Trying to keep this short.. married 15years or so had 4 kids, found redpill content last week from looking for lifting advice after 6weeks of lifting. I know i've lots to read and have been reading as fast as i can go but it was impossible not to notice and try handling shit tests better than i have all my life. Am thinking to very slowly get some dread and game over the year, i'm in no rush. Been lifting, had a round of clothes shopping, got a decent haircut booked in...
I'm looking for some advice as i've found myself in a predicament i'm not well prepared for, and holding the course is going to be pretty stormy - i'd like to defuse the situation and help my wife find some calm.
A minor shit test i get a lot is 'can you just do x' - it might be incredibly slightly more efficient for me to 'just do x' but mostly it's all shit test. Close the curtains, bring a blanket, bring a drink, go get something, go put something somewhere. I get a moment to ponder why this is necessary but then get on with it - happy wife happy life right? I've asked her about this 'can you just' stuff before, maybe it's the way of asking that is noticeable. And of course it's hard to argue logically that it's fair and reasonable to 'just say no' to a small simple request that makes her life a tiny bit better. This week, then, she's halfway down the stairs and i'm like 4 steps behind her. Turns to me - can you just get my slippers from our room. It's like she's come up with a reason to ask me to do her bidding if she wanted slippers she would have got them when she was upstairs. Now i can go which is more efficient by 4 steps. Shit test, right?
I'm like No, but sadly did go get them (new to this) and i guess i was whiney but i was trying not to be. Right so she decides my behaviour is not ok and is literally fuming while i'm muttering about how she should get her own slippers and telling her that it feels like getting me to do little chores like this is not cool, that she does it a lot. "give me more examples, when else, when else have i asked". I chose not to get drawn. I walk past her on the stairs "Jesus, don't bite!" i chuckle. I get to the lounge. WHACK! i've been smashed in the back with a pair of slippers, and i turn to see her raging anger. I tell her that her behaviour is not ok, and that' i'm going out (30mins earlier than i'd already planned) so call the dog and head out. I get texts while i'm out, one about the dog, the other simply 'twat'
I get back later to the silent treatment. I'm completely cool with this, it feels ok. I make some jokes, no reference to earlier - they go ignored. Late, she demands an apology that i refuse to give. I don't want to have any conversation about this tbh, and stfu. She says "right well we have a problem then. if you want to (split up) you're heading the right way. I tell her she's over reacting and stfu, fall asleep.
Next day i'm still cool. i've asked if any of the kids want to go out when i get back from work (swimming), silence and nobody home at that time. Felt like games from her, but nice day so not unreasonable to be out (and not tell me lol) and idgaf so went to lift and swim. Got home. talked normally with her. she seemed cool. she asked if i'd had a think about yesterday and what she had said. (first shit test of the day). Yes, i said. Then silence, walked off. Evening normal. Late, last thing, she's back at it. I tell her i have forgiven her loss of control. She is clear that my unwillingness to do a small thing for her and more importantly to discuss my reasoning is a very serious problem. We have a problem she says. I don't, i say. i'm cool. Your problem is not my problem might have slipped out. I tell her she's overreacting. She tells me she thinks my behaviour has changed and that i'm acting guilty. What have I done? We are seeing a therapist, she announces. That i could think so little of her that she's not worth (incoherent). She would sleep in another bed tonight if there was one. She is no longer going to cook meals for me or do my laundry.
I stfu but have to tell her again that she's overreacting and all this anger over the slippers isn't necessary, i've forgotten it and moved on. Went to sleep. Woke up to the now familiar shrugging me off from morning cuddle.
I still think marriage is pretty strong and she's shit testing hard now. Or she's guilty about something and thinks i've discovered something maybe - this guilt stuff she's brought up twice while raging about the slipper situation. I've no reason to suspect her. But it's one day at a time now... refusing to walk on eggshells, little bit wary as understand drunk captain needs to gain trust before grabbing the wheel and like i said i wanted to go slow but wow things are way worse than i thought, she's shit testing to the max. Is this 'normal' when drunk captains take the blindfold off? How do i put the brakes on this slippery course while still heading in the same direction!?
TL:DR; wife has a lot of anger inside that she's venting right now, after a failed shit test.