Who benefits from polyamory more, men or women?

eliechallita · 2017-08-15T02:03:48+00:00

There's one thing I've learned over the years. If a girl thinks her man can easily get laid, or heaven forbid she thinks about girl will try to steal him? They usually shut down that open relationship crap pretty quick.

[deleted] · 2017-08-15T02:49:54+00:00

If men are very high quality they could benefit just as much, but you're right. Most open relationshits pretty much consist of one woman who fucks many dudes and returns to the loving arms of the cuck who only provides emotional love. It's like being in the friendzone but worse.

From what I know of open relationshits, the girls will get incredibly insecure if they suspect that their boyfriend can actually find women to have sex with.

wtknight · 2017-08-15T02:02:38+00:00

Men could benefit equally if they are very high quality. She still might have more partners but the man could do well enough for himself. Otherwise if the guy is average then the woman is almost always going to benefit more.

[deleted] · 2017-08-15T02:12:24+00:00

Chads > women > non Chad men for open relationshits

give_me_shinies · 2017-08-15T04:44:39+00:00

Whenever i see this stuff online, it's always "after 10 years of marriage, my husband discovered he's poly. Help!"

ThorLives · 2017-08-15T07:35:13+00:00

It really depends on the situation. It's clear that women have an easier time getting casual sex than men. Also, men aren't too phased by the idea of being with a woman who has a boyfriend but wants something extra on the side. From what I've seen, men who say they are in a poly relationship with a girlfriend are often seen as potential lying cheats. (That's what I saw with a friend of mine who was in a poly relationship - girls wouldn't believe her boyfriend when he said he was in a poly relationship; they thought he was just cheating on his girlfriend.) This makes it even more difficult for the guy in a poly relationship.

It also depends on the relative SMV of the guy and girl in the relationship. Also, if one partner is worried about losing their partner, that can be a factor (it's not fun to be constantly worried that your significant other is going to leave). This is partially connected to SMV (the lower SMV partner will probably worry more than the higher SMV partner), but it's also a personality trait (probably connected to neuroticism, and women tend to score higher on neuroticism ).

Additionally, it also depends on the man or woman's desire to sleep with other partners. If the woman just wants to sleep with her boyfriend (and not other guys), then the poly relationship doesn't really offer her much, but she has the downside of seeing her boyfriend with other girls. Studies also show that higher percentages of men than women are open to the idea of open-relationships. (From past information I've seen, men are about twice as likely to say they'd like an open relationship.)

Depending on how picky each partner is about new partners, that's also a factor. Women tend to be pickier about men than men are about women. This can make a poly relationship more difficult for women than men, because they have to search harder to find additional partners. (For example, if a guy meets 10 women, he might say, "Yeah, I'd be into 5 of them", whereas a woman might meet 10 guys and think, "I don't like any of them!")

And if kids are involved or if she's thinking about having kids, the woman is probably at a disadvantage, since she'd be risking becoming a single mother with all of the additional burdens that entails. If she never wants kids (and it seems like most of the poly women I know say that they never want kids), then this isn't so much of a factor.

So - it really depends on a lot of factors. For women who don't want kids, I think poly relationships favor women, because women are in much higher demand among men than men are in high demand among women.

jonascf · 2017-08-15T04:14:10+00:00

I'm polyamorous, although in reality it's more like an open relationship, and if the number of sexual partners is the metric I guess I'm the one benefitting. During the 4 years we've been together I've had one other girlfriend and several fwb's while my girlfriend hasn't had any other sexual partners except for people that we've engaged in three- or foursomes with.

Entropy-7 · 2017-08-15T04:51:49+00:00

From what I've observed, "polyamory" has a different connotation than "open relationship" despite the dictionary definitions being pretty much a distinction without a difference.

The people who dodge labels all together tend to be better looking than those who mention an open-relationship and are in turn better looking than those who profess to be poly (there are a lot of fatties - both men and women - amongst the latter).

But I will go against the crowd on this and say that it benefits men more because women tend to be more serial monogamists by default while guys default to playing the field. Even though women could - in theory - have more sex partners than their male counterparts the thing is that most women will not take full advantage of that fact. In the early stages of relationships these days the assumption is generally that you are not being exclusive, which benefits guys in comparison to yesteryear where a few dates was considered "going steady" and sex implied exclusivity and LTR prospects.

Where it is crappy for the guys is if they are in the monogamous beta (bux) dynamic and the issue of an open relationship gets put on the table. The guy will either not want to or will be incapable of attracting side girls while his SO will trollop off for some alpha dick and most likely branch swing at one point.

super-commenting · 2017-08-15T02:54:18+00:00

You say that like all open relationships are like that. I mean I know some are but it's not universal

Sarmatian_Spy · 2017-08-15T02:55:53+00:00

High status men, followed by high-status women. Lower status women: kinda fucked. Low-status men: super extra turbo fucked (and the same would be true for average and slightly-above-average men...if not quite as comprehensively fucked).

ThirdEyeSqueegeed · 2017-08-15T07:53:28+00:00

I think there's two types of open relationship: one that benefits the man, and one that benefits the woman.

The one that benefits the man is the one where there's no joint finances, they don't have children or live together, but they are 'in a relationship' yet he gets to have sex with other women without any jealousy - he doesn't have to cheat and get a guilty conscience. In return he allows her to have sex with other men, if she wants, not really caring if she leaves him, since he has other women on the go and he won't lose his home or kids, or any of his money. Essentially she is a 'main plate.'

The one that benefits the woman is where they live together and possibly are married. The man is tied into the relationship financially, so she gets the beta provider/protector and comfort qualities but also gets to go out and have sex with other men without feeling guilty about cheating.

alby333 · 2017-08-15T09:01:15+00:00

Clearly a woman would have an easier time finding casual sex partners in a polyamory relationship

As a counterpoint though I've never been in a relationship with a woman that wouldn't loose their shit at another woman if she attempted to sleep with me.

InformalCriticism · 2017-08-15T12:10:46+00:00

Young attractive women, and high value men. It's just hypergamy; unbridled female nature.

[deleted] · 2017-08-15T12:34:00+00:00

Yeah I lived in a poly squat house.

The men were all artist types starved of sex to the bare minimum and the girls slept with everyone in and outside the community

Polygyny is better for men, what we call polyamory is just polyandry really

analt223 · 2017-08-15T13:25:05+00:00

Overall women, but if you are a man who can get multiple women, than them.

Its the hierarchy of life. A small amount of men are at the top of the totem pole. Then the majority of women are below that. Then the vast majority of men are at the bottom getting jack shit.

Onna999 · 2017-08-15T13:47:04+00:00

Benefits those who truly want it, duh.

prodigy2throw · 2017-08-15T04:12:46+00:00

High value men and low value women

Dominic_Badguy · 2017-08-15T04:51:40+00:00

Women of course.

mashakos · 2017-08-15T09:20:40+00:00

women. hands down!

BPremium · 2017-08-15T12:06:31+00:00

women. Women benefit no matter what if they have rights. Since vagina is always valuable

BackFromTheBan · 2017-08-15T15:06:14+00:00

well. It's easier for a woman to get laid than for a man. So, it's a rigged game from the begining.

Icecell · 2017-08-15T19:37:50+00:00

Depends. Muslims seem to have it geared in favour of men. All the chicks for him, but only one dick for her! :P

But yeah, I think polyamory would benefit women more than men. Men tend to do the providing more often than women, so a woman with multiple men can get the sex and the materials things, while a man would only get the sex.

WhiskersNT · 2017-08-15T02:12:56+00:00

Depends on the specific nature of the poly couple

I mean, when my girlfriend and I did it, our rule was that both of us could only pursue women where in good faith we thought there was a potential threesome or triad there. I really don't care if she pursues other women, and she was ok with me pursuing to the extent it was "for us"

So to me that seemed like a good compromise.

Frankly tho the way we did it seems pretty atypical for poly couples, usually there's one person with a clear upper hand, typically the woman but sometimes the man if it's an "OPP" relationship

Edited to add: we did not generally identify as poly, there's too much baggage, we just brushed it off if anyone tried to label it. But for all intents and purposes we were closed poly

decoy88 · 2017-08-15T06:49:35+00:00

It's different for every couple. Some women agree to open relationships because they know they can't keep their high quality man from fucking other women anyway. In other cases, the woman gets to fuck other men and the guy is not really fucking anyone. It all depends on the value of the people involved.

Because women on average have more value than men I think women are likelier to benefit from polyamory.

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purpleppp · 2017-08-15T03:10:38+00:00

well this is because it's easier for women to find casual sex.

btw open relationship =/= polyamory. open relationship you fuck other people no strings attached. polyamory is like actually involving more than 2 in a relationship i think. (i've been in open relationships but would never say i'm poly)

[deleted] · 2017-08-15T04:10:34+00:00

It's too context-dependent to give a straight answer.

My ex suggested it after a few years of being together, and I kind of realised right then that the writing was on the wall. She wound up just cheating. So she was asking for sanctified cheating I guess. For my part, I do think I would have been able to find girls to sleep with but I was more interested in having the relationship.

For me, it falls down as an idea because there just isnt that much time for more than one woman. A guy would be more willing to be the other guy. Women want your time usually. Youd have to be quite smooth to conduct a serious LTR with one whilst at the same time getting women into bed for casual. A woman approaching a guy with "I have a boyfriend but we are open and I want to have you as a casual sex partner" is going to get plenty of success.

So, both could benefit from it potentially, but it is highly-context dependent.

Another thing to consider is this, whoever suggested it first will probably get the most out of it. This is because they will have had in mind for a while before suggesting it, and will have considered all the permutations of it. They might even have a plan of action in mind. I imagine that quite often their motivation for it is selfish.

edit: I just realised the correct answer to this, and it is - the people who are not in the relationship benefit the most.

FrontierPsycho · 2017-08-15T11:41:13+00:00

You're generalizing. I'm polyamorous myself and I know many people who are poly in my city's community. There's a lot of men who have several partners. It depends on the couple, it's inaccurate to speak about everyone with one sentence.

Also, polyamorous people seem, to me, to be more often more holistic in their choice of partners, and not to think of people in terms of SMV which this subreddit seems to love (and which I don't believe in at all).

eliechallita · 2017-08-15T18:44:12+00:00

I think that it really depends on the relationship and level of interest of the partners. San Francisco seems to be pretty open about polyamory, so i think that we have a reasonable sample size here.

I don't recall research on the subject but I don't remember noticing a large trend either way: When it comes to heterosexual couples, men and women seemed to have similar number of partners or derive similar levels of satisfaction from it. There are more noticeable differences when you get into couples who date together: MF4F seem to be much more common than any other combination, but that could just as well be due to the number of mostly hetero women who are also into other women, rather than because the men in those relationships are pushing for threesomes.

I'm purposely leaving same-sex couples out of that discussion, but I would like to point out that gay male couples seem to be much more open to polyamory than lesbian couples.

couldbemage · 2017-08-15T23:13:50+00:00

I've been doing poly for a decade.

Been with my current partner for nine years, she introduced me to my third wife, who stuck around for seven years. Both collared to me.

They both have had way more hook ups than me. Current one had another relationship for a while, broke up with him, and now has another live in relationship. Wifey had a girlfriend for a bit, but never a relationship with a guy. I did have another proper secondary relationship while I was with both of them.

So really... Easier to get relationships for poly guys. Easier to get sex for women.

BookwormJane · 2017-08-16T12:02:48+00:00

Men. After a while women tend to fall in love with the guy and freak out with jealousy.

despisedlove2 · 2017-08-15T03:25:13+00:00

Polyamory is the compromise that a husband agrees to, to avoid getting divorce raped.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-08-15T09:43:37+00:00

I think it depends on the individuals in the relationship. For example, my lover and I are able to date anyone we want...we're neither committed nor exclusive. I've tried dating other men in order to form more casual relationships but so far have been unsuccessful in finding any guys who are okay with waiting more than 2-3 weeks for sex. So my lover is still the only guy I've had sex with, unfortunately. Whereas he doesn't even try dating anymore and just goes to a massage parlour for a happy ending when he's away on business trips once a year or less. So he's gotten mediocre sex from other women but no dates, I've gotten dates from other men but no sex. I wish both of us could just get good sex with another person, lol.

Title	Who benefits from polyamory more, men or women?
Author	Fuschia19
Upvotes	4
Comments	119
Date	August 15, 2017 2:00 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6tr7y2/who_benefits_from_polyamory_more_men_or_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/who-benefits-from-polyamory-more-men-or-women.266454 https://theredarchive.com/post/266454

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