I know most of us know the pitfalls of pursuing age gap relationship, but would you pursue a friendship with someone in an age gap relationship?

frustratedanon123 · 2021-07-02T17:25:15+00:00

I would be friends with her, but maintain a firm boundary. Many women stay in unhealthy relationships because they are isolated from their peers and feel that they would be completely alone if they left their shitty partner. Obviously be mindful of becoming too close to her, but try to have empathy for her too. We all make mistakes in dating.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-07-02T19:18:04+00:00

I've noticed that pickmeishas and their pick-me tendencies can rub off on you. Especially if you ask them for advice or they consistently volunteer opinions about how you live your life. E.g. I was once being slow-faded out by a LVM and pick-mes around kept telling me that 'Women are allowed to text first/ chase!', believing them, I kept texting and dating him, he must have thought I was a convenient option to pump and dump and that's exactly what he did. In hindsight, if I had stuck to my 'Men should do the chasing' RULE, I would have spotted that he wasn't genuinely into me and I wouldn't have been used and disposed of like some durex condom.

Do not be friends with pick-mes. It's not about them, its about you. You do not need someone to feed you pick-me ideology and give you justifications/ backdoors out of your FDS enlightenment. You've found a great platform, you've been vaccinated by FDS, but if you stand around the plague long enough, there's still a chance you can get sick.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-07-02T18:39:40+00:00

The only person that I know and had been in an age gap relationship (a huge one) is an ex... Friend.

She was his secretary. He never divorced. She lived with him for 10 years until she hit her 30s. He cheated on her with his new secretary. She's now 40, he's now 60. Still married, still rich, still scrotey as fuck. He wanted her time, she had no social life afterwards, she had been exiled and excluded by their "mutual" friends.

MrAndMrsCremgroblin · 2021-07-02T17:37:19+00:00

Most women in here had really unhealthy relationships and I’ve seen multiple posts from women saying their friends introduced them to this sub and it opened their eyes. I’d proceed cautiously and immediately cut her off if there begins to be problems, but I’d still give her a chance as a friend.

Aocwannabe · 2021-07-02T19:10:14+00:00

Hmmm. I would put her in the “acquaintance zone”. Keep it light, go to events where there are other people so it is never just the two of you, etc..

Technical_Moth248 · 2021-07-02T18:52:30+00:00

My best friend since childhood is in a relationship with a man that's around 45 (she's 22) and although I thought she was a pickme before she has become worse since getting with him. It was a year of her having super problematic behavior (including skipping my husband's FUNERAL and ditching me to console him about his divorce) to her giving my location to an actual incel and putting me in danger because she thinks everyone should date some old scrote.

They will erode your boundaries because they have none themselves and can't understand yours. Their personalities are changed for the benefit of some old dude. It's rarely worth it, particularly if you have no history with them already.

rinabean · 2021-07-02T20:26:00+00:00

If you actually made plans I wouldn't cancel them (just cool it off afterwards) but I would not want to be friends with a woman like this.

I do believe that friends rub off on each other, but it's more than that.

I wouldn't want to be involved in her self-inflicted relationship problems either, but it's not even that.

What a lot of people don't seem to understand, or maybe are deliberately ignoring, is that a woman can't have a low opinion of herself as a woman and not have a low opinion of you as another woman, too. Women need to be able to trust women they consider friends and you can't trust women who hate women.

Frogspocket · 2021-07-02T20:37:53+00:00

My advice is that you should follow your intuition. And don't ever dismiss that feeling as overreacting!! ❤️. It's totally valid to be uneasy with her lifestyle. You're young and building your life. You probably just (intuitively) don't want to be surrounding yourself with people who are building theirs on shaky foundations. It can be distracting and uninspiring to be around people who make messes for themselves. There's nothing wrong with being selective about who you're friends with.

And honestly it's hard for me to say that because I have a very soft spot for young women who are in age gap "relationships". I was manipulated by an older man at that age and my wiser more mature friends stuck around and helped pull me toward the light. I'm forever grateful to them and amazed that they put up with me. And now that I've made it to the other side I want to be that guide and support for younger women. But it's draining and often toxic to be around people who are being abused or manipulated vis age gaps, so it's totally understandable if people just want to walk away. Especially if you're young and just starting out.

Elegant-Emergency-60 · 2021-07-02T21:07:40+00:00

Well I am friends with someone who is in an age gap relationship (which boy howdy you guys would roll your eyes if I went into detail about their ‘relationship’). My advice is yes you can be friends but do everything you can to NOT get involved with their relationship drama. Let her figure it out on her own because she isn’t gonna listen to you.

So I guess my answer is yes but make it more of a ‘hang out’ buddy than a best friend or anything like that.

Solid-Liquid · 2021-07-02T19:58:40+00:00

My former coworkers got into an age gap relationship with each other. He looked young, I got he was in his late 20s, early 30s. Turns out, he was in his 50s. He dated a coworker who, at the time, was new to the US and had just turned 18. He had met her parents and they said “you guys can be friends, but we don’t want no n-word babies”.

After he broke up with her, he met another girl who was 21 at the same job. Married her and had kids. His other kids HATE her. Ended up buying a house together and moving to California. No word on how he’s taking care of his older kids…

dr_mcstuffins · 2021-07-02T17:45:03+00:00

No. You aren’t. I’d dip out, and if she confronted me, I’d be honest that her relationship’s power imbalance made me too uncomfortable.

baobab77 · 2021-07-02T17:51:50+00:00

No. I'd stay far. I believe in birds of a feather. Be very careful of who you befriend. Your associations with people can be very detrimental.

wayward_amazon · 2021-07-02T16:24:32+00:00

I wouldn't cut her off but I wouldn't let her too close either. If the bf ever starts looking at you (likely, as he seems to like them quite young) she is going to come after you. I'd avoid her boyfriend as well. She may be young and naive and might change but he knows exactly what he is doing.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-07-02T20:17:14+00:00

You know, there are degrees of friend. My instant is to say, you should be friends if you want to and there are no other red flags, but don’t get too close to her.

Dazzling_Grass1727 · 2021-07-02T19:29:21+00:00

Nope. I had a friend who dated a guy who came out of long relationships with a woman who was older than him. From what I heard, she basically helped him get on his feet in a new country, then we they met he 'dated up'. That woman now lives with a lot of cats. The younger girl is sweet, but I can't forgive the guy for what he did.

I value my friends a lot, but too many times it was one-sided. Also, many of them were LV and even if I was being kind, compassionate and loving, their toxicity would influence my life unconsciously. Also when I fell in really hard times, they weren't there but enjoyed the gossip and drama. One even wrote a book about it even though she blocked me from reaching her.

This was all before I knew about FDS.

If you don't want to be friends with someone anymore, it's totally fine. You have different standards and you need to uphold yours.

SkiesEclipse · 2021-07-02T21:11:42+00:00

I’ll just speak for myself and from my own experience, but I have a good friend that has pick me tendencies.

She’s really into casual hookups, and has unsatisfying sex, but she also has no feelings for these dudes, and is usually the one ghosting them.

However, she also says she never wants to get married or have children because she enjoys her single life and never wants a man to tell her what to do.

She also knows how I feel about dating and my approach to it, and respects my opinion.

It works because neither of us judges the other, and both of us have a mutual hatred when girls talk nonstop about boys and relationships lol. So we never even talk about guys, and have our fun without them.

Far_from_deceived · 2021-07-02T21:17:13+00:00

I actually feel weird about this situation because not talking to her just because she’s with a predator scrote seems like I’m leaving someone who could be saved 🥲

On the other hand, you just entered her life, she was already with him and you can’t interfere. So it’s hard to start a relationship with someone who you know is already trapped.

I personally feel bad but I wouldn’t be friends with someone in an age gap, as this makes me furious and I’d already hate the predator scrote even before meeting him, so no, that wouldn’t work.

dolphiya_or_parateen · 2021-07-02T18:48:59+00:00

Tbh, I would not. I wouldn’t end an existing friendship over it (although I’d do what I could to dissuade her) but it would make me too uncomfortable to be around/hear about for me to want to pursue a friendship with someone living this kind of lifestyle.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-07-02T17:17:30+00:00

Yes. AVOID!

Platipus6 · 2021-07-03T01:28:00+00:00

Just like you shouldn't hitch your wagon to LVM losers and waste your youth solving their problems, don't orbit train-wreck pickmes to be their saviour. You ain't got time for that. You're not a charity. She doesn't want to be saved.

Unless and until she comes to you for support to leave the old predator, focus on yourself.

Autoli__k · 2021-07-02T17:55:12+00:00

??? If you get along, her relationship should not be a factor in your pursuit of friendship. If she has healthy boundaries about her personal life, her relationship should be 95% separate from your friendship. It's perfectly fine to be friends with someone who you think is on a risky trail as long as you make sure that you won't be affected when it eventually comes back to bite her, I would pursue the friendship if we were on the same wavelength! :)

revengeofgivingtree · 2021-07-03T01:48:42+00:00

I think its okay to be friendly and maybe even comment on the boyfriend situation if it comes up but don't get too attached. If she gives you any trouble take a step back.

ussr_ftw · 2021-07-03T06:32:25+00:00

She does not seem like someone who will add value to your life when she brings along a (presumably) zvm. It's in your best interest to be friendly because always be friendly, but maybe not someone you should pursue a close relationship with - trust your gut.

Title	I know most of us know the pitfalls of pursuing age gap relationship, but would you pursue a friendship with someone in an age gap relationship?
Author	waitingforsunlight
Upvotes	148
Comments	37
Date	July 2, 2021 4:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ocdj23/i_know_most_of_us_know_the_pitfalls_of_pursuing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-know-most-of-us-know-the-pitfalls-of-pursuing.788283 https://theredarchive.com/post/788283

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