My sister says HVM only seek feminine women

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-04-07T13:24:03+00:00

Don’t change who you are to be more attractive to men. Not only is it not necessary, but even if it was you would never be happy pretending to be someone you’re not. Having a few traditionally masculine interests doesn’t make you any less of a women.

Is it true that not all men like X women, yeah! But you can put literally anything in for X and it will be true, “feminine”, “masculine”, “tall”, “short”, “blonde”, “redhead”, “brunette”. You’re never going to be every man’s dream girl, so be yourself.

DaeYeNoKen · 2020-04-07T14:42:21+00:00

Your sister sounds like a pickme. Most College aged boys are immature morons and you're busy getting an education that will be far more valuable to you than any scrote could ever be. Your "energy" will be attractive to the right person if you're happy, confident and have your shit together.

Also, nobody high value is out looking to meet new people while a pandemic is happening, and people who've settled for low value partners are discovering just how useless they are. When all this is over there should be a fair few new singles out there!

glazedhamster · 2020-04-07T14:22:56+00:00

One of the most attractive qualities anyone can possess is confidence. The kind of confidence that comes from knowing who you are and living your most honest life.

All that to say, shoving yourself into a box of "traditional femininity" will not do you any favors. It will be obvious you don't fit there. Trust me, I tried it, it doesn't work. The type of men you'll attract are not guaranteed to be HV and if anything the LV sharks who feed off of women's insecurities will be drawn to you like moths to a flame. You don't want these men!

I am twice your age and have been a "tomboy" most of my life. I play video games and love the outdoors. I quit Girl Scouts because I thought it was stupid that all we ever got to do was cook and sew while the boys were off doing fun stuff like building treehouses and hiking. There are MANY men out there who would love a partner for things like hiking and camping, trust.

Just be careful not to fall for the "not like other girls" trap, LVM disguised as HVM love to deploy that in an effort to seduce women like you and me. It is not a compliment. A HV man is capable of complimenting you without insulting other women, LV usually are not.

Remember too the idea of "masculine" and "feminine" hobbies is deeply rooted in oppressive gender stereotypes and patriarchal ideas of what makes a man and a woman. Do what makes you happy and you will attract the right energy into your life. Never give up the things that fill you with joy for a man, especially a hypothetical one.

thepastamancer · 2020-04-07T13:07:10+00:00

Its definitely not true, and trying to be something you're not to attract a partner will only make you unhappy in the long run. Who wants to maintain an image that doesnt feel authentic for the rest of their relationship? That's not going to go well.

missamourcali · 2020-04-07T13:57:34+00:00

Acting like something you aren't is not going to get you a man who is authentic and values it in others.

They're wrong, ignore them

lowkeyrebel · 2020-04-07T20:11:19+00:00

Who the hell cares? Most men are low value manipulative porn addicts who will string you along for sex and emotional labor. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, don’t waste it worrying about a man who more than likely doesn’t give back half of what you put in. Btw, 17-22 is PRIME fuckboy age. Focus on yourself and leave the “wyd?” texts on read.

Spanky-madein79 · 2020-04-07T13:10:25+00:00

Please don't sweat it. Be you and you will attract the right partner. You're 20, there is no need to rush into a relationship. Concentrate on your own goals and happiness and the rest will follow

popfriday · 2020-04-07T16:54:26+00:00

All of those activities will make you infinitely more happy than any man on this earth. Men are only there to supplement your life, not center it. Keep doing you.

Your HVM will love you FOR you and your interests, not despite them.

Imagine giving up the things you love for men you don’t know that don’t give a shit about you...

Yikes. Your sister missed the mark on this one.

not-mrkrabs · 2020-04-07T15:35:26+00:00

I think your sister is confusing HVM with tradcons. HVM are diverse and not only attracted to any one "type," just like HVW.

sadcello · 2020-04-07T13:26:29+00:00

Feminine energy is as bullshit as big dick energy. Just look pretty, pretty tomboys never get out of style. Don't force yourself to be someone you're not but you probably need to maximize your looks in a way you're comfortable with. Find your own style. HVM loves pretty woman who's comfortable with herself. Pretty is subjective too. Believe me that real masculine men will not be attracted to photoshopped instagram models. There are masculine men who love tomboy women or even masculine women, why do you think most fit female trainers usually have significant others even if their biceps are bigger than average men? You attract what you are. Opposite attraction usually never last or never happy.

Chancedizzle · 2020-04-07T16:09:44+00:00

Be yourself if nobody can accept that they don’t deserve your time!

lowkeyrebel · 2020-04-07T14:10:00+00:00

I play video games and lift weights. What's that got to do with not being feminine?

wish_i_wasntavampire · 2020-04-07T15:20:51+00:00

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hongkonghenry · 2020-04-07T14:52:55+00:00

Absolutely untrue. HVM like women they like for who they are, not for what arbitrary category they fall into. Be yourself.

level_up_always · 2020-04-07T19:07:11+00:00

There is performative femininity which does get men on a surface level - things like traditionally feminine clothing, beauty, speaking voice, behavior etc. This is very effective at reeling them in. Then there is femininity in a deeper sense - understanding your power as a woman that really has nothing to do with looks and you could be a tomboy or whatever but still have feminine essence as all women do after all. Combining the two is kryponite but is not necessary.

I want to get the most out of men and life so I do both. Is this "not being myself" maybe but it feels good to have people treat me a certain way even strangers go out of their way to do things that doesn't happen when I'm not looking as good. It's a harsh but true fact of life. It's more fake it til you make it and as time goes on wearing dresses and letting men do things for me feels more like "me". Don't stop your masculine hobbies that actually really isn't what femininity is about you can absolutely be feminine and still do them. Do both and explore your feminine side if that is what you're interested in. A lot of times we don't realize that we like certain things until we try them so you never know. It's about you and what your values are.

I would also look into goddess archetypes and feminine mythology to start understanding your power as a woman. Our whole society is structured so that women do NOT realize this power that we have and to keep our self esteem low. Since beginning my feminine journey I feel much calmer and more confident and self assured. Something that years of therapy and support groups never really gave me because although they helped a lot they didn't get to the core problem - being a woman living in a patriarchal society that encourages women to be masculine workhorses because capitalism and puts down femininity at every turn because they KNOW it's powerful. There's a reason the church banned makeup. Think about it.

Femininity is often misunderstood and places like redpillwomen use it to be a doormat when really it should be used to empower women and know that they are the prize when it comes to men and you don't have to do certain things if you don't want to. I don't want to work. I want to be pretty. I want men to open doors for me. I like getting free stuff. I enjoy being treated like a princess and like the prize. I like seeing men get nervous and shake in their boots when I walk into a room. I enjoy seeing the power I have over them. Not saying these things don't happen if you're not traditionally feminine but they come much easier if you are.

Muffcakelord · 2020-04-07T21:08:24+00:00

How funny of you to ask since all LVM have something in common; they all claim that only feminine women are valuable.

You're being tricked by your pickme family. This sub does argue that it is a feminine trait to be the gatekeeper and the object of seduction, which is important to use to succeed in romance, but it has nothing to do with doing sports or being a tomboy or whatever your family defines as masculine.

Being a crybaby about the smallest things is proved to be a masculine trait but you won't see many admitting to it. Who defines these shallow traits as masculine and feminine?

saltyandpepa · 2020-04-07T15:06:26+00:00

In my experience, a lot of men claim they want a girl like this - someone who shares their interests, so they can play video games or watch sports together. Realistically, most of them will still be mad if you're more skilled or more knowledgeable than them.

But you know the most about your own specific situation. How has dating gone for you so far? Do you get much interest? You don't need to attract every guy as long as you attract the right one.

blk_grl_lvl_up · 2020-04-07T15:53:14+00:00

Going against the grain here a bit but yes, I think men do like feminine women; however, we have to define what femininity means. In the modern society we take femininity to mean makeup, heals, skirts, and pink, but all of these are socially constructed aspects of femininity. In Scotland men wear kilts. In the 18th century men in high position wore healed shoes, wigs and makeup. Anything that previously was performed by men, and perceived as masculine cannot not be mandatory for femininity.

TO ME real femininity is living a life that is conducive to healthy womanhood. What does that mean? For one that could be taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally. We have all seen mothers who put all their children and husband’s desires before her own needs and these women are miserable. Think about it, if you aren’t healthy physically it will impact your ability to bring children into the world, and if you aren’t well emotionally that impacts your ability to raise them. (Obviously women have more value than birthing children, but from an archaic perspective this was essential to humanity)

Key point: It is conducive to healthy womanhood to take care of yourself

A high value man will not want you if you are miserable. If you need to go for a morning run every single day to stay sane, he will take on getting the kids ready for school daily. That’s because a HVM knows it is conducive to healthy womanhood to take care of yourself. As much as men complain, they like women who take 2 hours to get ready or get sweaty in the gym, it shows you care about yourself.

Let’s look at two “public figures” I follow on instagram who are both feminine in their own way sweetpotatoesoul and tatianna james. Tatiana is very much the standard for femininity in 2020, curvy, full makeup, and lots of tight outfits, but don’t get confused, she owns a multiple million dollar business and loves to talk finances. Thats why men claiming only preschool teachers and hair dressers can be feminine are inherently low value. Sweetpotatoesoul is a skinny vegan chef with tree hugger vibes, no makeup, no heels, no skirts but I dare (a non racist) to say this woman isn’t feminine. These women are on opposite sides of the spectrum but fall under the umbrella because they take care of themselves and follow their goals. (which leads me to)

Having passions outside of him and his desires also are feminine. Having a career is not the antidote to femininity. Priscilla chan (wife of mark Zuckerberg) is a a medical doctor, Michelle Obama graduated from Princeton and Harvard, and was a top attorney. Amal Clooney (wife of George Clooney) is a lawyer who now works along side the United Nations. Because of their husband’s wealth, many of these women do not practice what they trained to be, but they still work with charity, philanthropy and non profit organizations. Regardless of wealth they still have something going on in their lives. You can be a housewife and still have goals and passions. No man (regardless of what they say) wants a woman who spends her days waiting for her baby to shit itself and has nothing else going on in her life. Even if you don’t work but run a book club, volunteer with the PTA, or take on DIY projects, that shows ambition and purpose, which I feel is feminine. Don’t let these men trick you into being a bang maid.

Another universal aspects are allowing men to approach you romantically. In every single species on earth men work to attract women. Low value men on reddit will claim they want women to make the first move, but this is literally the worst thing you can do. It takes all the power from you. Pick me’s have gotten things confused, it’s not “powerful” to get down on one knee and propose. The real power is facing someone who is on their knees, offering you everything they have, and having power to say no.

That was long, but in essence yes men love feminine women, but do not listen to them about what femininity means. Elizabeth Taylor, Rihanna, Susan Sarandon, Erykah Badu and Pamela Churchill all demonstrate femininity differently, as is natural to them, and that is what I want the take away to be.

Maisiebr · 2020-04-07T14:20:04+00:00

Your interests are, well, just your interests, don't ever give up on them if they make you happy. Aside from the fact that you don't need to cater to anyone, if you still seek some femininity, I advise you take a good look at yourself (not just on the outside, but among your inner qualities too) - I'm sure you'll find something to embrace.

umbralgarden · 2020-04-07T13:45:21+00:00

There are men who are specifically attracted to strong, sporty, muscular women. No matter what your body type is there's a man out there who's wild for it I promise you. Don't suppress it- flatter yourself and emphasize it (with some other feminine qualities still of course- makeup, hair, clothes...) and while you may get less bites from average men the bite you do get will hold onto you because you're his ideal.

YveisGrey · 2020-04-07T16:41:53+00:00

My friend is super into Jiu Jitsu and she dated an HVM and her classes are full of guys who are fit and a few have asked her out so no I don’t think having a stereotypical masculine hobby is a problem at all. Also you probably want someone who shares you’re interests if you pretend to be something you’re not you’ll never be happy and you risk attracting the wrong person for you.

VividPresentation · 2020-04-07T17:56:51+00:00

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2020-04-08T00:40:49+00:00

I had a toxic older sister like that. I would ignore her completely, as she definitely does not have your best interests at heart no matter how charming she might seem on the surface.

TBH, you could be extremely "feminine" in appearance, and your sister's nasty comments could be jealousy on her part. Actually, both of my older sisters seemed to take pleasure in taking me "down a notch". I wouldn't read into what she says too much.

spin_the_globe · 2020-04-07T14:54:39+00:00

Be yourself and don't settle. A person who is high value for you will love and accept you for the sporting type you are.

FlashyKardashy · 2020-04-07T20:58:18+00:00

To me it sounds like you've got a lot of passion and a bunch of cool hobbies. The aim should not be to be as attractive as possible to as many people as possible. There are tons of guys out there and you need to filter out the douches. it is to be as attractive as possible to the men that are right for you. And to do that you have to be the strongest most unique version of you.

Also tell your family to get the hell out your business. Family advice usually has too much projection in it to be useful. Often our family can really undermine our confidence and hold us back. Once I realised that I became so much more confident.

EclecticBarbarella · 2020-04-08T19:19:10+00:00

I’m into plenty of “male” things and if a guy has an issue with it, he’s not the one for me. More often then not I find guys that are intrigued by the fact that I have interests outside of what’s viewed as typical. Even then, some of them do end up getting intimidated by the fact that I’m not a super feminine person. But the whole point is to find a HVM that you have a connection with and that has one with you, not some watered down, girlified version of you. Look for a man that is comfortable in his own masculinity independent of anything external, they’re the ones who don’t you need be girly for them to “feel like a man”.

VulcanSpaceSquirrel · 2020-04-07T15:51:17+00:00

Definitely not true! Be you, be awesome.

2020-04-07T19:24:39+00:00

Your sister is an idiot. Read "Don't Settle" by Dr. Carroll. There are 4 types of people - masculine leaders, masculine supporters, feminine leaders, and feminine supporters.

You sound like a masculine supporter and your best match is a feminine leader type. Think Amal Clooney (masculine supporter, guy's girl) and George Clooney (feminine leader, girl's guy). Focus on guys in creative industries. Feminine men are much better husbands than masculine men. I say this as a slight tomboy who dresses femininely and has had NO issues.

As a masculine supporter, FOCUS ON SCHOOL AND GETTING INTO A PRESTIGIOUS CAREER. Don't waste your time in dating/courtship until AGE 25 at least. Then you'll be mature enough to find someone suitable.

Dismal-Storm · 2020-04-07T22:58:07+00:00

There are many kinds of hvm and hvw. They only share some qualities like kindness, respect and self discipline. I'm sure there are plenty of hvm looking for the kind of hvw you are.

what_thefreshhell · 2020-04-08T01:18:58+00:00

You sound like a really fun, interesting person. Don't listen to your sister, tomboys are awesome. If you change yourself to snag a "HVM" you'll only end up with someone who doesn't align with your true self.

Shermaow · 2020-04-08T01:32:43+00:00

Your sister is wrong. HVM are not some weird monolith that operate on a hive-mind. Different men find different things attractive. It would be like saying HVM only like super masculine guys, you can’t apply a one size fits all label. I met my bf ~6 years after I was done with college and honestly, I liked dating more once I was done with school. No longer trying to juggle work/class/studying made it more enjoyable. I’m definitely far from feminine (not a #notlikeothergirls, but to address your point) I work in a male dominated field, enjoy weightlifting and camping and it’s never caused a problem as far as finding dates. Honestly it’s helped with vetting at times when I want to see how a man reacts to my hobbies (mansplaining/mocking vs being interested or trying to learn)

Saitschik · 2020-04-08T10:27:59+00:00

Don't listen to it, it's not true at all. Be yourself, laugh as loud as you want and go ahead with your STEM career. It is a thousand times more attractive than some forced cliche feminity.

You sister and family seem to have some issue and are very backwards. It's hard to not take it to heart but just keep going.

sadpourtoujours · 2020-04-07T19:26:14+00:00

Search Mrs. Midwest on YouTube. Or SheraSeven. They have tips on being more feminine. Femininity is very seductive to men and can be used for power. Use femininity to your advantage. Regardless of how politically correct everyone is trying to be in the comments here, the fact is that a feminine woman will always garner more appreciation and better treatment from men than a masculine woman.

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