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wife responded with nukes

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April 13, 2017
16 upvotes

Trying to keep this short.. married 15years or so had 4 kids, found redpill content last week from looking for lifting advice after 6weeks of lifting. I know i've lots to read and have been reading as fast as i can go but it was impossible not to notice and try handling shit tests better than i have all my life. Am thinking to very slowly get some dread and game over the year, i'm in no rush. Been lifting, had a round of clothes shopping, got a decent haircut booked in...

I'm looking for some advice as i've found myself in a predicament i'm not well prepared for, and holding the course is going to be pretty stormy - i'd like to defuse the situation and help my wife find some calm.

A minor shit test i get a lot is 'can you just do x' - it might be incredibly slightly more efficient for me to 'just do x' but mostly it's all shit test. Close the curtains, bring a blanket, bring a drink, go get something, go put something somewhere. I get a moment to ponder why this is necessary but then get on with it - happy wife happy life right? I've asked her about this 'can you just' stuff before, maybe it's the way of asking that is noticeable. And of course it's hard to argue logically that it's fair and reasonable to 'just say no' to a small simple request that makes her life a tiny bit better. This week, then, she's halfway down the stairs and i'm like 4 steps behind her. Turns to me - can you just get my slippers from our room. It's like she's come up with a reason to ask me to do her bidding if she wanted slippers she would have got them when she was upstairs. Now i can go which is more efficient by 4 steps. Shit test, right?

I'm like No, but sadly did go get them (new to this) and i guess i was whiney but i was trying not to be. Right so she decides my behaviour is not ok and is literally fuming while i'm muttering about how she should get her own slippers and telling her that it feels like getting me to do little chores like this is not cool, that she does it a lot. "give me more examples, when else, when else have i asked". I chose not to get drawn. I walk past her on the stairs "Jesus, don't bite!" i chuckle. I get to the lounge. WHACK! i've been smashed in the back with a pair of slippers, and i turn to see her raging anger. I tell her that her behaviour is not ok, and that' i'm going out (30mins earlier than i'd already planned) so call the dog and head out. I get texts while i'm out, one about the dog, the other simply 'twat'

I get back later to the silent treatment. I'm completely cool with this, it feels ok. I make some jokes, no reference to earlier - they go ignored. Late, she demands an apology that i refuse to give. I don't want to have any conversation about this tbh, and stfu. She says "right well we have a problem then. if you want to (split up) you're heading the right way. I tell her she's over reacting and stfu, fall asleep.

Next day i'm still cool. i've asked if any of the kids want to go out when i get back from work (swimming), silence and nobody home at that time. Felt like games from her, but nice day so not unreasonable to be out (and not tell me lol) and idgaf so went to lift and swim. Got home. talked normally with her. she seemed cool. she asked if i'd had a think about yesterday and what she had said. (first shit test of the day). Yes, i said. Then silence, walked off. Evening normal. Late, last thing, she's back at it. I tell her i have forgiven her loss of control. She is clear that my unwillingness to do a small thing for her and more importantly to discuss my reasoning is a very serious problem. We have a problem she says. I don't, i say. i'm cool. Your problem is not my problem might have slipped out. I tell her she's overreacting. She tells me she thinks my behaviour has changed and that i'm acting guilty. What have I done? We are seeing a therapist, she announces. That i could think so little of her that she's not worth (incoherent). She would sleep in another bed tonight if there was one. She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry.

I stfu but have to tell her again that she's overreacting and all this anger over the slippers isn't necessary, i've forgotten it and moved on. Went to sleep. Woke up to the now familiar shrugging me off from morning cuddle.

I still think marriage is pretty strong and she's shit testing hard now. Or she's guilty about something and thinks i've discovered something maybe - this guilt stuff she's brought up twice while raging about the slipper situation. I've no reason to suspect her. But it's one day at a time now... refusing to walk on eggshells, little bit wary as understand drunk captain needs to gain trust before grabbing the wheel and like i said i wanted to go slow but wow things are way worse than i thought, she's shit testing to the max. Is this 'normal' when drunk captains take the blindfold off? How do i put the brakes on this slippery course while still heading in the same direction!?

TL:DR; wife has a lot of anger inside that she's venting right now, after a failed shit test.


Post Information
Title wife responded with nukes
Author Longwaytogo11111
Upvotes 16
Comments 101
Date 13 April 2017 07:28 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206288
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6541un/wife_responded_with_nukes/
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Comments

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill32 points33 points  (67 children) | Copy

Your wife threatens you with divorce because she thinks she's the prize. You need to regain that spot.

As stated go read WISNIFG, she's playing verbal chess and your playing checkers. You are the only person who can judge you actions. Not her; so when she says things like "can't you just get my slippers?" she's really getting you to judge yourself.

She has poor boundaries. Because she throwing around the separation bomb like it's casual conversation. Let me tell you, if my wife pulled that shit, she'd say it once. Then gone. Go back to what she said, "if you want to continue... You're headed to separation " . She wants you afraid of the consequences. Are you a grown man, or a baby child?

Oh and the hitting? Unacceptable. Full stop.

Here's a simple exercise. The next time she asks you one of these things simply say "no thanks"

She'll be a little surprised, and challenge you.

Ask her, "I have the right to say no don't I?"

She'll either double down or she'll agree. If she doubles down you repeat "well either I can say no or you're ordering me to do it. I wouldn't order you. Are you ordering me?"

Even the best alpha providers will do stuff for their wives because it needs to be done or it's an act of giving. You on the other hand are being manipulated.

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy

When it comes to threatening divorce/separation, that's a hard boundary that absolutely must be set. No agree/amplify, no fogging, no stonewalling, no ignoring.

Every married woman needs to understand, plain as day, that threatening divorce is not some casual move you make to get what you want from your husband.

And the first time a wife ever pulls that shit, you tell her immediately that that's her one. If she ever says the D word again, it had better fucking be with papers in her hand for you to sign, or you'll go get a set of papers for her.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If she ever says the D word again, it had better fucking be with papers in her hand for you to sign, or you'll go get a set of papers for her.

I chose not to respond, she was just trying to provoke me after all. It was late, i long ago learned never to argue late at night. But i was shocked. I'll make it clear she's not to do it again once i learn whether or not she's going to push the button while i go about my business.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She was just trying to provoke me

It was late

I don't argue

DEER DEER DEER

I'll make it clear she's not to do it again once i learn whether or not she's going to push the button while i go about my business.

Do you have aNY trace of a spine???

[–]Luis_McLovin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

call her bluff

watch as she flusters and refuse to sign

she'll learn quick like a good little girl not to mess about

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A++ answer. We don't mention the d word. This is pure and cruel manipulation that would piss me off more than words can express.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And the first time a wife ever pulls that shit, you tell her immediately that that's her one. If she ever says the D word again, it had better fucking be with papers in her hand for you to sign, or you'll go get a set of papers for her.

I used this last month, when she started again the next night. Thanks. It shut her up then and since. Really called her on that shit.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (47 children) | Copy

This is a great point. My wife told me she wanted to separate unless I did "x,y,z and be more senisitive etc". This was because she feels she's the prize. And after 10 months of MRP I'm finally realizing I'm the prize and she doesn't get to manipulate me anymore.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (46 children) | Copy

ye, wants to separate unless....

give her walking papers. straight up. this is you. she doesn't like it, she can go elsewhere.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It was to the point that I realized "I'm 35, better body than when I was a high school wrestler, make a ton of money, slay it at work, own my shit at home, 20 year old girls flirt with me unsolicited. She should be begging to suck my dick."

In reality, all she wanted all along was a beta provider.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

wait, are you me?

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (43 children) | Copy

Quite literally give her papers. Get a separation agreement drawn up by a lawyer. It'd all boiler plate, so it should only cost $500 or so. Have it ready. Next time she drops the "D" word, put it in front of her, and tell her to get out. Just stand there and say nothing. It gets the point across.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (42 children) | Copy

no. dont do this to make a point. do it because you don't want this woman in your life.

if it gets this stage, you let it get beyond "making a point" type thing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (30 children) | Copy

Yeah, I told her "My wife is 100% committed to me." She got the message but doesn't care. Even told me to get a girlfriend. I don't even care if she's trying to prove a point. I'm not staying married to someone who doesn't take it seriously. My next free day I'll be meeting with a lawyer.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (29 children) | Copy

aren't you an attending? lawyers come to you.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy

Yeah, for depositions.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy

huh. mine come to me whether I pay them or they pay me.

must be an alpha thing

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

In my experience, doctors have been witnesses more than clients. IDGAF how anyone pays. One old codger paid me in gold bullion.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Haha i'll make him put on scrubs and meet me in the OR

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

why not? he will probably charge you extra to change. fuckers charge by the hour.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

In six minute increments.

No shit.

Look, I just read a client email. .1 billed.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Who said anything about making a point?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

It gets the point across.

you

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Point taken.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

pointy

it reads differently depending on mood

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll rethink and expand on my pointed non-point tonight.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Okay, so I am going to revise and extend my remarks to this.

You are making a point, and this should be done to drive home a point. The point is, "threatening divorce is a hard boundary. Transgression of that boundary will be dealt with swiftly and with extreme prejudice. I have made the decision that I no longer need you or this marriage to be happy. Here are the separation papers to prove that I mean business. Now put up or shut up, winch." You say all that without saying a single word. Acta non-verba.

I disagree that her threatening divorce necessarily means a stage where it is time to leave. It could, but I do not think it is a hard and fast rule. I think that she should get at least a warning that this is a hard boundary, especially if she has done it in the past, and the guy is a career beta.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

While I'll say that yes- she should get a warning.

I will also say that, at least my current opinion- is that if you show her papers- you need to follow through. What kind of message does it send that you went all the way to papers - showed them - then put them away once she makes a change or two - for how long? - then you put papers away. Like - well This time I'm serious ... like you weren't serious before. Or maybe we are talking past each other and I'm missing it.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The way I envision it, it's her choice. She says she wants divorce, then here you go, sign right here right now. Put up or shut up. You have already made the decision that you are fine with either outcome. Or, more appropriately, you have already set out on your own path, and she is welcome to follow or leave. Either way, her wanting divorce does not change that path. You call her bluff and move all in.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

yes. I used to think like this as well.

and then I had another thought :

who the hell wants to be with a woman who throws that kind of bluff ?

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You are right, that is a good way to look at it. I'm on a slightly different path right now. I may get on that one in the future, but I'm not there yet.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ask her, "I have the right to say no don't I?"

Also,, a phrasing I saw recently, "when you said that, it sounded like you think I am not allowed to say no."

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I believe everyone is self centered. Until they see themselves in the problem they will never see you in it.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold here OP. Practice the sample dialogue until it's ingrained in your mind AND you internalize the logic behind the words.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your wife threatens you with divorce because she thinks she's the prize.

Small correction :

Your wife threatens you with divorce because she thinks you behave as if she's the prize.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

+1

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks - will do.

Yes she wants me afraid, i wasn't, she's presumably rattled. I did tell her she was over-reacting and to calm down. Not sure ever suggesting that a wife calm down is ever sensible. Mine did not calm down. "Do not tell me what to feel" i got.. which was ironic because she seemed to want me to make her feel better by telling her i was sorry and get her back up on the pedestal. I just went to sleep.

Yes i'm being manipulated, that's why it rankles when i'm asked to do shitty unecessary chores. I'm happy to do requests that meet whatever arbitrary standard i have for acceptability. "Can you just" scores any request -2 points before the rest of the sentence though.

Shit tests are coming thick and fast. I'm doing my best to pass them. With the anger and threat of random spontaneous divorce over me it's hard to give a fuck so that helps with the shit tests.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I did tell her she was over-reacting and to calm down. Not sure ever suggesting that a wife calm down is ever sensible.

It's not. I've found it's a lot more fun to push her harder and harder into overreacting, until you eventually fry her circuits and trip the circuit breaker. She'll usually reset herself a short time later and be back to normal. And if she doesn't, I have a front row seat to a spectacular fireworks show. Amused Mastery in a calm, detached, and aloof frame works best.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

My wife it's like playing Xbox, x x a b x, boom! Then "quit it, you know I want to be angry.."

Then I start mocking her for being an "angry elf". She usually start laughing after that.

[–]LinLeyLin1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

    X X A B X     / X     / X   X X A B X   A   X   B   X   B   A   X X A B X   B /     B /     X X A B X       

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it's Up Down Up Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start.

[Edit: forgot part, it's been a long time.]

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I did tell her she's overreacting and to calm down...

This is a rookie mistake. Why do you care how she feels and why are you trying to change that? Detach the emotional hose.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well i done fucked up all round. She baited a conversation by wearing fuck me clothes to bed then rejecting me. I half assed some alpha fuck but in a house full of kids who may or may not be asleep i fucking failed to just force myself on her although she was joking about calling rape and laughing at me while on top of her. so yeah i said we have to talk. oh you've finally realised.

So i sat her down today and told her i'm improving myself and not looking to anyone else for validation. She focused on me not getting her slippers. I foolishly tackled head on and said some of the requests have been fair some are taking the piss and maybe this one was borderline. Boom off she went. We have big problems. Tears. I asked what we are gonna do to fix the marriage. After all i'm sure i've read you got to work on problems together. But i knew all through, and i been told so many times here STFU go monk mode. So that's what i'm doing now. And advice not to engage is good good advice. Just staying out of her frame now, still acting like nothing happening it's all i can do. bouncing between flippant and caring is so fail. She knows i care of course i care this is my wife and the mother of my kids. but i'm staying out of her frame henceforth. see you guys over at mrp i'll get on with owning my shit for a week or so then check in.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Threatening divorce because you won't get her slippers. Check.

Wearing fuck me clothes to bed, letting you get on top and then rejecting you. Check.

At this point you have my permission to pick up some strange. At least go to a strip club and pay for a bj. Why do you need this cruel, domineering woman in your life? Sounds like she adds nothing but drama and bullshit. Fuck her. Literally or figuratively. Her choice.

[–]Mav13717 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'd focus on creating a context (frame) about how important those slippers must have been for her. Create some comedy and treat the slippers like diamonds from now on. Shrug off the the drama and keep your own direction. If she stops cooking and washing, take over and prove you don't need her. You have the value.

In the long run you can use the slippers incident as a running joke, i. e. Let's do something we special today, maybe buy some new slippers :)

[–]MuhTriggersGuise4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she stops cooking and washing, take over and prove you don't need her. You have the value.

This is a key thing. In my mind, a woman may do these things for a man to try to please him. If she doesn't, she isn't trying to please him. Fine. Just do them yourself. You'd do them if you were single anyway. No skin off your teeth. But, she doesn't get the extra appreciation or affection you (should) be dispensing to her when she is trying to do nice things for you.

Betas will double down trying to be nice when women start being bitchy or remove favors/sex. An alpha will just chuckle and take care of himself. He doesn't need her help to be a content individual. But on the same token, if a woman is trying to make an alpha man's life better, he will reward her with appreciation and affection when she does nice acts for him.

[–]maxofreddit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is good. ;)

[–]TaistoKarhu13 points14 points  (8 children) | Copy

TL;DR: Read WISNIFG

Yeah, respond to shit tests with anything but getting angry or taking her serious. In else, do not fall in her frame and join the situation. Treat them as the question was a joke to begin with. Then if she tries to escalate just smile and stfu/leave or fogging. Maybe its reasonable to have one or two statements someday now when you are reasonable and calm tell her that the best way to get things done is to do them yourself. Don't negotiate with her here, just fog and broken record. Also, sarcasm isn't sexy, mind you.

Myself, I had a shitload of these situations in before redpill. I never minded doing them, I was just pissed off how she never asked nicely. After RP I had a week or two where I refused to do almost anything she asked for her. I think she realized during that time that times are changing. I went a bit overboard a few times, for example I was looking for a bottle in the bin and she was in the shower next to me, asks me to handle one and I replied 'No, you can get it yourself' and stuff like that. Lots of angry wife those days for myself too. But I found my thresholds and stayed consistent and true to myself. She adjusted.

Now my thumb of rule is is if I get the feeling of not wanting to do it, or if I have to get up or change room for something she could do herself, its a 'No thank you'. I dont consider her feelings in this equation. I still help her with things, and she helps me, but its on my terms and comes from my abundance. I dont expect or want thank yous for my shit. If I did, I wouldn't do.

Wow and behold, these days she keeps muttering her pleas at loss of words, trying to figure the right combination of words to hand her the blanket next to me. I reply 'Good idea' and put it on myself anyway. ;)

Overall, I think general consensus is that you will get resistance every step of the way, before she adjusts (if she will) Just stay reasonable, dont join arguments or show her negative emotions, calmly and CONFIDENTLY say no thanks and read WISNIFG asap! It's really pointless to seek advice here until you've read that book.

You should know that your wife probably wants you start passing these tests, she just doesnt know herself. We barely have any fights these days and just yesterday for instance my wife was angry cos I hadn't reused a clean outfit for the daughter. (Shittest) I took that emotion, handled it well and one minute later she's laughing in my arms while I squeeze her butt. What could have been a 2 hour anger and silent treatment from both parties in the past, turned out to something good. It's your job man.

I still fail plenty too but at least I know when and what I did wrong and have a pretty good idea on what to do, so I keep improving.

Also its worth noting that even if it ticks me when my wife gets to call on me on matters concerning my house or my daughter, I still do it most of the time if the point is reasonable, because its my house and my daughter. I dont regard those as shit tests, unless they obviously are.

One more pointer since you are new to all this, you need to realize that this process you are beginning can very well seperate you two. There is a good chance that the only reason you two are together is because you've been folding and bending at every turn. The goal of RP is to fix the man, not the relationship. The incompatible wives will be seperated in the succesful process of RP. So if you are really going to make the jump, make it full or you will fall. You must embrace this possibility.

[–]anythingincRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

this process you are beginning can very well separate you two. There is a good chance that the only reason you two are together is because you've been folding and bending at every turn.

The good news for OP is that when someone escalates this fast and threatens nukes early and often, and the other side doesn't flinch, they either have to capitulate or glass the planet. And the process of living with that threat both desensitizes your flinch response, and makes you apathetic about being nuked...

...so OP will soon be tired of folding, and is going to get lots of practice with holding frame and outcome independence, soon he won't flinch, and will be apathetic about her nukes. Then she won't have shit except to live in his frame or leave. It is up to OP to be valuable and have a frame worth living in.

If a person only tolerates you because you are their slave (1), and their methods of ensuring your cooperation escalate to ending your slavehood....pretty stupid. One methodology of MRP is to be valuable enough that as you stop being a slave, they are realizing they value you as a husband/captain/lover, or at the very least need/want your cooperation and learn other, more relationship conducive, methods to getting it.

.

(1) By no means am I comparing being a husband to the deplorable institution of slavery. Skipping the first definition on Google we come to:

  • a person who works very hard without proper remuneration or appreciation.
  • a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something.
  • a device, or part of one, directly controlled by another.
  • work excessively hard.
  • subject to control by another.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks - will see how it goes. Taking control of my own happiness, judging myself harshly and not being defined by validation, taking less responsiblity for the emotional wellbeing of my wife - it's all quite new to me. I've been both manipulated and a manipulator, i've lived by devious hidden contracts. enough... time i grew up.

It is up to OP to be valuable and have a frame worth living in. well things moved from 0 to 100mph a bit fast for me to have a frame fully built! I'm on like 6 weeks of lifting, clothes last week and hair this week. And all of this felt natural i was just self improving not following the guide to dread. i chanced across TRP while looking for lifting advice and, well, it resonated.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

The only thing I can add is (IME), changing a marriage is not possible without dealing with direct conflict with your wife.

In your situation, either fail the shit test gracefully or tell her no thanks. Don't do it, then complain, man, that is terribly bad

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, can confirm :)

[–]Nodeal_reddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

IME?

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

fail the shit test gracefully

No such thing. They are pass / fail. When you fail, no matter how bad, she loses attraction.

[–]VictorERink0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great comments, sir. Thanks for sharing. I'm 2 years in and things are going great, mostly because of the dynamics you describe here. I love making my wife feel good and want to be held by me, and MRP was the praxeology that got me there. I have a lot more work to do, and I have a whole lifetime to do it. This marriage is off the rocks and heading out to sea.

[–]dandar46009 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

happy wife happy life right?

No, you got it ass backwards. There was a thread about it around a year ago on MRP.

I'm like No, but sadly did go get them

So you had the right idea but still got the fucking slippers?

while i'm muttering about how she should get her own slippers and telling her that it feels like getting me to do little chores like this is not cool.

Passive aggressive much? What are you a bitch now? That is not how a man acts.

Tell you what. For now, just SHUT THE FUCK UP. Take care of your shit around the house, with the kids, etc. Don't whine, don't highlight the shit you've done, just don't. If in doubt just STFU.

You need to read NMMNG and WISNIFG before you open your mouth again. For future reference a simple no will suffice. You do not justify a no. She will fume and maybe try to draw you into a fight. You will stfu and if she misbehaves leave the room, the house etc. Eventually she will stop treating you like her personal bell boy.

Again, a simple no is enough. YOU DO NOT DEER (Defend Explain Excuse Rationalize.)

Once you're done with NMMNG and WISNIFG you move on to the rational male. For now, lifting and reading is your mission. Forget about placating your wife. There is no magic pill for that. You have been a giant fucking pussy for 15 years. You don't get to change that in 6 fucking weeks. That will take at minimum 15 months of hard work and many of those months will feel like a step forward and two steps back.

You HAVE TO improve yourself. Sex, respect and admiration come from you being a better man. They are a byproduct of you being a better man. Your focus has to be on bettering yourself.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, listen to this advice. A good prescription

[–]AustralianArm7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Can you just get my slippers?"

"Yeah, only if you come with me" wink <slap on ass>

The rest of this puke is avoided.

Edit: She responded with nukes because you were an ass. Search this sub for 'Red Pill Rambo'

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks - yes i was an ass i sounded like one of the kids. Bleating is not becoming. I half bleated then stfu. i don't think i quite red pill rambo'd but sure it was not good. either do it while planning how to handle next time or don't do it next time. but still, the divorce papers was a bit of a surprise - they've come up before over the years so i just rolled with it, while thinking wtf all this from the slipper incident, last week you were saying you love me.

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're doing a shit ton of explaining yourself to your wife and trying to justify yourself. The fact that you believe you need to justify yourself to her before your behavior is okay tells me who the leader is of your family really is.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

it's more about trying to be fair to her - if she suddenly started lifting every day, bought new clothes, good haircut, went out with friends "i'm just going out" i'd be scared and angry. but me not knowing what i'm doing other than lifting and some assertiveness and presentation related improvements while having some new insight into 'shit tests' i'm not yet able to sit her down and tell her. Especially with the anger she's showing. once things settle down i'll say i'm basically just stopped improving my video game skills and working on me IRL - gym and trying to be a more sociable guy there's nothing more too it than that

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have a long way to go.

"Being fair?" If a woman did the things you describe, she'd probably be a lesbian. If she did the female equivalent (lose weight, get clothes, do up hair, and have "girls nights") she would be cheating. Men are not like that. If you're going to make it at RP you have to stop thinking men and women are alike. Hit the RP Main Sub side bar.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i'd be scared and angry

So? Why avoid any of those things? How soft are we, when a little bit of emotions can change the world?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Youre not special. Sidebar, start with Wisnifg

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know what's best about making your own dinner? You get what you want and it's not burnt to a cinder.

[–]PBRistasty0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And never torpedo's your macros

[–]Griever1142 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Um, have you read ANY of the readings to the sidebar?

All of these terrible shit tests could be easily countered if you actually did your homework. You are still in her frame and have absolutely no basis for any form of control. What homework have you done? How much are you lifting/taking care of your body/mind?

Seriously, get to lifting and reading. STFU, get shit done and take your testicles off HER mantle and re-attach them to your body.

You got your victim puke, now as a good exercise, tell US wtf you are going to do about this situation.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

not too much tbh. keep lifting every day. i went to hold her hand on a walk earlier, she moved away i asked if she was going to deny us hand holding too in a jokey way. then later i held her hand again she made a fist but i held on and she relaxed for a normal hand hold. wanted to give her some comfort. then i went and got an expensive haircut which i haven't had in 10 years and didn't ask her what she thought of it because i'm the judge of me. the kids all loved it. oh and i cooked for the whole family, she did chip in and help. kids enjoyed that too, good healthy dinner rather than a lazy pizza and chips horror show like old me would have smashed together oh and reading- i got WISNIFG to start on this evening

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Where are you in lifting goals? BF% etc?

wanted to give her some comfort.

stop this shit right now. you are so far up her ass (frame) that you can see daylight. your entire victim puke reeks of no frame. your entire life revolves around making her happy.

STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE THE PRIZE NOT HER.

Your top priority should be monk mode right now, reading and lifting. if you dont know what to say/do, STFU. spend time on the boards and read some of the shit that happens when you have no frame.

The sooner you realize and then actualize that YOU are the prize, the sooner she will and you can get back your balls.

NO EXCUSES. READ, LIFT, REPEAT.

Also, you should also pick up Bluepillprofessors 12 steps of dread. If you dont want to buy the in depth breakdown of the 12 steps.

here is a link for the lazy

you have a lot of work ahead of you and you are not even at the anger phase yet.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why did you want to give her comfort? Comfort, faithfulness and fidelity are earned. She hasnt earned shit.

[–]crimson_chris2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lot's of good advice here. The problem is that you are afraid of your wife. You're scared that she'll be "mad" with you for not complying with her bullshit request.

1) Lift. OYS.

2) Get to the sidebar. There you will hopefully re-learn that you are the prize. Then IDGAF will follow.

3) Set boundaries and enforce them. Your wife is walking all over you. That shit equates to no respect.

4) Live. Die. Repeat.

Shit gets easier but the grind never stops. But here is an uplifting story for you. I used to get the same shit from my wife. Found MRP. I lifted, read, owned my shit over the past year. FF to now. So my wife and I had an extended sex session last week and she ended up getting a UTI. She has been on the mend for about thee days (no sex). I was horny last night so told her I wanted a hj or bj - her choice. She couldn't believe my "audacity", since in her mind the UTI was 51% my fault and she could not have PIV. Know what.... I got an enthusiastic hj anyways. Never would have happened pre-MRP. Old me would have been scared to pisss her off. She would have laughed at old me for asking for that. Now IDGAF and she wants to please her alpha vs. wanting me to be her man-servant. Get to work brother.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thanks

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Need to thinl about her telling you you are acting guilty. What is it that your actions all of s sudden mean to her ?

One of the ways to defuse all this is to add sexual innuendos or crack jokes.

The are Shit tests, yes, but be cautious when yes in fact you are standing next to a glass and she wants a glass.

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i'm ignoring it.. don't need to get sucked into whatever her problem is. i'd taken wedding ring off due to lifting, maybe that rattled her along with me not fixing her feelz by begging forgiveness. she detected she off the pedestal amazingly fast, if that's true for most beginners please think about giving a warning in the total noob guides, i'd read a bit from the sidebar but nothing that prepared me for shit test extremes. i'm doing ok, i think, so far. just staying confident

[–]nantucketghost1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You: Only if you tell me what I'm going to get out of this

Her: My love and affection

You: Going to need more than that, I was thinking sexy lingerie this Friday

Her: You got it

This is borderline covert contract. You already have to have established your position and mindset of an alpha. OP has none of this so the nuance is lost on him as it is on most new guys.

this kind of banter is almost playful in a way because you both know sex is happening despite your compliance. A better answer would have been grabbing her close, both hands firm on her ass taking the hardest kiss you have ever given her to date then continued with the conversation.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's only covert if you fail to make it overt.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

she fucking hit you dude. leave. thats crossing the line, no matter where you are in your self improvement journey.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am honestly shocked he did nothing when she hit him. I would punish my wife immediately if she did that to me.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

slippers flying at you?

cool. nothing is needed that is thrown. take her shit, and put it in the driveway where it belongs. since she can't be bothered to talk.

'twat'

Well , now you know. How is it ok for her to use abusive language towards you?

She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry.

what kind of a threat was that?? Jeez, should have told her you are no longer buying food. nah strike that. thats butt hurt. you just cook for one.

This isn't about slippers. Its about you being her bitch

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah if my wife hit me or called me a twat I would throw all her crap in the street and tell her to come back when she learns how to speak like a lady.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

READ THE SIDEBAR
You've got no dread to give because you've trained her to think you're a pile of shit. Worry about lifting, creating frame and making yourself less of a piece of shit. Don't worry about shit tests, just STFO when she acts like a bitch or when she says something you don't like.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All of the advice you have been given is solid. u/URMcGill has you covered. What I would add is that your wife sounds like a world class cunt. Some will speculate that is your fault for being too beta, maybe so but it is beyond me how you could love, or want to be with a woman like that. The "lifting for 6 weeks, redpill for one" thing bothers me. You have barely taken a single step on the journey, give the program some time.

How old are your kids? Can you mentally and financially cope with a divorce? I personally think the writing is on the wall. Her disrespect and threats of divorce are completely unacceptable and I cannot imagine how you will ever reign in that behaviour. I agree with everyone who says to have the papers ready if she threatens it again, that is a line which should not be crossed.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

/u/UEmcgill is spot on.

I will add that this basically a temper tantrum and should be addressed as one. Would you put up with this from your kids? Why then are you putting up with it from her?

She throws slippers. Go up to her, with a deep hungry look in your eye...show her your annoyance at such a thing...NOT anger. Anger presumes a lack of control. Then slap her ass hard and say

We don't throw things here.

Then walk away. Out of the house. Don't answer the phone, text....in fact leave the fucker at the house to remove temptation.

I even think that should be new guy advice. Leave the phone. Looking at allows you to brood. Allows you to wonder what she is thinking, doing...puts you in her frame. get rid of it for a time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Ever spanked your SO for being bratty?

I have done it once, maybe twice.

Fuck she got mad, then she got over it.

No idea if it's a good strategy, or a lesson, Jive simply reminded me of it.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yep.

SO didn't like. At all. Never did get over it.

The girlfriend on the other hand....

I think it's a good strategy. I remember early on in my RP growth this was touted as an action oriented thing you could do that showed dominance, conveyed a sexual overtone, and was as DGAF as you could get.

She may resist a kiss, hug, but it's hard to move away from getting your ass smacked.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Every girl likes a man who can put her in her place. A bunch actually invite it by being extra bitchy to see you do it.

don't eat paint: do not take this as an invitation to smack your wife around

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

do not take this as an invitation to smack your wife around

right. there is a difference between the fucktard that beats people and the lover that shows physical attraction.

I think the key difference is the sexual overtone. physical contact with your woman should be overtly sexual in nature. I think it is that action that sets them off guard.

He's toucyhing my ass while I am trying to have a serious conversation?

Not withstanding the fetishes out there that enjoy something more, but day to day the sexual contact, light, playful is a total game changer.

I have been mulling a post on this sort of thing.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yup. done that. she didnt like the reason one bit.

she liked the event, not the reason.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Happy wife, happy life." How I HATE that phrase! Here's a new one for you OP: "Happy man, happy clan." That's your new mindset.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Am I the only one that can't get past the fact that she hit this shmuck with a shoe, and to him, it seems to be completely brushed off as normal or no big deal?

[–]Longwaytogo11111[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

well it was only slippers and only over the back, but i have had worse tbh :/ it was the anger that was the big deal i'd have had no issue if she was just joking around. so i told her not acceptable and left the house. One of the kids was around.

[–]zeteomegaleio1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dipshit, you and your wife just modeled to your kid that physical violence is acceptable in a relationship. Her for doing it, you for accepting it.

I've been where you are with an ex-wife who was physically abusive. To be honest, she sounds like she has mental issues to go straight to fuming mad and throwing slippers at you over such a small thing.

You lack confidence and frame. Everything comes back to this.

You know how on an airplane you put your mask on first before you do it for your kids? That is a good analogy for this situation. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family. You do that by developing frame. Your entire family is suffering via your wife being a cunt and your kids being exposed to it because you have been trying to constantly put everyone else's mask on before your own.

Sort yourself out. Figure out why you are such a giant pussy and turn that shit around. Get the fuck out of your wife's frame. Newsflash: everything you have done up until now has not worked, so stop doing all that stupid shit.

Go monk mode, shut the fuck up, lift like your life depends on it, OYS every week, and read the sidebar/books with every bit of time you can spend on it.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

  1. It was only..... why are you justifying?

  2. I have had worse... hence why I said this is normal to you, because, IT IS

  3. I'd have no issue if she was just joking around.... SHE IS NOT JOKING AROUND

  4. So I told her not acceptable.... hmmmm, then why'd she do it?

[–]Mukato0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you are your wife's bitch. you dared to question her control over her bitch, she slapped you with her pimp hand.

I learned here that you can NEVER accept physical striking, no matter what, nor can threats of divorce EVER be accepted.

You control your life, and what you are willing to accept.

[–]7Fig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your pain is coming from a simple place. You are living in her world (frame) and she feels obligated to lead the family, which is unnatural for her (any women). Her constant nagging for you to do this or that is a subconscious cry for leadership... will you just lead? is what she is trying to say.

The first thing you need to do is stop worrying about these bizarre requests, and stop doing them. Occasionally you can meet them with A&A type shit test response. For instance if she had asked me for her slippers I would have brought her flippers or snow shoes from the garage and I would have taken a very long time rummaging through things to find them. Then laugh and say don't tell me what to do. Go about your day. While she tries to figure out what to do with a fucking pair of flippers in her hand.

Your relationship has a very heavy and tense mood; you must be the one to lighten it and lead the family away from it. Your energy must be fun and genuine. Your focus must be on progressing your family down the plan you have laid out (you may need to sit down and figure out where you are headed). It is easy to get mad and try to scheme against your wife for some metaphoric victory but that won't do anyone any good. Stop trying to have rational conversations with an irrational being. Never have one again. Answering her questions about if you have thought about what she said the day before is a total waste of time. She wants you to hamster like she does. Next time tell her no, but I thought a whole lot about what you look like naked.

My whole point is everything you wrote about doesn't really matter. You need to set the tone in your family. She'll buck and fuss the whole way but who gives a shit, you know what is best and you're the right person to lead your family.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Point by point, because I have a few free minutes.

it was impossible not to notice and try handling shit tests better

WTF are you making changes for? Lurk, listen, watch, lift... then change when you know where you are screwing up.

And of course it's hard to argue logically

You're overthinking shit and trying to swing a dick bigger than hers.

Shit test, right?

Not after 15 years of this. This is business as usual.

I'm like No, but sadly did go get them

You already know about this fuck up.

i guess i was whiney but i was trying not to be

I tried not to cheat on my wife, but I guess I did. That counts as change, right?

she decides my behaviour is not ok

Why is she deciding? Why are you paying attention to what she decides?

i'm muttering about how she should get her own slippers and telling her that it feels like getting me to do little chores like this is not cool, that she does it a lot

Strong response. Nice job.

"give me more examples, when else, when else have i asked"

She's thrilled that she gets to fight with you, because she knows she'll win and you'll bow to her eventually. That's why she's so brazen.

I chose not to get drawn. I walk past her on the stairs "Jesus, don't bite!" i chuckle

Today I learned giving passing snarky comments doesn't contribute to an argument. Good to know. How's that working for you? Oh wait -

WHACK! i've been smashed in the back with a pair of slippers, and i turn to see her raging anger. I tell her that her behaviour is not ok

My daughter regularly defies me, saying she won't take her empty plate to the counter. I laugh at her childishness. In this scenario, she's the parent and you're the child.

I get back later to the silent treatment. I'm completely cool with this, it feels ok. I make some jokes, no reference to earlier - they go ignored

Wait, wha...? She's ignoring you and you're trying to engage her?

I tell her she's over reacting and stfu

You're not stfu-ing. You're commenting. Feeding the argument. Giving her ammo. STFU in this situation doesn't mean saying "I'm going to STFU now". It means literally controlling your thoughts so she's not taking up space in your consciousness. It means filling your brain with something else.

She is clear that my unwillingness to do a small thing for her and more importantly to discuss my reasoning is a very serious problem

There is a problem, and it's not about slippers. It's that you're rocking the boat without knowing why. I did this early on, read my three earliest submissions. Lurk and lift.

She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry

Which shouldn't be a problem, right?

I stfu but have to tell her again that she's overreacting

You can't control yourself, you're a child in a man's body.

refusing to walk on eggshells

If you're actually succeeding in this, good. And also, that's why she's pissed. Overnight you've gone from comfortable, stable beta to stubborn, whiny child who doesn't care. That's angering, even to me.

[–]anotherswingingdick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry.

"constructive abandonment"

I am not seeing anyone here, who thinks that your wife, deserves the chance to remain Mrs Longwaytogo11111

I certainly do not think she has that right.

Lawyer up, secretly & immediately. It's cheap.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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