i need to escalate but can't figure out how.

AfricanPlayboy · 2022-01-08T04:37:42+00:00

Yo all of these comments are brutal. You want to escalate? Escalation isn’t about the “big move.” You don’t want to kiss a girl who pulls back from you when you touch her leg. It’s more like little stepping stones where it only makes sense to escalate further. Touch her hand/arm/leg while your just talking. Get her used to you physically. Be flirtatious and playful and don’t make a big deal about it. You should kiss her when it feels like it’s the right thing to do. But don’t be a pussy about it. If you’re escalating properly the kiss only feels natural.

Blue_Khakis · 2022-01-08T03:32:00+00:00

A lot of guys saying to go for the arm over the shoulder, I personally much prefer going for the hand-hold for escalation, I find it easier and less intimidating, but to each his own.

burncushlikewood · 2022-01-08T05:29:55+00:00

There used to be the escalation ladder but it's no longer around, anyway touching girls is the key, start with less sexual zones like the hands or lower thigh, high back/shoulder. Move to the lower back, upper thigh, and face lasts, push her hair to the side grab her cheek and go for the kiss.

Shox187 · 2022-01-08T10:13:30+00:00

Slap the boob

bigclivedotcom · 2022-01-08T13:45:26+00:00

You've been on three dates and she didn't run away, just keep spending time with her

2022-01-08T09:20:47+00:00

I'm sure at this point, she knows what's happening so just do it, shamelessly. Don't give a single fuck. The longer you wait, the more you're shooting yourself in the knee.

curtains20 · 2022-01-08T10:31:36+00:00

Keep hanging out, don’t worry about escalating. If it’s supposed to happen it will and it will be very obvious. There is no rush.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-01-08T02:29:55+00:00

Question: how old are you guys?

Dry-Caterpillar-3628 · 2022-01-08T09:27:36+00:00

Start slow man. Me personally I’ll keep it light at first. Crack a joke and grab her leg or arm to test the waters and see how she responds. If she’s with it, escalate and take it to level 2. Get a little closer throw your arm around her or something and see how she responds. The trick is being smooth and doing it confidently. I feel like as long as you give off a laid back, confident vibe she will be at ease and more receptive to your advances

DanglyNips · 2022-01-08T05:43:03+00:00

When do you think you’ll see her next and what will you be doing?

You need to create a scenario where you’re walking together, or you’re in public among strangers. And then in the same way that you’d offer someone a piece of gum (think of how your voice sounds when you do that, the pace, the volume, the don’t care if the answer is yes or no type of voice sound), and then just casually ask her if she’d like to hold your hand, or “come in closer”. Those are 2 phrases that work in a lot of different situations and are very low barrier questions that take the pressure off of her too and has the best chances of her agreeing. It’s apparent you’re both nervous. There’s no better way to always take your next steps together by finding casual no-risk ways to get verbal consent.

I hope you have fun.

No-Pay9075 · 2022-01-08T14:03:09+00:00

I used to struggle with this a bit so maybe I can help you since it's not really an issue for me anymore

It's one of them things that learning about game and stuff probably made me worse at, as I was so in my head and overcomplicating it with all kinds of escalation ladders in my head ('i need to somehow find ways and moments to touch her wrist then her hand then her shoulder then her knee, then her thigh then her face' etc etc etc lol)

So let me tell you what I do now; What's important is that you break the touch barrier a few times. Doesn't need to be anything fancy. You can just grab her arm when she's walking next to you. Tell her you need her bodyheat lol. You can give her a little sideways hug as you tease her or make her laugh or whatever. You can be a bit more gamey if you want too, for example I was on a date with a stunner the other night at a pub, and I just grabbed her hands and started talking a load of madeup bullshit about the rings on her fingers and what they meant etc. So yeah, break the touch barrier

From that point, assuming she hasn't pulled away and been sick in her hangbag from you touching her, assume she wants you to kiss her. She's on a date with you! She thinks you're hot. You have attraction

Again, it doesn't need to be difficult. Slowly get closer to her and drop the energy a bit as you chat. You can wait until it goes quiet and there's a bit of tension and look at her and her lips. When I was at the aforementioned girls place after that pub date, she was sat next to me talking about making a pizza, and I just looked at her and said 'come here' so make her kind of lean in towards me and we kissed. With a different girl the other night I was in her kitchen after a date and again, almost out of nowhere just after i'd made her laugh I gently pulled her by her waste towards me and we kissed.

You see the theme. Touch a bit, and then have some balls and just do it. If she wants to kiss you then it really doesn't have to be smooth. And if you've read it wrong and she's not even into you in that way, then it doesn't matter what advice you get as she will reject the kiss no matter how perfect your escalation and game is

NotMyRealName90210 · 2022-01-08T14:54:08+00:00

My two cents. Be bold kiss her. Work your magic with self confidence and MOJO. If she pulls away regardless of the reason dump the fuck out of her and go hunting again. It's a numbers game.

MA_CA_NV_CA · 2022-01-08T06:26:15+00:00

I agree with other comments. I would add she sounds inexperienced, possible virgin and / or she genuinely lacks confidence and is unsure whether you’re attracted to her. As the man it is your job to convey your intent clearly.

ukfi · 2022-01-08T07:59:01+00:00

Ok. This is old fashion but works wonder.

Just ask her if you can hold her hand the next time you meet.

She's been on 3 dates with you. So we know she likes you. And she wants to see more of you. Chances are she's nervous about how you are going to escalate.

Hand holding is a small step to the next big step. She will definitely say yes. Chances are you will be the first man to ever ask her for permission to hold her hand. Consent is sexy.

Once you are holding hands, the rest is easy.

Come back if you really need instruction for the next few steps. 😂😂

Bravo823 · 2022-01-08T11:28:46+00:00

I would have been real physical on the hike, hold handing, putting my hand on your waist and showing her a dope view. Idk don’t make escalating a huge deal because it’s not, just make it natural to the setting.

caesarfecit · 2022-01-08T16:50:44+00:00

Her being nervous for no good reason is actually a really good sign, not a bad one. It means she's really feeling the sexual tension and is having trouble keeping it cool.

Her text afterwards confirms that she wanted you to make a move and feels like she fucked it up.

Now unlike the guys saying you should feel her up like no tomorrow, I say that unless you're practiced and comfortable with it, you're likely to come on too strong, too fast.

There are some general tips to physical escalation however, many of which I'm cribbing from the already mentioned DiCarlo Escalation Ladder:

Start from the outside and work your way in. Hands and forearms, then shoulders/back, then when you're getting ready to go for the kiss, maybe brush her hair. The key is to start with benign and normal touch to break the touch barrier and build rapport, then more forward touch.
Eye contact is so key at this stage, because that's the tell as how how intent she is on you. When she's meeting your gaze and holding it, she's feeling it and wants you closer.
Girls are different, and this one screams of being what I call a "repressed girl". These types live in fantasy when it comes to sex, and have a tendency to shut down or run away when her anxiety spikes. The secret with these girls is not to come on too strong, too fast, keep your touch non-sexual until she's making out with you, and be warm, yet slightly aloof (i.e. be open to her, but not an open book). Less repressed girls, you want to sexually tease and prize-frame yourself. Those girls need to be worked up and it's important to be sexually confident and assertive. The repressed girls just need a gentle hand to keep their anxiety down and the kinda game you'd run on a less repressed girl is exactly what not to do with this one.

a-s103 · 2022-01-08T14:57:18+00:00

Gotta break the touch barrier

MusicalGold · 2022-01-08T15:19:30+00:00

Gotta keep em escalated. But seriously just be honest with her. Hopefully she feels the same. If not you can move on.

TheCaribbeanRedditor · 2022-01-08T15:33:56+00:00

Invite her home for a movie/drinks.

Sit close, throw your arm around her.

Make fun of her, give her a playful push on the shoulder, etc.

As someone else said you can take the stepping stones approach and gradually raise the kino.

drowsyengine · 2022-01-08T16:32:51+00:00

Dude sorry but it looks like you are in friendzone. Next time be more flirty, not friendly and see how she reacts. Touch her often. If she gives positive signals go for a kiss dammit. You’re in fourth date. if she’s not into you don’t embarrass yourself and next her.

whomeverIwishtobe · 2022-01-08T18:42:23+00:00

She may be scared of intimacy, recently dated a girl like this.

You will have to start slow if that is the case, a lot of open communication helped me in that situation and we did eventually get to a place where we were sexually intimate but I understood it wasn’t something I could rush into and had to take it slow. That’s a bit of a commitment and up to you to pursue or not.

i_love_crazy_hobos · 2022-01-08T19:42:22+00:00

You’re going to have feel awkward and forced to some extent. You gotta just take her hand at this point. No need to try and build up to that. You can also touch her shoulders, poke her, google “Kino escalation ladder”. You can get close to her. At some point just look in her eyes and don’t say anything, lean in to kiss.

Personally i would definitely not wait until the third date to escalate at all. Escalate by at least touching her in some way (even just touching shoulders or hugging), within the first 5 minutes of first date.

These days i will always take her hand within first 5 minutes of first date.

Check out Leo’s How to Get Laid Part 2 for Kino walkthrough - start video at 1:08:00

https://youtu.be/XBtCxHuYp8M

Amkg2020 · 2022-01-08T19:45:03+00:00

Ya honestly girls will ask if you wait long enough

headless-samurai · 2022-01-08T21:41:44+00:00

The pulling away the leg suddenly thing might just her being shy. Same with her nervous energy. It may be a sign that she really actually likes you & doesnt wanna F things up!!! Especially since she texted you back. Silence is death imo. (you are still alive and in the game mate)

Your next big move? I think its honesty. But i tend to be an outlier when it comes to dating. I get alot of women to approach me, but i have a very direct way of thinking/talking. So im a take it or leave it or sorta guy. I either turn em on or off. I dont play games.

Some guys, and Many... MANY women dont like this. So if subtlety is your way, just use your gut dude & always think outside of your own head. (detached method)

GL! Go get em kid!

YoungCoconut18 · 2022-01-08T21:50:51+00:00

Be bold my guy. And if she rejects it, move on.

James_Bob_007 · 2022-01-09T01:04:37+00:00

Start with flirting/more sexual topics here and there. Touch her, hug her, but not in a creepy or scared way. More like: I'm hugging you because I want to and you'll also enjoy it, trust me.

Eventually, a kiss will come in "one thing led to another" way.

Go step by step.

shady_gamer · 2022-01-09T02:09:18+00:00

Looks for ways for natural physical contact. Say for example, on your hike. Was the an opportunity to help her over an obstacle, hold your hand out for her to take.

Blauwpetje · 2022-01-09T11:50:58+00:00

Don’t make too much of her ‘negative’ signals. They can be something of the moment. They can be fear of coming too close, which is not the same as not wanting it. They can mean she really didn’t feel too well and it had nothing to do with you. Whatever you do, try to ignore what happened that last time and take the first two meetings as guidance.

spademan56 · 2022-01-10T01:39:48+00:00

Sounds like you are doing everything right and that this girl is a little shy. Keep making small moves like hugging her, being more flirtatious, touching her hands etc. The rest will take care of herself. The important part is that she feels comfortable and relaxed around you.

carissaxu · 2022-01-13T09:38:00+00:00

I go for the puss quickly and with force. Ain’t no stopping.

Davidle3 · 2022-01-08T08:12:13+00:00

It’s too late. This reminds me of the Family guy episode where Brian decides to take it slow only to later find out that she is having sex with Cleveland in the car. Life moves pretty fast you can’t be at stage i I touched her leg on date 3. She should be naked, talking about being naked or thinking of being naked. You just gotta do it. You can’t move that slow or one of the sharks are going to come by see that girl and she’s going to be in the sharks bed and she will he saying oh man I met the greatest guy! We had amazing sex and glad you can be my friend. You don’t want that. Just gotta go for it.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-01-08T08:52:43+00:00

I really want to kiss you right now but I'm not sure how to go about it.

InstaLife01 · 2022-01-08T09:13:02+00:00

3 dates and nothing ? Sounds like it's too late to me. If you don't make it clear on the first date at the latest and set the stage that it's a sexual physical potential connection (or even prior to first date) then you are at very high risk of being "friendzoned". You can't act like a soft nice guy for three dates and then try and change the vibe. You have to proscribe and set the vibe from day 1. And if she refuses to engage in that vibe, then write it off early. Before you have wasted any time, money, emotional investment in her.

masterraven19 · 2022-01-08T16:47:03+00:00

Two ways I've done this, and it HAS worked. I didn't invent them but I've used them. For both of these, DO NOT use them until you can tell she's been having fun on the date. Use common sense. Is she smiling? Laughing? Is there good eye contact ? You have to combine preparation with being in-the-moment. Never wait till the end of the date to escalate.

Number #1:

When things are going well, say confidently "Tell me one thing you find interesting about me." She'll say some bs. It doesn't matter what. She then might ask you what you find interesting about her. If she does, that's good, but say something like "Nah, let's keep the conversation on you for a sec, because I have another question for you." Think about how to be slightly mysterious with your body langauge, e.g. turning slightly to the side, SMILING while turning to the side, pulling back slightly and squinting your eyes like you're trying to figure her out, and really just being playful. She doesn't want someone who only wants to get her pants. She wants someone she can joke around with and enjoy the cheery side of life. Always, GOOD EYE CONTACT. It portrays confidence.

Either way, you'll say this: "At what point during this date did you want to kiss me?" This embodies confidence!! You're MR FUCKING CONFIDENCE! You just wrote the book on confidence! You're courageous and she will see it!

She'll be shocked, and may initially pull back. That's fine, but look at her facial expressions, especially her lips and her eyes. Is she intrigued? Giddy? Smiling? Gauge her overall reaction, smile, and lean in to kiss her. If she pulls away she's not into you and move on. Use your hand to slowly move up her neck before the kiss (unless she's told you she's weird about her neck or something, obviously).

After your initial kiss, pull back for a sec, and then kiss her again. Depending on how she reacts during the kiss, you could say something like, "I knew you'd be delicious" and smile. If you think you'd fuck this up by being creepy then don't do it. She should giggle a little. You don't need to say this and can perform the above without saying this last line.

Number #2:

A little bit lame, but has worked. Number #1 is better, but this can work for the less confident guys. As always, only do this after you've been having a good time.

Tell her, "I think you're pretty cool, and I would kick myself if I didn't do this." Learn in, grab the back of her head (softly, don't be weird), and pull your faces together so your noses touch. Gauge her interest, i.e. do her eyes close or is she not closing them? Closing eyes are a good sign! Look at her lips to see if she puckers up. If she gives you these signs, move away from her nose, turn to the side, and kiss her like you would normally do. If not, swivel your nose back and forth and say "Eskimo kiss!"

I actually fucked up #2 before by not paying attention to her eyes closing and lips puckering up. I said "Eskimo kiss" like an idiot when she WANTED to kiss me! I realized my mistake later, told her I was playing, and reverted back to #1. #1 worked like a charm. Good luck!

reversedbydark · 2022-01-08T14:22:34+00:00

I'm sorry but all these people with 'ask her' comments are just plain wrong. That's just incredibly beta and she might go along but that's not gonna create attraction.

If you want to hold her hands...HOLD HER HANDS!!!

If she really likes you she will hold it. You guys are ON THE THIRD DATE ALREADY where you should be having sex man...not ducking asking permission to hold hands. If she pulls away she's not attracted and you need to talk to other girls that simple.

I literally CAN NOT believe some of these comments. If you don't know what the hell you're talking about just don't say anything cos you're not helping anyone bud.

epicharlie12 · 2022-01-08T14:51:43+00:00

you're too late, you're a friend now.

Amkg2020 · 2022-01-08T03:13:30+00:00

Ask her can you kisss her

Rexman24 · 2022-01-08T12:53:07+00:00

Tbh I wouldn’t get caught up on this girl bro. Start spinning plates talk to other girls. She’s not the only girl out there. Get more experience by dealing with other women. If y’all been on 3 dates and she seems hesitant that’s all you need to know.

coldbrew18 · 2022-01-08T08:18:41+00:00

Maybe make the next date a group thing. Less pressure on her for the end of the date.

TherealPadrae · 2022-01-08T10:50:25+00:00

Keep testing the waters until you fall into the river. Hold her hand, hug her then kiss her. Make her comfortable around you and keep the tension building until she gives in.

forestcall · 2022-01-08T13:49:40+00:00

Talk to her on the phone. Talk about how you each feel. Simply ask her if you could try something where you each explain how you feel. And you go first or ask her to go first. You could explain simply before you start that you like her. Don't go into detail. Then ask if she would go first. Don't go into how you love her or want marriage or anything. Just keep it to how you feel.

Sup3rHD · 2022-01-08T15:11:14+00:00

The thing that i do is saying " come to my arms ". I "hug" her and after few seconds i kiss

ZoeticLark · 2022-01-08T20:14:49+00:00

Patience! Nuance! Ever try holding hands? Its so retro. Can be super sexy in the right moment. Nothing says body contact... like body contact.

ZoeticLark · 2022-01-08T20:16:24+00:00

Don't dislocate yourself from your body and heart and HER on they way to the big score.

DIme_x · 2022-01-09T12:47:15+00:00

Lots of comments here... I wont read them all but I will say that im very good at this. My stats are basically banged around 75 chicks in the last couple years. About 60 of those have been from tinder. I have a girl on second date coming aroubd here tomorrow for a wine on my romantic balcony, and he day after that ive got one that ive also not banged yet that has invited me over to hers for drinks... experience tells me these will be lays number 76 and 77 and I have more on the burner. So anyways.. those are my stats. Im VERY GOOD at escalation. There are many subtle ways to start off: 1. The rule about touching is dont let your hand linger the first few times. I bump. 2. Shoulder bump is my thing. I bump my shoulder against hers as we are walking together.. the say somethhibg random like damn girl why you trippin 3. Another important escalation is intruding on her personal space. This once again isnt done for a long interval of time. Just enough to make things a bit intense. 1-3 seconds is usually more than enough. 4. Lean in and whisper... ill often pull this: Lean in and whisper in her ear “you.... look... amazing” do it slow and with a deep voice. DO NOT LINGER on the escalation. Lean back out and resume normal conversation... she will want you ti do it again.. and thats when you have her hooked. 5. Skipping things like hand holding and hugging for brevitys sake.. the kiss: I do this in a myriad of ways... Ill list some here. Lean in and ask her if shes a good kisser. When she says yes or i think so.. say “hmmmm lets see” and go in for the kiss. The speed of almost all first kisses should be the same. Fast enough to convey confidence, slow enough that you arent overly surprising her. Also, when you kiss for the first time. Dont go in all tongue and shit...take turns kissing her upper and bottom lip. Go full tongue when you have her nkes in bed or in a secluded spot. Also.. break the kiss first if possible.. not too long but not too short either. Get this right and age will grab you and pull you back in. Other ways: Im usually sitting with them on my couch.. sometimes ill grab one or both of their legs and put them on my lap. Then once that happens ill let them chill for a couple minutes.. then instead of grabbing their upper body or moving myself in... ill grab their legs and move them closer to me and kiss them like that.

If they are on my couch and we are making out... 9.9 times out of 10 we will undress each other in under 5-10 minutes and sex happens or one of us will suggest we move it to the bedroom. This stack is so easy to pull off it is actually boring for me at this point. Hope that helps someone

Title	i need to escalate but can't figure out how.
Author	themagicklizard
Upvotes	252
Comments	82
Date	January 8, 2022 2:24 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ryoxwb/i_need_to_escalate_but_cant_figure_out_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-need-to-escalate-but-cant-figure-out-how.1269473 https://theredarchive.com/post/1269473

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