Can you really not turn a (ex) hoe into a housewife?

Resco809 · 2021-08-04T12:16:21+00:00

First of all, you should absolutely learn how to cook. That’s just a valuable skill regardless of gender— I’m a 34m and love cooking

If church makes a positive impact on your life, then by all means, go to church. But remember that you can live a healthy, productive, and happy life without going to god’s house.

As far as your question: You really cannot turn a hoe into a housewife, but the hoe can make herself whatever she wants to be.

This is why the saying goes “you can make a ho a housewife”— No matter how hard I try, I’m not going to change a promiscuous woman into wife material if she doesn’t want to change.

Any change someone makes in their life MUST be initiate from them if it’s going to endure. On the other hand, If someone is more or less content with a particular behavior, the odds of them changing it because someone else want them to are pretty low.

All this to say that you don’t have to allow your past to define you. You can be anything you want to be in this life, and you can change. But the change has to come from you, and it has to be for you— hope this helps, and good luck

KombuchaEnema · 2021-08-04T14:46:54+00:00

Obviously you can change your behavior. You could become a wonderful housewife.

When a man says “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife,” he isn’t saying it’s impossible for people to change. He’s just saying he doesn’t want to take the risk and end up with a woman who’s settling for him.

A lot of people who party/have wild “hoe phases” only settle because they’re forced to after that lifestyle becomes unsustainable or unfulfilling. I know women who still go on and on about how much they “miss their wild days.”

People who go through a “wild college phase” tend to view marriage as a necessary evil that marks the end of the best years of their life. A lot of them say “Yeah I love my husband…he’s not the best I’ve had but my college girl days are over.” And they say it wistfully, as if they’re sad that they had to settle down and get married.

Whereas people who pursue marriage from the get-go tend not to view it as something they were forced to “settle for.” It was something they chose from the beginning.

So of course you can change. The only difficult thing will be convincing a traditional man that this is actually what you want and that you aren’t settling for him simply because you got tired of the “wild hot girl summer” days.

Remember: men have feelings too. They want to be valued. They don’t want to feel like the anti-climactic ending to your otherwise exciting “hoe phase.”

MirriMazDuur · 2021-08-04T11:48:01+00:00

Well what is the alternative? You just stay like this no matter the consequences?

The world is full of people who made bad choices due to growing up in a bad neighborhood, abusive or absent parents, etc. Also today's culture doesn't encourage us to mature early, so many women end up being slutty and attention seeking and many men end up lazy slobs and porn addicts. You are not alone, but are you willing to accept a partner who has come from a similarly bad start? Can you trust a man who, for example, has done drugs in his youth? If you don't, it means you don't trust the change in YOU.

I grew up in a small town in East Europe, where minors drinking, partying and having sex was quite frequent. Guess what next? Everybody I knew fled to college, looked for a job in a good field and looked for partners to connect with. We all found people with similar stories, kept friendships and now we're all settling down, wishing that our current/future children won't have the childhood we had BUT ... the change must come from within. You can't just dress conservatively because men will think better of you, you can't stop partying just because you want to find better men. Each change must come naturally to you, filling a destructive void with something constructive. You also cannot expect a man to stop caring if you've done x, y and z, but must find one who didn't care from the start. If you are a pleasant woman with useful skills, somebody will want to stick to you. You might need to compensate more, compared to other women, but it's not the end of the world.

Congrats for quitting drinking and good luck!!

ikfl · 2021-08-04T15:00:37+00:00

I honestly believe that a hoe can turn herself into a housewife, but if a man tries to it’s never going to happen. Change comes from within and if you are dedicated to turning your life around you absolutely can. Some doors will be closed to you because of previous choices, yes, but maybe those doors just weren’t right for you anyway to begin with. You cannot change the past and you are an idiot if you never try to change your future.

MarchBaby21 · 2021-08-04T12:11:40+00:00

I did it so it’s definitely possible. But not easy.

For me, I needed to accept Christ and become Christian. I needed to repent for my past sins and truly feel bad for my past wrongdoings. Not feel bad because they hurt my chances at a good marriage and life. But feel bad because they were wrong. Church attendance is a good start if you’d like to learn about Jesus and what it means to follow Him. It isn’t enough to being saved though- I’d love to go into this further if you’d like, just let me know!

I come from a very similar past as you. I’m now a stay at home mom and married to someone many would consider a HVM. While changing your style, quitting alcohol, and learning to cook are great things and will help you, the change truly has to come from within if you want to persevere and keep up these habits even when things get hard. For me, this inner change is because of my relationship with God.

OursIs-TheFury · 2021-08-04T16:28:40+00:00

The way I always understand the phrase, “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife/husband” is that another person can’t make you change your ways. You have to be the one to want to change and actually do it yourself.

blufairy1916 · 2021-08-04T15:05:46+00:00

Do you feel better about yourself ? If the answer is yes then you are on the right track.

Shipbldr2000 · 2021-08-04T12:43:33+00:00

While a guy cannot transform a hoe into a housewife... that does not mean a hoe cannot transform herself into a housewife, though it is likely to be a LONG journey to rewire your worldview.

Stay the course. It probably won't be fast or easy, though it will probably be well worth it!

Nostalchiq · 2021-08-04T17:02:23+00:00

I used to be like that. Now I'm a housewife and love it :) Just make the changes you need to and stick by them. They are your new normal, not just something you are doing to snag a husband.

DeLovehlyCoconute · 2021-08-04T17:26:47+00:00

This sub is always so wholesome. I keep coming back to see so much encouragement from everybody. Yes! You have a chance to be a lovely housewife. Your effort to change shows this. I love all of the kind words in the comments section.

WesternTwo3490 · 2021-08-04T11:51:09+00:00

Change isn't impossible - but it's not easy.

You need a deep seated reason behind the change. This reason has to be more than 'I want to be a wife/mother' - you have to understand why you want this (i.e. you feel it will give you purpose which in turn will make you happy and fulfilled). This is a deeply personal question that might take some reflection and may not always be easy or simple. It is key however, to creating a solid base for all future progress.

Once you've identified this why, use it to strengthen your resolve every time you start returning to old habits. A journal is a good way to help you stay on track - it's also a good method to identify triggers.

Certain events, people or feelings may encourage you back towards the habits or behaviours you're trying to break. Distancing yourself from these can help, as can replacing them with better habits. If you're stressed, the gym is better therapy than alcohol. If you feel the need for validation spend time on a hobby that gives you a sense of internal achievement. If you feel bored, try your hand at mountain biking.

Finally, don't expect perfection of yourself - expect improvement while being kind to yourself with any mistakes ♥️ if you have your why, and you're comitted to it, you'll get there.

[deleted] · 2021-08-04T16:30:49+00:00

If you want to fast track your success find a man you respect and ask him what you need to do to be worthy of a relationship and make an effort to get the truth and then have him hold you accountable for your actions and improvement. Having your ego checked like this is gonna sting but it's necessary.

TheBunk_TB · 2021-08-04T11:20:17+00:00

Seek counseling/coaching also. You will have to learn the difference between good attention and bad attention, etc.

Have you considered a more "orthodox" type of church?

Lucky_Benefit_2707 · 2021-08-04T11:44:37+00:00

Church is not necessary to clean up your act. There are plenty of ways to find like-minded community (classes + workshops, hobbies, athletic sports or activities, outdoor hiking + climbing…)

MuttonDressedAsGoose · 2021-08-04T14:49:46+00:00

Yes you are on the right track.

You should always strive to be a better person than you were. There's no such thing as a perfect person.

PNWHimbo · 2021-08-04T19:06:39+00:00

IMO you can totally turn a hoe into a housewife. (If she wants that.) There is no inherent quality in religious girls that make them better/kinder, although they often are. By the same token, many party girls are perfectly sweet, lovely women, and many church girls are not particularly kind or nice.

PS I would not mention that you are autistic to potential beaus, and I would keep your past to yourself. Don't lie about it if asked, but no reason to bring it up.

abacabbmk · 2021-08-04T11:49:40+00:00

Depends. Often times no.

PrincessaRusalka · 2021-08-04T19:24:20+00:00

I will pray for you dear! I'm so proud of your progress. Stay on course, okay?

jonmarli · 2021-08-04T22:45:25+00:00

You definitely are worthy of love even if you have partied and had a lot of sex. If that’s not fulfilling to you anymore, you can 100% move on and become a reliable and valuable partner for a future monogamous partnership.

One autistic woman to another, try not to lose yourself creating a perfect housewife mask. If you find yourself feeling like you’re always playing a character in order to be worthy of love or a “good partner”… examine that. It is not sustainable and can lead to epic and painful burnout.

RPW is focused on finding commonalities and trends in gendered behavior and trying to maximize the benefit to our lives by working with these realities. It is a toolkit. Being autistic, we’re outliers by definition. So maybe some popular approaches to relationships here won’t be right for you, and that’s okay. They’re using a hammer and you need a screwdriver. You don’t need to throw the whole toolkit out but you might not do everything the same.

Hopeful_Pay_6685 · 2021-08-05T00:05:27+00:00

It's up to those men to decide if they want to wife you up regarding your history. Because there are still (rarely) girls who don't have that past. I think that saying has a lot of meaning actually. But you may be an exception.

6ofh · 2021-08-04T17:39:33+00:00

Well. I’ll just say that at least two ex hoes of mine are now happily married to great fathers. One of my friends is even a SAHM. She loves being a homemaker. Good luck!

LivingfreewithSophie · 2021-08-04T20:02:54+00:00

The ladies are right, you CAN change! I just want to give you a bit of encouragement on your journey.

When you start to change, people will comment, tease (hopefully not to much), wonder, worry and complain. They will want to see if this change is for real or just a phase/trend you are going through.

When you start embracing your feminine side, you will not want to stop.🌸

What ever people say, don't let it get to you, stand by yourself and keep transforming. When they see this transformation is real, they will except it and get that this I actually you.

After 3 years of embracing femininity, some of my friends still think I want to be a business woman, just because I have started to build up a business - the point for me is actually to make some smaller businesses which doesn't take up much of my time, so I can focus on my future family and feminine role responsibilities. So I will still be prioritizing my femininity and family first. The whole point is for me to work less hours away from home.

Well we'll, in time they will realize, just don't let any of the comments get to you - they will pass ❤

f1018 · 2021-08-05T20:57:57+00:00

You are on the right track! Church will really help. Jesus Christ washes away all our sins and makes us new again. The perfect clean slate and fresh start

maevenbelle · 2021-08-04T17:04:47+00:00

You absolutely can be a housewife. But listen, don't throw out ALL those old tight clothes. Because your future man who wants a housewife might just want a little 'hoe' all to himself every now and then.

SomberMonkey56 · 2021-08-07T00:53:53+00:00

The rest of the quote goes “you can’t turn a hoe into a lady unless she wants to do it herself”

Guys are actually more chill then you think OP. Focus on becoming the person you wish you had as a kid. Find what you like to do and be a woman of character. Be honest about who you were and maybe find somebody who has also turned there life around, so they will be more understanding.

ModernPolygamy · 2021-08-08T09:48:26+00:00

You are definitely on the right track! The most important thing you could possibly do is realize what you really want in life and then not do anything that doesn't align with that vision.

It sounds like you're down the right road on both of these. Stay true to it and I would suspect that you will find that you are more content...people usually are when they know they are following what they want in life.

But, cooking, definitely! My wife is Latina and is an amazing cook...from a man's perspective, there is nothing like floating in to the kitchen on the smell of something delicious. And it makes her happy seeing how much we love her food and how excited the kids get about good things she will make.

My advice from watching her is have fun with it. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and enjoy your experiments. Oh, and try all kinds of different spices, not just the standard ones.

Keep the life you really want in mind, and you'll be fine. When you do that you can trust the direction you are going.

bootenleefonsworth · 2021-08-04T20:46:40+00:00

A leopard doesn't changes it's spots.

Title	Can you really not turn a (ex) hoe into a housewife?
Author	Scoobyginger25
Upvotes	56
Comments	58
Date	August 4, 2021 11:11 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/oxqfae/can_you_really_not_turn_a_ex_hoe_into_a_housewife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/can-you-really-not-turn-a-ex-hoe-into-a-housewife.796519 https://theredarchive.com/post/796519

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