I'll try to keep this short.
Ever since I found the red pill and having been done with the anger-phase, started to internalize the knowledge I gained from this sub and have seen so many truths that I just can't turn back anymore. It was like believing that the earth was flat, and then being sent to the moon for a couple of months to see our big round marble rotating around the sun, you just can't unsee it. I don't need to explain my beta past, we've all been there.
But I learned that I won't be able to marry, I just don't see any incentive at all just besides pleasing potentially religious parents in law. None of my family members had a stable marriage is one instance, seeing what happens around me is another. I've been to weddings, I've seen happy couples getting together. One couple was to each other their first, the second guy married a girl that only had him as a partner, while he has had many, and she's a solid chick. The third was the opposite, where the guy only had one girl, the one he married that day, and she was the one freaking out over being pregnant after having fucked in Cancun during spring break. You guessed it, she was getting old, he had the bucks, she tied him down. It's also the only girl that doesn't seem to like me but just tolerates me.
I doubt I will ever in my life fall in love like I used to, which I honestly miss because it was a hell of a drug. Taking the red pill is like being told that santa isn't real, the magic is gone and christmas isn't as exciting as it used to be. It's just a get-together holiday with pretty lights. It's something I thought of, but realized that at this very moment, it is very true. A relationship is now nothing to me besides an agreement that "We fuck each other and get all our needs met on the agreement that you don't fuck anyone else" which is pretty much like a business agreement saying "We will pay X for Y quantity of Z quality over the course of period from T to S". I learned to have sympathy with cheaters as truth be told, after listening to their stories, I could understand. It's not like it's a hobby to fuck anyone else while you are perfectly happy. I wouldn't blame anyone for fucking someone else while they are only being fucked once a season, and I internally laugh at those that don't fuck their partner more often than once every three months that they didn't see this coming.
Just this week I met a chick in the city, talked briefly, exchanged numbers, went out, had fun and applied RP, ended up in her bed and fucked her. Tons of guys approaching her, she was going nuts why I'm not jealous and whatnot, even complaining why I didn't kiss her. Before RP I used to be very shy around girls, now I bedded a girl like it's the most natural thing without any much thrill. Relationships lost the feels for me, and it's just all about the agreement... And women thought like this all along. Women are thinking with feelings, yet they know how to break and control a beta, want a man with status, financial stability, high income, and don't hesitate to branch-swing from the good to the better, as easy as upgrading from a BMW 3-series to a BMW M5, because in the eyes of a woman, you're like a car, like a tool for their life and not an emotional being. I've written a post about how women try to control men with sex, and one of my exes confirmed how she operated. She didn't want me to get too close to her, so she would withdraw sex, but once I started to wonder away and tell her I don't see this relationship working out, she fucked me three times that sames evening with all passion until I was satisfied again and we went another out of many weeks without sex, until the cycle repeated itself.
Women operate on their feelings, but they don't look for feelings from you, just values. Social Value, Monetary Value, Security Value. Play the game, estabilish the transactions. I provide what you want (named values), provide me what I want (the key to opening your legs at any desired time, good cooking, being exciting to spice up my life). Losing the feelings for relationships, the magic of Santa and other similar losses feel much like withdrawal from drugs. You want to get that fix, but can't get it, and I just dread it. Eventually, it will fade and I will find my fix elsewhere like in extreme sports. It's just a bit annoying, but something that everyone must go through.