Why don’t women have sympathy for men?

L0cked4fun · 2024-11-17T09:31:52+00:00

If someone is bold enough to say "I have no sympathy for you" cut them out of your life entirely.

Glittering_Smile_560 · 2024-11-17T08:02:18+00:00

To simply put it if you're 18+ and have a penis you are the enemy

walterwallcarpet · 2024-11-17T07:52:20+00:00

When you're a kid, you're being trained by women to be dependent on their praise and validation. This all takes place while your sexual drives are absent. As soon as you reach adulthood and the hormones kick in, women expect you to be a support unit to a baby-making machine, willing to hand over the rewards for your creativity and hard work for your sexual reward, and a pat on the head.

Don't disappoint them, or the 'gentle sex' will show their true colours.

Septic-Abortion-Ward · 2024-11-17T09:15:41+00:00

My dad once explained to me the reason women don't have hobbies is because men are their hobby.

Hog farmers don't feel bad for the hogs. Women don't feel bad for men.

We are the product. Here to be used and discarded as they see fit.

silversurfer275 · 2024-11-17T10:20:33+00:00

Men are as welcome as they are useful. It's as simple as that. As a child you bring out the maternal instinct in women. As a man you don't, just how it is.

Jay-Ames · 2024-11-17T17:37:31+00:00

I hear good answers but I have a theory of my own that I would like to add.

Women think men have it easy.

The reason why I think that is because I hear women complain about them being a woman. But when she explains what happened she just explains things that us men go through on a daily basis Things like: Not getting a promotion at work, not being heard at work, not getting enough dates, etc.

Everytime I explain them that we go through the same stuff (if not more) they look in total disbelief. For example, I am considered a good looking guy so in their minds I can date any woman by simply snapping my fingers and ten women come running. In reality we all know it doesn't work like that.

So because they think we have it "so easy" they think that any problem is a minor inconvenience to us compared to them. So there is little sympathy for us.

Funny thing is that they only start to understand our difficulties when they have a teenage son. So if she doesn't understand your problem tell her "How would you feel if this happened to your son?"

jack_avram · 2024-11-17T16:00:09+00:00

I realized it several times in a marriage - once suffering from a pervasive lung infection for weeks that led me to the ER (ended up being covid before the pandemic really hit America but I had been overseas). For the longest time there were only complaints that I was overthinking, overreacting, having anxiety yet at one point I didn't really sleep at all for 3 days because of so much unusual heart rhythm activity - massively hallucinating in the ER. Most unusual experience but I ended up having a lung scan confirm the infection and taking steroids essentially to combat it. Only time I truly knew I might have been at risk of dying, Needless to say - that lack of empathy was common over time with my ex-wife and so it wasn't sustainable to continue a family like that. No breathing issues these past 5 years since, no history of them either besides that one incident.

DeadWinterDays9 · 2024-11-17T09:48:38+00:00

Because we are nothing but a resource for them. Women use us, suck all they can out of us, and then discard us for the next one. Rinse, wash, repeat.

Women don’t love men. They love what they can get from them.

AmuseDeath · 2024-11-17T13:17:44+00:00

It's for many reasons, but it's hard to answer such a broad question.

My general thought is that women in general tend to be more emotional and neurotic than men. Feelings feel more raw and it tends to shape reality for the person.

But going deeper, emotions have a lot of properties tied to them. They are first of all reactions to something happening and aren't proactive behavior. They tend to be temporal and can exist in one moment and vanish in the next. Emotions are also impatient and want to be dealt with now; it's short-term, impulsiveness. Emotions are not created with long-term thinking in mind. Emotions are the opposite of long-term thinking and planning. And finally they are self-centric as in they are limited to ourselves.

So someone who is emotional tends to be someone who is reactive, emotionally volatile, has trouble with long-term planning and moreso caught up with themselves and their own thoughts versus mostly pondering outside of oneself.

When it comes to women and men, women tend to fit these criteria better than men. But I stress this is a generality, not an opinion that labels every man/woman to be like this.

So if women tend to be more emotionally-focused, they are going to gravitate towards topics that speak to their emotions more than topics that do not. And that's why it makes sense that for most women, their primary focus is on women's issues. Trying to understand and relate to what men go through means they have to break through their emotional wiring which means going against a mindset that makes them focus on solely their own emotions or themselves. That's very hard when you've focused mainly on yourself for your entire life.

This is why when you bring up something like male suicide numbers to a female feminist, their initial reaction is to go on the defensive. The first thing that happens is that male suicide numbers is a topic that's just too big and factual to mean anything emotional to that feminist woman. The second thing that happens is that bringing light on a male issue somehow then means that women's issues are less important (which isn't true, but it is true in this person's head). Lastly, this person is going to remember all of the horrible men she's remembered from her own experiences as well as the stories from her friends and will think considering male suicides, somehow discounts her past experiences and gives support towards the all of the bad men in her life. So you're most likely going to get an abrasive response.

Being able to think beyond your own emotions is to be able to transcend self-centeredness and be mindful of feelings beyond your own. We see plenty of women do this with their kids and that's good. It's just that this sort of mindset typically doesn't extend towards men.

Studies have shown both men and women have a pro-woman bias, women having a much larger bias than men. Again I would say it has to do with the link between emotional wiring and self-centeredness and that most women just happen to be more emotionally wired than men. This isn't to say that women are all selfish or that no man is selfish because of course that's just sexist. I'm just saying that this logic is a possible reason to explain a lack of women's interest in male issues, whereas society gives women's issues the utmost importance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women-are-wonderful_effect#In-group_bias

https://rutgerssocialcognitionlab.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/9/7/13979590/rudmangoodwin2004jpsp.pdf

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroticism#Epidemiology

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0149763412001510

Aurora_Gory_Alice · 2024-11-17T10:12:02+00:00

You need a new family. That's bullshit dude.

ApologiesIfOffended · 2024-11-17T12:40:13+00:00

Some time ago I stood in line at the register in a supermarket, right in front of me a younger woman and paying was an older and disabled looking man. The older guy was overwhelmed and dropped a basket of blueberries. The woman looked at him for a while and did nothing. I stepped up and helped him collecting his berries from the ground. Older women will probably be more helpful though.

Hap-pe-danz123 · 2024-11-17T11:21:09+00:00

Thank you. Someone can see beyond the BS. The DOJ, OVW has a $1 billion, with a 'B', budget each year. At the last check, is being held by 6 lawyers. You can buy a lot of prpoganda with that much money. What man can stand up against that much money? And why isn't IPV being fixed, for that much money?

FinalFcknut · 2024-11-17T13:33:54+00:00

Yeah it's bizarre how long it took me to realize this. A "good guy" is one who cares about women, and works to support and protect her, but a woman is automatically good and oppressed by all men, and it's all men who are morally inferior to all women; so men deserve zero sympathy, no matter how wounded and devastated and good to others, while even rich and super rich women deserve all sympathy for being oppressed.

At least in modern US society.

pheuq · 2024-11-17T07:37:27+00:00

Have not experienced this , but the way i see it, and i have to say this is from MY point of view and it is MY TAKE on your situation.They probably showed empathy and care when you were a child just so they could say they took care of you and then just leave it up to you as an adult.They probably didn't feel empathy to you even as a child.

mrkpxx · 2024-11-17T07:58:10+00:00

A woman's attention is focused on her children. To ensure this care for her children, she outsources tasks to a trusted male. To ensure the greatest possible security in producing healthy offspring, she prefers to distribute her genes to different partners. It is not the person that is important, but their role.

In addition, the life of the mother is even more important than a single child, since only her survival guarantees the well-being of all other children. (Solipsism)

Waterplayersplash · 2024-11-17T08:36:03+00:00

Women’s have no love or sympathy for men, for centuries they have been claiming to be the loving nature and caring but actions speak louder than words.

I’ve noticed that women’s tend to use violence to make others do their bidding. Love and sympathy comes from God to the men. That is why when the father discipline his kids, he’s doing it because he loves them, when the mother does it… it’s to break their will power.

At the end They simply don’t care about us at all and will harm you if you let them.

SarcasticallyCandour · 2024-11-17T07:58:13+00:00

Feminists dont because they see men as evil oppressors.

Women are reasonable especially if its not taking away from them.

ReenPinturlo · 2024-11-17T08:38:13+00:00

I'm very glad the women in my family are not like this.

MetalHead794 · 2024-11-17T16:26:13+00:00

Multiples reasons:

-Feminism programs them to believe men are the oppressors and that they’re the victims and so they can’t imagine ever being wrong or imagine men been the victims. And even than, when faced to the undeniable truth, they will still been men for their own problems. Or, they will say women are the biggest victims and so men problems isn’t worth shit basically.

-Us men spend years not speaking up about our emotions and problems outside of the masculinism who are basically extremist dump fuck. So now that we try to speak up, they either associate us as masculinist or say we’re just crybaby. Us men should really regroup and speak for ourselves in a new group without the extremist.

Caspian1144 · 2024-11-17T18:18:24+00:00

Young boys are allowed to have a little more humanity that older boys and men aren’t allowed to have in the eyes of both sexes. Women play their part in reinforcing toxic male norms while simultaneously complaining about the outcome of these norms. Sorry this is happening to you.

Dkpokefan72 · 2024-11-17T08:47:59+00:00

It's okay....we dont need their sympathy

adam-l · 2024-11-17T09:29:19+00:00

It's evolutionary.

Consider the vision analogy. Your visual system doesn't provide you with an accurate depiction of what you see. The objects' edges are preprocessed and enhanced, so that you can better discern their shape.

There's a similar process in how women are hardwired to perceive social situations, in this case the coincidental man. What they care for it whether he's good for mating (good genes), i.e. if he's perceived as the proverbial "Alpha". Failing that, he falls abruptly into the "possibly usable for resources, but potential sexual hassle" category. The default female feeling for these kinds of men, i.e. the average man, is disgust, a feeling that evolved for food, but has been found, by evolution, to pretty much fit into one of the two facets of the female sexual strategy.

saaerzern8 · 2024-11-17T12:43:56+00:00

You can't get maximum utility out of your beast of burden if you have sympathy for it.

CerealBowlOfPills · 2024-11-17T17:45:42+00:00

Whenever a woman tells me she has no sympathy for men, I realize that this is not a woman I want in my life.

I believe every man should do the same. Focus on your own peace men.

TabulaRasa5678 · 2024-11-17T18:15:30+00:00

I'm currently friends with a woman that just came into my life. We are not dating. She has a boyfriend, although she complains about him constantly. So, since women love assholes that's probably why she's with him. Anyway, she's very nice to me and I constantly wonder in the back of my mind what she's up to and/or is she trying to get something from me.

I'm constantly at war with myself, knowing that it's shitty behavior, BUT this is how it has always been with me and women. It's hard to break classical conditioning. I always see a red flag when women tell me, "Oh, I'm not like other women." Yes, yes you are. My friendships with women usually end because I won't escalate our friendship. Historically, I've found if women can't get what they want with you, they ditch you.

I firmly believe that women think that men are around just for their benefit. They say they care, but they don't. I think what they say and what they think are two completely different things.

That's just my two cents after a half a century on this earth.

chamburger · 2024-11-17T19:28:21+00:00

Yes right here. My late wife did not treat me very well at all in the last couple years of our marriage. Didn't care that I worked hard and was the bread winner for our family. Didn't care that I also did all the shopping and most of the cooking. Didn't care that I bought her a new vehicle whenever she needed one. Just treated me and our kids like shit. She was always avoiding us and one night accidentally got herself killed in an avoidable accident. At the funeral I found out that she was seeing an old bf.

I've been through complete fuck all in my first marriage. Thankfully I have a new wife who really loves me and my kids. I came this close to sweating off women forever.

Dry_Dimension_4707 · 2024-11-18T07:45:24+00:00

Kindness and empathy from women has become a casualty in the war between the sexes. God forbid a good deal of woman show a little vulnerability these days by voluntarily putting someone else ahead of themselves. Our society breeds narcissism and no group has grasped onto it harder than women.

I’m a woman of some years now. I’ve seen feminism absolutely destroy women and turn us into shells of our former selves. I refuse to accept it. I’ll always choose kindness, acts of service, and putting others ahead of myself. I’ve seen it come back to me tenfold. I’ve loved good men and they’ve been good to me.

For all the men who haven’t been shown empathy and kindness, know that there are women who still see you and care. More and more women are turning back to traditionalism. There is hope. Some are turning away from the toxicity of feminism and narcissistic tendencies. It is oftentimes the loudest and most toxic who suck all the oxygen out of the room but the quiet ones are there, waiting to be seen. They won’t scream for attention or drown out others but look for them and you’ll find them.

mrmensplights · 2024-11-17T17:33:56+00:00

It's just not in their programming. Evolutionarily, women have a proven massive in-group bias that men simply lack. Women use men as a means to security, and it doesn't make sense to humanize the person you use as a tool. In every interaction a man has with a woman he should always be asking himself, "what is the strategy?".

The only thing that could make women consider men or have sympathy for their position would be early education into their innate biases. However, even though all of this is proven by studies and accepted science, society is dominated by anti-scientific and irrational political ideology when it comes to gender. That means girls will never be taught about their own biases, but instead will have their innate behavior continually validated and amplified.

Entire-Concern-7656 · 2024-11-17T20:03:07+00:00

Tell this story in AITAH or Raised By Narcissists subs if you want to get more insights. My advice? If you are able to, stop speaking to them. When they ask why you've went NC, explain the reason.

Away_Entrance1185 · 2024-11-18T09:46:54+00:00

Any woman that doesn't care about you is unworthy of your love and attention. Cut them out of your life, your life improves without them.

Aggravating-Long9877 · 2024-11-18T14:15:59+00:00

Because deep down inside woman are still neanderthals and need the man that protects them most. Even today. If you are sick or weird or just yourself and not the stereotype tall protector guy, she‘ll not even consider you.

I am struggling with life a lot and also with work. Told this to a female „friend“ and she just started criticizing me. It‘s my fault, i am not authentic,….but you know how many times I listened to her crap and helped her? But you just have show one weakness and women will drop you. That‘s the way life goes.

peanutbutterandjesus · 2024-11-17T13:15:46+00:00

I heard somewhere that women are hardwired to not care about men instinctually. A women's instincts are to protect the child and be willing to disregard the father because it increased the odds of our ancestors continuing to procreate at a high rate. Kind of makes sense if you think about how often there probably would've been intertribal conflict between men to gain control of the women, our species just adapted to that. I tend to think this is one of the main reasons why a lot of religions exist

mallorykeaton73 · 2024-11-17T15:52:17+00:00

I personally have mad sympathy for men.

wolverine4562 · 2024-11-17T19:07:20+00:00

When I was 12, I broke my arm. A few weeks later we were at a family friends house for a party. The room that us kids (all boys) were hanging out in had naturally gotten a bit messy over the course of the party. As we were cleaning up, some random woman (who was not the homeowner/family friend) barged in and barked at us to clean up (we already were) and yelled at me to help (I already was) saying something like "you can get up and help too, you got one working arm." Somehow I feel like if we were all girls we wouldn't have gotten the same treatment.

Tigarana · 2024-11-17T08:40:03+00:00

I have a very similar background health wise and very similar experience. I'm a woman though and see it as a fact of life that people lose sympathy after a time.

Flat-Newt-6708 · 2024-11-17T12:55:29+00:00

Women are told by other women that they're, by virtue of being women, automatically kinder and more virtuous than men. Even when a woman engages in objectively horrible behavior against a man, other women will rally behind her to validate her actions as necessary or her target deserving. At the worst, women will say that she had reasons for acting the way that she did, and nobody should judge her.

This is why so many women are simply incapable of empathy. They feel that they are, by default, empathetic. If you tell someone they're already kind, they're not going to make any effort to actually be kind. But when you ask a woman about the last time she truly went out of her way to help another person, she'll draw a blank. She might talk about how she helped a female friend of hers, but a man she didn't know? Not going to happen.

You know, it's funny to me because the work of men like Jonas Salk and Norman Borlaug, which have saved billions of lives, are generally not considered charitable or kind. They were just men doing their jobs as expected. And this really sums up a lot of women's attitudes on male kindness; it's expected of men to sacrifice their time, safety, and health for the greater good. But if a woman listens to her friend complain about her boyfriend and then says, "You are so valid"? Break out the fucking Nobel Peace Prize, boys, because we have a winner.

SayOuch · 2024-11-17T18:16:08+00:00

It's sad. I know it's like that man

JDMWeeb · 2024-11-17T18:55:48+00:00

Yes I'd get crapped on for showing emotions and feelings. In fact I was told for years by teachers (females) that I was unmanly for showing emotions. My parents do the same.

Codename-18 · 2024-11-17T21:21:34+00:00

Because men love women > women love children > and children love puppies

Angryspazz · 2024-11-18T15:25:07+00:00

PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS , this isn't a gender issue this it a human issue people leave for selfish and unselfish reasons, I think its better thry do leave she wasn't worth your time

fanatic26 · 2024-11-18T18:37:00+00:00

they do if you get off the fucking internet, social media, and the reddit echo chambers that tell you otherwise

Farmer-Independent · 2024-11-17T15:57:39+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking, where are all the men in your family?

ImACarebear1986 · 2024-11-18T13:47:06+00:00

If you have anyone in your life that has no sympathy for you or is bald enough to say that to you you tell them to fuck off and cut them out of your life.

That being said, I have sympathy for pretty much everyone. I am too nice to people. Not everyone though. Because everyone likes to make a spectacle at me when we go out in public. And I’m not exaggerating neither. I am made to be a sideshow exhibit because of what I look like.

However, I am very big on trying to be a men’s mental health advocate. I try to encourage men to talk about their feelings and emotions, I check on the men I know, I see if they need anything, I asked them if they’re okay, I asked them if they want to talk about things. I always, always let them know that they can talk to me. Judgement free and that whatever we talk about is between us.

That goes for anyone here as well. I don’t know any of you, you don’t know me. But if anyone ever needs to talk, you are more than welcome to contact me. My inbox is always open. I will say This just so you know. My life is shit. My existence is a joke to the universe. I became a triple amputee technically through no fault of my own almost 10 years ago, after I fell Ill with 10 years ago.. I don’t like to judge people unless they judge me first. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care where you come from. I don’t care what you look like. I don’t care about your past. If you’re a nice person, if you’re polite to me, I’ll be polite to you. But if you ever need someone to talk to confidentially and judgement free, you’re welcome to contact me any time. Please know that.

I will also add This: nearly every single male in my entire family-extended family included-toxic, and narcissistic. all of them. Horrible, horrible people. But I don’t judge all males on them. And I’m saying mouse in this case because none of them are men except for my father and my nephews.

So, to anyone out there if you ever need to speak you’re welcome to contact me. Even if you just need to vent or just have a cry anonymously feel free to. I may take a while to respond but that’s because I’m not on here every day.

Take care of yourselves :-) you may not think people care about you but someone always does .

denythewoke · 2024-11-17T10:35:52+00:00

This election just enhances this. I will admit I’m not a Trump fan( nor a Kamala) but the way the left has treated this election is ridiculous. I didn’t vote as I didn’t really like both candidates and don’t live in a swing state but all this “ you don’t care about women” “let’s shun men” BS rhetoric is why they lose. Continue to lose support among men then making it worse is a quick way for America to head into a MAGA monolithic. It’s no wonder why men are jumping ship I might throw in a MAGA vote if they keep this BS up.

Joker_01884 · 2024-11-17T20:18:20+00:00

Well no offence but I actually get sympathy from women... I think still now ....

vegeta8300 · 2024-11-17T20:29:34+00:00

As someone who also has Crohn's disease and has had it mess my life up quite a lot. The lack of sympathy I've gotten can be astounding. Where I'm expected to be sympathetic or empathetic to others ever cold or stomach ache. But, if I start to bring up some of the struggles I've been thru, it will be shrugged off as "others have it worse". I've had 4 surgeries to remove many feet of my intestines because of the Crohn's. I've lived in hospitals for months to a year at a time and been on more medications that have messed me up than I can count. But, rarely, on one hand I can count the people who have my back or listen and help when I'm struggling. Hell, I even had a woman doctor tell me I was lying and just in the ER for drugs while I was having a bowel obstruction. Which is a medical and surgical emergency! When I refused to leave the ER until she listened and did the right thing she final did a CT scan which showed the obstruction. No apology, nope, she just came in, and said the PA was going to give me an NG tube (which suck horribly) and admit me. She still treated me like shit even after she was proven wrong. Thankfully I reported her and she lost her medical license years later. As I wasn't the only guy she treated like shit. I believe someone died because of her. Anyway, so sorry you have Crohn's. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Sympathy and understanding will be in short supply being a guy and being chronically ill. Learn all you can about the disease and what meds work the best and find a good GI doctor. Ignore all the asshole people and take care of yourself. Surround yourself too with the few people that truly love and care about you. Take care and best wishes!

GodHand7 · 2024-11-17T21:17:21+00:00

Wow such toxic people did you talk back at them at least when they were saying those things to you?

xxTheMagicBulleT · 2024-11-18T01:55:54+00:00

Same reason many men don't have sympathy for women anymore.

Women have a desire for a type of men. Let's say the bad boy is the dangerous boy. The tat up guy that goes in and out of prison type dude. Long dark and handsome let's say.

If you remember that news of that guy that has killed women but countless women screaming he should get out of jail

But those men that the women go for that they are drawn to based on women's instinct. But in a modern society and outside a smaller tribes. That instinct often works against women's best interests when there is not that much dangers around women.

But cause they often pick those men. All men as a collective get treated like those worst same men.

Why if a women hears a story about a boob got chopped off and tossed in a garbage disposal people would be upset.

Say the same thing about a guy's junk got chopped off and tossed in a garbage disposal. Gets met with laughter and mockery.

What makes men as a collective also not have sympathy for women's issues.

How you treat people is how people will treat you back in kind.

But in short that's kinda how and why it is like that. Women are drawn to bad and dangerous men cause it in there nature to seek that kind of people cause protection and safety is a massive part of the mating strategy For women and how women compete with each other women for resources too. So there children have the best survival and quality of outcomes to them.

What does work against women in normal society cause the most dangerous men is not likely to be the most loyal or most invested guy of set women. Why there more bad outcomes then good ones. And men as a whole get blamed for those men. And treated a type of way.

Local-Willingness784 · 2024-11-18T03:11:38+00:00

and i dont think they should have any, if they really don't feel it, imagine the damage they could do if they feigned feelings and then threw them out the trash as long as they get what they want, but in a massive scale, when they need votes and political cannon fodder.

if they are so callous from the get-go, you know what you are getting into, and hopefully, avoid it, but if they felt that it was socially inappropriate, you can bet most men would be feeling loved and appreciated by people who just want to use them, even if it sucks, at least on this topic, I do prefer the honest tik-tok idiot over the lying middle-aged hag trying to get men to do whatever she wants them to

eternal_kvitka1817 · 2024-11-18T11:13:15+00:00

Because traditional gender roles. The society are being taught that only women's issues matter. While men shouldn't cry and must be tough. Conservatism is the problem.

BWSmally · 2024-11-18T12:48:36+00:00

Now, the 4B movement. All the hens are cackling about how they are going to ignore and even assault, a man if he even speaks to them. If this is the extent to which they want to be liberated, then give them what they want.

lujimerton · 2024-11-18T14:42:41+00:00

Most women do. Really. You will find tons of support from female family members, managers, friends.

In a relationship the rules get dicey. You end up in what plays out as a zero sum game. Whatever you need in a relationship is viewed as a net loss to your partner.

Women aren’t bound by chivalry or fair play in a relationship. They are congratulated for playing dirty. This won’t be solved in this generation. It will shake out in a generation or two.

We are at the intersection of “make her happy” and “working together”. This generation is going to fight for scraps and step over a dollar to pick up a dime.

ScienceAteMyKid · 2024-11-17T20:42:39+00:00

Adults in general don’t get a lot of sympathy, at least in the US. Puritanical values have instilled us with this destructive bootstrap mentality that has poisoned our sense of empathy.

LittleThingsMC · 2024-11-17T22:05:52+00:00

Have you asked her? This could be a lot of things. Maybe she does hate men, maybe she feels like you take advantage of her, maybe there was a time she wanted your sympathy and she feels like you didn’t notice. There are a million reasons this could be.

I know for me personally as a girl, I was raised that any expression of neediness or weakness or even vulnerability was considered manipulative. Unless it was something very small and would serve to boost the ego of a man, like opening a jar, or walking me to the car at night. But if a man offered me help, I had to accept it graciously even if I didn’t want the help or if the “help” was harmful to me as long as their intentions were good, it was my responsibility to make men feel good about themselves for intending to help. Like when my brothers were mean to my friends if they didn’t think they were good for me, or when my uncle left my small dog outside overnight and it got taken by a hawk, I had to still thank him for letting the dog out to use the bathroom.

My male relatives were encouraged to advocate for themselves, speak up and ask for what they wanted in a direct way, I can agree they also had some societal barriers that muffled their self expression too. For example, their perimeters were that they were encouraged to provide as little context as possible. For example “I’m going to take a nap, I want to eat when I get up” was rewarded but “I’m tired, I am going to take a nap” would have been discouraged and they would have been called lazy. And I don’t think this was necessarily spelled out this way, but this is how it ended up working.

As a teenager, this dynamic caused a lot of resentment in me. It was always my job to be a care taker, nurturer, put my own feelings last, and uplift the males in my family, even when their actions negatively impacted me, I had to protect their ego around it. Their problems became my problems to solve. If a man was hungry, I needed to feed him. If he tore his pants, I had to sew them. When a girl dumped my cousin, I literally had to beat her up on his behalf. The men in my family had minimal responsibility, outside of school or work, which as girls, we also had. I felt used, and went through this hardcore Tom boy era myself. It would have been frustrating to me to have to even hear about the problems of my male relatives because of the internalized pressure to solve their problems and even more to not be able to seek help or comfort for my own was like salt in the wound.

It took a lot of years to unpack that in therapy and get to the bottom of it. One of the things that helped is learning about boundaries, which sounds easy but it took a lot of practice for me to relearn how to feel my own feelings and advocate for myself. I had to learn how to separate hearing a problem someone had from me needing to do something about it.

I am pretty frequent in both feminist and MRA spaces as it is my core belief that both want to dismantle patriarchy and both suffer as a result of patriarchy, and I hear a lot of the sentiments I expressed also expressed from women as similar to their up bringing in relation to gender roles. So hopefully this helps provide some insight to the women’s perspective, though again I think you should talk directly to your aunt to find out her reasons, it may be different for her.

I am sorry you are struggling with this, and I do hope it gets better for you.

Ellestyx · 2024-11-18T00:27:48+00:00

Black and white thinking. Also, patriarchy / fascism. It benefits those in power to have us fighting among each other. And the patriarchy is why men haven’t been taught how to handle their emotions properly—and have been shamed into thinking that crying or being sad isn’t “manly”. It’s one of the causes behind the male loneliness epidemic in my generation. Yall (not everyone) aren’t as emotionally equipped. It’s led to a lot of the conflict that the sexes have nowadays—and women are just tired. It’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth. They’ve also been beaten down and told that their issues aren’t issues—like men have also been treated.

At the end of the day, people are human. Irregardless of their sex, they all deserve the same level of basic human decency. Hatred begets hatred. I hope you’ve healed from your injury well, that sounds AWFUL.

I’m in a lot of feminist and female spaces—and live in a conservative area + engage in a lot of “men” centered hobbies like video games. It’s genuinely a failure of society abusing everyone and making them turn on one another. We should care about everyone, as we are not free until we are all free. Women will never be free unless men are also free.

I know this isn’t exactly a space for women, but I just… I want to reach out and show yall that people care. I have had issues with repressing my own emotions and feeling like no one gives a shit about me. How much it physically hurts—I cannot begin to fathom how yall must feel.

Otherwise_Trust_6369 · 2024-11-17T08:13:09+00:00

I very much have sympathy for men in general but I'm not sure it does any good? One thing I think men need to pay attention to is that although some men SAY they desire sympathy and understanding, their actions are often quite different.

Recently I've noticed that almost whenever a woman comments on male oriented complaints to agree with them (or saying they don't like feminism or whatever) a huge percent of the men either immediately get snippy with them and say they still don't understand what it's like to really be a man 😕 or they simply ignore them. Of course I'm not saying a man should feel obligated to speak to someone just because she's a woman, but obviously women are going to pay way more attention to how they're treated as a guide to how men really think about women over the exact words they use.

nebulousrealist · 2024-11-17T20:45:51+00:00

I don't see it as dealing with negative emotions, but more having to absorb multiple peoples mental tasks and be in charge of ensuring things get done. Distress tolerance would certainly play a role but mental load or emotional labour doesn't necessarily mean negative emotions, more there's a toll placed on that person because those around them aren't concerned with day to day (low dopamine) tasks

Next_Instruction_528 · 2024-11-17T10:46:46+00:00

Children are an investment in the future of the family that's why they are provided for and protected. This honestly sounds like your family is disappointed you haven't become a man and contributed back to the family. You sound like you don't take responsibility for your life and might be negative and emotionally draining to be around. Maybe your family is just a bunch of shitty people but what you said about your childhood doesn't really support that.

Title	Why don’t women have sympathy for men?
Author	Mysterious-Air-1520
Upvotes	607
Comments	188
Date	November 17, 2024 7:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1gt8fao/why_dont_women_have_sympathy_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-dont-women-have-sympathy-for-men.1536017 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536017

Comments