One thing I don’t understand about this emotional labour issue that has become in vogue among many feminist circles within recent years is that it clashes with the toxic masculinity crisis engulfing many men who feel compelled to repress their emotions and not burden their spouses with their problems, which can lead to self destructive behaviours. This groups includes me and many of my friends, who were in relationships where emotional openness and vulnerability wasn’t much a thing. Many men I know don’t really confide to their spouses about their problems to the same extent as women in these relationships . We’d much rather just internalise it, which can manifest itself in bouts of anger and problematic behaviours, until eventually you learn how to be a proper stoic . For most men, who subscribe to masculine norms, this is the orthodoxy when it comes to facing your problems as a man. That you are alone, and only you can help yourself. Society and hence women you date will judge for being weak enough to not deal with your own shit. You’re not worthy to call yourself a man if you can’t deal with your own problems, since eventually you will need to be strong enough to deal with the problems of those more vulnerable than you like your wife or child.

So I just don’t understand where all these claims of emotional labour is coming? Perhaps women here are dating men who don’t subscribe to traditional masculine norms and this is a common complaint for the progressive urbanite male? Or perhaps I’m failing to properly understand what constitutes emotional labour to the average woman and I may be the unsuspecting perpetrator of the emotional exploitation of women in my previous relationships?

It feels like I’m living in a parallel universe when I do hear of these complaints from many women on social media about the problem of romantically involved men turning women into their their Personal therapists or mothers. I’ve rarely seen my group of friends, brothers or cousins do this to their partners. Personally, after a few bad experiences, just the idea of telling a woman Im romantically involved with about my problems and not seeming like everything is fine and dandy just fills me up with anxiety and dread. To me, a man who does this is a foolish risk taker.