Which one would you choose?

SecondEldenLord · 2024-04-18T12:43:24+00:00

For me physicality means almost nothing to me. As long as she is healthy and she likes me, then that is all that matters for me. As for emotional baggage, we all have them, all it matters that it doesn't damage our relationship.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-04-18T12:21:32+00:00

I’ll pass on both

AFuzzyMuffin · 2024-04-18T12:10:05+00:00

Latter physical attraction matters

berichorbeburied · 2024-04-18T12:32:17+00:00

Why would you take attraction out of the first one.

Without attraction out of the way. The first one sound like a friend.

I don’t really value friends

But tbf I value my bestfriend above anybody. Even if I found a wife.

I wouldn’t value your second scenario.

I can try to explain it. I don’t know if you’ll understand.

But scenario 2 sounds like you do everything for her benefit and nothing you want will ever be fufilled. Like everytime you want to do something you will be stunted and suppressed.

Which works if your only goal is to have a trophy wife that you never wanted to actually be with. I guess.

And also women value effort and women value being wanted and desired.

So idk how it would work even if you did everything she wanted. As some type of checklist.

Also most women value spontaneity or doing things out of their own control.

So if you have to ask her everytime to do something or to want something or to make a decision.

I just don’t see how scenario 2 even works irl

Unless it’s arranged or a business decision or trophy wife

I feel like maybe you should change your variables and make a different scenario to find what answer you’re looking for.

For clarification what was the reason for posing this question.

Are you trying to find out how important sexual attraction is? For a male?

The most important thing in the world.

And it will overcome all hurdles.

Honestly

From a heterosexual male perspective of someone who is not sexually repressed and has free will

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-04-18T12:51:04+00:00

The emotionally stable person is a blessing in disguise

SpareSpecialist5124 · 2024-04-18T12:58:26+00:00

Depends on the baggage, i feel you need to elaborate more on it.

Let's say, if the baggage is only things like being pissed at men from her past or something, i'll probably prefer her.

If by baggage, you mean obvious mental illness, then no.

Then again, i'm different than most, i tend to prefer personality and compatibility above everything else.

flakybottom · 2024-04-18T13:29:45+00:00

2nd one of course. In fact don't even understand whats supposed to be wrong with the 2nd one.

FromAuntToNiece · 2024-04-18T15:28:44+00:00

The first woman had better be supportive of male trauma dumping.

stats135 · 2024-04-18T15:54:49+00:00

Just from the descriptions, I think 2 is best, but

considering that nothing in relationships is guaranteed, including who might stay or leave.

1 might be better.

I would consider 2 a "better" woman, but a "worse" relationship dynamic. "Mutual understanding and inclusion in every decision" sounds really good. But in practice, not so much. When you as a man don't wear the pants in the relationship, attraction often declines, and sex start drying up. Every other aspect of the relationship might go perfectly, but it doesn't really matter if there's no attraction. Its only a matter of time before she starts getting dick on the side and eventually leaves you, or best case scenario, you leave since having sex dwindle from once a day to once a week or month is only bearable for oh so long.

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FreitasAlan · 2024-04-18T13:05:46+00:00

I’m failing to even see what the pro in the first option is. The first option liking me and supporting me is the least I would expect from someone so low value in comparison. That’s not even a thing.

For the second option, it’s all great. Attractive and emotionally stable are always the main factors. Then she has good self esteem, which she should (and I would guess that self esteem is probably why she doesn’t have the same unresolved baggage). The only way I can see the 2nd option having any con is if “prioritizes herself” means she’s purely transactional, selfish and can never change, in which case no real repationship is possible. I don’t think that’s the case with any person though. If she’s treating you this way it would just mean she doesn’t like you enough so no relationship is on the table.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-04-18T13:23:07+00:00

2nd one, I'm not even considering someone I'm not attracted to

KayRay1994 · 2024-04-18T13:41:01+00:00

2nd one, i’m attracted to her and mutual understanding is very important for me.

Also, your framing is really odd, because you seem to be implying that in order to like you and support you, she shouldn’t want mutual understanding or inclusion in every decision. Also, an emotionally stable person would only date you if they’re into you. They might not be as clingy as an unstable person, but believe me, clingy is not a good thing

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-04-18T13:51:53+00:00

I fail to see what's wrong with Woman 2?

attractive, emotionally stable woman on the surface, who prioritizes herself and expects mutual understanding and inclusion in every decision?

Since she expects MUTUAL understanding,i think that's like,a standard healthy relationship

So, woman 2

thedarkracer · 2024-04-18T14:00:26+00:00

Bro, I already have abandonment issues so the last line kinda got me lol.

Zabadoodude · 2024-04-18T14:29:29+00:00

Probably 1, but it really depends on the specifics. How bad is the first woman's baggage? How much less atractive is she? Less attractive is fine, but there's a threshold of attractiveness below which I wouldn't even consider a woman. So she would have to meet that. The second woman wanting to be included in decisions is ok, but her being not very into me would be an issue. I don't date women that act like they're the prize you have to try and win.

AstronautExisting230 · 2024-04-18T14:56:18+00:00

Every person has unresolved emotional baggage (it just matters to the extent), so probably the first choice. I don't wanna date an emotionless girl boss feminist that prioritizes herself.

AntonioSLodico · 2024-04-18T16:52:34+00:00

It depends on what you mean by this:

prioritizes herself and expects mutual understanding and inclusion in every decision?

Does it mean that she generally takes care of her own well being before offering to help me with mine, and we talk out big decisions together? Cool, wouldn't have it any other way.

Does it mean she is so selfish she wouldn't sacrifice an inch so I could have a mile? Does it mean she is so controlling I would lose basic freedoms and self autonomy like picking out what T-shirt to wear or an afternoon snack without her prior approval? If so, hell no.

Granted, those are extremes, but relationships like that do happen. I could never live in a LTR with someone who would fuck up my life by being selfish and controlling. I have no desire to ever be in a relationship without attraction either. That said, if you stuck a gun to my head amd mad me choose, I could live without attraction.

DietTyrone · 2024-04-18T17:48:04+00:00

So, does the second option mean she does not support you at all?

MisterFunnyShoes · 2024-04-18T18:12:38+00:00

I want the girl who likes sex and who I’m attracted to

wtknight · 2024-04-18T18:28:30+00:00

Probably woman one, unless that emotional baggage was from casual sex. Woman two sounded like she would be difficult to keep attracted to me.

shadowrangerfs · 2024-04-18T18:33:17+00:00

I'm confused. What's the downside of the second woman?

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2024-04-18T20:38:38+00:00

The latter. I don't see any downsides.

63daddy · 2024-04-18T20:47:46+00:00

I have no desire to make a make a long term commitment to someone whom I am not attracted to and has baggage.

I feel the second option is kind of contradictory. I don’t see mutual understanding and inclusive decision making to be prioritizing herself.

Overall, I’d pass on both. I’m now in a relationship where we are both free to go do our own things with our own friends, no permission from each other needed. I don’t tell her how to live her life, she doesn’t tell me how to live mine. She doesn’t bring baggage into the relationship and neither do I. That works well for me.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-04-19T01:33:39+00:00

The second one because physical attraction is mandatory. Nothing else matters if I don't want to fuck her.

zirticario · 2024-04-19T07:02:42+00:00

I feel like I’ve experienced this situation to an extent. Not sure about “not that physically attracted” but physical attraction is certainly not everything to me. My ex had a lot of childhood abuse and trauma. She was immensely supportive, extremely sweet with me, and her trauma made her sensitive to consent, but when I said no, it didn’t mean no to her and she didn’t take it well. She wasn’t great at taking accountability nor particularly good at regulating her emotions. I absolutely adored her despite her flaws, still do, but I couldn’t deal with double standards for consent, chaotic behaviour resulting from her baggage, lack of accountability and emotional instability (although that improved while we were together). I’d trade looks for someone who is level-headed/emotionally self-regulated. If she is not particularly supportive and is selfish, I’d choose neither though 😂 even if one of them more emotionally invested than the other, I think the reason for that emotional investment is relevant. Is it because you’re just a placeholder fulfilling a need that she has or is it because she genuinely adores you for who YOU are, independent of her needs?

obviousredflag · 2024-04-19T11:16:33+00:00

Woman number two also clearly likes me? Because you didn't list that. Number 2 seems great except for the fact if she doesn't clearly like me, there is no point in being with her.

DarayRaven · 2024-04-18T12:44:11+00:00

The second option sounds like a regular woman:

Solipsism

EQ

Egalitarian

She's also attractive which is a bonus

So l'm going with that one

Title	Which one would you choose?
Author	nakayamawara
Upvotes	4
Comments	53
Date	April 18, 2024 11:29 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1c70yzd/which_one_would_you_choose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/which-one-would-you-choose.1515567 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515567

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