I don’t want a relationship again because I’m worried what it will do to my two boys.

Mundane-Performer-57 · 2023-12-24T14:54:56+00:00

Relationships are expensive for men. Kids deserve your time and finances, not some stranger.

Bluetoes1 · 2023-12-24T00:18:34+00:00

You don’t have to be in a relationship. Or you can be, when you are ready. The important thing is to give your kids stability.

I was single for 2 years. I couldn’t be luckier in the woman I ended up with. She has 2 of her own kids, and is amazing to my girls. She is actually more loving and caring to my girls. They love her, and she loves them.

But if you raise your kids by yourself that is completely ok as well. There are no specific rules on how a family looks.

adyblee · 2023-12-23T01:10:30+00:00

Your kids are precious

You are too

Think of yourself

It will be ok, in time

ApprehensiveTiger683 · 2023-12-21T06:00:42+00:00

Why wouldnt you be happy? You can have a relationship without involving the kids. Ykur not looking for a new mom for the kids, your loiking for a new partner for you.

Feinixaway · 2023-12-21T04:39:50+00:00

Your kids are very young, specially 18 months.

When you have kids so young things can get very complicated.

My ex introduced a series of men to my son. Then she started dating more seriously and shit hit the fan. The guy had kids so my ex wanted to match his schedule so they could have alone time.

I said "no can do" because our parenting schedule was already set based on my work schedule. She lawyered up but I told her lawyer to fuck off. My ex got really upset because the lawyer took her money but really there was nothing she could do.

Her boyfriend had to change his schedule and my ex sent me some nasty emails lol. Things didn't stop there because of course vacation time didn't match either.

Long story short: when you have kids dating can get really really complicated. Just focus on them.

Cheap_Baseball3609 · 2023-12-21T02:43:19+00:00

My ex got married a year after she left. It has been so hard because she is trying to play this narrative that they are a family. Not me. We share 50/50 custody and I am heavily involved. I have not dated since our split and it has been 2 years. I know my son doesn’t understand it yet and may never but I am doing this so I can 100% focus on his well being and being there. Dating and remarriage can really shift focus away from the child for the person pursuing their new love interest. I did not want that. I am there for him anytime ever day. Now I would like to date in the near future but I have waited 2 years so far.

Retying3043 · 2023-12-20T23:12:32+00:00

Read a few threads over at r/stepparents. Should crystallize the feelings you have.

NoFee4026 · 2023-12-20T21:27:58+00:00

Hey man, i wouldn’t say go out looking for anything right now. But if something good were to come your way, dont shut the door either. There are a lot of good women in the world who also could potentially love your kids as well and they her. You know never know, just be open to the world and opportunities thats all.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2023-12-20T19:11:05+00:00

Your boys are the most important thing in your life right now. Second is your healing. Work on yourself and take all that worrying about a new relationship energy into being the best father you can be. Why worry about what hasn't happened yet?

DizcoMafia · 2023-12-20T17:18:47+00:00

You starting a relationship won't harm the kids, what harms children is bad parenting. In order to be a good parent, you must first care for yourself. You can't be a good parent if you can't even take care of yourself.

Classic_Dill · 2023-12-20T17:04:02+00:00

You are in good spot to find a new partner (not marriage), your kids are young, when they are teenagers like mine, that's when its sticky. I told one women, you wont meet my kids for at least a year, maybe closer to 2 years, i need to know we are good, before i will allow anyone into my life that deep, she looked at me funny and agreed, same women i dumped 2 months later for lying, soooo, wasn't an issue anyway. My kids know, i have a few FWB's, but i dont bring them around and only go out for 3 hours at a time with them. And!!! none of them are mad at me, because I'm always honest with them (women). Meeting one tonight at a hotel for a few hours (shes paying, booyah) I'm still looking for my LTR, but until i find her? ummmm, FWB land :)

Embarrassed-Safe-670 · 2023-12-20T16:50:03+00:00

My opinion. Men who are a bit older seem to define themselves by the relationship they are in. In all my married years I went to more things alone than wirh her. She was just window dressing.

warrior_up · 2023-12-20T16:31:17+00:00

My boys love my girlfriend, she 13 yrs younger than their mom, more energy and much more flexible

For me it’s dating single mothers, other kids that complicate your life and bring unnecessary stress, take away time energy and resources that should be geared towards your own offspring

So if you’re a man that has options, find women without kids. Find a women that makes you happy, compliments your life and supports your role as a single dad.

relationshiptossoutt · 2023-12-20T14:30:41+00:00

If you're "confused in your own mind", you need to do nothing. Don't get into a relationship until you're less confused.

But as a divorced man, your life is your own. I've been divorced 2 years now. I have only introduced my kids to one woman, and it was about 8 months after we started dating. I'm dating around again now, and I haven't told my kids or my ex. It is none of their business until I decide to introduce them, which may be never.

You're not required to introduce a new partner to your kids. You can date casually, and even carry on a full relationship, separate from your kids. A few divorced friends I know won't introduce kids for a full year.

Take some time for yourself, decide what you want, then pursue it. It doesn't have to be confusing or overwhelming.

RunTheBull13 · 2023-12-20T13:25:33+00:00

First off, you don't need to rush into one. In fact, it's best to be comfortable being alone first. Take time to work on yourself and figure out what you want and don't want. Try to arrange dates when you don't have the kids, so you're not bringing a lot of people into their lives short-term. It's not healthy for them. Wait until you see something being long-term before you introduce them into the picture. If they are good for your family, the boys will only benefit from the extra love and attention and you being happy.

HereinPA1 · 2023-12-20T13:01:29+00:00

I’m just over 6 months into separation and the thought of dating or being with someone else still turns my stomach. My kids are older, 16 and 18, but still, I took my vows and commitment to my stbxw to heart, she obviously didn’t.

I just can’t see right now bringing another woman into my home and hanging around my kids. it just feels so foreign and wrong to me. I don’t know, I assume that will change someday, but I’m still working on myself and getting my head right.

Hope my head clears a little once the divorce is finalized, fingers crossed it’ll be soon to get the weight of it off my chest.

Good luck to you, we just have to take it day by day.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-12-20T13:00:40+00:00

I feel you are making the right decision. Put your kids first, At least until they are in their early teen years.

So many men just jump into the first relationship they can find. And that does a mind fuck on the kids.

You got this OP.

inaptitude · 2023-12-20T12:42:05+00:00

As long as you take it slow with introducing the kids to a new partner you have nothing to worry about. I met someone about 4 months date my divorce and we waited 6 months for her to meet my kids. Then we gradually hung out more. I think the bigger worry is to have a string of partners with your kids getting attached over and over to new women. That’s FAR more damaging than introducing them to a new long term partner.

HalfTheMan611 · 2023-12-20T12:11:55+00:00

I feel the same. My wife checked out, fell out of love and left me. I sacrificed it all for my family and I made a commitment both in marriage and to my children when I brought them into this world. I want my home to be a sanctuary for them and for them to never feel uncomfortable in their own home. I wouldn't want them to see me with another woman. It's sad to think I'll never have that type of love again, but I feel very strongly about it. I may feel differently in the future, but that's how I feel now. I can't help being selfless - my kids are #1 and forever will be.

Secret-Pipe-8233 · 2023-12-20T12:05:13+00:00

They are so young. You can do what you like but maybe a couple of years with them as your entire focus might be good for you & them.

Good luck brother.

ciphrr · 2023-12-20T11:48:43+00:00

Kids are resilient and bounce back. I was the same but realized that as long as they know they still come first... No issues

idiskfla · 2023-12-20T11:43:15+00:00

Don’t even factor your new ex-wife into this. Think about you. First or second is irrelevant (although her finding someone first might lead to jealousy / resentment)

Long-term, your kids will want you to be happy. Find your happiness, whatever that entails.

Title	I don’t want a relationship again because I’m worried what it will do to my two boys.
Author	Miserable_Ad_1172
Upvotes	21
Comments	55
Date	December 20, 2023 11:37 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18msly6/i_dont_want_a_relationship_again_because_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-dont-want-a-relationship-again-because-im.1241209 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241209

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