If personality was all that mattered, then why wouldn't heterosexual women just date their female friends? What's stopping their female friends from being confident, charismatic, kind, emotionally intelligent, etc? Well there isn't anything. I'm sure that most women consider their friends to have just as much or more confidence as their boyfriends.

So what differentiates a heterosexual woman's friends and her boyfriend? It isn't confidence. So what could it be?

Is it possible that there are physical and visual differences between men and women? Is it possible that heterosexual women are sexually attracted to physical traits that are associated with being a man (why would a heterosexual woman be attracted to someone who looked like a woman)? Such as: having a penis, height, broad shoulders - narrow hips, large muscles, full facial hair, square jaw, angular face etc?

And I wonder, what would happen if a man, who was confident, happened to lack lots of those traits? What if a man was short? What if a man had narrow shoulders - wide hips? What if he had small muscles? What if he had no or patchy facial hair? What if he had a weak jawline? What if he had a round face? Could it be possible that confident men like that could be more likely to be seen as platonic friends with heterosexual women, but less likely to be seen as a potential boyfriend? Could it be that men like that would struggle a little bit more in dating?

And this is the same for people of all genders and all sexualities, I only used heterosexual women because I usually hear this idea stated when a man says, "I struggle with dating because I don't fit male beauty standards," and everyone says he's lying and assumes he just lacks confidence and has a shitty personality. And then when a woman says, "I struggle with dating because I don't fit female beauty standards," everyone says that men are disgusting pigs for only caring about looks and should date women they're not attracted to anyway. Because apparently men only care about looks and women don't? Do only heterosexual men exist now? Have all women suddenly become pansexual? When did this happen?

Everyone has "people they date" and "platonic friends". If personality was the only factor that determined "people they date" then everyone would just be pansexual.