I know what the handbook says, but I see a lot of people here reference “back in my pickme days” and then bring up something that was just a regular mistake. Call it a lapse in judgment, naïveté, or ignorance, but most of the time, it wasn’t changing who they were or behaving in a manner that would increase their chances of being “chosen.” So why use “pick-me”? Are you feeling undue remorse (stop that! We all make mistakes and you know better now 🤗)? Does it make you feel like you’ve made more progress than you really have?

This has been on my mind since running into a former coworker this weekend. Long story short, I found out that a long ago ex was cheating on me. With the life experience I have now, it’s not surprising and I see red flags I was oblivious to before lol If I could have a do over with what I know now, I would avoid him. I was never a pickme, though. I never acted contrary to my core values, much less change who I was so he would stay with me. I think my biggest mistake was thinking the 10 year age gap (I was 19) meant he was wiser, stabler, more mature, and all around better than he actually was.

If you need a comparison, my friend’s cousin is a pick-me, and it still makes me sad to think about. She rehomed her dogs because her boyfriend doesn’t like dogs. She changed her major because he said she would be better at the one he picked. And now she’s thinking of terminating a pregnancy she doesn’t want to terminate because…you guessed it.

So sisters, give yourself the love and understanding you ideally would give a friend if she just did something dumb. Give yourself an extra helping if both if you really were a pick-me because you’ve come a long way. Basically don’t needlessly drag yourself.