Who should pay for dates?

disposable_pants · 2015-06-22T06:15:32+00:00

A few thoughts:

Don't ask someone out on a date unless you're willing to pay for the whole thing. This isn't saying you have to pay; it's saying that if you can't rub together a couple of 20s your priorities are in the wrong place.
Don't do expensive first dates. If a woman expects you to drop a ton of money just for the privilege of getting to know her, you don't want that woman.
If you want to do an expensive date at some point make sure you won't miss the money. If the goal is to impress a woman pretending to have money you don't have isn't impressive, and if the goal is to be romantic a little bit of thought goes a lot farther than throwing cash at the evening.
Do multi-event dates. Don't go to a bar OR go to a show; go to a bar AND go to a show after. When the check comes for the first place just pick it up and say she can get the next thing.
Having a second location to head to also means it makes sense to close tabs rather than keeping them open. If you end up staying for another round you've already paid for the first and told her she can get the second.
In general, don't treat money as if every cent is a big deal, but don't treat it like Monopoly money, either.

Most importantly, do shit you want to do anyways for dates. If you wind up paying more than expected that way you're at least spending it on something you're interested in.

HappilySingleWoman · 2015-06-22T01:42:05+00:00

I prefer to split the bill , I don't care what others do . It's not like anyone "should" do anything , it depends on what the couple decides ;)

[deleted] · 2015-06-22T12:50:20+00:00

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Katniss_Granger · 2015-06-22T11:09:30+00:00

I offer to pay - if he says no then I suggest we split, if he says no then I let him pay and then take in turns for each date. If he still refuses to let me pay then I shut up and be grateful.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-06-22T03:28:11+00:00

I thought everyone went Dutch these days?

TheChemist158 · 2015-06-22T03:58:55+00:00

I'm a fan of splitting the bill. I know that some people go off of who asks who but I prefer to keep finances and love separate.

ECoast_Man · 2015-06-22T00:58:15+00:00

I'm basically done with 'dates', unless it involves travel or someone I've already fucked and we are going out because I like trying new restaurants or bars.

However, assuming I do it, they are always in two parts. I'll usually pay for the first stop (meal or whatever) and she will be paying for the second stop (couple more drinks as nightcap).

rulenumber303 · 2015-06-22T04:25:36+00:00

In the first stages of dating, the person who asks is the one who pays, unless the person who was asked makes an offer to pay their own costs or to contribute to costs.

After a few dates, the couple work it out between them what the norms of the relationship are going to be.

Also, if you're asking someone out to a tedious social-obligation type event (work's Xmas dinner??) where they will need to be on their best behavior and all dressed up then unless you're at the stage where there is a shared household budget you must be the one to pay for that date. Someone who goes on that sort of date with you is doing you a favour.

Personally, I used to be a big fan of going Dutch on everything except petrol costs (which belong to the driver) but recently I've come to the conclusion that I will advise my daughters to let him pay at least for the first date if he did the asking. You want to see if he does so with good grace or if he's a grumpybums about it.

Reginleifer · 2015-06-22T02:25:12+00:00

I normally paid, which was problematic when I dated richer.

Chris Rock was right, men can't go backwards sexually, women can't go backwards in lifestyle.

At this point in life, I avoid a date if I have to pay (you can guess how often I date nowadays)

Most notable recent incident actually happened during finals, met this qt asian girl who like me was pulling an all nighter. We started talking, found out we had plenty of common... she was a Biology major just like me, played League, and listened to some of the same bands.... anyways she starts asking about what I'm doing after finals week and I suggested we go grab some coffee.

I didn't like something in her facial reaction, so I excused myself and went to the Quiet Study room. Omega as fuck I know, but the idea of me wasting my precious last hours on some broad who probably wants me to pay for dinner, and probably won't fuck me just really grated.

Also I was sleep deprived as fuck, so be nice. :/

I suppose to answer the question more clearly: I'd rather not pay, I'd rather it be split equally. Not because I believe in equality, but I'd invest the least amount of money.

dispensation · 2015-06-22T12:56:53+00:00

Split the bill. If I wanted to pay for time with a woman I'd cut the bullshit and use an escort, at least then there'd be no ambiguity about if I'm getting laid.

andrewisgood · 2015-06-22T01:48:55+00:00

Split the bill. Unless it's going out for coffee, I mean, Tim Horton's is like, what, $3 for two medium coffees?

I have offered to pay for a date's meal, I will admit that, sometimes they say yes, sometimes they say no, but it's usually because I want to do it, and not some societal obligation. Normally I have money to burn though, I mean, I could spend money on a social date, or buy video games. With my girlfriend, we do this thing where sometimes I'll pay for her, sometimes she'll pay for me, and then like, it would be mine or her turn to buy the beer or whatever.

Raiil · 2015-06-22T02:12:22+00:00

Whoever asked, imo. But the other party should always be prepared to split the bill, and should ask. I prefer to pay my own way, but to each their own.

Nazrath2112 · 2015-06-22T00:49:09+00:00

The person who asks the other one out should pay for the first date. After dating is established it should be split or the way I like to do it is switch, Ill pay for one and she can pay for the next one, repeat.

OfSpock · 2015-06-22T01:38:06+00:00

Skip it altogether. When I was a broke college student no one had any money so we went on dates to the free movies/events held by the Uni. We'd sometimes arrange to 'meet up' somewhere and pay for ourselves.

Dinner at a fancy restaurant should be later in the scheme of things, a first date is a chance to talk in private and get to know the other person.

CursedLemon · 2015-06-22T02:35:02+00:00

I like to pay for my date. I enjoy being chivalrous. But I'm not going to smack the bill out of her hand if she wants to pay for herself.

Aspiring_Hobo · 2015-06-22T04:43:37+00:00

If I'm out with a regular girl - I'll comp her

If I'm out with a fat girl - We pay for our own stuff

prodigy2throw · 2015-06-22T00:54:15+00:00

Split down the middle for first date/interaction.

lolobviously · 2015-06-22T00:56:28+00:00

I make women pay for at LEAST themself.

vincentninja68 · 2015-06-22T03:46:33+00:00

Whoever initiated the date. If you've been seeing each other for an extended period of time, you can do split. I usually avoid dates that require spending a lot of money, if a person I'm going out with requires dropping more then 40 bucks just to coax them into spending time with me, chances are they're not worth seeing.

SmurfESmurferson · 2015-06-22T03:59:46+00:00

The person who asks, pays.

If the other person has class, they buy after dinner drinks (multiple after dinner drinks, if it's a good date). If they don't, the other person has fair warning going forward.

[deleted] · 2015-06-22T04:20:44+00:00

The woman should.

Spleeniator · 2015-06-22T10:07:34+00:00

My partner and I take it in turns or, if money is tight, split the bill.

So who "Should"? Honestly whatever makes a particular couple happy, or whoever wants to. Next year there is a chance my partner will be on full time whilst I will be on part time, which will mean she ends up paying for far more dates cause my money will be blown pretty much totally on bills, food and my share of the rent. That's fine and how things go.

thereddespair · 2015-06-22T15:10:52+00:00

me the one who wants to first. if no one does, the one who initiated or wanted the activity. if mutual, split or offer to pay for next time.

outside expectation guy. the guy should

Lonny_zone · 2015-06-22T19:22:28+00:00

The person who asked the other out on a date should pay. So thats going to be the man, because women fail at asking men out for the same reason they fail at negotiating higher pay.

3dbattleship · 2015-06-22T20:19:10+00:00

We tend to alternate; "I'll get lunch, you get dinner" or "I'll get tonight, you get tomorrow" etc. It works pretty well! That way we don't have to deal with multiple credit cards out, and nobody's really counting pennies but it probably winds up equal over time.

cherryblue12 · 2015-06-22T20:32:32+00:00

I like to split. I like it best when my date offers to pay the full tab, but then agrees when I suggest we split it. The fact that he offered tells me he's a nice guy and not cheap, but the fact that he didn't push it tells me he respects me and isn't trying to achieve some sort of dominance over me.

ExpendableOne · 2015-06-22T20:35:21+00:00

I'm an egalitarian. I believe in people just paying for themselves. I pay for myself, you pay for yourself. That's the way I deal with every single other form of social interactions(except for a very few special occasions like birthdays and celebrations). I've pissed off and turned off a lot of women that way(a lot of them we're feminists and "blue pillers", so their belief in equality was pretty shallow, or self-serving, at best), and been called cheap and a deadbeat for it, but I can't stand the type of women who have that kind of entitlement anyway so, whatever.

Honestly, I don't see it work any other way. Even the entire stereotypical loop-hole women fall back to of "whoever asks pays" seems incredibly opportunistic and entitled. I could never see myself being asked out on a date by someone and then either thinking "sweet, now I can order whatever I want because they're paying" or "I should watch what I order because I don't want to make them pay too much", much less even thinking "this person asked me first, therefore they should have to pay for me for making the suggestion". If anything, I would consider that to be a complete deterrent for asking me out, it's like I would be punishing women for wanting to have sex with me. Why would I ever do that!? That is something that women would typically do, because so often very entitled and privileged when it comes to sex. I have never expected a friend to pay for my tickets, or my meals, whenever they suggested to go do something together. Why would I ever expect this of someone I would actually want to be more than friends? It really doesn't make sense. It's such a nasty way to look at dating, sex and the opposite sex. It honestly blows my mind that there are still that many women who see it that way.

We're sharing time, and taking that opportunity to get to know each other and form some kind of relationship from it, that's what's important. Pay your way there. Order whatever you want to order but, whatever you do, do so fully expecting to pay for what you buy yourself. Men shouldn't be expected to pay for women anymore, nor should women be fighting so hard to justify being treated like children or prostitutes. Neither of those should be what women strive to be, nor should they feel as though their time or sexuality somehow is worth more than that guy they want to spend time or have sex with. Make the commitment to be there for yourself and invest yourself into that date. Make the decision to value the other person the same way they chose to value you, and make the best of it.

Paraglad · 2015-06-22T20:37:05+00:00

Split it. Alternatively, whomever makes more money or whomever said she'd treat. If any of those aren't okay, gee, talk about that beforehand.

Krobrah_Kai · 2015-06-23T01:11:13+00:00

Uh, y'all should only be "dating" people y'all are already shtupping on da long tip. But if we're travelling back to the year 2000 and before, KT provides. www.youtube.com/watch?v=pirSM5IjosY

tomatostew · 2015-06-23T02:26:53+00:00

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 months and we have always just paid our own way. It's that simple.

There is no "should". A couple can just figure out what works for them and meets their wants and needs.

Shutup_Baby_I_knowit · 2015-06-22T19:39:34+00:00

If its a first date then whoever asks should pay. Very early on my girlfriend and I talked about the subject and agreed to alternate and try and keep things fair (approximately, its not like we're pinching pennies just trying to make sure its about even).

Are there really guys out there who pay ALL the time? I'm genuinely curious because that just seems really unfair and sexist.

CisWhiteMaelstrom · 2015-06-22T01:41:14+00:00

redpillers, would you pay for your dates meal?

Lol, I don't care if it's Helen of Troy; she's paying for her own goddamn mean. I'm not even saying this for equality. I'm saying it because I'm not spending my money on her.

[deleted] · 2015-06-22T08:33:54+00:00

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GridReXX · 2015-06-22T12:23:19+00:00

The person who asks. As far as the first date is concerned.

After that you guys can treat each other and split as you see fit.

VerticalSmileyCyrus · 2015-06-22T04:47:17+00:00

lol @ dates.

Problematiqu · 2015-06-22T05:24:47+00:00

Whoever invited to the date, usually. I thought that was how it went. Friendly coffee? Pay for your share. Other person dead broke? Spot it because you're a lovely person.

itsnadya101 · 2015-06-22T05:53:18+00:00

As a woman, I always offer to pay for dates. And by always, I mean always. It doesn't matter if it's the first or second or third/twentieth.

wazzup987 · 2015-06-22T12:09:36+00:00

First date split or first date one of us pay then the other pick the tab next time.

If dating alternate

Cbus_anonymous · 2015-06-22T12:16:45+00:00

I split the bill, with one specific exception that I make clear when we're making our plans. If my date wants to go to a restaurant that I can't readily afford, he'll be paying. This only comes up pretty rarely, but I really don't prefer to spend $60/head on a meal, because I can get equal enjoyment from a $7 entree at a food truck.

prodigy2throw · 2015-06-22T00:55:53+00:00

I should clarify I believe 100% in equality. I don't believe in feminist views because I feel they advocate for preferential treatment for women, not equality.

strongalfalfa · 2015-06-22T13:39:08+00:00

Definitely men.

Title	Who should pay for dates?
Author	Fuschia19
Upvotes	9
Comments	133
Date	June 22, 2015 12:40 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3anqn2/who_should_pay_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/who-should-pay-for-dates.281499 https://theredarchive.com/post/281499

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