What is the role of a girl’s/woman’s father?

Fan_Service_3703 · 2024-07-02T19:54:55+00:00

My GF's father (unfortunately passed away a long time ago) was according to her a kind, decent, empathetic man. He was openly vulnerable and cried a lot when she was little, so she never developed the so-called "immediately lose attraction when they see a man cry" thing that redpill fearmongers about.

He taught her to fight when she was having trouble with other kids at school, as well as taught her all kinds of DIY and fixing stuff. He was very insistent that she should never depend on a man and taught her to be self-reliant. She has worked and earned her own money from a young age.

Raised with these kind of values, she has never expected anything of me other than the love and kindness she deserves (and of course making an effort with my appearance haha). I do buy her gifts but she never expects or demands them. She has no problem with the fact I earn much less money than her and doesn't mind paying or splitting.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-07-02T19:40:24+00:00

M: dad

“The best thing you can do as a Father is to show your daughters how much you love their mother” -John wooden.

My dad gave me that quote. And to a degree I think I’ve done my best to “be the example” of how a guy should treat someone they love.
And once they are adults, then it’s up to them.
But just like when they were younger, we expect them to make mistakes BUT no matter what, we hope we are always the first call they want to make if they feel the need to share/question/need help for anything

We’ve also been blessed with two very independent personalities that seem to like being around us. So there has also been some luck involved

kongeriket · 2024-07-03T00:17:38+00:00

they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,”

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and that a woman shouldn’t go to her dad for help/comfort once she’s married or in a serious relationship.

I certainly don't hold that view. In fact, from what I heard from my missus and my mother-in-law, her father was a really nice chap with whom I'd have bonded really easily as he was a no-nonsense guy and a very similar temperament to yours truly. Unfortunately he died 3 years before I met her.

What does that look like to you? How should a father behave toward his daughters at various ages, what role does he play in parenting them, what things should he be teaching, etc?

There's an almost 50% chance I'll have a daughter soon. And I've been the favorite uncle for my brother's daughters for 17 years already. So that's my angle.

A father has very little to do different from the mother in the first 3-4 years of a daughter's life. But afterwards, it's showtime.

A father's role is to complement the mother. To a son that translates into getting him into as many masculine activities and into as much masculine wisdom as possible because his mother simply can't do that anymore than his father can breast feed him.

To a daughter, that translates into maintaining a balance. If the mother over-spoils her, then the father should be the moderating force. If the mother is too harsh on her, then the father should be the "good cop".

Just like with boys, things get really complicated at puberty o'clock. Even so, balance is still the most sought-after role from a father, imo. I did that for my nieces because my brother was over-spoiling them (he's a SAHD operating a small company) and their mother was routinely too absent.

Having a father present matters a lot to girls. Pubertal maturation starts almost a year later in girls where the father is present. That's usually healthy and avoids some of the unfortunate situations.

Should the father help her vet boys? Yes, but within reason. In Europe we're far more accepting of teenage sex than North America - but, again, within reason. If I end up having a daughter, I will for sure intervene when she's 13-15 whether she likes it or not. But after 15-16, I'll be the background voice of wisdom unless explicitly required otherwise. Already did that with my eldest niece. It works only if you establish a rapport with her much earlier in life so as to take your advice seriously.

Ultimately, the role of parents is to raise successful and functional adults. Which is why I firmly believe in giving children autonomy progressively from a very early age. This is also common in Europe, but far less common in North America. Here our kids go to school alone (cycle, bus, subway, etc.). We don't drive them around everywhere. Especially when the weather is nice.

Other than that, I will trust my missus to instill feminine values in her. If she wants me to teach her DIY stuff or some other things that I know/do, I will. But I won't push it a priori, just like my missus doesn't push feminine habits on our son. My oldest niece (she's 18) can't unglue herself from my missus when she's in town and she's very feminine. Her younger sister (she's 15) is more interested in things I can teach her and I'm happy to oblige. If I end up having a daughter I'll see then which is which.

I will certainly try to instill in her my values. And will try my best to succeed.

Funny thing: My missus' father failed to instill his values in his son (my brother-in-law), but succeeded entirely in his daughter (my missus). The teaching I draw from this is pretty boring: Nobody is really prepared to be a parent. And we all make mistakes. The best thing we can do is to make fewer mistakes, and less severe ones.

grumud · 2024-07-02T19:59:28+00:00

Dating as a 24 year old man.

To me, a good Father is one who knows how to be patient.

To know how to discipline without judgement or shame. It takes patience and genuine care to say "You did this wrong, here's the right way to do it" without the listener feeling hurt by it, and actually getting something out of it. A good Father wants to teach his kids how to succeed in life, to steer them away from bad decisions, and for them to earnestly be receptive to it.

To know how to be a trusted confidant. It takes patience to listen to the worries and problems of an adolescent. A good Father is one their kids have no fear about telling them something is wrong. He might be upset, but he makes sure they know he's upset at the problem, not them.

A good Father let's his kids know they are loved, without expectations or exceptions. No matter what they might do, what they might fail at, or how disappointed he might be, he makes sure they know he will always love them. The ability to go through life knowing he will always have your back is a strength unlike anything else.

I believe this is the most important point, a good Father knows how to let his children make mistakes safely. Some life lessons have to be learned through experience. Sometimes, he will have to go hands off and let them fail and struggle a little. But, they will know they always have a home to go back to no matter what, so they can go into the world without fear of making those mistakes.

When it comes to specifically what a Father should be teaching a daughter, it comes down to setting an example for what a good man is. Equipping her with the knowledge to never tolerate a man who doesn't treat her with respect. He should be showing her through his own example how he treats her mother, so she knows what real love and a healthy relationship looks like.

A woman absolutely should be able to go to her Father for help or comfort, even when in a serious relationship. There's a difference between him doing everything for her, and simply being there for her to listen and tell her how to figure it out herself.

A good Father is a patient man. His kids are going to do what they're going to do, good or bad, whether he likes it or not. All his job is, is to wait patiently for them to want his help, and give it to them freely.

eli_ashe · 2024-07-03T04:08:48+00:00

father of a daughter and a son too.

i've not markedly seen my role to my daughter as different than to my son. love them, show them affection, give them space to grow, be there when they need me, educate them as much as i can, prepare them for life going forwards more generally, instill good ethics by example and discussion, and prepare myself to catch them if they falter.

Dull-Laugh-4037 · 2024-07-03T00:29:31+00:00

A Father should be an exemplary male figure from which he would want his daughter to draw from when looking for a partner. He should treat her like a princess. He should make sure she knows she is loved, is valued, and is beautiful. She should never have to look toward other men to come to this realization. Her father should continually be reminding her of these things and she should have a good sense of her worth. Her father will also be sure to point out the traits which she should look for in a man. A father should protect his daughter and in the least ward off little f***boys who are obviously nothing more than fodder. A father should teach his daughter to consider the source. Nice words from the wrong source doesn't mean much. Set the bar high.

r2k398 · 2024-07-03T04:08:55+00:00

The same as it is with a son. Teach them to make wise decisions, to be self sufficient, that they shouldn’t have to rely on anyone else but it’s okay for them to, and to be loyal, honest, and faithful. That no matter what they do they can always be honest with you, no matter where they are, they can always count on you for help, and that they always have a place to come home to.

DerpaDerpaDooDinkle · 2024-07-02T19:54:16+00:00

I have two daughters. They got a lot of attention from me as infants, toddlers, small children, then less and less and less as they got older and became more independent and developed their own interests. My job is to impart wisdom, guide and protect, not to be their best friend/wedge myself into their life or to turn them into spoiled brats. I am always available when they need me, but I will push them to stand on their own two feet. I give hugs and complements and criticisms when warranted. They know they aren't perfect and they know I love them regardless.

63daddy · 2024-07-02T21:03:09+00:00

My preferred role is for him to not meddle in our relationship. I’m dating her, not him.

The more relationships I have, the more I appreciate relationships that minimize bringing all sorts of family and friends into it.

AidsVictim · 2024-07-02T23:45:05+00:00

It depends on the particular views of the person in a political and social sense. It's easier to point to the bad models than to agree on the "best" model.

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-07-02T20:00:24+00:00

Daddy issues just means she goes for bad men: in the context of TRP, dark triad men. Having a good father figure could guide a woman away from the men who will use and abuse her.

FalconRelevant · 2024-07-02T21:21:19+00:00

What is the role of a child's parent?

The gender of either is irrelevant.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-07-02T20:32:23+00:00

To show her what good men are like. To screen boys for her. To teach her skills her mom won't.

they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,”

This is actually a big ole red flag. I've dated a girl like that once. Some fucked up shit was afoot.

wtknight · 2024-07-02T20:52:08+00:00

He should probably make sure she realizes that a lot of men will try to use her for sex and that many men will judge her the more casual sex that she has.

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YetAnotherCommenter · 2024-07-03T05:57:53+00:00

Neither dating nor a father.

On one end of the spectrum, we have men who identify women as having “daddy issues” from absent, neglectful, or abusive fathers.

The problem here is that a woman whom is looking for a father-replacement is kind of wanting to be infantilized.

On the other end of the extreme, we have men who say women are too spoiled, they’re “daddy’s little princesses for life,”

Isn't this really just the same issue? A woman whom has been infantilized and habituated to such treatment?

I know that misandrists generally think otherwise, but the vast majority of men are looking for a woman whom will be a partner (an agreeable and cooperative partner is still a partner). They aren't necessarily looking to adopt an adult daughter. Being a parent is a tough job after all!

MotleyCrew1989 · 2024-07-03T03:20:24+00:00

Before feminism ruined the family unit, the father was the one in charge of enforcing boundaries to their children, and specially regarding women, he was the last filter any suitor would have to pass to be able to date/marry said daughter. Men used to ask the hand of their beloved to her father. It was a good way to ensure the daughter did not end with a man that was worthless.

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-07-02T19:55:23+00:00

Be an example of a proper mature adult person. (you must be first of all an example as a parent).
Teach proper dealing with being by yourself and being good to those close to you, without the need of constant approval and esteem by strangers.
Proper teaching of morals and rules (trying to circunvent rules and create drama/chaos is common for daddy issue women).

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-07-03T00:14:55+00:00

Teach her not to be a hoe and that her bodies more valuable than 9.99 a month on onlyfans

bifewova234 · 2024-07-02T20:29:19+00:00

To interfere

Crimson-Pilled · 2024-07-03T00:20:19+00:00

Owner.

Title	What is the role of a girl’s/woman’s father?
Author	AnonishCath
Upvotes	22
Comments	60
Date	July 2, 2024 7:32 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1dtuill/what_is_the_role_of_a_girlswomans_father/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-role-of-a-girlswomans-father.1523010 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523010

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