Woman who slashed her boyfriend with a samurai sword 26 times and chopped off several fingers when she discovered he was on TINDER is jailed for 19 years as it's revealed she planned to flee to Hawaii with her ex-husband then commit suicide

stacker55 · 2019-03-12T13:50:11+00:00

“I was able to wing chun my way to survival,” he said, referring to a traditional Chinese martial art that focuses on close-range combat.

"I've been preparing my whole life for something like this."

this fucking guy

amdhunter · 2019-03-12T14:52:26+00:00

Right - flee to Hawaii to commit suicide.

Sounds like she is claiming suicide so she'd have a reason to get out of prison.

xsoberxlifex · 2019-03-12T13:32:01+00:00

That dude coming with the fucking jokes despite what happened to him... fucking hard af.

re_Pete · 2019-03-12T15:01:46+00:00

That call was hilarious. Props to the dispatcher for remaining so cool and collected.

But seriously, 19 years is not enough for her, or anyone that can perform this. This wasn't a crime of passion, it was a mental breakdown, it was attempted murder. You cannot cut someone 26 fucking times and claim anything other than being a sadistic animal.

BrodcETC · 2019-03-12T14:40:31+00:00

Only 19 years?

Jack-Wayne · 2019-03-12T15:14:41+00:00

She also fumed over his penchant for playing video games, according to a probable cause affidavit.

r/gamersriseup

bucs82 · 2019-03-12T18:52:55+00:00

"Lovell, who admitted to playing video games 12 hours a day but insisted he was never unfaithful"

I don't know if he would have enough time to be unfaithful with those numbers.

grapedrank2 · 2019-03-12T14:28:24+00:00

This headline does not disappoint. It just keeps on getting better the more you read it.

Betadzen · 2019-03-12T14:37:20+00:00

suicide

Well, at her level it is either seppuku, or committing isekai.

Jauhso29 · 2019-03-12T16:23:29+00:00

She was the manager at the barbershop I regularly go to. While she never cut my hair, she was always the chair next to me. We even chatted a little sometimes, and I remember her talking to the other stylists about her loser boyfriend. Crazy how someone can be so screwy and you never even know.

Yashugan00 · 2019-03-12T14:33:31+00:00

why am I not surprised she has dyed hair.

Clueless_Intern · 2019-03-12T17:21:00+00:00

Ok so he is on tinder, I understand the problem. But she is also still in contact with her ex, why didn’t she start this by decapitating herself?

drenzorz · 2019-03-12T21:13:57+00:00

Is it just me, or is it when males become victims of brutal violence, the language used is fairly light and silly, where the choice for a female victim tries to create the most horrific article.

Timemaster4732 · 2019-03-12T13:40:34+00:00

Where the fuck did she find a place that sold real samurai swords?

Mordommias · 2019-03-12T19:04:40+00:00

19 years for attempted 1st degree murder seems like a pretty lax sentence. Especially with how premeditated it was, and how much she sliced him.

Th1sIsNotThr0wAway · 2019-03-12T15:06:39+00:00

r/nottheonion

Aro2220 · 2019-03-12T14:35:45+00:00

That guy just became the new poster child for MGTOW

jelly_ni- · 2019-03-12T18:54:46+00:00

When you were partying, I studied the blade. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the blockchain. While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated inner strength. And now that the world is on fire and the barbarians are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for help.

BanMeIMakeNew · 2019-03-12T15:31:12+00:00

She even went into jail thinking that being suicidal will get her some privileges. Not realizing theyll strip your ass buck naked and leave you in a single cell thats in eyeshot of the desk. Stupid braud.

PMmeTrapCock · 2019-03-12T17:00:48+00:00

crazy women are good in bed

WildWook · 2019-03-12T15:49:29+00:00

Dont stick your dick in crazy. Had a crazy gf once, absolutely amazed I got away without her ruining my life or causing me serious physical harm. Do not fuck crazy women. This isnt a joke. Dont ignore red flags, just peace the fuck out.

MrNutsackEyes · 2019-03-12T19:24:26+00:00

Never trust a woman with dyed green hair. They are all severely mentally ill.

2019-03-12T17:07:18+00:00

She must've not "had a bright future ahead of her".

AbrocadoPie · 2019-03-12T15:45:58+00:00

19 years is not a denial of pussy pass. She attempted murder, she should get life behind bars or the death penalty

a1337sti · 2019-03-12T15:33:30+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJk0p-98Xzc

The game of cheese is like a sword fight. you must think first , before you move.

biergarten · 2019-03-12T18:22:40+00:00

Why do people need samurai style swords? They aren't meant for hunting, just killing people. They should only be able to have regular swords that can't easily kill multiple people.

Dreaming-Magician · 2019-03-12T18:22:53+00:00

I too would be on tinder if I was with her

Wigglepicks · 2019-03-12T18:52:31+00:00

While you've been swiping right, I've been studying the blade.

Pistonshaft · 2019-03-12T16:07:47+00:00

19 years thats it??

He seems like a super cool guy. “I was just so proud for beating this samurai wannabe crazy lady with hate in her heart." Lmao!

TritonHL · 2019-03-12T16:46:42+00:00

“What are you gonna do? Stab me?”

And that’s when she stabbed me.

2019-03-12T17:49:04+00:00

19 years isnt a pussypass denial. If he did that to her he'd have life for attempted murder.

jonaguncat · 2019-03-12T19:48:42+00:00

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

This goes from WTF to REALY? back to WTF

2019-03-12T23:29:33+00:00

So now she can learn some bulldyke tongue-fu and mop handle-fu...and hit The Wall behind the walls.

averyug8 · 2019-03-12T23:48:46+00:00

This fucking sub holy shit. IT'S NOT PUSSY PASS DENIED IF IT'S LITERALLY JUST A WOMAN WHO COMMITTED A CRIME BEING SENTENCED

parabola1984 · 2019-03-13T01:19:38+00:00

He's lucky to not lose any other digits if you what I mean

K1ngtr01k4 · 2019-03-13T02:32:21+00:00

Tis but a Scratch...

slab_of_beef · 2019-03-12T15:11:20+00:00

Green hair, she looks like a stable person with good values.

sirbigusdickus · 2019-03-12T17:15:14+00:00

Well, she does have blue hair.

momthecreator · 2019-03-12T15:23:35+00:00

Wait but why was she on tinder in the first place?

faithle55 · 2019-03-12T18:59:23+00:00

Just treat her to an air ticket, FFS.

Or put her on a 737 Max 8.

VeritasXIV · 2019-03-12T19:54:09+00:00

ONLY 19 years? I wouldn't call that denied.

A man cutting up a woman with a sword would be in prison forever

Cornhole35 · 2019-03-12T23:07:13+00:00

Only 19?

2019-03-13T12:21:06+00:00

The story would make a sick Tarantino Movie.

sirv64 · 2019-03-12T15:46:27+00:00

Only 19 years

reconfit · 2019-03-12T16:48:14+00:00

She's had a rough 31 years...damn.

Kaele_Dvaughn · 2019-03-12T14:30:16+00:00

The Headline reads as if it were The Daily Mail/The Sun.

Inclusive of mandatory ALL CAPITAL LETTERS at some point.

faptain_clunge · 2019-03-12T17:04:03+00:00

Did they talk about this story on the Dumb People Town podcast?

Sly21C · 2019-03-12T17:23:44+00:00

"Afrooooo!!! Samuraiiiii. You gotta be the number one Samurai."

NatakuNox · 2019-03-12T17:25:48+00:00

Don't stick your dick (and/or fingers/tongue) into crazy and don't let crazy stick its dick into you

MakeLoveNotWarPls · 2019-03-12T17:36:07+00:00

Is this Kill Bill vol. 3?

eccentricelmo · 2019-03-12T17:42:14+00:00

Wing Chun is super fuckin sick though. The IP man movies highlight the style and if I'm not mistaken Bruce Lee originally studied under IP man, and then eventually formed his own style.

gh1ggs239 · 2019-03-12T18:06:55+00:00

Sounds like he got off easy. He could've married that sack of psycho

totallythebadguy · 2019-03-12T18:08:19+00:00

Sounded like a bad plan

Ninjhetto · 2019-03-12T18:44:39+00:00

My guess: He wanted out, but knew actually breaking up with her to her face would get him killed, so he went online anyway.

_LadyBoy · 2019-03-12T19:19:24+00:00

I can see why he was on tinder.

2019-03-12T19:26:56+00:00

Man thats got to be something to deal with as the guy. We've all had bad girlfriends but we always remember what got us together. He is smiling here, it hasn't hit him. The girl he once called girlfriend will be locked up for 19 years. Thats worse than breaking up, you might break up and find you are needing each other. In this case, he's got to keep that smile for 19 years to be sure.

hunnerbunner2000 · 2019-03-12T19:42:59+00:00

That's a whole lotta crazy

Nuttin_Up · 2019-03-12T19:58:46+00:00

Afterward, a grief- and horror-stricken Javier called 911.

Other than a maniacal feminazi, who would write such a thing about an attempted murder??? She planned for weeks to murder this guy so she tries and fails and is now grief-stricken? If the roles were reversed would this line of bullshit even be considered??? Utter insanity.

Visit_Oktoberfest · 2019-03-12T20:15:06+00:00

avalanche‘o‘words

sephrinx · 2019-03-12T20:19:00+00:00

Premeditated attempted murder with a deadly weapon and you only get 19 years, but a dude with 3lbs of pot can go to prison for longer.

Justice served?

Mr_Dragon_ · 2019-03-12T20:21:25+00:00

19 years? That's it? Pussy pass was granted. Someone else would have gotten more time.

Naxxremel · 2019-03-12T20:48:39+00:00

Clown

World

Roxas-The-Nobody · 2019-03-12T20:49:20+00:00

she discovered he had a Tinder dating app on his phone

This dude was probably just trying to get Karma from r/Tinder.

somewhereinside · 2019-03-12T21:00:19+00:00

she should have got like

sarctastic · 2019-03-12T21:02:06+00:00

Sounds like he dodged bullet. Too bad she had a sword.

EarningAttorney · 2019-03-12T21:09:36+00:00

Why does it link to itself...

drenzorz · 2019-03-12T21:21:08+00:00

The guy is pretty funny not gonna lie

BiggerFrenchie · 2019-03-12T21:45:34+00:00

Yeah, Hawaii’s great

r4du90 · 2019-03-12T22:01:10+00:00

All this over him being on tinder? He probably didn't even match anyone...poor guy

edzackly · 2019-03-12T22:11:38+00:00

La goblina

Mcnoodles5 · 2019-03-12T22:34:43+00:00

While you were on TINDER, I studied the blade

TheUltimateThug · 2019-03-12T22:56:09+00:00

She would’ve gotten a face full of zombie tips coming at me with a sword. Grad the guy is ok.

Dr_Bukkakee · 2019-03-13T00:26:27+00:00

And I bet she cheated on her husband with this guy.

TCrob1 · 2019-03-13T00:44:57+00:00

people who do this should just be taken out back and shot. No place for this in civil society. and if the genders were reversed hed probably be looking at life in prison.

WolfieSpam · 2019-03-13T00:50:06+00:00

Only 19 years for attempted murder?

2019-03-13T00:59:55+00:00

Wait only 19 years? That seems fairly cheap for "chopping off several fingers"

badmuthefoka · 2019-03-13T01:31:24+00:00

Crazy chicks turns me on for some reason.

thespaceageisnow · 2019-03-13T02:12:49+00:00

I grew up in that SHITHOLE town. There is such an alarming and overwhelming amount of mental illness and drug addiction there that it’s ridiculous. Or at least there used to be, a lot of richies have moved there now but their kids are all on drugs! Maybe it’s the huge disgusting paper mill in the middle of the town choking everyone out with chlorine fumes or the microclimate from the lakes so you never see the sun. Fuck that place.

DermoKichwa · 2019-03-13T02:17:16+00:00

Where does it say she planned on committing suicide in Hawaii?

juryriggedduty · 2019-03-13T02:36:18+00:00

guaranteed she's ho'ing around herself. female solipsism, folks.

chtrchtr_pussyeater · 2019-03-13T03:40:29+00:00

Post Malone, we barely knew yee...

SimpletonSteve · 2019-03-13T03:50:18+00:00

Don’t put your dick in crazy

ev0lv · 2019-03-13T04:25:41+00:00

"26 STAB WOUNDS. YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE HIM A CHANCE, HUH?"

captaincookiedough1 · 2019-03-13T05:21:52+00:00

only 19??? the fuck?

SuperFastJellyFish_ · 2019-03-13T06:05:39+00:00

I've listened to alot of 911 calls but very few with someone as baligerant as she was.

RubyAceShip · 2019-03-13T06:27:09+00:00

I'm happy they were able to reattach his fingers! He will truly heal and not be physically impacted for the rest of his life :)

foolishghost · 2019-03-13T06:40:07+00:00

Aaaahhhh! The blue hair explains it all...

Devil-JC · 2019-03-13T07:16:24+00:00

bro what...

holeefukbro · 2019-03-13T07:28:48+00:00

Ofc it's a crazy bitch with green/blue hair

znhunter · 2019-03-13T10:01:59+00:00

r/brandnewsentence

MoneyTreeFiddy · 2019-03-13T11:52:30+00:00

Swee-eet Lucy was a dancer, but none of us would chance her, because she was a samurai!

PatarckStur · 2019-03-13T12:06:27+00:00

I mean...she can hang herself with sheets in prison now if she still wants to kill herself.

Tattyporter · 2019-03-14T03:56:31+00:00

It reads like an onion article lol

2019-03-25T04:14:07+00:00

Thank god he was able to stop her. Her hair was starting to go hulk.

TheBluePanda · 2019-04-06T00:47:41+00:00

She looks like the final boss of batshit craziness.

2019-04-06T08:40:40+00:00

There are a lot of people who claim women can’t be violent towards men because of their generally lesser strength and durability.

How fucking invested do you have to be in an ideology to forget men go to sleep.

StreetPiglet8 · 2019-05-24T17:55:02+00:00

I remember when this happened, it was booming all over our school the next morning. The scene was gruesome and I felt horrible for the guy. It was overall pretty crazy, I was coming out of the high school when it happened.

2019-07-02T20:01:11+00:00

Well . . . she can still commit suicide in prison.

Gillito69 · 2019-03-12T16:13:09+00:00

Fingers crossed a guard rapes her.

RapeMeToo · 2019-03-12T15:08:19+00:00

Who in the hell does this?

Evan-Arthur · 2019-03-12T14:30:33+00:00

No no nooo... you’ll have to live with yourself before anything else....

ABooney134 · 2019-03-12T14:38:58+00:00

That title was a fucking roller coaster

Sk8tr_Boi · 2019-03-12T15:48:10+00:00

This guy is a real life Ace Ventura lmao!

Blank-a-doodledoo · 2019-03-12T15:51:10+00:00

That’s what happens when you use a mall samurai sword. She would’ve finished the job if she had Hattori Hanzo Steel

OnAllLevelsIAmBoJack · 2019-03-12T16:40:30+00:00

Should be life...

2019-03-12T16:42:37+00:00

Let's be real, she was never going to kill herself after going to Hawaii

HereWeGoAgainTJ · 2019-03-12T16:47:05+00:00

"Mal. She killed me Mal, she killed me with a sword...how weird is that?"

2019-03-12T15:35:34+00:00

Jesus

Zesty-Lem0n · 2019-03-12T16:19:59+00:00

This is what happens when morons try to get revenge like they see in the movies.

2019-03-12T16:36:06+00:00

“Lovell, who admitted to playing video games 12 hours a day” I’m guessing 2pm to 2am.

2019-03-12T16:36:18+00:00

🤮

2019-03-12T16:56:55+00:00

my g survived ❤️❤️❤️❤️

blind_sypher99 · 2019-03-12T16:57:35+00:00

That opportunity to say commit seppeku, so much wasted potential.

ComicPapyrus73 · 2019-03-12T17:03:18+00:00

Yikes

Blackwomann · 2019-03-12T23:18:16+00:00

green hair

Nuff said

Raistrose · 2019-03-12T15:06:10+00:00

He dodged a bullet, too bad he couldn't dodge the slashes.

ZK686 · 2019-03-12T17:00:36+00:00

"Lovell, who admitted to playing video games 12 hours a day..." WTF??? I'm sorry, but why even date someone who's glued to video games for half a day! Fuck that nonsense...

MrNutsackEyes · 2019-03-12T18:20:47+00:00

Question, does op believe that most times women are allowed go around with a sword and slice people with no consequences? Cause I mean that's what posting it to this sub implies.

ilikereadandgame · 2019-03-12T14:40:10+00:00

Yeah she’s a psycho, but it doesn’t mean he’s not a shitty asshole.

bitter_truth_ · 2019-03-12T19:47:24+00:00

I'm usually all up for tearing down a bitch, but this post just makes me sad. This poor women was clearly taken over by emotions, that 911 call was heartbreaking. Y'all need to remember there's cold, calculating cunt monsters roaming out there, but there's plenty of normal women just going about their business, dealing with the shit show called life with as much pain as all of us. She found out he was cheating, there was a sword nearby, she couldn't control her emotions and went to town and now both lives are destroyed. This isn't pussypassdenined, this is just sad.

Allthehigherground · 2019-03-12T17:11:27+00:00

You guys missing the point here? The dudes a piece of shit. He was cheating on her and she got pissed. That's what happens. You personally know what your significant other is capable of and you decide to cheat on them, you know there could be repercussions.

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