Am I being too nice?

Careless-Beginning73 · 2024-11-28T04:47:38+00:00

Do it if you can afford it but I would check your budget again and factor in your new living expenses. Unless you have saving put aside, you will want to build up an emergency fund, contribute to retirement fund and have spending money for when you are with your kids.

HistoricalRich280 · 2024-11-28T04:14:34+00:00

No, I think you are doing it right King. Showing your kids how to be a man/good father and be willing to prioritize your children’s well being rather than trying to win.

Good on you. Too many on the threads trying to fight like hell in divorce. It’s horrible guidance. Do what is best for your family.

No_Surround_495 · 2024-11-27T10:40:16+00:00

I am considering the same situation - keep paying the mortgage so everyone can stay in the house when I eventually do move out. When we sell, we will split 50/50 (although the house was purchased prior to marrige, we both have been living here for 12 years). I think it’s the right thing to do for the stability of children and I am Not of the opinion that I need to make this any harder on anyone (including STBXW) than it has to be.

waterfoiler · 2024-11-26T20:28:28+00:00

Why can’t the kids stay in the house with you and you continue to pay the mortgage? Why do you have to leave?

dober88 · 2024-11-26T19:48:02+00:00

Ask yourself: if the tables were turned, would she do the same for me?

If the answer is no, you’re being too nice.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-11-26T17:25:28+00:00

Your doing fine. Money is easily replaced so don't sweat it.

But I would ask why you are doing it. Is it because of your kids and wanting a smooth co-parenting relationship (which is worth literally millions) or because you are trying to win your ex back? If it's the latter that is a problem.

PlanktonDiligent7668 · 2024-11-26T17:17:14+00:00

I’m a divorced woman…with no kids. It’s hard to tell whether you’re being “too nice” without knowing your income. That said, paying half the mortgage for your kids to stay in the house and remain in their school system is a wonderful thing you’re doing for your children. They’re at an impressionable age and you don’t want to jeopardize your future with them. When my husband left he treated me awfully, stole money from our joint bank account and just ghosted me after I came home from seeing to my sick mother. As I walked though our place with his stuff gone all I thought was: THANK GOD I HAD NO CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN…I WOULD KILL MYSELF RATHER THAN HAVING THEM SEE THIS OF THEIR FATHER. Remember you’re breaking up with your wife…your kids are forever. Good luck dear soul

AirSailer · 2024-11-26T14:34:40+00:00

Child support is modifiable by a judge regardless of what the two of you agreed to and signed in the divorce agreement. You better hope she doesn't decide to go back and ask for that child support, you could end up paying her $3600/mth if she realizes your mistake, and all it will take is a smart new BF or a pack of bitter divorced women to let her know her options.

Since you didn't state your income it's kind of hard to tell if you're being nice since $2200/mth would be devastating for most people but you don't seem to have a concern about it.

My guess is that she could not afford the mortgage on her own income, which means that she's probably over-extended financially. That won't end well for her or you.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-11-26T13:39:26+00:00

Yes youre being too nice. Check with your lawyer, in my jurisdiction (NYS) you (your ex) can just ask for child support- even if your divorce decree says it's settled at $0. So you COULD be screwed.

What happens when Mr. Wonderful moves into YOUR house that YOU are paying for? What happens when she wants to move and sell, do you get 50% of the equity from the sale? What happens when she hears that Sally gets $X,XXX in child support from her ex and your ex "just" gets a house to live in.

I'd tread carefully. It's almost universally said you do not want any, ANY financial entanglements with your ex, post divorce.

I get your kids may be more comfortable at the house they grew up in . . . But kids adapt.

Good luck.

probebeta · 2024-11-26T08:36:41+00:00

In my opinion yes. You can't rebuild yourself if you're bleeding cash every month. It's hard to help the kids or yourself if you are not able to move forward and rebuild yourself, capital, and so on.

apatrol · 2024-11-26T06:38:01+00:00

So she gets to sell the house when the kids are of age? And keep all the money? This is a bad deal unless you make a ton and can afford a comparable house for the days they are with you? Then what happens if you lose your job for some reason?

What does she pay and how much does she make?

regertsrus · 2024-11-26T03:33:06+00:00

Depends on the state. In some states you're not paying enough. The house is a liability you both signed up for. The courts may use half the carried costs to reduce your child support obligation which may be near 40k pretax per year if you earn more than her and earn low 6 figures.

No-Walk-1633 · 2024-11-26T02:58:32+00:00

As long as once the kids are out you can sell the house and collect your 50% of the equity, nothing wrong with what you are doing. Just don't give up your equity when the times come.

In the end, you might even make more money doing this, if home prices keep going up

Mamijie · 2024-11-26T02:42:04+00:00

No. My BIL did exactly that and end the end he regained his house back and his children were and remain around him and his family. He is now on his second marriage that he didn't rush into and has a couple of young children with a virtuous wife. His life is bliss. His friends sometimes thought he was too nice during the divorce giving the ex everything, but he did it for his children and he has maintained a happy household, minus the ex. And now with a wonderful wife.

dadplup · 2024-11-26T01:51:19+00:00

That is a lot of money to be forking out every month, obviously you can afford it based on how little you're bothered by it, most of us would be broke and on the street, although technically you're not paying alimony you are paying alimony, so some research and find out what could happen in the future with the house, who owns it etc, this is a bad omen for your future but it's your decision

pk2at · 2024-11-26T01:22:25+00:00

Paying the mortgage IS alimony. You've been deceived. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet ...

Jenova66 · 2024-11-26T01:15:19+00:00

I walked away from a good deal of money for the house so she could keep it and also augmented child support. I wanted out daughter to live there and not be disrupted for a few years.

In exchange, we signed an agreement that if she sells at any point in the next several years I get a share of the profit based on how long it has been. Maybe ask for something similar to protect your investment if she sells down the line?

MrSlappyChaps · 2024-11-26T01:03:01+00:00

I hope you’ve got this overpayment noted legally somehow. Otherwise it will be considered a $48,000 gift, and you’re just donating money you’ll never recoup or recover. Did she let you keep an additional $48k worth of your retirement or something? I have no idea what your situation is, but I doubt she’s telling them about what you do FOR them.

funzys · 2024-11-26T00:45:35+00:00

If it works for you and providing continuity and some degree of normalcy for the kids is your priority, go with it.

Title	Am I being too nice?
Author	BmoreBigLos
Upvotes	6
Comments	37
Date	November 26, 2024 12:40 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gzyxft/am_i_being_too_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-being-too-nice.1536876 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536876

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