(I'm a girl) Heads up to all you shy guys!!

partialfriction · 2011-04-24T11:33:43+00:00

This is more of a cheer of support than anything else, but whenever a guy approaches me, I'm ALWAYS welcoming and happy to speak to them as long as...

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Coming from an outsider who just came across this subreddit recently, this is how it's seen to the outside world. As far as I can tell from 10 minutes here, this is for the following reasons.

Unnecessary slang. Cynical old me thinks it's to coerce people into buying the books so they know what's going on when people are talking about these things.
Manipulative image. Based on truth, but often misinterpreted. People manipulate all the time anyway, what happens here is just being more aware of it.
Terrible name for it. Seduction is an okay name, but pick-up artist just sounds like club bro bullshit. It also gives them the idea that you're learning this stuff for the sole purpose of getting into their pants, which even I know is a bad idea, and you most certainly should.

Take this with a grain of salt; I don't have clue what I'm talking about.

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1) Probably unnecessary, but really it came from a bunch of nerds trying to figure something out. Look at WoW slang or the online community in general and it makes sense.

2) The manipulative image makes me laugh because, as you said, people often manipulate in everything - conscious or not - but for some reason knowing what will make you more effective makes you somehow a bit evil. Other stuff could be misinterpretation on the part of the "PUA".

3) Yeah, I whole-heartedly agree with this. I really don't like telling people I'm into pick-up because then that makes me seem like a super player who's down to fuck everything and everyone. In reality, I am fairly choosey about who I sleep with. But again, I agree, though I can't think of any better name for it other than possibly "People Skills" "Leadership Skills" or "Persuasion Skills".

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Computer Science B.S. from Mississippi here.

I was talking to a girl this one time, and she asked me what my major was (after failing to guess). When I told her, she said, "Oh what? You're way too cool to be a nerd!" My response? "So what? I'm cool, I'm smart, and I love what I do. How many people can really say that?"

The only thing your major has to do with your social skills is in the amount of time you have to spend studying instead of socializing. And to be honest, social skills will help you just as much as learning a new programming language. My startup is launching an app soon, and where would I be if I was too shy to walk up to people and say, "Here, check this out, tell me what you think about it!" Or, god forbid, give a presentation to investors about development costs and schedule?

As far as the situation you described, look at it this way: even if you went out to a party and blew out on every single girl there, there's no way it could be any worse than that.

To paraphrase a famous quote, it's only when we have nothing that we can do anything.

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do you mean that, even if the guy was wayy out of your league, you would still give him a chance to impress you with his outlook, and possibly get your number?

Whoah! Hold on now. Girls should be nice when guys get up the guts to approach. But that's as far as it goes. She isn't obligated to "give you a chance to impress" her. There are two people in the conversation, and she may have shit to do, may have a boyfriend waiting at home, may be gay, etc.

The point of her statement is that girls are generally not going to laugh at you or insult you when you approach them. And, that's absolutely true. Even my least effective openings have ended politely.

I think some guys feel that if they get up the guts to approach (which can be terrifying), they deserve some sort of prize. But, the prize is a human being with her own needs and desires, and you may not be a match. You're going to strike out, and a lot more than you succeed, if you're doing it right. You're approaching to find out more about a girl and whether the two of you would enjoy getting to know each other better; it is not the end of the process, and both parties have to agree on the next step.

I'm not criticizing you, I'm just worried that your tone indicates a problematic attitude that will hurt you in the field.

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Interesting. I'm not sure if you've seen, but there are plenty of materials here that discuss approach anxiety. When I'm dealing with approach anxiety (or many different fears), I look at it this way - I can either be a man, or I can be a weak little bitch, which do I prefer? That, and I'm fucking awesome, it would be in her best interest to get to know me, so I'm doing her a favor (this sounds conceited but it's a good way to get over anxiety).

As far as insecurities, I think it's not that most women have insecurities, but it seems true that nearly all people have insecurities. They are the flaws that in so many ways define human behavior. It is the rare person that is 100% confident and secure. That being said, the question isn't whether insecurities exist, but whether those insecurities are crippling and life-harming.

[–]partialfriction[S] 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been seeing a lot of AA being spoken about in seddit, which is very useful! My friend has a bit of AA, but I think his main problem is that he's very stubborn when it comes to letting people know who he really is. He likes to put on an act of calm and collection and it comes off as awkward so everyone is taken aback by it. He also has issues with after the initial introduction, what do you say??? Not only that but he has a hard time taking advice because he comes from a family background of "toughen up, walk it out, and get it done".

Perhaps it's within the region that I live, but I've seen and heard of a lot of relationships that end the same way; the woman's insecurities and lack of trust really complicates things for both her and her partner. I completely agree with you that all people have insecurities, but i find the insecurities of women to be particularly crippling and this has a lot to do with the market for beauty and really the market for anything if you put a female in it. Female beauty is highlighted in such a way (both unrealistically and committing to a standard) that you lose track and sight on her personality; there simply isn't room for it. This in turn makes an impressionable girl growing up to be really insecure to any deviation of what she sees being plastered on any billboard and commercial. This is a generalization, but even I have felt it, unless a woman is beautiful, she really isn't worth much. And the effects of this may not be OBVIOUS to some, but it's from "i would rather help out an attractive woman" to "you're only a successful news anchor cuz you're hot and your contract will end by the time you're 35". It's a daily discrimination that keeps women from focusing on the more important things in their life, like building character or getting to know what they like for hobbies. They just spend too much time worrying about who's going to cheat on them because they're not pretty enough, or buying creams that give them abs (this cream exists, my bf's sister uses it >.<).

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Looks aren't really that important at all to me. I work at a gym so i see "attractive" men all the time, but i don't really give a shit about them until they give me a reason to with their personality. Honestly, if you're a nice guy that knows something about something, it ups you on the scale like 5 points.

Also, I don't have girl friends AT ALL, so I honestly couldn't tell you what girls want. From my observations though, they seem to dig douchey guys that treat them badly.

As for myself, the only commonalities that all my boyfriends possessed were that they were all gamers and they all cared a lot about me. I don't ask for much, just be respectful, compassionate, and honest. And also on the note of honesty, i HAVE to have some sort of sexual attraction to them, and that kind of varies from person to person. If you make something work, then i'll find it hot. I don't have a set standard. Don't be a too much of any extreme.

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A wild female appears!

Here's my two cents.

Gonna be honest; looks are semi-important. If I don't like to look at you, chances are you're going to have less of a chance. But that's based on my personal opinions of what is attractive. That said, if you have an awesome personality, make me laugh, we get along great and are pretty compatible...if you're somewhat attractive you've definitely got a shot.

Here's a list of some things that we want. Not all are required, of course...these are ideals.

attractive to us, physically
a man who thinks we are sexy
who thinks we are smart/funny/respects us
has a sense of humor and is able to laugh at himself and sometimes be goofy. Be in touch with your inner child, but also be a mature adult.
has ambitions. You don't have to be wealthy, you don't have to be on your way to becoming a brilliant surgeon/CEO/etc. Just have goals and be passionate about them.
a guy who likes his space and gives us ours when we need it
meets our sexual needs
honest, sincere, and won't lie to us
a man who will protect us when we need protecting, but also let us fight our own battles when we want or need to

I could go on...but I have to be somewhere.

And note...these are just my opinion. My girlfriends share most of these, but that doesn't mean every woman values these things.

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Title	(I'm a girl) Heads up to all you shy guys!!
Author	partialfriction
Upvotes	184
Comments	205
Date	April 24, 2011 11:33 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gw9b2/im_a_girl_heads_up_to_all_you_shy_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-a-girl-heads-up-to-all-you-shy-guys.1317683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317683

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