Loaned my wife $20k. Now she’s divorcing me and lawyered up, with my money.

not_actually_a_robot · 2025-06-03T05:33:04+00:00

As a man who’s still going through his own divorce… how the hell does a man loan his wife money? Did you not share finances? Gotta be honest, you sound toxic as hell. Asking for the watch back? Yes. That’s petty. If you couldn’t afford to pay for that watch and have enough to cover future expenses you shouldn’t be buying it. I’m still confused what the loan even has to do with anything except that you’re mad cause you’re the kinda dude who expected his wife to pay him back on a loan. Rule 1: never loan money to family. Give it as a gift, that’s fine, but never a loan you expect them to pay back.

blinkyvx · 2025-06-01T15:12:34+00:00

Aa far as spending money going forward, find the best lawyer you can pay as much as you can up-front.

I don't feel this can be construed as " hazard spending, " like a trip to Vegas.

Other things to spend it on a high-quality therapist and start going now.

Do any medical procedures you have pending ASAP, i don't think that would be hazardous spending?

Pay off any of your personal debt or debt that may soon be in your name with " marital " assets".

blinkyvx · 2025-06-01T15:07:57+00:00

If you have the receipt, I'd simply take it when she is not wearing it or in the shower.

Stop the fuck worrying about being petty, and get your fucking house in order.

The moment you gave her the 20k, from what I've watched on relationship videos by psychologists and read this a few times, please. -Your relationship with your soon-to-be ex became transactional. Understand the significance of this.

Legitimate-Corgi · 2025-06-01T02:14:31+00:00

It’ll probably all be considered marital property anyway. Good luck getting paid back when assets are all shared. And if she has cc debt or anything half of that is yours too

Particular_Car7127 · 2025-05-31T18:41:09+00:00

You can use this in your case as dissipation of marital assets, ie financial abuse. Try to get a receipt or at least a photo of the rolex warch.

probebeta · 2025-05-31T17:22:02+00:00

You bought her an 18k Rolex? Wow that's quite the gift. I guess one of my good decisions I made during marriage was to not hand out any fancy gifts. That's APs responsibility 😅

Sad-Present-1077 · 2025-05-31T17:06:52+00:00

Legally that’s her money too. You didn’t “loan” her anything. She used marital funds just like you can.

Wizard_Investor · 2025-05-31T17:06:40+00:00

Did you loan the money to her while you were married or before you were married? I am not a lawyer. There is a difference when it comes to marital property especially in community property states.

warrior_up · 2025-05-31T15:03:41+00:00

Take a “trip to Vegas” where you “gambled recklessly” and “blew tens of thousands of dollars” on entertainment, drinking, expensive watches. Emotional Distress, couldn’t handle the separation well

While in Vegas find a bank, pull as much liquid cash out as you can. Find a trustworthy friend or family member. Get divorced

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-05-31T14:51:41+00:00

Meanwhile, she’s rocking an $18,000 Rolex I bought her

Anyone filed yet? Just take it and sell it.

unitl someone files you're just having an elaborate fight.

dfb54749014 · 2025-05-31T14:49:55+00:00

Yeah, sorry, but... good luck. The first thing she and her lawyer will do is claim they were gifts and owe you nothing in return.

Been there, done that. Every piece of jewelry I gave my ex was considered a "gift" and I had no claim to half the value. Engagement ring, 10 year anniversary ring, Black pearl jewelry set, Swarovski platinum and crystal watch, etc etc. All hers to keep free and clear.

She easily walked away with an extra $25-30K right there.

So again... not trying to be a jerk or anything but... Good luck.

Legitimate-Tip5535 · 2025-05-31T14:41:06+00:00

Congratulations you played yourself

drtij_dzienz · 2025-05-31T13:17:31+00:00

I think the value of the Rolex would be part of marital property.

I don’t think it’s possible to loan money to a spouse. That would just be like, you agreed she could spend $20k of your combined money.

PghSubie · 2025-05-31T13:02:48+00:00

You "loaned your wife" money. I'm confused. In the perspective of martial property, what do you envision that this means?

lewtus72 · 2025-05-31T12:49:05+00:00

Mine did something similar but worse. She actually got convicted from stealing money from her parents. There had to be payback and take out an equity loan on the house which was mine premarital to the tune of $200,000. And the court didn't recognize that as being alone. Even though a verbal contract is the same weight as a written contract. Divorce judges don't know the law very well to be quite honest even if she agreed to pay it back just like mine said. You mean to think of it as she will get half the money you had anyway so she would have taken $10,000. Of course, when you divide the assets and have a $18,000 Rolex that counts as well because you can ask the judge to split that or she'll have to give up something of equal value to equalize things

fewdo · 2025-05-31T12:26:48+00:00

I don't think the court will recognize the debt but it's with putting in the negotiation. You might be able to keep some more of what you saved instead of getting a check. Like if you had $100k in your retirement, she might agree to only getting $35 or $40 of it. That way she's still winning a little bit.

Sigh

warwww · 2025-05-31T12:10:11+00:00

Par the course. This is expected behavior. Consider it an expensive lesson.

Typically they’d have you buy them something expensive before they file for divorce. I.e a new house or a new suv.

If you know in your gut the relationship is rocky and she’s insisting on a big ticket purchase… plan accordingly.

Beamformer · 2025-05-31T10:45:30+00:00

Mine dipped out with the kid's 85k college fund, left me paying college out of pocket, and then came after the house. Fuck divorce court, nothing but wealth redistribution, zero justice.

HoyAIAG · 2025-05-31T10:39:18+00:00

That money you loaned her was hers. Unless you have a prenup stating otherwise.

Evari · 2025-05-31T10:15:16+00:00

If it makes you feel any better my stbxw managed to trick me into taking on nearly £40k of debt buying her a car and paying off her credit cards before she decided she was done with me. Ultimately its all going to balance out in the divorce settlement, and theres pretty much a zero chance of her actually giving you the money back, so I wouldn't bother mentioning it.

rsmiley77 · 2025-05-31T10:15:00+00:00

You guys are married though. Did you get the loan repayment in writing? You bought her a Rolex but don’t have the cash to pay an attorney?

Title	Loaned my wife $20k. Now she’s divorcing me and lawyered up, with my money.
Author	Boglehead101
Upvotes	45
Comments	51
Date	May 31, 2025 9:56 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kztfru/loaned_my_wife_20k_now_shes_divorcing_me_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/loaned-my-wife-20k-now-shes-divorcing-me-and.1553560 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553560

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