~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]MichuAtDeGeaBa_ 227 points228 points229 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Yeah you need to stop thinking about girls for a minute. You clearly have some self-esteem issues that need to be resolved first. I would recommend looking therapy.
[–]ethical_pa 45 points46 points47 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I would recommend paragraphing. That's the first step on the journey to being healthy.
[–]_saltycoffee_ 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
what is that?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]PickUpScientist 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
those are actionable advice items, so they would be better than venting to a psychologist. he's venting here already, and for free.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PickUpScientist 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
i went to therapy for years, i can predict what would happen. they would recommend he see a psychiatrist. the psychiatrist would prescribe an SSRI and maybe some benzos to numb the pain of feeling ugly. if he's lucky, his doctor might specialize in CBT, sessions in which he will be made to imagine that he is talking to people and confront the reasoning of his insecurities, learn that they are delusions. over time, he might slightly reduce the anxiety associated with his physical appearance.
or he can get laid like once and knock that shit right out. where he needs to go is the gym, and thats it. and we don't have to study on how to talk to people, we get to study on how to talk to people :D
[–]FatNUgly91 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s funny as hell seeing hot dudes insecure about their looks lol
[–]BuyerOfCoins 111 points112 points113 points 6 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link
You ask 'what is the point'. This makes me feel you need to work on your self worth. You're valuable and you should do things that are fun to you, have meaning to you. Fuck girls right now, it's not your priority. Work on yourself, get hobbies, get a purpose in life <- these are the things that you need to work on first.
Basically: you're trying to do level 7 right now when you're not even on level 2.
[–]redditor151099 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There are steps???
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I suppose it's a rhetorical analogy that is saying: you're noob level, don't pretend to have results like a veteran.
[–]redditor151099 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This makes sense. Thanks man. I'm feeling studid for not getting that.
[–]BuyerOfCoins 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah like Captain_w00t said it's hypothetical as in (to clarify) you probably won't be a pro karting guy on your first day, but with practice and gaining more knowledge about karting you'll get better and better! Same thing applies here. That is what I meant with steps.
[–]FatNUgly91 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
Nah he’s attractive he’s just let others paint his reality. Go to a therapist and you’ll be just fine. You don’t get compliments when you’re ugly (trust me I know I’ve heard my literally come out and say it when she thought I wasn’t listening) and you don’t get matches, women flirting with you, grinding on you, none of that. The only times I was received well was when I was a nice friend with absolutely no sexual motives and even then it took them a while too warm up.
[–]ethical_pa 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
Username... eh.... fuck it.... Nevermind.
[–]FatNUgly91 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Username is the reason I know women are superficial and care a lot about looks.
[–]TheGreatConst 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
So you need, well, about one year of going to a gym and not eating shit.. It would be so simple if women cared only about looks. The problem is - you need much more to be really popular with women.
[–]FatNUgly91 -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
Lmfaooo I weigh 185 from 335, doing none of that shit makes a difference when you are actually ugly looking. You’ll never even make it in the vicinity around women for them to see anything else. 😂😂
[–]YBW07 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
Couldn't agree more. All people care about is looks. If God didn't bless you with good genetics and a good looking face, Women won't even want to be in the same room as you.
[–]TheGreatConst -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Tell it to my fat ugly friend who fuck hotties, he will laugh at you together with me.
[–]YBW07 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
When can i meet him. I would love to pick his brain so that I can finally understand what I've been missing this whole time.
[–]TheGreatConst 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
There are some posts about "that you missing" on this sub, just check top posts of all time. Frame and confidence trample anything else.
[–]FatNUgly91 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Show me his picture with these hot women. If he does it so often there should be plenty of sources for you to show.
[–]Paltenburg 80 points81 points82 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wanna read it! But I can't, until you make the wall of text into some paragraphs!
[–]GrandmasterJack 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
hahahahaha same
[–]Graefinator 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I feel like my single problem would be solved if I was more successful with girls..."
Na dude. Everyone needs some sort of external validation, humans are social creatures. We go insane if we are alone for too long.
But just no. No matter how many girls you get with, it's not about them, it's about you.
Not saying hooking up with chicks won't make you feel better, it probably would a bit. But what you're talking about is way deeper than that.
You have to solve these problems within yourself, internally. Hooking up with girls, as I said, will probably help. But your problem is your confidence and self image. If you had the traits you are craving, do you think you would care how many chicks you hooked up with? Or do you think you would just know that your life is fucking awesome, and that having women in it is simply a by product of the way you live, and being comfortable around them isn't even something worth noting, because it's just who you are?
Go for chicks, build your confidence, but don't expect to change in a positive way if you are deriving your value from things you cannot control. Even if you're a total stud, you will get rejected. If you're deriving your worth from the women you attempt to surround yourself with, or do surround yourself with, every time you fail you will see it as an affront to your value. Bad place to be.
Also, you're 20 man. It's hard to not let the pressure of people around you get to you, like what they are doing day to day, where they are in life, their job, etc. But fuck that man do you. Delete social media if you have to.
Good luck and don't stop on the path of self improvement.
[–]Yezzzzzzir 15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re not doing all of your self improvement for yourself. You care too much about what other people think. I was where you are at one point and then I stopped giving a fuck and my life is so much better now. Oh you think someone is going to call you out on this kinda weird shirt? Well who cares cuz as long as you like it they can go fuck themselves
[–]caesarfecit 25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Read Models. Best money you ever spent.
https://www.amazon.ca/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358
[–]JKirkN 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No Mr Nice Guy is better than Models at first. Because it focuses more on the person in general. Unlike Models, which is oriented toward girls more.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]petriomelony 27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
it's more about high quality inner game than routines or crap. just self improvement, really.
[–]SwanHtet24 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Is it useful?
[–]deLarg0 18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I read it. Is not a dating book, is the book on how every man should live. That same author also wrote another great book "The subtle art of not giving a fuck". I think every person should read both :)
[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No it’s not useful -read the book of pool for free online and it’s 10X better
[–]richin13 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's that?
[–]HenSica 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s really a solid self help book disguised as a seduction book.
[–]NuadhaArgetlam 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Best money I've ever spent on a book, other than my short story collections.
Can you find the pdfs online for free? Yes.
I have 0 regrets for buying this book. It helped me, and goddammit, he earned every penny for it in my opinion.
[–]caesarfecit 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Single best book on dating/seduction I've ever read.
[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think is pure shit - read the book of pool for free online and it’s 10X better
[–]OwnedByOwn 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
libgen.is
[–]deLarg0 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I was exactly in the same situation as you. I didn't lose my viriginity until 21, when I start doing something about it.
Here are the things I did in order:
Don't try to do all this at once. You can do one step every month if you struggle to advance. Don't be too hard on yourself and don't look into the past. And keep going out. I started working on myself in January and now I feel really happy I did something about it.
[–]Maggost 9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Please, i know it's hard but, you should not think about the only goal in life as a man is to get laid.
There are so many things that you should work on, focus on that, your education, your body, your health, your social skills, get a solid inner social circle.
[–]EagerSleeper 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lesson 1:
Girls are attracted to good paragraph spacing.
[–]Spratlad 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lmao
[–]Black_Wolves 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
1) playing videos games is not BS if it doesn't interfere with a healthy life. Balance is the key. 2) being a virgin at 22 is not bad. Sex has become a commodity and it should not be that. 3) forget about the looks, become an interesting being, instead of a good-looking one. Looks are subjective. You will be handsome to some and not to others. 4) start seeing the good in you that others are seeing in you and stop focusing on the bad. 5) talk to as many strangers as you can to work on your social skills and confidence. 6) be polite and kind and don't let others attitudes change that. 7) take it one day at a time 8) it will all work out for you, young man.
[–]paulvario11 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
go to the street solo and start practicing eye contact with everyone don't get your eyes off until they get and I m very sure things will only be better in the next day. I don't know why but I feel that you have the appearance of a number 1 PUA just find your unique dress and style and I m sure that all your 200k city girls will be for you.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]tnilesh02 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
you need to have self-love and self-compassion
ugly in comparison of what? you said yourself that you look better than a lot of guys! That's a really good thing and you should keep focusing on that.
and you wanna know a fact? most of the people have sex to feel validated rather than the pleasure of sex, sex is never going to be cure to your problem. you already have girls interested in you, so you are already halfway through. those boys said that you look ugly, they didn't say that you are a fucking horrible person. be a good person and spread positivity, focus on giving good experiences rather than seeking validation by sex.
[–]eablokker 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t think this is the right sub for you right now. There’s basically nothing wrong with you other than how you react to these situations. You have experienced bullying which is a psychological trauma, and perhaps you’ve experienced other traumas, and that sets you up for greater anxiety, fear, and avoidance behaviors. The way you described everything you can tell all the sort of anxious and self defeating thinking patterns going on. I think you’d be better off seeking out mental health help first, for example EMDR trauma therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy.
There is a great book called Intimate Connections by David Burns which teaches you how to do cognitive therapy exercises on yourself, but in the context of dating and gives some dating advice as well. It has been recommended many times in this sub. I think you will experience great benefit from it because your biggest issue right now is your mental and emotional reactions and your self image.
[–]groupmeisatrap 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Stop jacking off is step number 1
[–]DizzyxSin 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
20 yo is not that old to start but I do have bad new for you. First time sex gonna SUCK. You have no experience, you are anxious, you can't get your dick up, you can't feel anything, the girl gets weirded out and leave. So while you work on getting better, I recommend blowing some cash on hookers. You don't want that girl you pulled from the bar to find out you can't fuck her.
[–]theepicstoner 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You don't have to get a jooker. Find a.nice girl that you are confortable telling about your sexual experience about, obviously once you have gone on a couple dates or so
[–]CoffeWithoutCream 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Relax. Breath long deep breaths.
Consider going to see a therapist. For real. It will potentially help you. You're still really young and it can be really, really hard. Therapist, or school therpist/counselor, is a professional there to help you.
[–]lifesabeach13 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The thing is, self-improvement is incredibly difficult and things like therapy might not work if someone thinks so lowly of himself. It doesn't help that society has projected onto women what the perfect man/life should be, so trust me I know what you're going through. It's corny, but self-love is the most important thing in the world, and that's coming from someone who's been on the path to that for years.
The only advice I can give that helped me is to just swallow your pride and have a IDGAF attitude. Talk to women the way you'd talk to guys, use self-deprecating humour (just don't go overboard). Once I realized that nothing matters, I just talked to women normally and it kinda worked(?).
Aside from that, best of luck
[–]theepicstoner 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The kind of reactions that you are getting from girls indicate that they are into you.
I have a tiny bit more experience then you and from what I know you will have to find the courage to at least talk or dance with a girl. This will probably not happen immediately.
Set small goals; start with being able to make eye contact. Hold eye contact with any girls that look at you for about 5 seconds. When you are comfortable with that, see if you can add a smile to the girls you make eye contact with. That's all, walk or run away if you feel uncomfortable.
Once you get confortable doing that, do that to girls you meet working at shops or restaurants whatever when you order and slip in a simple question like how their day is going. Once you get that down, try making eye contact, smiling and asking how someone is that's at a bus stop or in the same boat as you during the day.
By now you should be able to hold.mini conversations and you will feel a little more confident. I have given up several times because I got demoralised was thinking so what I can do this but no gfs. Keep on persisting!
After a while conversations will come more naturally. Personally I still struggle with approaching girls and asking for numbers/dates, but you gotta keep fighting! Soon you will have got yourself a date. While doing all this talk to some of the girls on the apps and see if you can organise a date :)
[–]TheTempService 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its not too late. Go out there talk/ socialize/ make mistakes
U say you gym 5-6 times a week right?
When you FIRST started at the gym u made mistakes but im assuming you kept going.. do that, but with life/women. and youll be fine brotha
Besides many other people talking about your potential self-esteem issues, I'll share my side of the story. I too, care about my appearance, especially after high school and am only one year younger than you. However I have never been in an actual serious relationship. I personally do not think I'm not *that* well at picking up girls, just enough to be friendly and at least converse with them from time to time, but everyone, literally everyone I know perceives and claims that I'm a fuckboy. Fact it, I still have not had a serious relationship despite the amount of girls that hit on me in person or through DM's. I haven't even had my first kiss yet, which easily transfers to me being a virgin. My take is to just relax. Maybe my standards are too high and to lower it a little and just chill - let go a little - would be enough. For you, you should probably work on yourself and worry less of girls at the time being and avoid all the peer pressure around you and how social media pressures young people nowadays.
[–]Moderatecat 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you cant love yourself you cant love someone else. Harsh truth. Learned it the hard way. Also when you seek validation from something else then you are fucking bounddd to get depressed. Find a passion and fucking chase it. Its the most attractive thing.
[–]bizop792 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was 24 when I lost my virginity, and now I’m about to turn 27 and been with a variety of girls and currently have a girlfriend, so don’t worry you are ahead of the game to some people. “ I am the type of person that takes everything to heart and I remember every single time I have been called ugly and been made fun of” that is your main problem. I was definitely in a similar situation as you, I lost a bunch of weight and for the first time in my life I got attention from girls, but didn’t know how to reciprocate. I would look away when they made eye contact and of course I didn’t know how to talk to them. The only advice I can give is to keep practicing talking to them, and you don’t have to go out all the time to do it. You should do it at every opportunity, because only the exposure and repetition of talking and flirting with girls with give you the confidence to be successful with women. You probably don’t need therapy you just are not confident on how to be around women, but that comes with time. If you do need to talk to someone that’s cool too, I did as well but only a couple times. Mostly just to get out all the negative feelings and talk to someone impartial about everything I was going through. Also find a hobby, I started skateboarding and it was huge for my confidence, I have gotten way better then I ever thought I would and still progressing. It showed me how just like with flirting with women you might suck at first but with persistence and the willingness to fall but get back up, you can go a lot further then you would ever give yourself credit for.
[–]Jay_Bonk 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What other have said is very good advice, but I'd add that maybe trying to meet women in less sexual or physical circumstances might help at first, since you're nervous. With little experience, such a strong atmosphere of sex and such might be a little nerve recking. So maybe take some classes in painting, or yoga, or anything else where you can see women in a friendly and social but non sexual way. That will calm you down and let you ease into the physical and such.
Also you should post a picture, I'm sort of curious to see what you look like that gives polarized opinions, skewed heavily towards the good looking.
You have a lot of options dude.
30 matches on Tinder is not joke.
Join r/Tinder
I don't think you need therapy.. You are Ok.. You are very close. Don't give up..! You just need to know the process.
Read books of seduction "the game" "Mdoels" ,
watch youtube videos of 21conventions.
[–]John-lovestosposh 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re not the first. In fact you’re probably in a better position then most. Bc you’re young, one of my wings learned at the age of 40.
I recommend karisma king on youtube, has a similar background to you and has a lot of success.
[–]d_grenades 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Therapy isn't going to do you much good.. Sure, if you're trying to work on your self, therapy can be useful. We should all be striving to improve. Practicality, and the implementation of it, is the only thing that will produce genuine life experiences, such as dating. Get out there! Find some hobbies! Enjoy your life. You don't need to put yourself down and honestly, I would know. I've been through those therapy sessions. They're not always a good use of time. Love yourself. Respect yourself. And be kind to those around you. You'll be alright..
[–]Boomslangalang 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
First step on your journey is to learn the beauty of paragraphs.
Otherwise there is good advice in this thread.
[–]anxiousreckless 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Therapy could really help. If you can focus in on and try to deal with the self esteem issues without directly associated it with girls, it will be simpler to deal with.
Aside from that, maybe try to just make friends with girls. Talk to them with the intention of becoming friends with them, not dating them. It makes it a whole lot less intimidating and could help you get more comfortable one step at a time.
[–]FaxBee 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Coach Corey Wayne on YouTube. Binge watch that guy.
You’re using logic to get girls. You gotta learn how to use your body language to talk in combination with your words. You want them to have a good time around you. It will be weird at first but once you understand it you will start to see how they are doing it. Let’s say I see a girl that I like and just say Hi. Now there are many ways that I can say hi. Using your body language in combination with you words will help you release emotion. Look up how to be charismatic or gesticulation exercises. Now for what you text . Go get a system like Leads machine by John Anthony. You gotta go from open to close and be able to deal with their objections.
[–]theoutbacklp 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro you need to embrace the fact that you work on yourself for you and yourself only. You are doing perfectly fine, just remember that girls are human beings just like us men and that you should stop overthinking everything. Try to love and appreciate yourself and things will get along with time. Good Luck my man.
[–]thesurgicalcoaching 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got helped with my confidence at meeting girls thanks to those guys: surgicalcoaching.net. They helped me a lot. Every guy can become good at dating you just need to take action and focusing on your learning. Good luck
[–]StanislavRedFox 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Life Is meant to be lived, not to be seen. You have to jump with no parachute, that's how it works.
[–]NorrisChuck 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ok.... You need to put the girls think aside for a while, work on yourself first, accept some things that came be changed about yourself, what ever you can change change, so focus on yourself first, set up a better life around you.
[–]Wafer_3o5 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's funny that I even can't get even one match either online or offline. I wish you would get over it.
[–]pxtal13 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As others have said, you have self-esteem issues which need to be dealt with. From personal experience as a girl, I was unpopular at school after moving across the country. Never even really spoke to boys. I’d just suggest talking to girls online first. You’ll realize we’re not some scary foreign beings, we’re really just people who are also negative, insecure and sometimes lacking self worth . It’ll give you a bit of confidence I promise. Also, you should want to look good and feel good for yourself, not other people
I'd read epictetus and marcus aurelius as a starter. Helps you understand a bit why outside things should not affect you. O wouldn't adopt the stoic way though. And as suggested by many others you should find a good therapist... you really need to change the focus inside and not outside... right now your own voice is probably lost somewhere among tens of other people voices in your head...
[–]YouarethisIlikethat 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've been in the same situation. So firstly I would recommend therapy. Focus on your self worth. And if you get a girlfriend make sure she always praises you and honestly, this boosted my self worth a lot. You can try this.
[–]AscendedAlpha 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You need to heal first. Not everybody is born with rock-solid confidence and after years of improving myself and my life I am convinced that alpha males are made, not born.
Anybody who gives you dating advice or shit like that now is completely misunderstanding you. And I know how that feels, it totally sucks. It's nothing more than sticking a plaster over an open wound. It's not gonna help shit in the long run and you want some permanent changes my friend!
So again, you need to heal first. You want to reduce the amount of crappy thoughts from "always" to only "occasionally". Notice I didn't say never - again this is the real world and you damn well know somebody is selling you bullshit if they are telling you that they have the solution to permantly "fix you". Nope. The correct approach is to stop focusing on everything outside yourself and start focusing on yourself.
Step 1. Start listening and paying attention to the voice in your head. That motherf#$er can be VERY deceiving. And it's almost 99% certain that it is the root of all your problems.
You know the old example of two people witnessing a car crash but retelling it completely different? Yup. That's our own personal filters at work. You need to start journaling and hearing what you're telling yourself. Maybe it's the voices of the kids from school. Maybe it's just criticizing dad. That was it for me, anyway. And eventually I adopted it as my own inner voice, so I became critical as hell on myself.
But guess what? One day I caught myself and in that moment I saw the devil for what he was - only in my head! All my suffering came from the way I interpreted the world and what I was saying to myself. What I was thinking as soon as I saw a pretty girl. What I was thinking when I was out in the club. What I was thinking when I looked in the mirror. When I approached. When I didn't approach.
Here's a lightbulb moment for you - you can have a positive interpretation of each and every one of those events. Your inner voice just isn't healthy enough at the moment to interpret it as such.
So instead of my dumping years and years of experience on you now, just start here: start journaling your thoughts. This will be the most insightful thing you could do right now.
Get an app like Youper on your phone. But don't skip the journaling! Just use Youper to find flaws in your thinking.
Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=br.com.youper iStore: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/youper/id1060691513
Start listening to the things you're saying to yourself. You'll be shocked, I promise you that. You are being extremely hard on yourself. Nobody else is. Not the kids from school or the girl you didn't approach. They've all forgotten about you and not in a bad way - simply because those of us (used to be me to) who are overly sensitve and focused on other people's opinions about is spend waaaay too much time ruminating over events that happened while those people don't spend another second even thinking about it. But again, that's for future lessons :)
Do it now. Do it for yourself man. You are worth it, you have no idea how much you're worth it.
[–]Yaboifuckboi 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pm me when you have a chance
[–]PolesWithGoals 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just turned 22 and I’m in the exact same shoes, I promise you’ll live
[–]tacogamer09 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s your life man... live it.... who gives a shit about what people think...(coming from someone who gives a shit about what people think)
[–]Pajke 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Look up Julien from RSD and watch some of his videos. His videos address the exact problem you have.
Here's a video that I recommend you start with: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVmaPU378YY
He has a program on this called Transformation mastery, but if you can't afford it all the content is pretty much free on youtube. The program includes a more structured breakdown and some guided meditation.
I have seen some funny looking mf's with hot ass girls on there arms man. Shit I can even pull some hot ones if I try hard enough you gotta put in more effort if you're like us. Just think about it this way. If you can make her laugh you can probably score.
[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You need to relax and have fun - way too much pressure on yourself to be perfect - just go fuck it all up but have a shot and laugh and learn
[–]tan8847 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro, your subject line itself is repulsive, “Desperate”. Involve yourself in activities and chores that’ll boost your self esteem. Raise your bar! Good luck👍
[–]willpowerchen 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Got half way through, was too long for me. Your first step is too relax and realize that your situation isn’t as big of a deal that you think it is. Yes you have work to do, but don’t beat yourself up about it. See it as an exciting new experience that you can play around and experiment with. Go up to girls first without expectation and say hi. Analyze what reactions you get. Be fun and playful. What will happen if I say this? Or this? Seek to amuse yourself and have fun. The girls who match your vibe will respond well.
[–]shplaxg 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Mate, if you read this, I've got some advice.
Doing what makes you happy, and gives you purpose will. Focus on what you can do in the world, and what you will contribute, make it your mission, be focused, be obsessed. Good things follow for those who are dedicated to giving back in the world, it just seems to work like that.
So let me tell you, I hear you, I validate you, I see your struggle, you are worthwhile, but your story is not you, and it doesnt define you. Let it go.
Good luck
[–]UndeadStranger 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Um sounds like you need to do some things in your life to prove to yourself and the world your not just a clown. Get into lifting, ju jitsu, read 12 rules to life by jordan peterson and extreme ownership by jock willink. Its easier to convince a girl your man enough to take her home when you've already convinced yourself of it.
[–]autisticspymaster1 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Relatable. And I feel a lot of similar issues as you. I'm trying to work on improving my life in other aspects first, too.
you need therapist.
[–]sloanpal144 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Damn dude. You're way too in your own head. I have social anxiety too but goddamn relax a little. You said it yourself there are dudes less attractive that you who can pull girls so it's obviously not your looks, just your insecurity. Btw, looking girls in the eyes is one of the most intoxicating things you can do. Just gaze and smile. They'll love it, and you'll love it. Also, eye contact during sex is fucking phenomenal. I dont see why people are so scared of it.
[–]sloanpal144 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
But for real though man, just relax. Dating is something that should be fun. It's not that big of a deal. If someone rejects you so what? I've been there and so has everyone else. Even the person who's rejected you. Just trust me man take the pressure off of yourself because it really isnt that big of a deal socializing or even being rejected. It's not like you're going to die.
[–]WhyPOD 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's the worse that can happen if you walk up to a girl you think? Think hard on that and when you're done, listen to your body; identify your physical response, is your heart racing? Are you sweating? Short of breath? Really look hard. Now, with these in mind, how do you feel? Antsy? Blacking out? Freaking out? Good. Now picture your emotions, what's going on in your brain? What thoughts come to mind? What case are you put into, is it the low-esteem guy? Shy? Afraid you'll screw it up? Now comes the magic.
Ignore those. For the best of yourself, just try your very best to ignore it!
You've already fucked up a tiny bit by playing this game with yourself, your body vs. you but I'm here to tell you to now work on your behavior so that you can get the results!
It starts with the initial stuff; to acknowledge how your body is freaking out, to understand that it happens and when it happens because you're preparing yourself to hustle. A narc will not get better until hrbactually acknowledges it, and guess what - you already have!
Now, all you need to do is to take all of this into consideration (your mind and body) and say FU, and envision where you want to be - to put yourself in the setting of hustling without any enxiety! Do it as if your life depended on it. Do it!
Envision yourself as a confident guy that believe a "no" is nothing more than "try again". No one will die if you fuck up, but truth be told; one day YOU will die and if you keep living your life scared of rejection or executing on your dreams, you're already on your way, ever so slowly.
Get to work! Now!
[–]kalz44 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tldr
[–]LikeHarambeMemes 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't make your life about girls. Make your life about yourself, girls will come.
[–]Jacob_961 -5 points-4 points-3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude... word of advice I wish I took myself when I was your age. Pay for sex until being sexual around a women seems more natural to you. I didn't have the balls to see myself as a sexual being until I actually ended up sleeping with a girl at 24. She did all the fucking work and she hadn't initiated, I would probably still be a virgin. Just fuck a couple of hookers and be honest that you have no real experience with women and ask them to teach you some stuff. It will be worth the money you spend. It's not a self worth thing, you're not used to it. If I ask you to do a back flip and you've never done a backflip, would you attribute it to a lack of self worth? No, you wouldn't. You don't know how to talk to women, because you haven't ever talked to women with the intent of being sexual so of course you're not going to be able to do it.
[–]RednaxB -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you write like this please make a summary at the bottom.
[–]_d3nnis_ -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't read. But how about prostitutes?
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jackzander -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everyone called you ugly, but 10 girls had crushes on you?
You've gone to The Club over 20 times and never managed to talk to a girl?
This story is either the weirdest bullshit or you really struggle to express your life to others honestly.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]MichuAtDeGeaBa_ 227 points228 points229 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]ethical_pa 45 points46 points47 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]_saltycoffee_ 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]PickUpScientist 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PickUpScientist 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FatNUgly91 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BuyerOfCoins 111 points112 points113 points (28 children) | Copy Link
[–]redditor151099 20 points21 points22 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ModeratorCaptain_w00t 20 points21 points22 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]redditor151099 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BuyerOfCoins 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FatNUgly91 3 points4 points5 points (23 children) | Copy Link
[–]ethical_pa 1 point2 points3 points (22 children) | Copy Link
[–]FatNUgly91 0 points1 point2 points (21 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheGreatConst 0 points1 point2 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]FatNUgly91 -1 points0 points1 point (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]YBW07 1 point2 points3 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheGreatConst -1 points0 points1 point (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]YBW07 1 point2 points3 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheGreatConst 0 points1 point2 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]FatNUgly91 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Paltenburg 80 points81 points82 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GrandmasterJack 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Graefinator 20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yezzzzzzir 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]caesarfecit 25 points26 points27 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]JKirkN 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]petriomelony 27 points28 points29 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]SwanHtet24 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]deLarg0 18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]richin13 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HenSica 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NuadhaArgetlam 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]caesarfecit 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OwnedByOwn 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]deLarg0 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Maggost 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]EagerSleeper 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Spratlad 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Black_Wolves 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]paulvario11 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]tnilesh02 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]eablokker 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]groupmeisatrap 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DizzyxSin 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]theepicstoner 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CoffeWithoutCream 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lifesabeach13 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]theepicstoner 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheTempService 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatecat 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bizop792 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jay_Bonk 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]OwnedByOwn 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]John-lovestosposh 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]d_grenades 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Boomslangalang 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]anxiousreckless 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FaxBee 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]theoutbacklp 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thesurgicalcoaching 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]StanislavRedFox 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NorrisChuck 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Wafer_3o5 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pxtal13 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]YouarethisIlikethat 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AscendedAlpha 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Yaboifuckboi 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PolesWithGoals 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tacogamer09 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pajke 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tan8847 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]willpowerchen 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]shplaxg 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UndeadStranger 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]autisticspymaster1 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sloanpal144 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]sloanpal144 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WhyPOD 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kalz44 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LikeHarambeMemes 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jacob_961 -5 points-4 points-3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]RednaxB -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]_d3nnis_ -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jackzander -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link