First date. Put me on game fellas.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-03-28T19:03:47+00:00

Also 18 years here. Be prepared that the dating pool is saturated with women with personality disorders, traumas and insane bodycounts. Single ones, especially those "single" for years are in fact never alone and probably single for a good reason.

After 18 years of marriage, and dating from 17-26, I'm basically a virgin compared to women 15-20 years younger than me. Fun times.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-03-28T11:30:52+00:00

Dating(or whatever) - do it when you are ready.
I made many bad decisions when I was separated. To some( and my friends) cheered me on….. I started dating because I can and I am a man- and truthfully I wasn’t ready- I was rebounding.
I stopped because of that. Sex was plentiful and meaningless- and truthfully,I did it because I thought I was THE man. But NOT the man,I wanted to be , the man God wanted me to be.
Depending on your moral…..and your perception of you.

You will know it when you are ready.
The scar(s) will always be there….but be truthful to yourself.
For me, to me, I want it to be meaningful.

bob_dazz · 2026-03-28T09:06:23+00:00

Similar situation to you. Went on my first first-date a few weeks back. My expectations were lined up and we had a really good time. Let the conversation go where it goes naturally. I was wary about talking about my ex but she asked some nice gentle questions and I have a good relationship with my ex so it was easy to be positive but brief.

She then talked about her past relationships and it was same vibe. So read the room and don’t worry about it too much.

Went on a second date with her last night and don’t think there’ll be a third but is was a good time and it was good to get back into it, and have an actual laugh and good chat with someone who showed an interest in me.

You got this - enjoy it.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-03-28T08:35:10+00:00

It’s way too soon but it’s probably best to go ahead and make all the mistakes so you can learn.

Don’t talk about ex. Don’t talk about male/female dynamics (although you should reeducate yourself on all the pickup artist/ RP stuff) Be decisive. Take the lead. Try to maintain the mindset that you could take it or leave it.

Gattsama · 2026-03-28T05:28:03+00:00

The goal is practice. Try to free yourself from any expectation or goals. Say: this is only for practice, there is no failure state, I'm going to just relax and try things out and see what happens. If it goes good, great; if it goes poorly, also great; because my only goal was practice.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2026-03-27T23:26:44+00:00

Do not talk about your ex.

Do not talk about your pending divorce.

Do not speak poorly or complain about your ex, no matter what.

Just be yourself. If she likes you, and you like her. Maybe at the end say - we should do this again.

PostTrenchesDad · 2026-03-27T18:43:19+00:00

Congrats on the date. The fact that you're excited instead of spiraling is a good sign.

Regarding the divorce, keep it simple and honest. If she asks, don't hide it but don't unload either.

"Yeah, I'm going through a divorce. Final docs are in, just waiting on the judge. It's been tough but I'm in a good place now."

That's it. Don't explain the whole story, don't bash your ex, don't get into the details unless she asks follow-up questions.

If she asks more, answer honestly but keep it brief. Focus on where you ARE now, not the drama of how you got here.

What NOT to do:
Don't spend the whole date talking about your ex or the divorce. She's out with YOU, not your past.
Don't say "I'm totally over it" if you're not - she'll sense the bullshit.
Don't apologize for being divorced - it's just part of your story.

General dating advice:
You already know her and there were vibes before - that's good. It means there's actual connection, not just "I'm trying to feel something again."
Keep expectations low. First date back after 18 years of marriage? Just have fun. See if the vibes are still there. Don't put pressure on it being anything more than that.

Enjoy it. Sounds like you're already in the right headspace.

suspicious_bag_1000 · 2026-03-27T18:04:26+00:00

You’ve been married a long time, so make sure you remind yourself it’s just a first date. It’s hard to re-train your brain to think that way.

Short-Obligation-704 · 2026-03-27T18:00:37+00:00

Whenever it comes up have a very courteous and mature, two or three sentence response, you grew apart, and then shut the hell up about it and never bring it up ever again, she’s not your therapist.

Listen more than you talk and ask some follow up questions if anything is interesting.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2026-03-27T15:10:41+00:00

You are entering dangerous territory and don't know it, so I will warn you.

You are going to feel some intimacy and real interest, the first that you have felt in probably years. It will intoxicate you. And this relationship will likely fail because you will do all the SIMP things and push her away.

And it will be fun at first, and then it will hurt more than your divorce.

Start researching about rule #3 over there on the forum rules to give yourself a chance.

Good luck brother! The world needs men!

Ablairy · 2026-03-27T14:52:48+00:00

Don't say anything bad about your ex or talk about her at all. Take her to do something you like doing .. be in your element. Be a gentleman. Maybe you'll get fellatio

techandgame · 2026-03-27T14:21:59+00:00

Damn you seem to line up with me.... 18 years, separated in Octo 2025, divorce docs received (by me) Feb 2026. Crazy timing.

If you say you have kids that are 16 and 13, then shit is gonna get all conspiracy theory here haha.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-03-27T14:04:26+00:00

Go bowling or miniature golfing

metzgie1 · 2026-03-27T14:00:08+00:00

It’s all about answering honestly. Ask questions. Listen. Repeat back to make sure you understand. Ask follow up questions. That’s the game. That’s all they really want.

DevinB12 · 2026-03-27T13:26:15+00:00

If you have kids, when talking about the kids, I always refer to her as "his mom" like, he's going to his moms that weekend. I think it shows respect to her better than calling her "ex" or whatever.

I also agree, don't talk about her, focus on the date and listen. Don't overshare but be honest.

CowBoyDanIndie · 2026-03-27T13:17:56+00:00

Too soon bro. But congrats on an amicable divorce, I am at 14 months since filing and no resolution in sight, probably going to trial. 11 years married at filing.

SomeVeryTiredGuy · 2026-03-27T12:04:44+00:00

Try not to talk about your ex too much. Or at all if you can help it. Be and stay positive. And listen to your date, like actually listen and react. You'll do fine. Good luck

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-03-27T10:23:01+00:00

Easy. Tell her you simply grew apart and there is no hard feelings between you and your ex and leave it at that.

ObjectiveSalt1635 · 2026-03-27T10:19:48+00:00

Just be honest. Make sure to indicate it’s very much done and no chance of getting back together

Title	First date. Put me on game fellas.
Author	OkJaguar5013
Upvotes	0
Comments	52
Date	March 27, 2026 10:16 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1s502uz/first_date_put_me_on_game_fellas/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/first-date-put-me-on-game-fellas.1576498 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576498

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