The vast majority of dudes are single, and I'd guess that around 60% of women are single.

I have multiple female friends, and one common theme is that they'd like to date, but since they never really ask anyone out, their only interactions with guys is with platonic friends, creeps, and the dudes that approach any woman with a pulse. So if you're a normal dude, you will be a better option than anyone they're with.

Easy, right? Absolutely not. You still have to approach them. This is difficult, because they usually are only approached by absolute weirdos. They instinctively try to shut you down unless you're wildly attractive. Also, there's the matter of actually finding a place to approach them. Frat parties are not ideal for non alcoholics. Clubs are great but most clubs are under 5% female, and nobody wants to be that dude who asked her out.

Overall it's pretty difficult. Most women are single, but most are also man haters. Most of the single women want to date, but have a distaste towards men, so they stay single with a few fuck buddies. Finding a completely single woman who wants a boyfriend and makes herself available is rare.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-01-25T03:56:09+00:00

Dates were easy to find in college but not second dates/compatible dates. After college I found a lot more who were.

Safinated · 2023-01-25T04:16:39+00:00

“Looking to hook up”

That’s why it was bad

After college people are more likely to be serious, and less likely to be high or drunk

West-Ad-9697 · 2023-01-25T13:19:18+00:00

Harder on average because of less time energy and social occasions to actually meet women. But this makes the women that are on the market actually more responsive, because they don't get asked out every day and they are less socially self conscious by 24+.

However - this does mean you need to be fuckable. Somewhat socially capable and empatethic and maybe funny or clever. If you are not fuckable - you are not in the dating market, you are in the "i guess, he seems like a nice enough guy" market.

I wouldn't be worried about lack of experience - college is cruel even for fuckable guys unless they are in the local clique. Girls date for stupid shit and find stupid reasons to date from their friends and enemies because they are too insecure to make independent decisions. The direct result is that most women will go for about the same type of guy - guys. You might be perfectly fine, but if there was a skater boy craze during your highschool college years, you will get scraps. That ends when you enter real life, because women can't peacock that much and when they do they try to peacock about "serious" topics. This means it actually matters how you make her feel, or maybe - how she makes you feel... those are the rare ones. Marry those early.

bsmith440 · 2023-01-25T04:59:46+00:00

The problem with dating older is you get the benefit of a mature spouse, but they are usually set in their ways. Being set in their/your way makes things difficult on compromise. It's not impossible, but maintaining a relationship may be more difficult.

None0fYour8usiness · 2023-01-25T10:22:27+00:00

It gets significantly worse.

oneblackcoffeeplease · 2023-01-25T11:52:41+00:00

just wait til you find out how many ppl hook up at work

lolmastr13 · 2023-01-25T16:07:26+00:00

I’m still in uni but no shot it’s harder later if you’re in male dominated classes and hobbies

CimZim · 2023-01-25T17:44:26+00:00

Dating during college was hellish. Got better after graduation though. It improved because I was no longer in a fairly enclosed environment with a bunch of people who were my age but not my maturity level/weren't looking for a LTR. (And I don't mean maturity level as in "I'm soooo old for my age" special snowflake crap...I mean most of my peers still lived at home and were being financially supported by their parents, whereas I'd been living alone and paying for my life since 17. It just gave very different mindsets.)

wtknight · 2023-01-25T03:29:48+00:00

It's easier for a guy to date as he gets older so long as he takes care of himself. That doesn't mean that 30 year old guys can definitely date the 20 year old women when he was a 20 year old in college, himself, but sometimes it happens.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2023-01-25T12:11:15+00:00

If you as a man decide to face your fears and phobias, dating is very easy. Women are everywhere and they are starved for men who show up as men. When I was single, I got dates from women I met in all walks of life. I've met girlfriends at Starbucks, one literally on the street outside of a bar, in parks, museums, stores, and of course bars and clubs as usual. Women are everywhere. Most are dying to meet a quality guy who is not afraid of them and who don't needy and desperate. But that already limits the number of potential men to practically 0.

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-01-25T03:23:11+00:00

Better. Way better.

Honestly.

I found out I'm something of a late bloomer. And I really blossomed. Always rejected in high school, even in college a lot of general badness. I guess in my late 20s after college age.. and dating is a lot easier. Not the easiest but if you have social hobbies and stuff its fairly easy to meet people.

I'm a woman though. So my experience was different.

PsychologicalHand155 · 2023-01-25T05:15:08+00:00

Yes it is harder bc less people is available (more are in stable relationships or married, and also less likely to meet eligible single people)

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ManWazo · 2023-01-25T03:03:23+00:00

I had a really hard time dating in college, but after that it became way easier.

GodEmperorOfIncels · 2023-01-25T22:47:05+00:00

It is as easy as you want it to be, that right there is the answer you seek.

RGL137 · 2023-01-25T07:08:03+00:00

In my personal experience, very hard, but likely because my fields of work were very male dominated so I didn’t have many opportunities to meet women.

Mostly just used OLD which is garbage as fuck. Take advantage when you’re in school.

hc93000 · 2023-01-25T08:43:30+00:00

There is not a huge difference. It really depends on what things were like in college for you. If you did well, you’re probably still going to do well. If you had a tough time… you likely will still be having a tough time…

LionsOnTheShore · 2023-01-25T19:27:33+00:00

Harder in some respects, easier in other ways. I worked on myself a lot, became a bit more confident, and generally did well. A late bloomer for sure.

ConstructionFun194 · 2023-01-25T22:53:43+00:00

Bro, how is it possible we're living remarkably similar lives, I've pondered this same question, I'm graduating college in June too.

nonameboredman · 2023-01-25T23:25:52+00:00

Man's experience below:

Gets a bit tricky. Workplace dating is risky and unprofessional, although many do it. What helps after college is you have more money that you can and should use for socializing in broad settings. Concerts, events, groups and whatnot. Still, at least for me, I think dating got better after college. It's just that you gotta take initiative now since nobody will force you into a classroom with 20 single girls for hours anymore.

RIPGeorgeHarrison · 2023-01-26T00:00:43+00:00

I’m my experience not easy, though I wasn’t even trying in college so it didn’t happen.

Title	How difficult is it to date after college? Particularly if college dating was not great for you.
Author	Remarkable-Agency-28
Upvotes	28
Comments	63
Date	January 25, 2023 3:00 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10koawp/how_difficult_is_it_to_date_after_college/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-difficult-is-it-to-date-after-college.1149032 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149032

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