Women who obsess over marriage are pick me girls.

ComprehensivePipe448 · 2025-05-16T11:58:20+00:00

Okay but we’re not normalising baby mama culture

lle-ell · 2025-05-16T11:59:37+00:00

I see it the opposite way, being married before having kids should be the norm imo.

Gitsumrestmf · 2025-05-16T12:16:07+00:00

Kids need a stable family with a mother and a father. Marriage gives the best chance for that.

Husbands have abused, cheated, neglected,

And "boyfriends" (and girlfriends likewise) do so even more. If you two aren't even willing to commit to a marriage, why in the world would you have kids together?

soyspagetti · 2025-05-16T12:20:40+00:00

Which part of this is pick-me?

oppositegeneva · 2025-05-16T12:21:09+00:00

While I agree that I’ve seen the example you’ve given of pick me’s comment on places like TikTok and Instagram, and I think those comments are disgusting, we really should not be encouraging women to be giving birth out of wedlock. If it happens, it happens, but let’s not aim for it.

Of course a man can use and abuse you at anytime, ring or no ring, but if you’re a SAHM, you 100% should at the very least be married to the father of your children who is the sole financial provider.

That way if he decides to run off with another woman, if he dies or just leaves suddenly, you ARE entitled to support from him, you ARE legally able to take from your joint bank account. You ARE the beneficiary to his life insurance, pensions, etc

It’s alarming I’ve been in an ob/gyn office and overheard a young woman say that marriage is a bigger commitment than having a CHILD together and posts like this encourage that mentality.

AlphaEcho971 · 2025-05-16T12:49:30+00:00

I'll pick those girls obsessed with marriage any day, y'all can keep your baby daddy and baby momma culture.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2025-05-16T14:10:47+00:00

I disagree. I think the opposite is true. Men want all the benefits of marriage without the marriage so by being a man’s mommy bang maid without a contract that guarantees you get your half of your investment in the relationship in case of a break up makes the woman a pick me.

Everyone knows it’s stupid to buy a house even with a family member you trust without a contract with both of your names on it, also it would be a stupid to start a business even with a best friend without a contract with both your names on it. In both cases you want to ensure fairness in say and equity with a contract. So, if you would have a contract protecting you with a friend or family member when it comes to buying a home or other important financial life decisions then why wouldn’t you have one to protect you with a man? The only answer would be if you buy into that man’s brainwashing making you a pick me. Men fight tooth and nail for prenups or to avoid marriage completely because they don’t want women to be able to get half of all assets accumulated during the marriage. Only naïve women fall for that crap, smart woman get their fair share.

attendquoi · 2025-05-16T15:14:57+00:00

Eh, I think it's more pick-me to defend having an ooops baby.

John_Oakman · 2025-05-16T12:43:55+00:00

[even outside of legal benefits] Marriage carries significant social legitimacy values in many societies & cultures. LGBTQ+ didn't fight for decades for the right to marry on a lark, but to force the wider society to acknowledge that they too are human and thus deserving the legitimacy of partaking in marriage.

What that social legitimacy [of a marriage] brings to a relationships is a tempering force to the relevant parties, as it brings a measure of seriousness over other more casual types of relationships.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-05-16T14:11:08+00:00

I’m not defending talking down to anyone because of their beliefs, because that is wrong, but marriage is not just a ring to many people. You are way too obsessed with the opinions of other people and are no better than them with your own actions.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-05-16T18:17:51+00:00

Pick me typically refers to a male-identified woman who throws other women under the bus to elevate her status in the eyes of men

One of the primary ways this is done is by parroting the opinions of men, even - and especially - when they are harmful to women

Which category do you think "it doesn't matter if you have kids out of wedlock, women who think it offers security in any way are morons" falls under?

Historically we see what happens when men don't have any skin in the game. The unpaid labor done by women is completely taken for granted, and if a man was tired of playing house he'd just go off and start a new family in a different town. This overlaps nicely with current-day demographics where the men creating baby mamas just skip the formalities altogether and just leave women with all the responsibility, time and time again

You are comparing the best scenario of single moms to the worst of married moms. But that married woman with a philandering husband is still better off, legally, than the baby mama to a philanderer. And the married mother with the supportive, present, faithful husband is still better off, legally, than the baby mama with a supportive, present, faithful baby daddy.

codru-critter · 2025-05-16T12:43:26+00:00

Marital status definitely does matter. There are studies that prove that children have a much better outcome with two married co-habitating parents. It’s not “just a ring” or “just a piece of paper.” It’s a legally binding commitment, and like it or not, that changes the way people act and think about the relationship. I would never, ever accept children without marriage. I also recommend to every girl I can to do the same. I absolutely love children, that’s why I would never doom them with a situation that is so clearly proven to be less than ideal. Both me & the child deserve legal protections. Being a baby mama is truly not a flex. So the man couldn’t commit to you with marriage (that can still end in divorce) but you’ve commited to him for LIFE with a child, a whole ass human being who will be affected by your dysfunctional relationship? Children are not an extension of a relationship but they are extremely extremely affected by their parents. If anyone hates children it’s people who don’t respect commitment before having them. There’s a reason people respect women and men who were in serious marriages that fell apart despite effort being put in more than people who are serial baby mamas or daddys.

_weedkiller_ · 2025-05-16T14:47:53+00:00

I think they’re the products of too many Disney movies. Popular culture has put so much emphasis on marriage being the ultimate goal for a reason. Get women stuck in marriages.
That said, I never really understood the interest in it. When I got married my step mum planned the whole wedding, I wasn’t interested.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-05-16T15:27:00+00:00

i dont belong to the culture being expressed in this post 🤷‍♀️

SprayAffectionate321 · 2025-05-16T17:24:00+00:00

The big elephant in the room is the normalization of men neglecting their children unless legally coerced into parenting, which doesn't work either as many married men don't parent their children. This isn't really a marriage issue.

Spiritual_Jeweler105 · 2025-05-16T12:10:18+00:00

Hmmm. I think this one is tough. I think marriage is not just a ring. Ultimately you want your child to have two parents that love and are committed to you. Marriage is a commitment and security that you both are in it together because divorce is incredibly messy no matter what or for who and you are willing to risk that because you believe in each other and what you have. I think men who get married before having children already have an understanding of what commitment and love is and so it makes sense to want that before having kids which is a commitment and love for life (that you cannot take back). Also, with that much court involvement for a divorce (which they are in basically all aspects of your life), there’s also a risk. Like you can’t just walk away, find a new wife, and act like your wife and the kids never existed. At least not for a very very long time. That being said, life happens and sometimes you get pregnant and you aren’t married and you can co parent and all is well. Which, in my experience, is very unlikely and I’ve never run across a single mom or dad that was not initially married that wasn’t in some way being treated unfairly by the ex or doing all the legwork in the children’s lives. I’ve seen some of those comments but only under videos where the girl honestly does not seem to respect herself in terms of her child’s father. To me it all boils down to, if he’s not going to commit to you he’s not going to commit to the child. Which is heartbreaking for both mother and child.

EducationPatient4622 · 2025-05-16T12:46:00+00:00

Marriage is a religious value ultimately. And religion is a personal thing.

What kids need is good parents. Not a marital status.

Im not sure what you mean by pick me?

AsturaeConiecto · 2025-05-16T13:31:24+00:00

This is like saying "men who obsess over sex are doormats". Women should obsess over marriage, it's at their entire benefit. "pickmes" will compromise female incentive to seem like better deals by men, which would be rather "Oh don't worry I don't care about marriage" instead.

Sea_Historian2659 · 2025-05-16T15:36:16+00:00

This isn’t being a pick-me

leosandlattes · 2025-05-16T15:46:31+00:00

Actually, I do not see a problem in preferring a child has the mother’s last name instead of the father’s if unmarried. I mean that father has no obligation to the child, he does not even need to sign the Acknowledgement of Paternity if he does not want to. And if a woman has to chase after a man in order to receive child support from him, that kid is better off with mom’s last name. After all, she will be the one to parent him.

Available-Level-6280 · 2025-05-16T19:32:22+00:00

I kinda think marriage is sort of obsolete. If you have your own career and can take care of yourself, then what's the point of marriage? Marriage doesn't make people stay in a relationship or be a good partner. It's a useless formality unless you plan on living off a man who has money.

FineDevelopment00 · 2025-05-16T21:08:37+00:00

The Pick Mes: Ew, the baby has his last name before you?! Girl You would have aborted! Being a baby mama is not a flex!

I disagree with the abortion part, but otherwise the above so-called "pick-me" stance is absolutely correct.

I truly believe they hate kids.

Being in possession of self-respect and valuing real marital commitment as a strong healthy foundation on which a well-adjusted family can be properly based means one hates kids, wut?

They just see kids as an extension of a relationship, not someone deserving of their unconditional love.

Without that relationship the kid(s) wouldn't even exist in the first place. And where is the unconditional love for the other parent; is the other parent a mere means to a selfish end, a mere tool to be used? I think you need to give this article serious consideration and rethink your stance.

Outside of marriage’s extra legal perks, its just a ring.

Wrong. Marriage is a public declaration of love and real commitment to the other person. It's a literal vow sworn to devote oneself wholly to that other person (and ofc both bride and groom swear this vow; it's not one-sided) for the rest of one's life. And when this oath is both taken and continually acted upon with all sincerity on both sides, it provides the absolute best safe environment in which a growing family will flourish.

Husbands have abused, cheated, neglected, etc. And a husband can find a new wife, have a new family, and do everything in his power to act like you and your kids never existed.

Sure but like another commenter pointed out, there's much better legal recourse in that situation for a wife than for a babymomma. And you seem to be operating under the assumption that healthy happy marriages don't exist. Which, with your mindset they don't. Thankfully we don't all share your mindset though.

As long as the mother provides a loving safe home, nothing else really matters.

There is nothing more pick-me than taking on the stance that women's well-being doesn't matter. There is no easier way to get used and abused than to disregard oneself as no higher than livestock to be bred (mind you, I'm denigrating neither married nor single parents here; Ijs throwing all considerations out the window other than "make baby, take care of baby" is reductive of our very humanity and clearly implies that even those babies will likewise lose their value once they grow up due to your stance's failure to acknowledge the reality that both progeny and adults are human beings with needs and neither should be devalued or dehumanized.)

^{ETA: I have read quite a few of your posts I agree with in my time on this sub, so I don't clash with you as often as most others here do. But sis this ain't it at all.}

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harmonica2 · 2025-05-16T13:11:19+00:00

I thought most guys would like pick me girls because they are easier to get?

EducationPatient4622 · 2025-05-16T18:49:06+00:00

What if theyre married but incompetent and not responsible.

Acrobatic-Writer7734 · 2025-05-16T21:16:25+00:00

So?

I'd sooner pick her over miss "urhhh all other woman are pick me's!"

What do you bring to the table besides negativity?

Certified_Dripper · 2025-05-16T23:58:59+00:00

Ok. But 1) the pick me girls are right in this particular situation, and a random aside but 2) Pick me girls are cool. What’s the problem?

MistaCreepz · 2025-05-17T00:58:18+00:00

Not sure you understand what a pick me is

EducationPatient4622 · 2025-05-17T02:09:11+00:00

Tradition is dying, and immigrants with old school values enter the USA, hold the tradition line.

Background-Walk8014 · 2025-05-17T05:44:31+00:00

Shitting on weddings is a very pick me thing to do in general. Weddings are increasingly portrayed as this dumb girly thing that you’d never want to be particularly nice if you really loved the person.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-05-17T19:38:06+00:00

Original definition of pick me: woman who puts other women down to get attention

Brain rot definition of pick me that insecure women who think “black cat” energy will get them a relationship: women who put in effort to get attention from the men they like

Unusual_Jellyfish224 · 2025-05-24T10:51:16+00:00

I find it interesting how the guys here wish women were more conservative, but when women are exactly that and refuse to have kids without marriage, somehow this make them baby-haters.

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