For those of you who are anti-porn, how did you come to this stance and what has its effect been on your dating options?

87AudreyHorne · 2020-08-16T17:16:05+00:00

I've never been hard core anti porn because I've never really been exposed to people who are serious about porn.

For example my parents never censored things. Their friend wrote for playboy (which apparently had some good articles) and they got the first playboy issued in our country and kept it with newspaper. My friends and I would get playboy for fun. I felt provocative when I walked into video rental store as a young teen to ask for porn and shock the nice lady there.

But really porn was always this half comical thing I laughed at with my friends. I never took it seriously. I dated guys and I cant say they never watched porn but I can say it never really interfered or made itself known to me. They didnt turn after other girls, they didnt have pictures of other girls around, or ask me to do stuff they saw on porn, if anything porn always came up as a joke. It was even into adulthood something you watch with your friends and then comically reference for years. It was silly.

In that sense I'd neve either take porn as some serious competition I have to take stand against or that bothered me.

Its more that since I've been on reddit I see this other reality where apparently people cant masturbate without porn, have serious collections, go to girls social media or pay for content, can't even come with their girlfriends... and everyone is saying how good and normal that is and how if you're confident you have no issue if you're dating someone who follows girls on social media... and girls just play along, say how they also love "hot girls". Its so weird and doesn't feel real to me.

Here is where I was the one shocked that this is ok for people. I dont know if its cultural difference or generational difference or what. But no I would not like to date a guy who is into porn the way someone on reddit is into porn. Who takes it seriously. Who seriously thinks it's so good and healthy (cause everyone says its healthy) to constantly fantasize about other people. I like to be much more adored than that

I have no issue with porns existence. I'm no puritan. But I dont want to date someone like that..just how many guys here say they would be turned off by a girl who has done porn so would I be by a guy who consumes it..its even worse imo because his focus is other women and to me it's just so disrespectful

Timely-Warthog · 2020-08-16T17:57:23+00:00

I used to watch porn (mainly lesbian, although sometimes straight) since I was in middle school, but eventually stopped after reading about the rape/abuse in the industry & the psychological effects it has on viewers.

I distinctly remember watching a video where a woman started crying and the men around her laughed, and then she kept repeating “I can’t do this anymore... I can’t do it. I can’t. No more. Please no more” quietly under her breath, yet the men around her made her keep going. She started throwing up, yet they made her keep going and were calling her terrible names while she was in tears, begging them to stop. They laughed at her tears. She looked so overwhelmed and depressed, and was only 20. That wasn’t acting. She looked dead inside.

That was the final straw for me. I felt so disgusted after watching that, and so heartbroken for her. The comments somehow were worse, with a bunch of people commenting on how hot they found her abuse. It honestly seemed like rape to me. It wasn’t acting, that’s for sure, and I felt sick to my stomach.

I don’t talk about it much to acquaintances, since I know I’m in the minority. I more or less just listen. I’ve heard boys around me casually talk about their favorite pornstars in normal conversation during the middle of class, which I don’t think would have been the norm 20-30 years ago. After hearing things like that I just mentally cross them off the list of potential partners, although I must say I’m not active in the dating scene right now, so I can’t comment much on how it’s effected my relationships.

I can’t stop others from watching porn, it’s their lives and I can’t control them, but I will not be in a romantic relationship with them.

0seagirl · 2020-08-16T19:27:13+00:00

I became anti-porn after my own experience working in the industry. People pretend it's healthy but it's toxic as shit. Every guy I've been with who regularly used porn were absolutely awful lovers. It took me a while to work out that their porn use affected their performance and desensitized them to the act of sex over masturbation alone.

I'm lucky in that the man I'm with now prefers and values sex way above solitary masturbation and porn use. We actually discussed all this way before we got together as partners, as we both came from unsatisfying sexual relationships prior to us getting together.

My exes however, protected porn like their lives depended on it. If I raised porn as an issue, they'd accuse me of insecurity at every turn, tell me I needed to "work on my insecurities" when in fact they were deeply insecure men who really would have benfitted from therapy. It was actually pretty sad.

CatchPhraze · 2020-08-16T16:38:22+00:00

I came to that stance by seeing just how much better realsionships without much porn usage are. More active sex life with a partner not preforming for an invisible camera, more present.

It hasn't hurt me because I'm not anti porn, I'm anti cheating and anti exploitation. I don't have interest in men who use shady website for free porn and I have no time for men who think talking to can girls or having onlyfan girls on social media isn't cheating even if they only interact because of a paywall. If it's cheating if I did it for free, it's cheating if you paid for it. No thanks.

Any guy who doesn't agree with those sentiments I don't want to date anyways.

ldonnawho · 2020-08-16T16:16:12+00:00

I am against porn usage in a relationship and I initially developed that stance in my early 20s during one of my first relationships. He set the bar for healthy behavior and he was vehemently against porn consumption in our relationship. Afterwards it just became one of my standards for a relationship.

Internet strangers will gaslight me (take a look at the responses in the thread you linked) but when I was dating IRL I never came out and told men I was against it until I was vetting them to become a boyfriend. At that point, I would pretend I was all pro porn usage and gauge their reaction 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just as anything, it narrowed my dating choices which is good because I don't need 80% of men being eligible to date me.

781234567 · 2020-08-16T16:35:19+00:00

I have been anti-porn for about a year. I went this route because of two stories one of a woman who’s underage rape kept appearing on porn websites and she was constantly fighting to get copies taken down. The second a woman who during a consensual porn shoot wanted to stop, it was getting too rough for her but the guy continued. After the shoot in order to even get paid she had to sign a release form that the shoot went well if she hadn’t signed it she would not be paid.

Since coming to this and talking to people about it I’ve found quite a few of my friends are also anti porn but for different reasons. Like porn sickness people who couldn’t orgasm from sex alone and could only orgasm when watching porn. Or another said that porn is just so unrealistic that she couldn’t watch and that she could tell if a sexual partner watched a lot of porn because they’d do weird porn shit that didn’t actually feel good.

I haven’t dated since my anti-porn switch so can’t offer advice but I think in a partner as long as he saw the merits of anti-porn and didn’t make fun of me for it that’s enough for me. Ideally they wouldn’t watch but I gleefully watched porn for over a decade so who am I to judge.

CommittedToLearning · 2020-08-16T20:47:20+00:00

I don't care if other dudes watch porn, actually I prefer it tbh because I feel like its just another advantage for me, just like I'm okay with male obesity rates because as long as I stay fit I look better in comparison.

I personally don't watch porn because it feels like a super strong sedative. When I'm spending time with attractive women, flirting with them, when they give their attention to me and make it obvious they like when my attention is on them, I feel like there's electricity in my veins driving me forward.

There's only 2 things in this world that stops that feeling, pussy and porn. I still jerk off regularly by using my imagination and it doesn't take away that feeling of fire in my veins when I'm around women I want to fuck.

I want that feeling when I'm with women, I love that feeling, I need that to drive me to pursue them.

Oh also, ALL PORN IS CUCK PORN.

Reisiluu · 2020-08-17T15:18:48+00:00

A low libido partner spending their limited sexual energy on themselves or online acquaintances is actively sabotaging the couple's sex life and the whole relationship.

Mimoxs · 2020-08-16T17:08:43+00:00

I was entirely unaware of the workings of the industry. I genuinely believed that ALL the girls on screen enjoyed what they were doing, that everything that happened was things they agreed to, that they were treated well and that while I didn't get it, if they wanted to do it, good for them and it wasn't any of my business.

I learned that that is not at all the case. I learned about the things that happened to actresses, the shady origins of so much of amateur/homemade porn, how many girls in porn are trafficked, just how much child porn is on pornhub, how apathetic pornhub was to knowing full well their site contained women and girls being abused and raped and only took it down with legal threats, how they blatantly told viewers not to contact the police over child porn. The porn industry is evil. I can't imagine caring more about profit than the well being and safety of a raped child.

We tend to have a lot of very naive perceptions of the world around teenage years and this was the case with me.

But also, how men react is appalling, and that furthered my stance. So many "well it's not like I can do anything about it," "well that's not my problem," "well I'm totally certain I've never seen real rape", etc. On top of how porn has completely molded the minds of gen z boys and it manifests as unprecedented violence and abusive in sexuality towards girls as young as middle school. Middle school boys in the 90s would not have said and done the same things to girls as they did in the 2010s.

SaBahRub · 2020-08-16T17:40:17+00:00

I don’t care if you watch porn

I totally care about your attitude towards it, however. I have found out lots about a man due to porn, so I don’t want it to be illegal

_mwk · 2020-08-16T16:23:44+00:00

im anti porn but for myself, does my answer count

Willow-girl · 2020-08-17T11:14:01+00:00

Being married to a porn addict did it for me. IMO, it wrecks the pair bond just like cheating with a real-life partner.

rubbooyuri · 2020-08-16T18:17:48+00:00

I don’t want porn to be illegal, even though it brings little benefit to me, and is often harmful to the people who create it.

It’s too useful as a tool to see into a man’s true character

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upalse · 2020-08-16T21:01:03+00:00

Thirst is what compels the boy to go out and meet ("sexually harass") the girl, and due to how persistent it is, continue despite the obstacles. Later on, it's to keep the interest of his girl. Both by giving her power over his libido, but at the same time his desire for other women is natural dread game that keeps power balance in a relationship.

All too often I see a boy try few times, and then just give up and stick with the easy route - porn to mute that nagging desire.

In women, similar effects can be seen with social media whoring - sates the need to feel being desired, and birth control - no-consequnces sex mutes desire to seek commitment from men.

We've invented dildos for entirety of our sexual dynamic, and it makes a lot of people unhappy on spiritual level, as those folks do ultimately realize that none of the escapes they're using are real.

_lexxxi_98 · 2020-08-18T17:33:20+00:00

I honestly don’t think porn has a big impact on my dating life. There’s porn I watch that I’d never want to do in real life. My boyfriend watches porn and it only bothers me when I’m honey and don’t have sex often. If there is something he wants to do that isn’t too crazy I’ll do. We have had threesomes, foursomes, group sex, he’s tied me up, and we have used toys. You just have to find the person you can trust and has similar taste as you.

Title	For those of you who are anti-porn, how did you come to this stance and what has its effect been on your dating options?
Author	Markvan_throaway
Upvotes	13
Comments	101
Date	August 16, 2020 4:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/iauuq8/for_those_of_you_who_are_antiporn_how_did_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/for-those-of-you-who-are-anti-porn-how-did-you.68131 https://theredarchive.com/post/68131

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