What would you assume to be the issue if a man were to come to you and say, "I'm pursuing women in a socially acceptable way and I have normal social habits, but I am unable to find a date or gf."?

OfSpock · 2016-08-20T21:59:26+00:00

He's trying to punch above his weight. And/or he can't read social cues.

Apexk9 · 2016-08-20T21:32:08+00:00

He's ugly. His game sucks. He doesn't know how to escalate. He's fat

anitapk · 2016-08-20T21:41:11+00:00

He's ugly, he expects women to approach and to be direct, he's below average, he has no friends, he has no job, his voice suxks

MyronBlayze · 2016-08-21T08:17:12+00:00

I'd say "Show Me" because what he says may not be exactly the reality, and it'll be easier to help if I know exactly what to fix.

goatismycopilot · 2016-08-20T22:37:26+00:00

That sentence is awkward as fuck makes me wonder how great his social intelligence is.

damaskrose · 2016-08-20T23:17:24+00:00

He's unattractive or really boring or he doesn't actually understand what socially acceptable behavior entails. He thinks he's being normal/socially acceptable but really isn't.

dopesk1 · 2016-08-21T00:05:30+00:00

it's his looks mainly and what he represents in terms of how she perceives him. it has to be. and by the way the stuff you described is secondary and complementary to looks, don't get it twisted. your looks represent what you are capable of, its not just looks for looks-sake.

women don't even really care for you to pursue her in a socially acceptable way, sure it can be fine but you sound like a pussy OP the way you worded this, they rather something creative or unique as long as your not too pushy. I honestly think that if you buy everything women say they see it as a turn off. its about instinctually knowing which things are appropriate and which things aren't and if you can't manage that you're nothing.

ProbablyBelievesIt · 2016-08-20T23:48:41+00:00

His new human skin was recognized.

tiposk · 2016-08-21T01:21:17+00:00

I was present at many therapy sessions (long story) and couldn't help but notice that people with difficulties to find a partner have one thing in common: fear of love or commitment. This comes as a shock to many because this fear is unconscious and doesn't seem reasonable, so people tend to explain their situation using their "common sense", which tends to fail because of our cognitive biases. Therefore, the most common explanations are "I'm ugly", "I'm poor", "women only want x type of guys" and so on.

This kind of people in my experience tend to self-sabotage and incur in rejection-seeking behavior. They ignore women that are likely to be responsive, sabotage potential relationships and chase women that don't like them or women that also have difficulties with commitment.

One of the reasons why it's so hard to recognize this problem is because many of the guys that have it are normal looking

literallyhere · 2016-08-20T22:16:14+00:00

Judging by how he approached me, I'd say he still needs to work on his social habits.

nemporisso · 2016-08-21T01:28:50+00:00

he's boring as fuck or has halitosis

wynterpetals · 2016-08-21T06:08:20+00:00

I would think he is on the spectrum. And he might think it's sociably acceptable, but it isn't.

Like the new MGTOW dude, Dan Ciley.

[deleted] · 2016-08-20T23:56:19+00:00

he's not being as normal as he thinks, his interest isn't coming across, their interest isn't coming across, or he's approaching women who aren't compatible, or aren't looking for what he's looking for.

it's also possible he's just unattractive, but i'd assume that last.

DarkLord0chinChin · 2016-08-20T22:27:08+00:00

He hears the word 'creepy' a lot

caesarfecit · 2016-08-21T03:05:52+00:00

Mark Manson says it best with his three fundamentals.

Lifestyle determines what kind of women will find you attractive and how much friction you'd encounter. The better your lifestyle and the more well-rounded you are, the easier it is to find compatible and interested women. This doesn't mean you need the body of an Olympic athlete and the income of a Wall Street stockbroker, it just means you need to have your shit together and some interesting hobbies.
Courage really translates to how willing you are to approach and escalate. If everything in your life is on point, but guys crashing on their friends' couches are getting more action, it's because they're taking action and you are not.
Communication skills i.e. flirting skills determine your batting average. The better your game, the less often you'll strike out.

So in this particular case, if our hypothetical guy is approaching and attempting to escalate with women, and his game is okay-ish, then the obvious place to look is his lifestyle.

TelicAstraeus · 2016-08-21T04:51:08+00:00

I'd assume he's got some unattractive quality that turns women away, whether a physical characteristic or a behavior that he is either not aware of or isn't aware is abnormal. Maybe he has emotional issues of some sort and doesn't manage them well, or maybe he's dirt poor and trying to date women who don't want to date poor guys, etc. Maybe he hasn't been trying as hard as he says he has been. Maybe when he tries it is without confidence, assuming rejection and it shows in his behavior. Could be any number of things like that.

FatTaker · 2016-08-21T11:56:22+00:00

He's boring and doesn't stand out from all the other perfectly normal guys.

redmachines · 2016-08-21T04:24:27+00:00

Lol at these BP comments. You guys automatically assume that he is defective in his character/personality. This is just world fallacy. The bitter truth is that there are a lot of lame guys who do get girlfriends. They don't "have their shit together", they have no "interesting hobbies", and far more morally bankrupt that the average joe being described.

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Minerva_x4 · 2016-08-21T04:51:24+00:00

Most likely that he was physically unattractive/ugly and that his social skills suffered as a consequence. Possibly on the ASD.

Blaat1985 · 2016-08-21T06:25:52+00:00

He has a look related problem. Ugly face, fat or small height.

[deleted] · 2016-08-21T07:16:35+00:00

He's not an 8/10 male and he's going for 5/10 women.

alderheart · 2016-08-21T10:06:59+00:00

I would set him up on a double date and my husband and I would watch how he does it.

the_shitposting_pill · 2016-08-21T13:46:04+00:00

I would tell him to start dating robots, since he clearly speaks like one.

99_Problem · 2016-08-21T14:10:31+00:00

He probably isn't pursuing women in a socially acceptable way and/or he probably doesn't have normal social habits.

Or if the man is blatantly physically unattractive, that's probably why.

[deleted] · 2016-08-21T17:10:36+00:00

Probably very, very boring.

Not having glaring defects means that you are squarely average at best.

lollygagyo · 2016-08-21T17:25:00+00:00

Lack of self-awareness.

He thinks he's being normal or 'socially acceptable' and reasonable but he isn't.

fullmoonhermit · 2016-08-21T22:25:05+00:00

He's not pursuing the right women (women who share his interests or women who are roughly as attractive as he is), he's not being objective about his own approach, or he just hasn't gotten lucky yet. Modern dating takes patience.

Lonny_zone · 2016-08-22T02:11:36+00:00

He is ugly.

bornredd · 2016-08-22T13:54:47+00:00

Assuming the man came to me, I'd be able to tell very quickly if he:

Is attractive or unattractive
Has good posture
Is in shape
Displays confidence in his mannerisms

Once those are assessed, then the assumptions can start.

stats135 · 2016-08-20T22:43:48+00:00

It would really depend on his age. If he is in his 20's or younger, I would just think he is a normal man just like an other young man. I think men in general all went through this type of hell in their youth. Once they get past that age (and the women their age start looking to settle down after being used up on the CC) they will find themselves a women willing settle with them. If the guy is older, I would just assume he's trying for girls out of his league.

[deleted] · 2016-08-21T01:36:42+00:00

He's predictable, conscientious, scrupulous, appropriate and tactful.

In other words a terrible, reliable bore. Those traits exist for making money and committing to marriage at 30 and kids. He's consciously looking for a girlfriend, but he's unconsciously looking for a wife.

herpterp · 2016-08-21T05:22:22+00:00

Seems like your average/normal guy.

RoseSGS · 2016-08-21T08:18:02+00:00

He's too worried about what others think.

Socially acceptable doesn't matter. Normal social habits don't exist, and he shouldn't be thinking about himself like that.

He should try to be himself, and he clearly isn't.

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