Nobody outside understands

canu4see · 2023-08-23T01:35:40+00:00

I was guilty of not having much sympathy for divorced people prior to my own.

tiaanaD_7750 · 2023-08-23T03:31:10+00:00

Oh yea. I went from a three story townhouse with my wife, son, sister, niece & nephew. To living out of vehicle & now living 8 hours away in a shit hole apartment for now. Driving a POS shit truck & nobody gives 2 shits or a f"*(# about how you're doing. I went from having over 300 contacts in my phone to less than 20 in 3 months. I found out who's actually got my back & who doesn't. And it was 3 guys I've known since I was a teenager. Ironically. The same guys who've been there for each other forever, still have each others back after all these years. Not my family, not the friends that I thought I had. The original boys from home.

AdvancedAd3507 · 2023-08-23T03:46:43+00:00

All trauma groups are like this. We never knew what people went through. I thought veterans were over glorified until I became one. I thought the hardships of parenthood were over expressed until I experienced them myself.

MNCPA · 2023-08-23T12:49:45+00:00

This is the worst part of a divorce for men. Nobody cares. Literally nobody cares. It's very lonely. Therapy helps.

aquatone61 · 2023-08-23T01:23:55+00:00

Unfortunately people who have never had to make such a tough decision can’t really understand. I’m lucky, my parents have offered support and guidance, I’m sorry yours don’t seem to be.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-08-23T13:09:19+00:00

Gents, I took heart in a quote from the Count of Monte Cristo -> So neglect becomes our ally. Nobody gives a shit, it's an unfortunate side effect of our society. It hurt me a ton at 1st but I've come to realize I am the Captain of my own ship and can do whatever I want. As such, I've thrown myself into the things I always wanted (sports car, taking flying lessons, etc.). People always love a comeback story, so change your mindset. I've also come to realize how many dudes that are married don't exactly seem happy anyways. My ex-FIL is stuck in his giant house watching TV with his orc of a wife, working into his 70's and doing the same thing on repeat. It's like watching a lion in a cage at the zoo, you can just see the boredom in his eyes. He is not the only example I can give either!

Change your mindset

On top of that we lose half our assets -> Making a payment to be rid of a crappy person

big chunk of our income -> Learn to live on what we have and thrive with it.

have to watch our ex's be with some losers -> She is with a loser, not your problem anymore!

21YearsofHell · 2023-08-23T02:09:26+00:00

WE understand, WE care.

My youngest is moving into her College Accommodation tomorrow morning. And her mother is settling her in… I’m 2000 miles away.

I knew this would happen, so I took her and her sister there six weeks ago so she’d see her new City for the first time.

It sucks not to be there tomorrow, but it would’ve sucked even more to be there with my ex.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-08-23T02:26:40+00:00

I was lucky to have a supportive family, I have a few close friends that supported me but none really checks up on me unless I text them to hang out

Adventurous_Wrap_343 · 2023-08-23T12:32:50+00:00

Most friends don’t check in. One check in regularly. Aside from my mother, nobody in my family checks in. My cousin who I grew up with, who I always considered an older brother, aside from suggesting that we use my house to have parties with paid women, hasn’t even checked in once in the 9 months. I think he blames me for the divorce. Support and emotional uplifting is a dry well in my family. I’ve been lucky to find groups like these.

zugabuga · 2023-08-23T14:02:32+00:00

Completely agree with you. I lost my business, and then found out about the cheating and divorced all in less than a year. I would be homeless except my brother offered to let me live with him. I actually live in his garage currently, you go from having a nice house and an 18 year marriage to sleeping on a garage floor. It’s currently almost 100° in the Chicago area and inside this garage. It’s even hotter, I’ve learned to sweat all day long. I take a shower and I’m immediately sweating.

My parents and sister ignored me, my first Christmas without my ex-wife in over two decades, and they didn’t even call me. They don’t even call on my birthday, they’ll just text me happy birthday. My sister is busy, which I understand, but in three years now only talks to me if I call her. The few friends I have don’t reach out, I don’t think they know what to say. But I finally got some stability and I’m fighting back for my second act. I plan to make it better than the first. So really of all the people in my life. my brother is the only one that had my back.

Key_Preference_4594 · 2023-08-23T17:42:02+00:00

That’s why I don’t get married or put myself legally on hook, especially in Anglo countries with unscientific laws where some stay at home random takes half your stuff

Saulzy · 2023-08-24T01:29:05+00:00

Society as a whole doesn't care about men or our feelings. It's really fucked up. We're still human and feel things too.

pk2at · 2023-08-23T16:39:53+00:00

I've lost sympathy for divorced men who give up their assets or agree to CS and alimony without a fight and then try to 'move on'. My sympathy is only for those who fight

ultrasuperthrowaway · 2023-08-23T18:13:38+00:00

I have no sympathy for divorced people because being divorced is awesome. No more loser ex-wife.

dnbndnb · 2023-08-26T08:37:30+00:00

I’d say I spend most of two years post-divorce “lost”. You get used to a way of life and all of a sudden it all changes. Most of us men do the moving, as I sure did. Married acquaintances don’t really say much to you, and the wives are almost always stronger friends than the husbands, so that influences the post-breakup connections. As an introvert who can operate as an extrovert, it was hard having no one close to talk to, but at least I had a few good guy friends far away by phone.

One of the things I do now is make myself available to anyone in my community who needs a little help. Opening up my network a bit that way. Also learning to be more accepting of help v always being the giver.

Divorce is rough, but we all eventually get thru it.

Title	Nobody outside understands
Author	ww3historian
Upvotes	54
Comments	51
Date	August 23, 2023 1:18 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15yp11z/nobody_outside_understands/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/nobody-outside-understands.1229470 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229470

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