These are my wife's terms she has presented to me, and yes I know they are ridiculous but here they are nonetheless:

  1. Full physical and legal custody of D3, with zero overnights for me. I would be dropping off my D3 at school and picking her up several times a week and staying out with her for several hours (3-6pm) until she has to go back to mom. We can either spend the weekends and vacations as a family or trading off between parents.

  2. I need to remain on the mortgage to avoid her needing to refinance at a higher interest rate. She will be paying off my share of the house from a home equity loan and my name would be removed from the deed. She has promised to agree to be a co-borrower for whatever new mortgage loan I sign up for to get a new house.

  3. She will need a couple years of child support. Once she gets a promotion and is able to afford paying for everything herself, she will be okay with taking over expenses 100%. If I don't want to pay child support, she will ask her dad to support her financially.

My thoughts on each of these terms:

  1. Someone correct me if I am wrong, but child support is calculated by the number of overnights, not necessarily parental time. Even if we settle out of court, can we deviate from this? With zero overnights; weekends and vacations are meaningless and just like any other weekday.

  2. I fear that remaining on the mortgage will prevent me from getting a second mortgage, and if I need a co-borrower for a second mortgage, I do not trust her to readily sign. I know its possible to write an order that makes her liable for mortgage payments and to trigger a sale if she defaults, but are there other traps with this arrangement? Would banks I apply to consider such an agreement or disregard it all together? Also if I am still on the mortgage, wouldn't I also be liable for any home equity loans she takes out?

  3. This is tied to point 1. If we establish 100% child support from the get-go, I do not see her allowing me to just stop paying after a couple years. Again, this all centers on whether we can deviate from the state guidelines. Knowing her, even if she does increase her income, she will just increase her liabilities and justify my continued support.

My position is simple, I want 50/50 and to not remain on the mortgage. I am willing to give her 60/40 and to postpone the sale/refinance of the house until several years (5 years max) after divorce and to also receive a portion of my payout in scheduled payments. This time would allow her plenty of time to increase her income, find a new spouse and not need to take out a loan in order to pay me.

I've been trying to figure out what her issue is with not giving me any overnights and the most she's ever said its that she doesn't want our daughter hearing me having sex with another woman. I mentioned that we can stipulate no overnights in the same domicile if D3 is present, but she doesn't want to go through that trouble. She says I just want to be a part-time dad and that she's not going to fulfill my dreams of wanting to just care for my D3 part of the week and then screw other women the other days (lol).

She has threatened that if I do not agree to her terms, that I will need to assume full responsibility of my D3 and she will not take part in raising her. That's right, there is no compromise or middle ground here. Her terms are at complete polar opposites of each other, full control or no control. This is has been a recurrent theme in our marriage. If I am to believe her, she is willing to blow up her relationship with her daughter over a couple interest points or need to downsize from a 2800 sq. ft. house to something more modest. She's said she won't abide by the court and she won't even show up to the pre-trial.

She's also mentioned that her physical health is in danger, she feels she can get a heart attack any moment from the stress associated with our divorce proceedings. So she is heaping all this on me. We both work full-time and have no family/support as they live 3,000+ miles away. I've offered to be flexible in watching our daughter exclusively (and allow her to schedule make-up time with her), so she can take focus on her health.... but she has rebuffed these offers.