706,399 posts

Wife Moving Out: An Update

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September 30, 2019
26 upvotes

In case you have not read my initial post, it is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cwaqdh/wife_moving_out/

It's been about a month since my wife told me she's moving out. She now has half the house packed up, a lease almost signed, services ordered, and furniture ordered. This past weekend she had her two daughters pack up their rooms. The apartment she picked out is nice, but is over 50% of her take-come income so she'll be broke.

She said she planned to sign the one year lease today and moving out next weekend.

Her thought is that "one year is short" and we can "work on things" while she "takes space." She says she needs the space to work out her own priorities, her wounds and habits, her sexual desires, her frustrations with me, blended family issues, social issues, and other family issues. She also wants to see if we actually miss each other and want to spent time together.

In the last moth I consulted several divorce attorneys, separated our finances, took steps to protect my assets, and also went to individual counseling. The therapist says she almost certainly has borderline personality disorder.

I've been focusing on outcome independence and making the stay plan the same as the go plan.

I also picked up a side plate that is fun but definitely not a replacement for my wife.

Last night I mentioned that if she moves out we are 100% done.

This morning she's freaking out and saying she'll stay because I'm forcing her too. She said " You've created that requirement. You set the boundaries and you said that's how it is for you. You will not work on things without me in the house. That doesn't leave me a choice ."

Right now I'm a bit lost. Do I let her go?


Post Information
Title Wife Moving Out: An Update
Author themerovingian01
Upvotes 26
Comments 135
Date 30 September 2019 07:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/287035
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dbh4ka/wife_moving_out_an_update/
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Comments

[–]bowhunter676 points77 points  (13 children) | Copy

Just kill the puppy already. She’s begging you to.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret39 points40 points  (10 children) | Copy

Just kill the puppy already. She’s begging you to.

/thread

Buuuut...She basically told you she wants to ride the cock carousel and keep you on the back burner.

Fuck. That. Bullshit.

[–]hack3geRed Beret17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

I don’t understand how this doesn’t just make a dude angry. She should be dead to him yet he’s hamstering keeping her.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Oh I does make a dude angry.

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not angry enough to know the answer to the question that should not even need to be asked (" Do I let her go?").

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, because he’s hamstering

[–]LifeSucksIfYouLetIt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are angry, then why ate you asking advice if you should let her go?

She should already be gone. Give her the papers today if you can.

I also read in one of your comments that she had a EA... Brother, dump the bitch.

[–]dll1421 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

This is absolutely correct. Sounds like the bullshit my ex-wife tried feeding me before I booted her ass out 5 years ago. Don't let her use you. Value yourself. Think of what's best for you.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Exactly. That’s one thing I actually slightly envy in women. The ability to just turn the off switch and do what they think k is right for them... it’s like a cold shank of your on the other side.

Quick tl:dr story... my wife once agreed with me that we should separate (years ago)... then we had company come over like 5 minutes later. I was a bit in shock it was really happening (worked it out though)... but I remember her laughing it up with the company like absolutely nothing had happened while I listened from the other room, in shock.

Cold. As. Fucking. Ice

But I don’t hold it against her- it’s on the AWALT spectrum

[–]dll1423 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Absolutely correct. They are hard wired to turn on and off to situations like that. It's a survival mechanism. Sucks for us, because we as men value relationship equity and history together. You can use the concept of relationship equity with one of your male friends, your dad, a male coworker, male business relationship, etc that you "fuck up" or wrong, or mess up with. If I trust you, like you, and our relationship has value, I'll forgive that, let it ride, overlook it, give another chance, etc. I.e. man to man, I'll give you lattiue or the benefit of the doubt. We can talk it out LOGICALLY and you'll SEE our past and the value it has.... FORGET THAT DYNAMIC WITH A WOMAN... doesn't exist! They love it when times are great, but can and will want to bail quickly when times get tough. They may not bail, but they have to see value or benefit in riding out a tough time, but they can flake any time. OP need to understand this.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He needs to, but he most likely won’t. I’m a men’s coach, and I get a lot like him, and unfortunately the outcome is predictable

[–]second-last-mohican0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its because in their head, they gave up all that male attention for you. They settled etc

[–]FRedington1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she is indeed BPD, then you probably should call it quits. From what I've read BPD is not amenable to talk therapy and there is no medication that can be used in treatment that helps.

If life feels like a roller coaster: from love to hate from her, then my belief is that it is likely BPD. -- Call it quits is what I'd do.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

99+% of men that come here saying my wife is BPD are just looking for an excuse to blame her for the problems.

Regardless OP - the marriage is fucking dead and she’s overtly telling you SHE IS GOING TO FUCK OTHER MEN. Which means she already is... it’s dead and dusted... time to move on.

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you want permission from us to divorce your wife? Yes, go ahead.

Chances are she is fucking someone else anyway.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Chances are she is fucking someone else anyway.

That's pretty much 100% certainty.

[–]dll1420 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She definitely is. Boot her out.

[–]Awakeningof1746 points47 points  (31 children) | Copy

Similar situation here, my wife left with the kids a few months ago. I ramped things up with lawyers and managed to negotiate a decent separation agreement. I will pay her half of my equity which sucks, but it's a small price to pay for freedom. Kids were noticeably affected by it all and it sent me into a bad anger phase where I started drinking a lot and being a fuckin faggot.

Finally got my shit together and started hitting the gym hard, getting my finances in order and doing lots of cool shit with my kids. After being in a deadbedroom for years with duty sex once every few months, things are a bit different now. Joined Tinder two weeks ago and currently have a few plates on the go, one of which is a 26 year old submissive blonde chick who comes over whenever I want. The stress I have now is having to wash my bedding all the fucking time.

The kids are doing really good now, settling into their two homes and are much happier. Speaking of which, they love coming to my house because it's much more relaxed and fun for them.

Your wife has made her bed, let her lie in it. Push on hard with arrangements for your new life and do not let her manipulation attempts affect you. Lift, get your finances sorted and be fucking awesome for your kids.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red21 points22 points  (17 children) | Copy

Just dont fuck up like I did and let her find out you are fucking other women.

Before the ink is dry anyway.

[–]Awakeningof179 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

She discovered I had been texting another chick I knew before I joined Tinder, but not even any fucking involved and she completely lost her shit, trying to create all sorts of drama. Doesn't want me and doesn't want me to be with anyone else, go figure. I can totally see your point Red, great advice. I found out she was with a new dude the other week..... she has no idea I'm aware she's been fucking, I haven't mentioned it and have no plans to do so. Nothing to gain from that shit, AWALT.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I haven't mentioned it and have no plans to do so

My absolute biggest fear when my D process started was finding out she was fucking other men. Especially before I started fucking other women.

I went balls deep in the first slut I could. Just to check it off. The more bitches I fucked, the more fucking I did lowered, and lowered that anxiety.

I mean, I was with her since high school. The thought of her on her back, legs open with some other dude between them mad me sad.

For a while.

If you fucking mention it, you will be the absolute biggest faggot on the face of the planet.

And not the faggot that ENJOYS getting railed in the ass.

Doesn't want me and doesn't want me to be with anyone else, go figure.

My ex-wife is the same way. When a woman looses a HVM she will go fucking insane. I dont know how HV you are.

I think the difference here, is that your wife is already out fucking.

I do not believe my ex has seen a dick other than mine.

Its likely part of the reason she is still so pissed off...

[–]Awakeningof171 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I've been preparing myself for months for the inevitable new dick newsflash. Well, as well as you can prepare for the thought of your once unicorn getting bent over and railed. I'll admit it did hurt initially when the news came in but my new, blonde, younger plaything happened to be on her way to see me. We had a lot of fun that night. Now IDGAF the ex is getting smashed, as I've seen first hand what's out there waiting for me. As for my value? Judging by the interest I'm now receiving I'd say pretty fucking high. Thing is, I can tell the ex fucking knows this too and is aware she's fucked things up by walking away from a good thing. My value is only going to steadily increase over the coming months / years so I fully expect her to have a complete meltdown at times, which is not great since she is after all the mother of my kids. I'll deal with this shit as and when it happens.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do yourself a favor. Don't seem happy. Seem depressed but coping. Convince her you're just trying to be professional while she suspects you are in pain.

Deep down, they know losing a high value male after the majority of their SMV is gone is a absolute failure on their part. This is the reason women always need you to be perceived as a piece of shit after a breakup, regardless of the facts.

Anything else would be taking responsibility.

If you seem happy, she'll do everything possible to make you suffer.

[–]Awakeningof170 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're right, she's already done her best to convince family and friends that I'm a piece of shit and has actually created some friction on my side. But all the people close to me know how events have unfolded and have seen first hand the narcissist in her.

Also, when she first left I appeared happy and she did take every opportunity to try and fucking take me down. I'll move on with things now without being visibly overjoyed. STFU, with minimal contact other than logistics to do with the kids.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That was the one way I fucked up. Ex's dad hired a PI (against their lawyer's advice I'm sure). I filed on a Tuesday and was out in the city on Thursday, got the number of a Colombian smokeshow, and proceeded to hit the town with her all weekend. She became a 3month fwb.

Anyway, I know ex saw pictures, and maybe even my dating app profiles. Sent her and the cunty parents on the WAR PATH. Here I was literally days after filling with a total hottie and all my crew crushing it in the club.

They need you to be miserable. Play the part.

Here's an old pic for funsies https://ibb.co/GCnzfXb

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wait, I don’t know how I missed this. She has 2 daughters and you don’t have any kids together, right? Holy crap, that’s a get out of jail free card. Help her kill the puppy by telling her it’s OK to move out. Quit that BS of its over if you move out- it’s creating guilt, making her look like the “bad guy.” She will just jostle until she can make you the bad guy- and you already have her enough ammo by letting her find out you’re dating.

You’rr Actions suggest you are manipulating to keep her. Stop that BS. Tell her to GTFO. Kill the puppy

Oh shit, I totally remember your original post now. Dude, you need to grow some balls and do what needs to be done. Hit the sidebar quick

[–]themerovingian01[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

I'm a little worried about that. What happened?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red18 points19 points  (5 children) | Copy

Fuck off.

I am not TL;DRing the last three years of my life for you.

Do the work.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

You don't know who THE red-sfpplus is? Fuck outtttta here. Basically MRP lore at this point. I have read all of his work, it's really inspiring. I love the bits about tren and being angry. Captivating shit, give it a read.

[–]redismyfuture0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Jesus dude, gay much?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I didn't put in /s for retards, my most sincere apologies

[–]redismyfuture-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can deer all you want, we both know it was kinda gay.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s cool - /u/red-sfpplus is the kind of man you go gay for...

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Wouldn’t give 2 fucks.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was young and stupid once to.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m 36.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Your wife has made her bed, let her lie in it. Push on hard with arrangements for your new life and do not let her manipulation attempts affect you.

This is exactly where OP is now. He’s talked to lawyers, but my gut tells me he’s going to cave... and live to regret it

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Are you kidding??? He's probably asking lawyers if he can get a court order to make her stay with him... he'll pay whatever it takes!

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Can’t wait for the “we’re living happily ever after” post after her branch breaks

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol! Something tells me that it's already 3/4ths composed.

[–]Awakeningof170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think he might cave too, definitely giving off that vibe.... then he will be in a whole new world of shit

[–]Iammrp22 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

They're not his kids tho

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Oh shit, not his kids? Lol, u/themerovingian01 send her packing... Why hamster this?

[–]Iammrp21 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

6 years. Might feel like his kids at this point. Sad.

[–]test17296 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is so sad, alexa play despacito

[–]RisingUpAgain2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now its a party

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good point, kind of sucks. Maybe she should get back with the biological father...

[–]Awakeningof170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I misread it..... cheers

[–]dll1420 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Amen

[–]part_wolf26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do I let her go?

Brother, one thing is absolutely clear: she's already gone. She doesn't want you. She wants to lie to herself and make you the bad guy for not putting up with her bullshit.

[–]tspitsatgp6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

There it is. This is a pressure switch of sorts. She has no intention of working things out, she just doesn’t want to be the bad guy who initiated the separation, so she’s flipping it onto OP now.

[–]Iammrp253 points54 points  (3 children) | Copy

She wants to fuck other dudes and have you as a backup. You said no. Now she's pissy. Tell her to sign the lease and get out. Why are you messing with her? Her kids are not your kids. Go find a girl without kids and get her pregnant to have your own family and quit playing house like a fucking woman.

side plate is definitely not a replacement for my wife

Ah I see. You're a faggot with oneitis about a bitch that's making you raise another man's kids and you've been doing this for 6 goddamn years.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's also why a plate is called a plate...

[–]Iammrp24 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

And also why it isn't called a branch

[–]Balls_Wellington_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Benefit of the doubt, maybe she is just a lot less attractive

[–]effyouasshole14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

The therapist says she almost certainly has borderline personality disorder. [...] the stay plan the same as the go plan.

No, dude. When your wife has BPD, there is no stay plan.

Because BPD.

Last night I mentioned that if she moves out we are 100% done. This morning she's freaking out and saying she'll stay because I'm forcing her too.

And now you see the value in STFU. You triggered her BPD and got nothing useful in return.

Right now I'm a bit lost. Do I let her go?

She has BPD. End of story.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This.

I dated a girl with BPD. Total fucking emotional roller coaster. Never again. Run your ass off and don't look back.

[–]BostonBrakeJob9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

So look man, the "right" answer here is to tell her to get the fuck out, then go eat some shrooms and climb a moutain.

But you don't know what you really want right now. Do you?

So here's another option. Take it or leave it. Tell her you've thought about it and you like the idea of a break. No more. No less. Just broken record that shit until she starts to seriously consider if you're retarded. Hell, do it until you start to think you might be retarded. Then do it some more. Help her pack her shit. Help her load up her shit. And wave her goodbye as she pulls out of the driveway with her shit. Don't help because it's "good", help because it hurts you to do it.

You're going to want to tell/text her stupid shit like "I miss us so much" in the days/weeks/months(?) after in an attempt to ease this pain. Flip yourself in the sack with a rubberband instead. Seriously, don't touch your fucking phone until the urge to do that shit has passed. Then you can pick your phone up. Use it to call some buddies to go do [insert hobby here] instead.

Keep fucking Tindergirl. Find a few others. These girls are not your therapists. They just wanna hook up, and so do you. Don't complicate that. Just enjoy it for what it is.

If you need to talk to someone, talk to your therapist. Call a close friend. Your parents if you're lucky enough to have that option. Or come here and puke it all out. Do not talk to her about it.

................................Or you can talk yourself into taking her back. The choice is yours. Always has been.

[–]RisingUpAgain0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This dudes lived a little lol

The real question is, how many times do you repeat this cycle before you choose not to take her back OP?

[–]WolfofAllStreetz8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

you fucking idiot

run dude, this isnt gonna end well for you, grow a pair

[–]IncitingDramah8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck what she say. It's a shaming tactic my dude. You lay the damn boundary, if she doesnt like it she can kick fucking rocks.

She's currently setting you up for a safe fall.

BPD, or not stick to your guns. Shes obviously on her way out and you've given her more than enough chances. If you bend any more to her will she's gone.

Basically stick to your guns and ignore her chatter. Shes running her mouth to guilt/shame you. IGNORE WORDS WATCH ACTIONS

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy

What do you want?

Think about that.

Do you want her to stay?

Do you want her to leave?

Think about that.

Think about what you want.

Then do it.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'm honestly having a difficult time deciding if I want her to stay or not.

A month ago I would have done every beta thing possible to make her stay.

Now after a month of counseling, thinking about things, preparing my plans, I don't know anymore. I could go either way.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

So you come here and post "Hey guys, I don't know what I want anymore. Can you help me figure out what I want in life?" No, we can't. Only you can do that. Go do mushrooms and climb a mountain or something dude.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Go do mushrooms and climb a mountain

Interesting sequencing of events.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

BBJ said it first he's just quoting.

It's still excellent advice

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now after a month of counseling, thinking about things, preparing my plans, I don't know anymore. I could go either way

If you don’t know, then her manipulations will keep you on the back burner. Until she is done with you and spits you out. First, she will thoroughly make you the bad guy with our friends and family because now she has some dirt on you about you dating. She is just biding her time and gathering information to use against you, and she also wants you on the back burner in case In case her branch breaks. Dude. You need to make a decision, or she will make one for you, and I promise you that the outcome in the end won’t be good

[–]marv86kw0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

If she left, what would you miss?

[–]themerovingian01[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

A companion and warm body in my bed.

[–]marv86kw2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like you need a dog.

Companion? Check.

Warm body? Check.

Just don't screw the pooch.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shit.... you could have said earlier, it's got a taste for it now.

[–]Praexology0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look at Shakespeare over here.

[–]LetsGoAllTheWhey5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Please make sure you change the locks.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy

I have created an online poll

Please vote so the man knows what he should do.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Everyone agrees with me. Mushrooms and mountains it is.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I voted 8 times.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Gave two options. Then a yes no option. Not sure what points to what.

[–]ahackercalled4chan8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

hence why mushrooms is winning by a landslide

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I voted mushrooms. It's the only option that doesn't involve having contact with her.

[–]FlyingSexistPig4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

YES. Let her go.

You're better off without her.

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Wow, you set a boundary, you were outcome independent, you called her bluff, she caved. Now you stand there like Wiley Coyote actually catching the roadrunner, but haven't a clue what to do next. That's awesome. Well, the truth is you don't go anywhere. It's up to her to move or stay, 1000ft rope. If you are actually being outcome independent than you do you and she can either get on board with the newer better version of you or leave.

Right now I'm a bit lost.

After something like this, expect some tests, both shit and comfort.

Not much post history or background here, but from your OYS from 5 months ago, you were half assing some stuff then.

  • Keep those finances separate and probably never combine them again and keep your assets protected.
  • Keep going to the gym. If you haven't yet, make sure you go 3 times a week minimum and follow a legit program like Stronglifts, Wendler, or Grayskull.
  • Keep DARE-ing, gaming, initiating, and leading.
  • Sounds like you guys have some sex issues. Let her know it's ok to suck your dick if that's what you want my asking her to do it and give a lots of encouragement and instruction. Turns out, lots of women are self conscious about it and you tell them "yes" "more" "lick it" and make all kinds of noises they really enjoy that.
  • Have you gym bag ready. When you initiate with this woman, if she gives you a firm no after you've been playful and flirty with her, shrug and say "no problem" and head off the gym without being butt hurt.
  • Now that she's actually hit the end of the rope and swimming for the boat, continue to set more boundaries. Like when sex is boring, saying "this isn't working" and tell her what you actually want her to do.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Her idea of sex issues is that i'm a sex addict because I want to have sex 2-3 times a week.

[–]MisfitPL915 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

So does she - just not with you.

Kill the fucking puppy.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

"Sex addict" is a shaming term that works pretty well on nice guys who are using covert contracts. It also is works to block men who are weak at closing. You are probably coming off as a little kid who keeps asking mommy for another cookie. In other words, you look pathetic and you are in her frame still. Use gym bag routine with her and whether you go to see your plate or lift plates that particular time is up to you, but you can give her first shot your time and sex if you want to that way. Stay with her or let her leave, you need to work these out of your mental programming either way, so might as well sharpen yourself against her while you are together still.

You've got some pretty serious oneitis too tolerate this much abuse.

I want to recommend some specific materials, but before I do that, what have you actually read from the sidebar posts and books?

[–]themerovingian01[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

In other words, you look pathetic and you are in her frame still. Use gym bag routine with her and whether you go to see your plate or lift plates that particular time is up to you, but you can give her first shot your time and sex if you want to

All of the posts. For books I've read NMMNG and I hate you, dont leave me.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Married Man's Sex Life Primer by Athol Kaye if you are absolutely trying to work it out. Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi if you are absolutely going to leave. Read both, just adjust the reading order accordingly. Also highly recommend the youtube series from BluePill Professor called "Saving a low sex marriage" as a really good crash course. Sorry I don't have links, I'm on mobile now.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I have both books and plan to read them ASAP.

[–]RicoDunne3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last night I mentioned that if she moves out we are 100% done. Well that was a dumb and weak way to negotiate attraction. If she really wanted to still be with you, then she would not be making arrangements to leave all. Your statement just made her realize that she would be blamed for the divorce and she is positioning her ego to protect it by throwing this back onto you.

[–]JameisBong3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Play nice,tell her you want things to workout but you need space too,you know for counseling and shit. Next her immediately she leaves the house and her two daughters. Being a step father was a mistake, don't do it again. Go out there and live your life.

[–]coinbaserep2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’s looking for tingles and your not giving them to her.

Let her go and work on yourself

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This morning she's freaking out and saying she'll stay because I'm forcing her too. She said " You've created that requirement. You set the boundaries and you said that's how it is for you. You will not work on things without me in the house. That doesn't leave me a choice ."

Just pretend that never happened and go about your business. All of your actions to this point were good. You were proactive, now stay that way. Just keep up what you were doing. You want nothing to do with BPD, that's a trainwreck and that's why you're here asking help from random strangers on the internet. HER trainwreck is and will become YOUR trainwreck if you don't end it now. Is that what you want your life to become??? I mean seriously, is it? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is it not?

Keep seeing your therapist too, you are dealing with some attachment issues and codependency. Codependency is common when your partner has BPD or similar psychological issues. It's like relationship addiction, sneaks up on you.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last night I mentioned that if she moves out we are 100% done.

STOP TALKING YOU IDIOT.

A woman who moves our on her own is bliss. Don't interfere with that, DON'T INTERFERE WITH AN ARMY IN RETREAT (art of war). Let her go, and then be done 100%.

[–]umizumiz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she's BPD, accept it will never end.

Divorce her.

Continue to be her "husband"(in her mind), while going on with her life.

She will actually be happy with this.

Source: BPD exw

[–]NMMNG_12 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The therapist says she almost certainly has borderline personality disorder.

  1. You still have oneitis.
  2. Also, I would find a different counselor.
  3. If you don't understand why, read 1 and 2 again.

[–]adeptintact2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you are 35 at your prime, SMV increasing. She's 37 way passed the wall, single mother with 2 kids that are not your own. She wants to leave.

From a strict red pill perspective she cuckolded you by having you spend your financial resources raising children that are not your own. Time to grab your sack and divorce. Your life will be so much better while hers will go to shit. Don't be the white knight that continues to save her.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

UPDATE:

I told her since she's already on the hook for the apartment for at least 6 months she might as well move out. She rented a moving truck and has people coming to help her tomorrow. I do feel sad. When she's not being a BPD cunt I enjoy our life together.

[–]vplatt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

:(

Be looking forward to a better tomorrow though. Chin up.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like the ultimate test of if she wants to be with you or not.

You win either way when you think about it.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Congratulations you no longer have to put up with a woman who dosent want you. Drown yourself in pussy and pick a better one

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would not have dropped the "100% done if you leave" line now (after she and her daughters are packed) - This is something you drop very early in the threats or AFTER she has left and the nail is in the coffin.

Let her go, fuck.... she WANTS to go. Its pretty emotional to have your children 'pack up and leave'their house yet she crossed that line... at this point you should be pushing her along to make it even easier. Is the house under your name? Shared? I'd fucking have a new set of locks in the closet the moment she left if it was legally allowed where you live

[–]themerovingian01[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is under my name only and I had it before the marriage.

[–]ArborioRice1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, she checked the fuck out and did it in a way that's abundantly clear...if you have any self respect you'll kill the puppy, take your lumps, and move on happier than ever before. Ignore her manipulative bullshit, keep your boundary like you're fighting to the death.

Half the guys here telling you to terminate this shitshow have been in your shoes to some extent and have gotten over the whole "do i stay or go" bullshit, me included. Your future self will thank you.

[–]Bedtimeshine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why haven’t you already filed for divorce? You should have done that a month ago. And she’s moving out because of another man...

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are going to have to dig deep and truly make a decision.

There really is no upside to her manipulation of you. How do like all this drama ?

You make a statement that a plate “can not replace her.” Correct. The plate is a different person.

I think you need to let her go and see how your life improves I would highly recommend you stop with the ultimatums and realize abundance and frame.

Good luck. Don’t forget to lift

[–]JoeBuckYourslf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t even understand how any of this is even difficult for you.

Next.

[–]dll1421 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Buddy, let her go / kick her the fuck out. She'll treat you exactly the way you let her. She's done and she's nuts. Sounds just like my ex-wife, who is a BPD. She came home about 5 years ago and told me that she was in love with another man, then days later, started that shit of "I need to find myself... we can work on us... date each other.... discover a new beginning... blah blah..." bullshit!! I kicked her ass to the curb and never looked back.

A bit if advice in divorce. Don't know what state you're in (assuming you are in the USA), but most states have conflict of interest laws that say that she can't select an attorney you consult with or pay a retainer to. If you have assets to protect like a business (like I did), go to the top 5 or 10 divorce attorneys in your city known to fleece men and pay them a $1,000 or $2,500 retainer. It might cost you $10k to $15k up front, but you can conflict them all out. Then chose one, get your divorce, then ask for all the retainers back. A bit of advice. Worked like a charm for me. I still had to pay of course, but I know I got off way better than I could have if I didn't do that.

Value you. Trust me, you'll meet someone better.

[–]_skorobogaty_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The apartment she picked out is nice, but is over 50% of her take-come income so she'll be broke.

You believe she's going to be paying for it all herself?

The therapist says she almost certainly has borderline personality disorder.

Her therapist, or yours?

You guys are done. She dumped you, now accept and get over it.

[–]ManguZa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely not.
She test you to see if you're a beta or if you have boundaries and self respect. If you say amen to her she will lose all her remained attraction and divorce you. If you show her your will and that you're firm in your boundaries she'll want to stay with you. She try to culpabilize you to see if your boundaries are firm or not.

[–]tom-anonymous0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

She's freaking out because at the end of the day the fear of loss is much greater than the desire to gain.

Women who cheat don't think they will get caught in the moment, so the fear of loss is less than the dire to gain in this case.

However, now that you gave her the ultimatum, the fear of loss is imminent and is now greater than the desire to gain. If you back out of this ultimatum, you lose everything. In addition, if you stay with her, then her chemical high of losing you will fade and you will be back to square one eventually.

Kill the puppy. Save your dignity. Use whatever fear you have of not getting someone as pretty as her as fuel in the gym.

BTW, she is either cheating on you, has cheated on you, or has someone in mind.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

She's freaking out because at the end of the day the fear of loss is much greater than the desire to gain.

This is 100% true and she admits it.

[–]tom-anonymous0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

So are you going to stay? I really hope you don't. You're going to kick yourself later if you do. I felt similar to you when I found out about my wife's affair. She's higher SMV than me. However she tried to kiss my butt from day 1 and I still left. No price for my self respect. Good luck man.

[–]themerovingian01[S] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

If I had and evidence or inclination of an affair I would end the relationship immediately. That is a deal breaker for me.

I suspect a lot of people here aren't actually married. No matter the circumstances divorce is difficult.

[–]Awakeningof171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I suspect a lot of people here aren't actually married. No matter the circumstances divorce is difficult."

You come to r/askMRP for advice, then suspect a lot of people here aren't actually married? Most people here are either heading for divorce, in the process of divorce, or have already been fucking divorce raped. You're damn right divorce is difficult. In that case you should go and buy her some nice flowers then beg her to stay. Maybe shed a few tears too that will fix everything.

[–]tom-anonymous0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Curious to know, would your decision differ whether or not it was just emotional (not physical)?

[–]themerovingian01[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

She had an emotion affair two years ago. At this point any type of affair would be a deal breaker.

[–]hack3geRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dumbass faggot there is no such thing as an emotional affair - they fucked and the sooner you come to terms with it the better.

[–]vox_veritas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This morning she's freaking out and saying she'll stay because I'm forcing her too. She said " You've created that requirement. You set the boundaries and you said that's how it is for you. You will not work on things without me in the house. That doesn't leave me a choice ."

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

-Rush, "Limelight"

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I mentioned that if she moved out, we are 100% done."

Wtf??? She gives you a fucking encyclopedia of why she doesn't want to be with you and that she's going to be fucking around, and she goes to the effort of apartment shopping, packing, telling her kids to move their stuff, and you give her the option to stay??

You are a faggot-she's playing the whore and you worry about her rent!!

Beg her to stay, and offer to pay for her rent. She only needs a year to go ride the cock carousel-what's one year, when you can have a lifetime of love afterwards??

Faggot.

[–]second-last-mohican0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bad move with the ultimatum.. should've kept quiet and let her go. Be stoic etc

[–]themerovingian01[S] -5 points-4 points  (8 children) | Copy

When I think about it I feel I care more about our shared history and our past than our current status and future.

I also get hung up on the fact that she's very beautiful and very smart and if I'll be able to find someone as hot and as smart.

Notice I did not say nice.

My side plate is not as pretty, not as smart, but extremely nice and very giving. She wants to suck my dick and give me a back massage every night.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

She wants to suck my dick and give me a back massage every night.

Ahh, I remember those days. For sure they are missed. Just remember that's any new chick that wants you to bite down on the hook.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

And here I am thinking I am the hook. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[–]architectintx7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You will have a tough time in life if you dont find your balls quick enough and put them back where they belong.

The cardinal rule with women [1] they are their first priority [2] Hypergamy is real and ever operating process in their minds 24/7/365 up until they die.

My 2 cents:

  1. She will look you dead in the eye say we are soul mates and the next morning chat up with some random guy at the coffee bar if she "feelz" she has a better /exciting future with him than you - Hypergamy doesn't care.
  2. When in a relationship with a woman, she always plans two steps ahead of you ( or atleast presume she does). That would give you the right impetus to think through things and act in your best interest.
  3. You already sub-communicated that you are low value, so she instinctively tries to distance herself from you ( less the society/other harpies around her tells her she can do better than you)
  4. If a woman divorces the first time, she has crossed some invisible line that she can never fall back to. She has done it once, so the next time would be a little easier and well planned. No surprises the second time around. I have seen women who worked up their finances first and then back calculated how many marriages should they get into to meet that financial goal called "Alimony"
  5. As Rollo drum beats at every opportunity he gets, KILL THE BETA BEFORE IT KILLS YOU

So craft your strategy based on these cold facts, you will come out ok in the end.

[–]Awakeningof175 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I thought my ex was a 9. I was hung up on the same shit. Now I see the next wave of 20-25 year olds and realise she's just made contact with the wall which will brutally decimate her over the coming months /years. I also found out she was with another dude (Chad Thunder Dong) the other week. She was likely fucking him and ready to monkey branch during the final few months of our relationshit. I had oneitis bad, but it's amazing what some fresh, young chicks, who love to take a load down their throat, can do for that problem.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is what im hoping for.

[–]Awakeningof173 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't 'hope' for anything, if you want it put the work in and get it. Right now you're clouded with all the emotions and bulllshit. I was there too, fucking miserable existence. Also, remember you can't be friends with her, I tried the nicey nicey friend approach and it just fucks with your head and opens you up for even more manipulation. I wasn't hers, it was just her turn. Get that into your head if you value yourself. I didn't realise my value but now I do, and life is beginning to get pretty fucking awesome again.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

if I'll be able to find someone as hot and as smart.

Of course you won't. That's why your current wife is leaving. She found someone better.

That said. If you improve yourself ... you may be able to get someone who is better than your current wife. Welcome to the game player.

She wants to suck my dick and give me a back massage every night.

It's called auditioning. She's lining up to be the next chick to put you on a drip feed.

[–]SelectAirline0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like the guy who sits and waits for life to happen to him. Things never go well for that guy...

[–]themerovingian01[S] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

So handed in the signed lease earlier this week and put down the deposit. The lease started 10/1.

Now she's changing her mind and wants me to call the apartment company and see how to get out of her lease.

[–]tom-anonymous0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So you're just going to say "Hey welcome back. Glad you can stay!"?

I think what she did is just as bad as an emotional affair. You can't trust her. The fact she's asking you to get her out of her lease makes me think she absolutely has no respect for you. It's all a game to her and you're playing along.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It is going to cost 10 grand to get her out of the lease so I don't know about that.

[–]tom-anonymous1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So now you're going to take her back? If you stay married you go back to a joint financial situation. That means she just costed you 10k because she didn't have her shit together and you're allowing it.

[–]juliusstreicher0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You will pay it. Don't try to fool us or yourself with all of this "I don't know" bullshit.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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