Father/daughter enmeshment (being a daddys girl) is as destructive as mother/son enmeshment (being a mommas boy). Why does no one talk about it?

complete_doodle · 2024-05-31T19:16:40+00:00

I think that mother/son enmeshment is usually more criticized because in a lot of cases, it occurs because the mother is inappropriately relying on her son. In my experience, “daddy’s girls” are usually looking up to their dads - it’s not the dad who’s creepily attached to his daughter. So it doesn’t usually evoke the same red flags. When a daddy’s girl finds a boyfriend/husband, she usually pivots to looking up to him instead. But when a momma’s boy finds a girlfriend/wife, his mom is usually angry about it.

Demasii · 2024-05-31T19:11:42+00:00

I have never seen a father/daughter enmeshment IRL. Can't talk about it when people don't witness it that often.

I seen mothers in constant contact with their sons, do their laundry, and cook their food. Fathers not so much.

Edit: Typically if I see an unhealthy relationship its a father expecting his daughter to all the cooking/cleaning or refusing to let her out of the house to interact with men. Most women try to get away from these situations.

wtknight · 2024-05-31T19:16:41+00:00

I’ve never known any women who were super attached to their fathers, although I’m sure that it sometimes happens. It’s probably not talked about as much because it doesn’t happen as often as a man being too attached to his mother.

grillopie · 2024-05-31T19:10:46+00:00

its not destructive in either case inherently. a close relationship either way is only destructive if its destructive. its not destructive because its close, so i dont think the gender of the child/parent is relevant.

Electrical_Coat_8714 · 2024-05-31T19:25:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rosephase · 2024-05-31T19:17:21+00:00

"daddy issues" are talked about a lot in both men and women but it's mostly from shitty fathers or absent fathers.

I think our society has a lot more space for girls to be attached to their dads. Marriage, historically, has been the father "giving away" the bride to the husband. Our cultural supports girl children being attached to their male head of the household because that's appropriate in the patriarchy. Everyone is attached to daddy (although boys aren't supposed to be emotionally attached so much as full of admiration for their fathers). But men who are attached to mommy are seen as weak because it's inappropriate to the patriarchy.

It's basic gendered bullshit.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-05-31T20:38:03+00:00

Because “girl dads” may spoil their daughters, but usually don’t rely on them for emotional support like “boy mom.” And being close with or spoiling your kid isn’t really enmeshment, it’s the reliance on them that creates the enmeshed dynamic.

Usually, the result of being a daddy’s girl is that she is picky because of the standard he set, which isn’t always a bad thing, usually that means she will just “choose better” and have a happier marriage than girls with absent fathers. When I can see it becoming a problem is if she criticizes her husband for not quite living up to those standards, but I don’t hear about this happening much.

Momma’s boys on the other hand often have moms who actively interfere in their relationships because she relies on him for emotional support. These guys may also be used to being taken care of by a SAHM and then expect the same treatment from their working partner. There’s also a decent chance dad wasn’t around, so he lacks a male role model. Whereas a dad who is a good parent to his daughter probably also is a good husband and mom is most likely still in the picture.

Last but not least, I also think some of it comes down to tomboyish women being more socially accepted than feminine men.

toasterchild · 2024-05-31T19:17:58+00:00

Women are more likely to experience the mother/son thing and are more likely to talk about relationship dynamics and issues.

superlurkage · 2024-05-31T19:47:09+00:00

Because men just don’t care about it

Just like they don’t care about our jobs, education, status, politics, achievements, interests, etc

babazuki · 2024-05-31T19:08:28+00:00

Neither predicament is destructive to a person. It's just difficult for the partner to deal with if they are lazy and don't want to live up to the parents standards, or if they want to take advantage of the "mammas boy"/"daddy's girl"

Well known that fatherless women are easy to manipulate. Girls with daddy's issues are vulnerable. Same with men. Mom didn't love them? Mom aint there to help them? Easy target for an abuser or manipulator.

Parents will protect you. They're the only people you can be sure love you. Watch out for anyone that has a problem with them.

Imaginary_Affect6556 · 2024-05-31T19:13:10+00:00

I see just as many people talking about how much of a problem a possessive father or daughter who’s too close to her dad is. It’s weird either way.

Good_Result2787 · 2024-05-31T19:19:09+00:00

I do see people mentioning both together quite frequently in online spaces, but I can't claim to know if it is in truly equal amounts or not. I think part of the issue is in how it is phrased or how people see it manifesting. With the mother-son dynamic, you often hear talk of how the mother figure does chores such as cooking, laundry, cleaning, or other basic life skills for a grown adult.

Just in my personal experience, I mostly hear about the unhealthy attachment in the father-daughter dynamic in a somewhat more abstract or general way pointing to the woman being spoiled or the father being lenient, what have you. If the dad is also doing basic life tasks that a grown adult should know how to do and be comfortable doing, then I would say that is a case where this dynamic is equal.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-05-31T19:32:44+00:00

Freud wrote extensively on this topic

Zabadoodude · 2024-05-31T19:55:27+00:00

Even with daughters it's the mom that sometimes tries to keep their adult child as a surrogate spouse/bff and can get jealous when she's no longer the priority. This behavior is just as common with daughters, it's just not seen as being as wierd and incestuous.

I've found that in general women that have good relationships with their dads make better partners. She's receptive to seeing the man in her life as someone she can trust and respect, so she she's more likely to see her partner that way.

There's a reason "daddy issues" means the dad was abusive or absent not a dad that was overly close.

hearyoume14 · 2024-06-02T20:32:02+00:00

Covert incest is creepy regardless.

Father/daughter seems to be more acceptable to some extent. Enmeshment in general seems to fairly social acceptable. Probably a bad women/childish man things.

Imaginary_Affect6556 · 2024-09-01T09:44:43+00:00

I’d love to know more about your experience because I feel like I am in this dynamic with his partner and his 20 year old daughter who live together and it’s a head f@ck to say the least

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Linvaderdespace · 2024-06-01T01:12:24+00:00

Fine women who basically only want a younger, taller version of their fathers are annoying because none of them have fathers who are just older, shorter versions of me.

Green-Quantity1032 · 2024-06-01T01:39:17+00:00

Just today I saw this girl who went all in on how she ADORES her father.

Adding what I know about her drug abuse, sex drama and such I came to the conclusion that "daddy issues" is just bs - some girls have no father and fuck up, and some have a great father and fuck up

just_a_place · 2024-06-01T07:14:31+00:00

Because Father/Daughter relationships are not as destructive as Mother/Son because there is a difference between Fatherhood and Motherhood.

Fatherhood is distinguished as being a Mentor, a Guide, a Provider and a Protector in order to provide a safe environment for his children to acquire the skills necessary to flourish in the real world.

Motherhood on the other hand is distinguished as being that of a Nurturing, and Safe person specifically for when children and infants are at their most vulnerable.

Fatherhood is meant to continue the growth of children beyond adolescence and guide them into adulthood. That is the key difference and why Daddy's Girls always seem to be smarter, better prepared, more confident, and more assertive than fatherless ones. On the other hand, Momma's boys are smothered, they are usually infantile, immature, and stunted precisely because their mother never let them grow up.

GoldenHornyChicken · 2024-06-01T07:42:34+00:00

For the record, it is talking about since the 19th century. Nothing new here.

KayRay1994 · 2024-05-31T19:18:40+00:00

cause men are hyper focused on daughters who grew up without a father figure. Funnily enough, i find that for women it’s the opposite - they tend to put too much focus on mama’s boys and not pay much attention to men with mommy issues, and men tend to focus too much on women with absent fathers and not talk about women overly attached to their fathers.

And I do think that’s because women without a father figure give out more red flags to men, while men overly attached to their moms give more red flags to women - and there is validity in both imo

Title	Father/daughter enmeshment (being a daddys girl) is as destructive as mother/son enmeshment (being a mommas boy). Why does no one talk about it?
Author	bjjkaril1
Upvotes	20
Comments	71
Date	May 31, 2024 6:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d539z5/fatherdaughter_enmeshment_being_a_daddys_girl_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/fatherdaughter-enmeshment-being-a-daddys-girl-is.1520175 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520175

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