Why is showing interest such a turn of to some people?

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-07-08T23:50:06+00:00

It's not a turn off. It depends on how you show interest, how much interest you show, whether it's earned, and whether it's based on authenticity or only on superficial qualities.

LimbBisquet · 2025-07-09T00:26:04+00:00

Women never want what they can get and only want what they can’t get. An overly interested guy is easy to get, easy to figure out and not interesting at all. He is a “sure” thing and they don’t have to lift a finger to earn his attention.

A guy who ignores them and is rarely available and stands up to hot chicks are going to be intrigued by him and will work that much harder to get his attention and his interest. Don’t ever be the guy they can get all of. Be the guy they can have only a tiny piece of for a short time.

Ok_Investigator7568 · 2025-07-09T03:28:50+00:00

Yeah dont be friendly or chatty it gives friend vibes and gave me a 95% failure rate on 20 dates or so. When I talk less and slowly but am also ambiguous, i breed 80% of the time on 100+ dates

Illusion911 · 2025-07-09T00:36:38+00:00

Because it's about power dynamics. You're revealing the other person they have power over you.

They are put on a pedestal and they start seeing you as below them. They want a man that's better than they think they are

ChicoBrillo · 2025-07-08T23:53:46+00:00

I would say because it kills the tension / intrigue. Somebody whose an open book and lays their cards down right away is like skipping foreplay

Effective_Flower_214 · 2025-07-09T00:02:18+00:00

Well imagine this: a girl is showing intense desire to go out with you, she's texting you 3 messages every 1 message you send, she's inviting you over at every conversation you have and she's responding instantly to every message and wont stop trying to see you all the time, at every second

You'd be turned off by that. Too much intensity, it doesn't feel comfortable like someone is showing themselves to your life. I had a gf that texted me constantly in an extremely needy way, you can feel it and it's awful and repulsive

Osiris_Raphious · 2025-07-09T02:31:02+00:00

Women are like cats...

But also: You act thirsty you come across as desperate.

Many people, not just women will be naturally attracted to(gravitated to) people who have a passion, who are focused on being themselves and enjoying life.

You are acting busy, you are interested, passionate, you arent being sexually motived, or trying to impress anyone you are just doing you. And that brings people in, they want that energy, they want to know more. You give them a little, they will want more.

Its not wierd, its actually logical when you learn about psychology, behvaiours, peoples interests etc. Thats why a lot of advice on this sub, and in dating in general is always: Sort your shit you, be healthy, dress well, have passions/hobbies/work. So you have something to talk about, you can be interesting, and if you are interested back then you make friends, build social value etc. Women natually will be drwan in.

Most of seducation isnt about being a pharmone magnet, its about building self, so whne you do find someone you like, and she likes you back you will know whast to do to move forward with interaction. And build attraction.

Icy_Artist111 · 2025-07-08T23:36:56+00:00

It comes down to coming across as too needy. Showing interest is not a turn off, showing too much or expecting something in return is.

Models by Mark Manson touches pretty well on this.

bigmanJ28 · 2025-07-09T00:03:24+00:00

Ends the “chase” the game is over.

UltraAirWolf · 2025-07-09T04:00:56+00:00

I could say a million different things, but I am certain that this is the most helpful thing I can say.

You already know the answer to the question you asked.

If you sit, in stillness, for a second, you already innately understand the principle of what you chase runs and what you run from chases you. But most of us don’t want to swallow that bitter pill because if we do, we may have to admit that we don’t know enough currently to know how to get what we want, to chase us. And then not only is does it not chase us but now we are running from it!

What if they don’t chase!

That is why you have to make yourself into a super dope person. Idk what some of you think this subreddit is, but you are literally here because you want to learn how to be cool. It’s ok. That’s why I’m here. I am cool, it’s just I am also here to learn how to be cool. Some of you are not cool yet, in a way you are, but not like James Dean or Jack Black cool, and that’s ok. Just have the mind of a student which means NEVER FUCKING IGNORE A PRINCIPAL BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID and it is likewise foolish to not accept a principle simply because it is inconvenient to your current lifestyle if true.

Make what you want, want you. It is a lesson I still sometimes need, and I am dope as hell. But I overpersue because I’m a romantic and an extrovert and blah blah blah but you GOTTA leave the audience wanting mor

bafun13 · 2025-07-09T06:38:44+00:00

Because you show interest, not desire

Zotoaster · 2025-07-09T07:39:17+00:00

Does your energy say "I need you to make my life better" or does it say "I want to make your life better"?

Do they feel a sense of obligation?

somethinlikeshieva · 2025-07-09T07:51:27+00:00

I didn't understand it until a chick showed interest that I wasn't a fan of. Only then do you kind of understand

HomelessMilkman · 2025-07-09T10:24:34+00:00

How do you react when someone tries to sell you something unsolicited?

It's reasonable suggesting continuing an interaction that's going well but there's showing interest proactively before they've had a chance to see if they'd enjoy your company, or showing interest when it's clear they don't.

Being quiet and minding your own business isn't 'attractive' per se, it's just not 'unattractive'; it's not imposing any negative experience.

bmcapers · 2025-07-09T02:55:16+00:00

It could be interpreted as inauthentic and unearned. The person knows they’re being viewed as an object of desire rather than a person. Makes them wonder how much the other person is coping.

PeterLamb87 · 2025-07-09T06:53:01+00:00

Showing unearned interest is a turn off, not showing earned interest is a turn off as well.

Acrobatic_Ad1300 · 2025-07-09T08:01:35+00:00

healthy attention can inflict a visceral flight response to someone who's never experienced stability during critical development years. it has fried nervous systems and thats what heslthy attention can feel like, a sensation of frying but its you

Seductive_allure3000 · 2025-07-09T09:04:37+00:00

Maybe you're showing too much interest and it's unconsciously coming off as needy. As someone said in the comments, Women are like Cats. If you give them too much attention they'll get bored and move on. You can show desire towards them without saying words, it's all about your energy.

epimpstyle · 2025-07-09T09:48:45+00:00

A female coworker told me that I come of as mysterious

So you are mysterious, and a woman will want to know why you are so mysterious... right? Well... it never happens like this.. In reality you just give the impression that you are not a friendly person. You don't look people in the eyes keeping your head down, so it looks like you don't want to talk to anyone. You look too busy to be interrupted. In other words, while you think you are mysterious, you are actually the opposite of someone who is social and friendly.

Too much intent is as bad as too little, and in this case, you belong in the second category: you are an unapproachable person

when your quiet and mind your business, women seem to be attracted to you more.

This is only your point of view, but in reality, if you act mysterious, you are a weirdo. Of course, people will look at you, and you might believe that your attitude is the right one, but actually, they won't say: 'Wow, that guy is so cute and mysterious.' Instead, they will say: 'OMG, that guy is a weirdo, what is he going to do?' And now you will sense you're getting more eyes looking at you, and you'll wrongly assume they are attracted to you.

I'm not a psychologist, but this is the way I see it, and this is why a stranger doesn't feel comfortable around you (because you don't look approachable). Try to change your attitude: keep your head up, chest out, look other people in their eyes, smile, nod your head as if saying 'hi' if a woman looks at you while you are at your job in hospital, ask if you can help them with something or if they need water, be a sociable person – everything will change.

BurnItDownSR · 2025-07-10T00:30:37+00:00

Its not. Its un-earned interest that is.

Wanna know how it feels? Its like trying to play a bunch of video games but always winning before you've done anything meaningful.

That's why hot women in particular are so annoyed by it. Because they have so many simps showing them interest for free.

The typical man's understanding of dating is also way off. Your interest in her has nothing to do with her interest in you. You gotta stop feeling the need to make sure a girl knows you like her.

Women lust over guys who've never even looked at them, let alone shown any interest. They have many crushes after all. You showing that you like her to put context into your interactions or make sure she understands that you aren't just being friendly is completely unnecessary.

Just talk to women like you talk to dudes, be a cool guy, and actually challenge them and actually wait until they genuinely pass the challenges, i.e. be as hard to please with a woman as you are with a dude, before you show them any interest.

When you do that, you'll have a bunch of women desperately hoping that you aren't just being friendly.

Aromatic-serve-4015 · 2025-07-10T23:35:30+00:00

i dont get it.. if i feel it from a girl and i want to escalate i have to show interest.. and than they say no.. so how do i move their guard down..

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-07-11T12:19:20+00:00

You need to understand her DNA is what you want to game. The logical stuff doesn’t matter. Shaping interest sometimes can trigger bad dna signals that make you seem beta or not like a good mate

eablokker · 2025-07-09T05:02:55+00:00

People usually show interest when they believe they have something to gain from the other person. You wouldn't show interest to a girl you find unattractive, because what is there to gain from her? When you show a lot of interest, it says you have much to gain from them, and not much for them to gain from you. Think of it from her perspective: "He's showing interest, he wants something from me, I stand to lose something while he gains something. What do I have to gain from him?" When you show less interest, it says you already have plenty or perhaps have something that they could gain from you.

Heres the key: when you first show her what she has to gain from you, while showing neither interest nor disinterest, she begins to show interest, because she believes she has something to gain from you. Then you can question her about what she has to offer you, and based on that then you can show interest. Now you have mutual interest based on things that you both can gain from each other.

Title	Why is showing interest such a turn of to some people?
Author	Amazondriver23
Upvotes	99
Comments	55
Date	July 8, 2025 11:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lv3tps/why_is_showing_interest_such_a_turn_of_to_some/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-showing-interest-such-a-turn-of-to-some.1556668 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556668

Comments