Dating as a man is completely exhausting because it feels like I have to do almost all of the heavy lifting all of the time

WingsofSky · 2021-04-11T14:30:27+00:00

Whoever said that the guy was the one winning "The prize"?

LordStark_01 · 2021-04-11T14:08:02+00:00

It's much worse when you're overweight and unattractive, trust me.

ThEGr33kXII · 2021-04-11T12:58:56+00:00

It doesn't get much better once you're in a relationship.

PoolOfAlpacas · 2021-04-11T15:42:03+00:00

As a woman, I totally agree with this sentiment. In general, men are expected to do the heavy lifting in the relationship. That's why in my personal relationships its give and take.

It goes something like this when planning a date. (You know, when I'm ready to do that again hahhaaaaa)

I'll figure out what time we can both do, is there any certain place you wanna go? I like [this place], how about that? Do you wanna go Dutch with the check? I can pay for me, if you need, I can pay for you too. You wanna pick me up or meet there? Wanna do anything after? ...Should I bring anything to be prepared?

I dont make demands, I ask what my date wants or needs from me, make suggestions, but never make demands. I try to be flexible, helpful, and give as much as I take. That's how a HEALTHY relationship works. You take, you give equally. When there's conflict, you deal with it using your head first, not your heart. Take a breather, calm down, use your head and talk it out. When you have your head you can communicate what happened, what you didnt like, how it made you feel, why it made you feel that way, why you reacted that way, and what you can do in the future to prevent a situation like this from happening again. Theres one thing you need to always keep in mind in conflict- you love this person. You dont wanna hurt them, so be mindful of how you're affecting your loved one.

I wish more women had a equal give-take, love-and-logic approach. Growing up I watched a constant loop of take take take take take take and no give. I learned that you have to consciously give back, you have to do something with purpose to give back or relationships just dont work. Making the man do all the heavy lifting isnt going to lead to healthy, happy relationships.

I wish you all luck finding that girl who respects you and loves you enough to be your PARTNER, NOT your trophy wife.

StupidButSerious · 2021-04-11T14:15:23+00:00

its actually super easy

just stop giving a shit and be ready to walk out

'not caring much' is better than all the beta cuck bullshit of the perfect man

wes101abn · 2021-04-11T16:12:00+00:00

Disregard females, acquire currency.

Fondleanddash · 2021-04-11T14:57:09+00:00

Welcome to life as a man, everything is heavy lifting while females live life on tutorial mode.

makosh22 · 2021-04-11T11:35:00+00:00

As woman - what can i say about dating (please, note - my info may be a bit outdated as i am 40 and have been married for more than 10 years now):

If i was interested in guy - i would call and propose smth. Yes, in our culture (i live not in the US) it was (and still is) that men do the first move and most of the steps, BUT girl shows attraction and make some encouragements for a boy, "telling" him she is very interested.

When a boy is to make all the moves and still sees sour face - it just shows that woman is not interested in you. She wants some one better but as she has none she wants you jump higher and further - and, probably, she will show you some affection.

What i am going to teach my sons about dating: make a first move, invite for a date.. and look at her reaction. Is she is a frozen princess - let her be, you are not the prince charming. Look for your own troll who will appreciate your attitude and dos her own moves towards you :))))

PS ; corrected some gramma errors :)

2021-04-11T19:35:16+00:00

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TrumpTruther · 2021-04-11T23:17:29+00:00

I've done the whole "be nice, always ask for consent and never assume, be the man that feminists say they want" and I literally got friendzoned five times in a row after going out with different girls over a couple of months. It was my most depressing year ever. Then after I started acting like a "toxic man" again, I started getting laid. Figures..... I still remember this one time this girl said to me "ummm how much longer until you're going to put your arm around me?" as she got impatient waiting for me to make a move.

MydnightRose · 2021-04-11T19:50:19+00:00

Then stop doing it. She wants you to do all the lifting? Demand she pull her weight. Stop putting women on pedestals. If she tries the manipulation, insults, tears it's a red flag to get out.

-Semaj- · 2021-04-11T21:14:21+00:00

I gave up and indulged in my hobbies instead.

BustaNut-69 · 2021-04-11T17:06:40+00:00

This kinda shit is what makes me think about putting a gun to my head every morning. I tried tinder, badoo, pof, it just doesn't work... obviously some people are meant to be alone.

Thread_water · 2021-04-11T13:36:04+00:00

I have to be the one who asks her out, who decides where we're going, I have to pay.

I have a friend who struggled-ish with OLD but would never go out with a girl without first agreeing that they split the bill.

He would then actually pay the full bill if he had a good time, which is fair especially seen as she had already agreed she would pay half.

We used to give him shit for it, in a friendly way, as it wasn't like he was rolling in dates or anything.

But now he has a nice girlfriend whom he met on Hinge I believe!

I have to be mysterious, funny, strong and portray an image of success. I have to keep her engaged and make sure she's having a good time. I have to be a jester.

From my experience all of this stuff achieves nothing. In fact it can often make it worse for yourself. People are extremely capable of telling when someone's putting on an act.

And even if you succeed in "pretending" to be someone you're not, it will eventually get out.

You are best at being yourself, and you don't even have to try this, just be.

I know it sounds like bullshit advice, and it is if you think this is some magic way to get a woman, it's likely no more successful than putting on an act. But it's far easier, and if the girl actually does want another date you know she's into you and not whatever show you put on for her.

I have to text / call first. I have to schedule everything. It's totally socially acceptable if it takes her hours to get back to me while solidifying plans.

After I was ghosted once I used to hate this shit. I mean if you're unsure on whether you would like to go, just say it.

double-happiness · 2021-04-11T20:51:49+00:00

GYOW.

Men's rights is the right hand, MGTOW is the left.

EpicEmerald247 · 2021-04-12T01:25:07+00:00

Some good advice from one of that posts comments

"Stop watering dead plants.

I no longer attempt to converse with women who dont meet me halfway and show active interest back. I'm not there to entertain someone and if that is their expectation it would never work out anyway."

Reddit1984Censorship · 2021-04-11T14:43:34+00:00

MGTOW !!

Starmind0 · 2021-04-11T15:45:14+00:00

All men here are beautiful. And you all need to focus on yourselves more.

DoctorMars81 · 2021-04-11T20:39:55+00:00

This poor sap. Someone ought to tell him that Chad doesn't have to do any of this. He's busting his ass just for a taste of Chad's leftovers. It's a shitty game and he should stop playing.

pappo4ever · 2021-04-12T05:29:39+00:00

You clearly are not very attractive. Ask any shredded man over 1.90m if he has to do any heavy lifting. Or any billionarie. They don't, believe me.

idreamofdeathsquads · 2021-04-11T11:44:37+00:00

just dont. fuck those precoceived notions. make yourself desiable. the rest will follow

KYbebop · 2021-04-11T15:23:08+00:00

I would love to date again best years of my life.

incisive_shadow55 · 2021-04-11T14:28:26+00:00

When you stop caring about the outcome things will start falling in to place trust me. Almost everything that works is counterintuitive when you are dating women.

butdemtiddies · 2021-04-11T17:33:13+00:00

I have felt this way in the past.

I recently started seeing someone who I was acquainted with through our children being friends. We never really talked about anything but logistics as far as picking up/ dropping off the kids.

When we started talking more socially, she divulged that she had recently been reading about DDlg relationships and was interested in trying it out.

I was a bit put off by it at first, but the more I read and learned about bdsm the more sense it made. Luckily I have a good friend who I knew was into bdsm things and we had a chat about it.

I have to say that even though we're still very early on in our relationship, it's been amazing and so much different from anything I've experienced prior.

Putting the sex things aside, this relationship is about a "negotiated exchange of power". Which means that we started talking very openly about our expectations and limitations very early on. We even made a contract.

While this may not be for everyone, for me it's been so relieving to not have to fumble around through trial and error figuring out what she wants and needs.

This level of honesty and openness takes so much of the guesswork out. And I feel like that is a big part of the "heavy lifting", at least for me.

EgalitarianFacts · 2021-04-11T23:07:21+00:00

When you stop paying women for their...let's say...TIME...you stop getting it.

coyocat · 2021-04-11T13:54:05+00:00

YUP. Das why i retired early in my mid 20s.
No regrets.

cabsmom2020 · 2021-04-11T18:11:49+00:00

I can't understand what it's like being a man and dating, but I'm curious what you mean by heavy lifting? Are you referring to making the moves or paying or both? I see your point.

I like to make the moves sometimes and ask the man out. I'm willing to go Dutch or pay for the whole date. Maybe not every time, but I'm willing to do my share.

sumdood87 · 2021-04-11T23:12:49+00:00

How about just be you and not put up a false front. If she likes you for you, good. If not. Next. 🤷‍♂️

frustr8tion · 2021-04-11T23:58:03+00:00

As someone who is transgender and tried online dating presenting as a man and woman, both are just as exhausting for different reasons and the majority of men and women don't understand why because they think the other side has it easier.

Just my 2 cents.

Edit: Yeah I've only experienced both sides of this coin. What would I know...

YoDaSavageDraws · 2021-04-11T22:59:45+00:00

Bro. You only have to do these things if you're below 6'4

pappo4ever · 2021-04-12T06:28:44+00:00

I read lots of men in this post that says they go years without women. Without knowing anything about you, let me guess:

You either:

drive a cheap car (you are poor)
Never go to gym.
Are short

As ridiculous at it seem, those cover 95% of the reasons women don't like you. I guess you fit one of more of those descriptions. Note that age and having a pretty face have zero impact. So, stop blaming women, they are following their instinct and their instinct is correct, after all evolution made us. You can fix 1 and 2, cannot fix 3 but you can minimize it by getting money.

jake898zo · 2021-04-11T14:19:02+00:00

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melk8 · 2021-04-11T12:26:36+00:00

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Diomil · 2021-04-11T23:16:49+00:00

Yeah, thats our fault. Stop engaging and doing everything yourself, if she doesn't meet you halfway then just drop it and move on.

HenricusKunraht · 2021-04-11T16:07:24+00:00

Man you guys must've had some shitty relationships

LoliBliss · 2021-04-11T19:41:24+00:00

I mean - come on

2021-04-11T20:14:07+00:00

You don't have to do any of this. If someone wants to be with you and spend time with you then this shouldn't be something you need to think about. I always get more female attention when I'm not actively looking for it.

Sunderlandski · 2021-04-11T14:54:58+00:00

Sorry mate, but but it sounds to me like you need to re-asses which women you are dating, or more likely, how you act / behave at the start of a relationship. If you do all those things from the very start, it will become expected, and by then you have set yourself unrealistic expectations, that you will start to hate.

drainfly_ · 2021-04-11T19:11:51+00:00

if someone you're dating or spending time with makes you feel like you're putting in all the effort and they're not, it's toxic. plain and simple, not worth it. that kind of mentality can come from anyone of any gender, but it's a product of our weird patriarchal society that convinces people men have to do all the work and women just have to exist, and it simply isn't true. at the end of the day you will always be better off making sure you are taken care of first, before dating someone else. not only are you the most important person in your life, but it'll also give you confidence and allow you to understand what you deserve out of any relationship - romantic or otherwise. again, that goes for everyone. unfortunately most people have to experience a lot of shit before they learn that lesson, me included!

Lice138 · 2021-04-11T18:08:09+00:00

Doing it wrong

wegwerfenbitte123 · 2021-04-11T18:15:58+00:00

Imagine being so f*cking lazy and undisciplined that you fail to maintain hygene, grooming routines and consistancy (that leads to material stability which negates 50/50 and transport costs being a problem at all), all the while expecting women to have the aforementioned traits (because lets be honest, you wouldn't want to date your lazy smelly ass equivalent in female form, as can be seen from your 20s remarkable woman example). Meanwhile, women go on dates investing time, energy and money into their image, are expected to do 50/50 and meet you half way there, while facing the quite probable risk of danger (last one as an example that you can't even rely on authority help if yo date goes south).

Why can't you just lace yo shit, work on yourself and stop being a lazy boring f*ck, who can't even get excited about planning a date in a non sexual way to make it interesting for the other party. As one of the comments mentioned here states, gay dating has similar issues, because it's not the gender/sex, it's the nature of the character.

F*ck all you lazy, boring, zero effort c*cks*cking male reddit posters. You are what's wrong with the dating scene, not your date (woman/man/whoever) expecting you to put in at least the same effort they put in.

ASCIITable · 2021-04-11T21:46:18+00:00

are yall really complaining about chivalry

smh this is about as petty as twoxchromosomes

omidoggo · 2021-04-11T16:43:51+00:00

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Sword_of_Slaves · 2021-04-11T15:55:22+00:00

/r/MensLib

Odd_Comparison2535 · 2021-04-12T02:25:35+00:00

But hey what a man can do women can do even better

mercuryx-80 · 2021-04-12T04:19:38+00:00

This my friends is why I plan on dying single with callouses on my hands.

alexaxl · 2021-04-12T05:03:46+00:00

Kevin Samuels: 😏🕶

Based_Hootless · 2021-04-12T08:27:19+00:00

Then don’t do it.

explodingjason · 2021-04-12T11:19:28+00:00

I just stopped dating all together

scruubadub · 2021-04-12T12:47:49+00:00

I highly suggest reading how to be a 3% man and no more mr nice guy. It changed my life. Now how to be a 3% man he comes off a little cocky, but that's just who he is, it's not about being cocky with women but playful and confident. But both books teach you how to read women and paying attention to their red flags, but also pointing out today's men and their insecurities around the nice guy syndrome. The worst part is most men have this nice guy syndrome nowadays.

It definitely has helped me moving away from the hot women who flaunt on social media and move from guy to guy. Instead I go for girls who have ambition and goals in life.

Manux005 · 2021-04-14T09:45:19+00:00

What do you mean with almost? From my experience
it is the man who has to do all the work and effort. Of course there are exceptions, but this is what i experienced.

Dating as a man is completely exhausting because it feels like I have to do almost all of the heavy lifting all of the time

Crosspost "Dating as a man is completely exhausting because it feels like I have to do almost all of the heavy lifting all of the time" from /r/dating:

Comments

Title	Dating as a man is completely exhausting because it feels like I have to do almost all of the heavy lifting all of the time
Author	It_was_mee_all_along
Upvotes	2051
Comments	317
Date	April 11, 2021 11:07 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/mop3x1/dating_as_a_man_is_completely_exhausting_because/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/dating-as-a-man-is-completely-exhausting-because.1189020 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189020