After taking a month long sabbatical from OKCupid, I recently signed in to check my inbox. I had a handful of unread messages, so I began browsing through them for promising leads.

As I'm sure my OKCupid using Sedditors will attest, the caliber of messages most women send are abysmal. Men are encouraged to script witty and insightful messages to the women they fancy, but women are expected to do little more than "wink" or text "hi" to rope the man of their choosing. This, among other frustrations, led to my taking sabbatical from the site. But I digress.

Among the messages I sifted through was one from HB 7 who listed "Burning Man" (a raucous, drug-fueled music and arts festival) among her interests. This piqued my interest, as it indicated she might have a wild streak, so I replied to her message. I explained the month delay in getting back to her, and asked her a perfunctory question about Burning Man. She replied the next morning, and I suggested in a follow-up message that we get together for a drink and continue the conversation in person. I included my name and phone number in the message, and signed off by saying: "If you're comfortable reply with you phone number and I'll call you to make arrangements. But if you're feeling bold, here's my number xxx.xxx.xxxx. Feel free to give me a ring ;)"

Unsurprisingly, she took the easy route and gave me her number. I called her after work the next day and chatted with her for about 10 minutes. I led the conversation, made a couple of jokes about her youth (she is a recent college graduate), and I playfully accused her of being a "dirty hippy" because of her Burning Man attendance. She took the jibes in stride, and I invited her to meet me at a nearby microbrewery the following night. She agreed, so I ended the conversation promptly and told her I'd text her the bar's address the next day. The phone conversation was just as long as I needed to be--not so long as to become strained or awkward--and the tone was light and humorous.

The bar I chose for our date was a logistical gold mine. It's near my house, so it allows for easy transition to the bedroom if necessary. It's relatively quiet, so conversation is easy and unforced. The seating is booth-style, which I prefer, because it forces my date and I to sit side-by-side rather than across from each other. This GREATLY facilitates kino and escalation. But perhaps the single greatest logistical advantage I had in my hip pocket was the night I chose for our date: Wednesday.

Every Wednesday the neighborhood dodgeball league gathers at the bar in question for a post-game drink. I am good friends with most of the girls on the team, and I was banking on their arrival to put a little wind in my seduction sails. My date was scheduled for a half-hour before the team usually arrives, and I used that time to suggest some of the house speciality beers to my date (women love when you lead from a position of expertise) and engage her in playful conversation. Once the dodgeball team arrived, my female friends made a beeline to my booth to hug and flirt with me as is our custom. They were taken aback to see I was on a date, but rather than send them I away I introduced them to my date. Soon other girls and guys from the team were wandering over to say hello, and my booth had become the center of the post-game party. I was the literal center of attention, and my date began to stare at me with a twinkle of awe in her eyes.

At this point, I leaned into my date and whispered "let's get out of here--it's a little crowded." I said my goodbyes to the team, squared my tab, and led my date outside. I suggested we grab a bite at a nearby taco truck (conveniently located next to my house). We both jumped into my car, and I began heading in that direction. My plan was to invite her inside my home to enjoy the tacos after we purchased them, and once we were inside I would escalate and attempt to lead things into the bedroom. However, she short-circuited my plan and asked if we could detour quickly at my place so that she could use the restroom. I agreed, and took her to my home.

I have the master bedroom at my place, so I have a restroom inside my sleep area. Because I always plan in advance on bringing dates back to the homestead, I had already prepared my bedroom by making the bed, dimming the overhead lights, and leaving soft music playing on the stereo. When my date exited the restroom I had already hopped onto the bed and kicked my shoes off. I invited her to sit beside me, and I told her in a faux-solemn voice that I wanted her to meet someone very close to me. She asked "who," and I replied "Mr. Cushings." Mr. Cushing is a stuffed animal my littler sister bought for me, and I keep him on the window sill next to my bed. My date laughed at my antics, and when she finished I looked deeply into her eyes--silently--then leaned in to kiss her.

She returned the kiss, and I began to let my hands roam about her back, stomach and thighs. She began to moan, so I slipped my hand up her shirt and unfastened her bra. I continued to escalate, and she threw a little LMR my way. "I want you to know I never do this," she insisted. I looked her dead in the eye and said, "Me neither. But I'm just going with the flow. We won't go any further than feels right for both of us." She smiled and leaned in to kiss me. I'm sure you can imagine how things proceeded from there ;)

TL;DR Stellar logistics are the lynchpin of a same-day-lay

EDIT: For those of you who requested a link to my OKCupid profile for research purposes, here you go: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/StBernardOfLA

If you have any helpful criticism I'm more than open to it.