Wife and I are splitting, what to do about the home?

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2023-07-27T14:33:11+00:00

Read this part numerous times: she has absolutely, positively no right to force you out of your own home. It is just as much your home as it is hers. Generally, you would split the equity in the house 50/50. Either you would sell the house to get the equity, or one party would buy the other party out of their portion of the equity.

You need an attorney. Immediately. Once your wife starts trying to "force" you out of anything, the time for working together is over.

acg34 · 2023-07-27T15:09:38+00:00

I’d try to protect myself from false domestic violence charges. She might try that to get you removed from the house.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-07-27T14:51:43+00:00

Yeah she can't force you out .you need to talk to a lawyer

CrazySanta7 · 2023-07-27T15:15:31+00:00

Its not an opinion, but a fact. She can't kick you out. If she tries, call the cops. I'd go ahead and print out proof you are on the deed, just so you have it. After divorce, i had to do a refi to get her off the mortgage, and she had to sign paperwork that she agreed to be taken off deed. It sucks because my refi rate was higher than the orig rate. Its a money grab, IMO, especially if you can easily qualify for the mortgage on your own. Im in Texas.

Ren87z · 2023-07-27T16:43:57+00:00

Dont leave! You have every right to stay. She can leave in two months if she wants. Start logging all interactions that are hostile, trust me on this!!! And be very careful with allegations like abuse that can come next if she starts getting ugly.

KneeDeepThought · 2023-07-27T17:43:46+00:00

Obligatory IANAL.

No one has the legal right to make someone homeless. If you and she can't come to an agreement as to the prperty, the judge will likely order the property sold and the proceeds split between you.

BUT. Women have a trump card they can play here which you should defend against immediately. All she has to do is file a false DV claim against you and you'll be barred from your home and perhaps lose equity in a settlement. Many women choose this route because there's basically no risk to them for false allegations and the payoff is huge.

Once she knows you're not going to bow to her bullying, the fight is on. Always be ready to record her at a moment's notice and never leave her alone with your phone, wallet, or keys. Get all your important papers and personal valuables out of her reach immediately, but don't use a safe deposit box. Turn your car into a rolling safe or have a very trusted friend or brother hold things in their home for you. Be ready for the fusillade of incoming fire and you should be able to deflect or shield yourself from almost all of it.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-07-27T16:17:32+00:00

She couldn’t kick you out even if you weren’t on the deed because it’s the marital home. Keep in mind though all she has to do is walk into the courthouse, say she is scared and they will order an immediate temporary order of protection and you will be arrested if they find you in the house. In two weeks they have a hearing to see if the order should be dropped or kept. If it’s dropped fine, but no consequences for her, only you.

This is why you have to be careful because if she wants you out this may be coming soon in the playbook. It’s important to keep distance and in some cases physical barriers like locking yourself in a room if she tries to start fights. You will probably be painted as a controlling abuser soon. Don’t worry if you never touched her because you are an emotional and financial abuser.

Just read the other sub sometimes. I had to stop reading it. The number of divorced women that have not been abused is apparently 0. Leave dishes out? Abuse. Didn’t give her all your money? Abuse. Good luck.

Confident_Survey_143 · 2023-07-27T16:59:48+00:00

Record with your phone or recording device every single time you are in contact with her. Domestic violence accusations WILL come when she doesn't get her way.
Say absolutely nothing to her. 0, none nilch. radio silence. avoid being in the room. put a lock on your separate bedroom and get a ring camera etc running at all times.
DO NOT LEAVE THE HOME UNTIL YOUR DIVORCE IS FINALIZED AND SIGNED!!!

Do you have kids?

EarlPronk2 · 2023-07-27T17:18:03+00:00

These kinds of posts are so easy to answer. Don’t ask anonymous internet goofs, get a lawyer who can give you professional advice.

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2023-07-27T20:45:47+00:00

See a lawyer who knows the law in your state.

strolling_bare_feet · 2023-07-27T17:49:01+00:00

What @guy_n said above. Do not leave the house and talk to an attorney. It belongs to you equally. In states like wa, it depends on when you bought the house and how long you have been married.

If you * bought the house before marriage, its your property,* and if after, its community property, and equity gets divieded as mentioned above.

warrior_up · 2023-07-27T19:26:39+00:00

She can't do shit. Ignore her and work through your attorney

I actually did leave the house, who the fuck wants to be around each other during a split. all that shit about dont leave the house and and all the bad things that happen was BS. None of that mattered, as long as your involved on the business side, real estate, etc where your sitting your ass or laying in bed doesn't. I wouldn't worry about that - just don't ghost or skip town

Token_or_TolkienuPOS · 2023-07-27T16:32:06+00:00

Hidden cameras in the main areas of the house might be a good investment right about now.

Neversexsit · 2023-07-27T20:01:25+00:00

You could always cut the house down the middle and you take your part where ever you go and she takes her part where ever she goes.

AirSailer · 2023-07-27T20:58:57+00:00

She wants you to leave the house in 2 months... If you don't she will find other ways to get you out.

She will start a fight with you, then a single call to the police saying you yelled at her and she feels threatened is enough for her to get a restraining order, even temporarily, against you. The cops who show up won't take a chance on her being right, so they will default to making you leave. There is ZERO repercussions for her doing this.

Vulgrim6835 · 2023-07-27T18:22:22+00:00

Wait, why does no fault state have any relevance on the house split and why did you say it in your defence?

But to answer your question, she should technically not be able to force you out. But if she demands her money for her half and you can’t afford to buy her out, you may have to sell. Still, like usual, the best answer any of us can provide is to ask a professional, in this case I imagine that would be an attorney.

RepresentativeOk5968 · 2023-07-27T20:55:18+00:00

She can't force you out. It is equally both of yours house. However, be aware if she tries to force the issue legally. She may put a restraining order on you claiming any number of things to effectively get you out of the house. She may ask for the divorce filing that she have exclusive use of the home during the entire proceedings etc.

Your only hope is to move first. Ensure that your lawyer drafts up in the divorce documents that you will be allowed use of the home during the divorce. If you're squirrelly, you can have him put in there that only you get to stay there during the divorce (my wife asked for this but I forcefully countered that it would serve no purpose since she had already left to stay with her mother 2 hours away).

I would caution you to try and not be alone with her. Carry a go-pro with you or something to record your interactions with her or have a buddy stay with you. Unfortunately she will have the tie go to her if she claims domestic abuse and then you're the one sleeping at a crummy motel for months while the divorce finalizes.

But yes you are correct, the house should be split 50/50 on the equity. So if it is worth 200k, and you owe 100k, then you both would get 50k. You can either do this by giving her 50k in assets so you can stay in the home or you can sell the house and split the proceeds.

IMPORTANT: She is not entitled to kick you out. But there are many dirty tricks she can try to force you out. Protect yourself now.

Fwooply · 2023-07-27T21:15:12+00:00

Standard disclaimer: Talk to a lawyer to make sure.

She likely has no basis to force you out. There might be some edge cases with abuse and restraining orders.

Stupid games can still be played. A friend of mine's STBXW changed the exterior locks. He called the cops which is the correct next step. They let him back in. Then she claimed the master bedroom and laundry room for herself and installed a dead bolt on many interior doors. Sigh. Hopefully you divorce doesn't go this route.

The house likely gets split 50/50. Realize that, despite all the calculators, a lot of stuff is negotiable. Google "spousal support buyout" for examples. Home equity can be traded for less alimony in many areas. There are a lot of options here. The math gets very soft with present value projections becoming a crystal ball.

You're not forced to sell... it depends on cooperation. Sides can be encouraged to cooperate via litigation which is roughly proportional to lawyer fees. I couldn't find a way to force my ex into a buyout without setting up an LLC and doing some real Walt Disney Orlando secretive land purchase. Or I could have taken her before a judge at likely 10k worth of fees to wrestle over the home.

champybaby · 2023-07-27T23:22:27+00:00

I wanted the condo when we split but she ended up getting it. Turned out to be best decision I made during divorce. A change of scenery is HUGE. It truly opens your mind as to how big the world is, and helps push you forward.

Just reading your headline, I’m going to say let her have it and get a change of scenery. Like, this is the one piece of advice I give anyone who is getting a divorce, man or woman.

life-is-short- · 2023-07-28T03:32:47+00:00

Record record record. It is common property and only court or an TRO can get you out of it.

silmarp · 2023-07-28T19:43:52+00:00

Look dude.

Thing is, she is acting unreasonable.

And if she is acting unreasonable you must believe her and know that she is unreasonable. She will act unreasonable to the end.

Get a lawyer and if possible have cameras recording at your house. Consult with the lawyer what cameras you can have. Also have a recording device with you at all times as it might save your life. Because she starts by asking you to leave. Next she is accusing you of domestic violence and if she does she doesn't have to prove. In fact she only have to say you did this and if you don't have the proof of your innocence you are utterly destroyed by the judicial system.

Proceed with caution. She can't make you leave but she will try and don't expect her to play fair. In fact expect anything but this.

Title	Wife and I are splitting, what to do about the home?
Author	Retkicks
Upvotes	22
Comments	40
Date	July 27, 2023 2:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15b3b6q/wife_and_i_are_splitting_what_to_do_about_the_home/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-and-i-are-splitting-what-to-do-about-the-home.1226683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226683

Comments