Men who divorced with kids — how do you feel now?

Sufficient-Role7450 · 2026-06-06T16:04:20+00:00

Is it possible to start a new life? Get married again? Have more kids? And still keep a bond with the elder ones?

Mildad55 · 2025-12-28T00:56:45+00:00

Don't regret it one bit. Initially the divorce was tough. It took a heavy toll on my mental. But a couple months after, it felt right dude! It was peaceful. Quiet. A bit lonely but that's ok. I was able to accept that part. But just the fact that I didn't have to answer to anyone but myself. I didn't have to be accountable to anyone else but me and my 2 kids. I started saving money. Got into way better shape. Stress levels went down. Don't get me wrong, initially there was embarrassment. There was envy. There was jealousy about her dating directly after. But I honestly wouldn't want it any other way. Stay strong.

probebeta · 2025-12-26T09:26:15+00:00

Don't know the details why you want to leave but I can tell you how it feels. It's not a great feeling since I'm not the type that goes out to xmass parties, mingle with other parent friends etc, so this part takes some effort if that's your thing. Another part of me could care less about it honestly. My kid has my undivided attention, we go out and have fun, often just the two of us, then we meet my family. It's different but enjoyable and you can make it work. Staying civil to ex helps with your sanity, you gotta let go of any resentment. Introducing him to new friends is still tricky. Sadly, I don't feel comfortable introducing anyone to our life whereas women find this a lot easier I think... You have to learn how to embrace solitude, which in many ways it's been rewarding for me. It's amazing to live life on your terms, it's going to be hard to convince me that jumping back into some commitment is going to be better.

banderson888 · 2025-12-26T07:08:25+00:00

I have 3 kids and have been divorced a year. My ex cheated we (I) tried to work it out for 9 months (mainly for the kids) and I found out she was still cheating. I called it. Divorce was the only option. If there is infidelity, end it.

But if you've just grown apart (that happens with kids, romance fizzles because kids/work is priority) try to salvage it for the kids, at least try.

I know this may not be a popular opinion here, put the effort in for a year with your wife. Work on you. Gym, try to make more $, read whatever you need to do to better yourself, but also talk to your wife and try to be emotionally there for her. Take the love language quiz together, maybe you two are just talking the wrong language. Read relationship help books, go to counseling. Ending your marriage just because you're not happy is the same thing we see unhappy wives do in these discussions on here ALL THE time. It WILL blow up your kids life. Will they be OK? Probably. But, maybe not. If you do walk away, walk away knowing you did everything you could to make it work and repair your marriage for your family. If you put in the work and it she didn't, maybe its time. Rethink it next year. I see this quoted here all the time... "A women will choose her happiness before her family. A man will choose his family before his happiness." Don't be like those women unless you've put in the work with zero results.

ChicoBrillo · 2025-12-25T23:31:44+00:00

Son of divorced parents. They stayed together until me and my sister moved out. I realize now in adulthood that having two miserable people who dont love eachother as a model of relationships wasn’t great for my development. I’d have rather they tried to be happy rather than kid themselves that staying together was some how for “our sake”

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-12-25T22:08:38+00:00

Kids just arrived a few hours ago. We had a blast. There's not much you can do when they are with your ex. I keep myself busy and I'm doing great. I kept all my friends after the divorce but there's also something I realized during the relationship which was my subconscious or my gut feeling that told me to avoid mutual friends at all cost. Looking back it helped me. My kids are doing well but that also has to do with my general attitude towards life. I'm here for them and will always show up.

ramboton · 2025-12-25T20:29:39+00:00

I waited until my kids were over 19, which was the worst thing I ever did. We, (the kids and I) endured the torture that they call mom for too many years. Now I tell anyone who asks, if you are not happy get out now. Do not wait.

GurSpecialist9176 · 2025-12-25T20:29:32+00:00

It’s our first Xmas divorced. We were separated last year but still did Xmas together for the kids. Divorced shortly after the new year.

As far as the divorce goes, yeah you’re going to have ups and downs, so are the kids. But the best thing you can do is get as healthy as you can possibly be and prioritize them, especially right away. They’ll see that and they’ll be ok, and it’ll probably even make your relationship even better with them.

Marriage is a two way street. I see alot of people basically saying stay together for the kids. Well that only works if both parties will work on it. If one won’t, the best move for everyone is divorce. It’ll be hell, you’ll be depressed, but you’ll work your way out of it.

Almost one year later, I’m feeling better than I did the last several years of my marriage. That’s led to me being a better dad, better at work, healthier, just an all around better person. If you’re miserable, make a change. Like I say it’ll be hell, but when you come out the other side you’ll wonder why it didn’t happen sooner.

I got kind of lucky and this first Xmas here I got the kids. Next year will probably be a little weird. But all you can do is make it the best experience you can for them, and go from there. Like I say, kids get it, and they will appreciate seeing the effort you make, especially if in your current state that’s suffering.

Sorry you’re going through it, but just know there is a light through the shitty tunnel. Just have to be willing to work through it and things will get better. No use staying miserable your whole life. It’s not good for anyone in the family. Good luck buddy.

No-Wasabi-6504 · 2025-12-25T18:46:49+00:00

The kids are resilient and will be fine when you are better divorced.

Dull-Stick2040 · 2025-12-25T18:09:36+00:00

We’ve been separated for a little over two months, officially divorced one. Four kids together - 50/50 custody. Personally, I’m lonely - but less lonely than I was with her. My kids are handling it well. Of course they’re hurt, and a couple have acted out in school. But they’re going to be ok. I think I’m a better father now. Before I was in survival mode. I was almost always in a state of high stress, even in my own home. Not anymore. I have dedicated time to myself, I can create the home with the rules that I want, I’m not walking on eggshells or putting myself last anymore. I thought the hardest part was pulling off the bandaid, but I was wrong. The hardest part was the decade plus of a loveless marriage.

BigBubbaMac · 2025-12-25T18:02:58+00:00

This is my first single Xmas. Still going through the process but it is the best holiday season I've had in many years.

Funny_Object_5538 · 2025-12-25T16:23:56+00:00

Man these replies are all the same. Yes we’re all better fathers once divorced, hopefully. But if the question is about the kids, how are they? I have 4 kids and the mom decided to blow up their world when the youngest was still 6. Not one of my kids is doing better. 2 developed ticks post separation. This wasn’t a house of abuse or fighting. They want mom and dad everyday, it’s all they’ve ever known. They don’t want 2 houses to rotate in between. They hate the back and forth. They now hate school. They hate not knowing who’ll they be with when they plan things. Divorce is selfish, don’t disguise it as the right choice for the kids to justify it to yourself or mom. The kids will suffer. Will they be ok? Who is really? Just one more thing to make that harder than it already is. Personally, I’m seeing the benefits now of the divorce more than they are. And yet they are the innocent ones in all of it. Life is not fair.

Toni_Jabroni77 · 2025-12-25T15:45:22+00:00

I have three teens, my ex and I have been divorced for 4 years and were together for 18yrs. I feel fortunate that we were able to keep the divorce from getting too nasty, there were hard pills to swallow like splitting the house that I put so much of my time and labor into remodeling. The fear of her wanting more than 50/50 time split with the kids, all of that was hard. Once the divorce was done the stress died down and after a year or two we were able to be around each other a bit more and both agreed to having a meal once a week or once every two weeks with all of us together for the kids sake. It’s been a good thing and the ex and I try to be flexible and it has made things much easier. Holidays are still hard, sometimes I fall into negative thoughts on life in general due to the split. I wonder what it would have been like if I stayed with a prior girlfriend instead of the woman I married. I’m 48 and wonder if I will ever be open to that level of commitment again. I worry about the kids all growing up and moving out, wondering what life will be for me then.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-12-25T14:59:22+00:00

I’m a child of a divorced set of parents. They haven’t spoken to each other or seen each other in 24 years. I had Christmas with my ex and 3 kids today. We co-parent well and put aside our differences for our kids sake as my ex and I both realize we don’t want my upbringing for our children. Things are different but our kids are doing well. You can make it more normal for your kids but that’s up to the two of you.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2025-12-25T11:50:19+00:00

I am a child of divorce and also currently.going through one.

I knee my parents weren't happy and I withdrew a lot from things and would seclude myself away from them because the tension was just so powerful. My father stayed "for the kids" and regretted it but felt it was the right thing. I dont think it was becaue id rather see him happy apart than struggling together

This year, I have my kids for Xmas. Divorce is still in the process, but she up and moved half a day away. No chance of seeing her. Im ok. My younger kids aren't. They miss her and struggle to understand. My older kids have been my strength. Helped wrapping presents and making cookies. I couldnt have done this without them.

If you truly feel that divorce is in the future, the kids will make it as long as, I like to say, treat them like mini adults. Kids are smarter than we let on and pick up on things. Its will get better I keep.telling myself.

Gattsama · 2025-12-25T08:31:42+00:00

For what it's worth, let me just throw in my two cents. I'm a child of divorce. When I got divorced we were together for 17 years but never had kids.

I think my parents divorce had the best possible outcome for me and my sister. My parents were always fighting, they were clearly not happy. They would wait until they thought we went to sleep, and then go downstairs and fight. I remember sitting at the top of the stairs holding my sister and her crying because of their actions.

When they separated, I thought that just made logical sense. It never occurred to me that my parents didn't love me. It never occurred to me that it was my fault.

Most importantly, my parents never said anything negative about each other when they thought that we could hear. My dad never lived more than about 15 or 20 minutes away. From my point of view, he was always in my life.

Looking back, I cannot actually imagine what that change in his life actually meant. From seeing us everyday, to only seeing us on weekends or holidays. When I turned 16 and I started driving I would just drive over to his place sometime and spend the night randomly because again he never lived more than 15 minutes away so it wasn't like an interfered with me going to school.

Again, every situation is different. But I do want to say that it's not the case that the kids will be psychologically messed up because their parents divorced. At this stage it's practically the norm. I had a great relationship with my father right up until he passed.

As much as my parents were not functional together, they seem to co-parent really well together.

soparent · 2025-12-25T08:11:20+00:00

is this AI? why?

HotCut100 · 2025-12-25T08:10:09+00:00

So I am in the short term category. She initiated the conversations about separation and confirmed that there was nothing that can help and she wanted the divorce. I initiated her moving out of the family home and gave her a deadline to leave before I would start charging a per diem. She didn’t like it, but she also had no legal choice after I refinanced the house and bought her out.

At this point, much of the experience is anticipating her moves after being so successful in predicting her behavior responses to my actions. That validation of accuracy and success was the first step in helping me understand that her perception of me and the box that she put me in was completely wrong.

We do try and do some things together, but she has a habit of making unilateral decisions on things, which is not new, and that almost blew up this holiday. I stood my ground and she had to give in, but I only got them half of today and I get them until tomorrow evening, when I was supposed to have them for two solid days. Still, it’s far better than last year where I had to do every single thing myself and even when company arrived I had to ask her to come down and participate. I will point out that she didn’t purchase a single item or create a single gift for our children. But of course, now she doesn’t want me to have them during the Christmas season on account of my traditions that the kids love.

Will you get through it? Yes. It’s hard to describe the peace that you experience on the other side once she is out of your daily life. Then you have to start figuring out what the boundaries are and what is important to you. Much of this is rediscovery, but is in the context of prioritizing your children.

Will kids get through it? Getting through it is a relative process. Much of it depends on ages and how they perceive what’s going on around them. My kids were excited about it initially due to the two of everything concept. Now that the reality is setting in, they are struggling. It is also not going like she expected, where she thought she would be the popular house and I would struggle to keep them and entertain them. It has turned into the complete opposite where there are tears when it’s time to go back to her place. We talk a lot about choices we didn’t make, but have to live with.

I can’t say for sure what the impact on the kids will be at this point. But they’re showing resiliency, which is promising. Good luck and make the right decision for the kids and you – no one else.

MissterHannya · 2025-12-25T07:30:09+00:00

I think everyone’s story is different the only common thing I see if that this has its ups and downs. But it’s up to us as individuals how we respond to our divorce. As a dad for 1 and and 1/2( my sons older brother isn’t mine but basically raised him since he was 2) I had the harder time with that. Being a father is very fundamental to my values and the thought of another man stepping into that role hurts me a lot. However it’s a battle i constantly fight myself with but I no paper or person will take away the fact that I am still showing up for them to my best of my abilities and most important showing up for myself so they can see that dad is still himself away from sons and the mother of them.

serkovavantgarden · 2025-12-25T07:02:43+00:00

I feel 10x better being a divorced dad

More quality time with my kids on my terms

Also get free time to get the identity I lost during marriage, back.

Which In turn makes me happier

Cos happier dad means happier times for the kids

mrfun2001 · 2025-12-25T07:00:45+00:00

I’m a divorced father of three. This is the third Christmas for me since the divorce. We alternate and she has them this year. It is hard. In my case, both of us are committed to doing what’s best for the kids. That means we generally invite the other parent to important events in their lives like birthdays and Christmas. It can be a challenge to spend those times with her, but it’s also wonderful to spend it with the kids. And they enjoy having both parents. I would recommend trying it if it’s an option for you. Things to get better with time. Emotions settled down. The kids do all right. I still feel some guilt, but it was also beyond my control in many ways. I’m still trying to give my kids the best life I can. And that’s still a pretty good life. Remember, a life without any pain or challenges is not a good life. They and you can get through this and learn from it.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2025-12-25T06:59:13+00:00

Imagine what a great father you will be not exhausted, able to plan holidays in advance and pull them off your cool way without being micromanaged and 2nd guessed every second.

Tomorrow I'll have the kids starting in the afternoon like I've had for the past few years. Fine for me because I work nights and getting up when the kids do (they're not teens yet) so I get more sleep. Beef Teriyaki and Fried Rice for the big meal, not Turkey and Ham because that's the only thing that's "right" to her.

I'll get up around 10AM tomorrow, everything is prepped. All I need to do is fire up the grill. So much more stress free and fun... able to actually ENJOY being with the kids and family without the Primary stressor.

Title	Men who divorced with kids — how do you feel now?
Author	Relevant-Key4610
Upvotes	35
Comments	63
Date	December 25, 2025 6:53 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pv7htg/men_who_divorced_with_kids_how_do_you_feel_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/men-who-divorced-with-kids-how-do-you-feel-now.1569616 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569616

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