Just found this sub and seems like there's some thoughtful dudes in here that have a good perspective. I'm not divorced but headed down that path.

I got the ILYBNILWY speech about 6 months ago and was immediately and mercilessly blamed for all issues. Things were weird for a few years prior but I thought it was just life- menopause, kids, sick parents, tough jobs, etc. Nevertheless, I was blindsided. A chorus of men from another sub said she was cheating and I was in denial. I caught her a month later with the other dude. They were right and I suspect all of you telling me to leave are right too but I'm still dragging my feet.

Someone here posted saying something about passing out a cheaters handbook. Hold crap does this all follow one big script or what? I think she's on to affair number two right now but doing her best to keep me on the hook to keep our little Facebook family together. She was hell bent on divorcing me when she was in love with AP #1 but she's backed off that quite a bit. She says that he will always be waiting on the side ready to marry her (he's 15 years older and has a ton of money).

I can't tell if she didnt mean to get emotionally involved with him and finally has some space or if she's just infatuated with AP#2 (if that's actually happening) and moved on. I saw a message to potential AP 2 saying something about being able to keep things under control but her feelings are getting away from her and she likes him more than she thought she would. He replied "you're addicting, in all forms". I'm debating whether I should tell his wife or not.

My mind is going to crazy places. I'm thinking back to all of the times I was suspicious of her. Has she been cheating the whole time? Is she a crazy narcissist that love bombs other dudes and then keeps me in the demoralized zone?

The big problem is is that we've been together for 16 years and with the exception of the past 2-3 my life has been measurably better with her in it than without. She vastly out earns mean and I'd probably not have kids let alone live where and do what we've done together over the years. She's brought out a lot of good in me and now I'm so demoralized by her and all the shit that I read online that the future all seems so bleak.

just venting. I wish I didnt need to come to the sub but nice to meet y'all