Am I making a mistake

lotsofhubris · 2021-08-24T20:54:01+00:00

You deserve alimony and child support

cschoonmaker · 2021-08-24T21:17:56+00:00

3 minor children, she makes 6 figures, you're a substitute teacher? Yeah you're leaving a big pile of money on the table. You can split everything 50/50, but I'd still take a look at spousal support and child support. Otherwise you're going to find yourself struggling to make ends meet.

outdoorsman921 · 2021-08-24T20:32:28+00:00

NAL but to me it seems if she’s making 6 figures and you are a substitute teacher then you are leaving a ton of money on the table. Google “Calculating alimony payments in “insert your state”. I’ve been married 6 years and make about double what she’s at, I’ll be on the hook for around $650/month for the next 3 years.

crypto_keeper88 · 2021-08-24T22:11:31+00:00

This is a horrible deal, why on Earth would you ever agree to this? You need a lawyer for several reasons but for one you can't trust that she will stick to the "verbal agreement". You need to hash out a plan in writing and it needs to be equitable. You are leaving lots of money on the table that can be used on the kids!!!!

mercybull · 2021-08-24T22:36:05+00:00

I have to pay 1800 a month in child support and she makes as much as I do!! So yeah, you are definitely leaving money on the table that could help the quality of life your children have when they are with you. I only have one child.

SpiritualEnema · 2021-08-24T22:40:44+00:00

I’m paying my wife $2K a month in spousal support in the reverse of your situation if that means anything to you

Throwaway4120213 · 2021-08-25T03:23:17+00:00

Big mistake. 14yrs of marriage, 3 young kids where you have been the primary caretaker and her making six figures to your substitute teacher pay? That is a lot of alimony and child support you are leaving on the table. Go after what is legally yours.

If the roles were reverse - she would absolutely have gone after you for alimony and child support. 99.99% of all women in your shoes would go after alimony and child support with the full backing of family law, her family and friends, and society in general.

AirSailer · 2021-08-25T01:26:53+00:00

She 100% will agree to 50/50 with no CS/SS because it's the best option for her. She also knows that if it goes to court she will be paying YOU CS/SS. CS is a calculation based off income, each state has their calculator online, you need to follow that. It is her responsibility to pay her share of the child's expenses, especially if she's making much more and wants to spend more on the child than you can afford.

As for alimony/SS that is up to you, personally I do not think it is fair for either party and should be abolished. BUT, I 100% guarantee she is not on your side and don't be surprised if she shows up with a lawyer at the final hour, etc. Regardless, get a lawyer to read over the agreement even if she doesn't know about the lawyer.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2021-08-24T21:40:27+00:00

At least consult an attorney or two.

flapjackdavis · 2021-08-25T01:03:54+00:00

Wtf. Do not waive anything because you are a man. You have supported her in advancing her career and earning capacity and deserve alimony and child support.

kapriece · 2021-08-25T01:00:52+00:00

Do it for all men. She supported you and the children therefore you are entitled to it.

HowManyBobs · 2021-08-24T22:11:27+00:00

In Wisconsin we have a Pro Se process that allows for dissolution w/o attorneys. There are neutral arbiters who can walk you thru the details and provide a legal offering acceptable to both parties and the court.
I would say don't go it alone!

TheWalter_Sobchak · 2021-08-25T00:35:42+00:00

Note that a lot of places view child support, in a case with a large income disparity, as essentially mandatory. You can try to turn it down, but it's not for you, it's for the kids.

RalphWastoid319 · 2021-08-26T16:57:34+00:00

Am I making a mistake?

You are abso-fucking-lutely making a huge mistake. You make less than minimum wage on a sub teacher salary, how exactly do you expect to live after the divorce? You have to eat, you have to have a roof over your head, you have to pay for utilities. I get it, you think you are doing the noble thing by granting your stbx a stress free (and cheap) divorce. But you are opening yourself up for a world of pain that you don't need to.

Child support is for the kids. Yours are young, have you not noticed how much you spend on clothes because they are constantly growing? And wait till they get older, they really start to eat a ton of food. And finding a 3-4 bedroom apartment for everyone to live? Sure they might enjoy rooming together for now, but they are getting to the age that they are going to want privacy. Child support was originally designed for just this situation, one high wage earner and one low to no wage earner. Take the money to make your kids lives a little easier.

Alimony is also there for this situation. To give you funds and time to get training if needed or work towards getting a better job to be self supporting. Depending on state and situation, you have not reached a point where your stbx would have to pay lifetime support. Look at this as a short term period you would have the breathing room to both be a Dad for your kids and make yourself a better person getting back in the full time work force without having a huge amount of debt hanging over your head.

Frosty_Season_8092 · 2021-08-25T05:50:30+00:00

Details regarding how far one can move from "home" and distance to travel for kids going to school.

dudefromyork · 2021-08-25T12:25:25+00:00

Sounds like she’s wanting to get out as cheaply as possible. Don’t let her. As everyone else has said lawyer up immediately.

firstlight777 · 2021-08-25T15:52:25+00:00

Get the money. If not for you, use it for the kids how you want. Dont fall on your sword, lawyer up NOW, at least for mediation, not that much money, should be a simple formula for support and alimony.

Scelerophobic · 2021-08-25T20:03:35+00:00

I'm in a similar predicament. Except my wife used my VA benefits to get her doctorate.

I take care of our home, our kids, our vehicles, and because of her mental illness, adhd (and other stuff), we basically have a father/daughter relationship. I feel like my wife is another toddler, but has the ability to make adult f-ups and transgressions.

For the last few months I've given up trying to rationalize with her, plead with her or beg her. I have been putting money away. Opened a different bank account and let her know. I've been selling things off for cash and paying down all debts solely in my name.

I just let her do what she wants and hold everything in. Smile. Say I love you. Fake it. Whatever.

I'm not going to let her walk away without paying me child support and alimony.

You'd be crazy to do that. If you want your kids, you need income to do it, whether the court says you need it or not, its economical sense.

Then, go get a better job and leverage her to help pay for child care. Claim all their taxes. Make her pay half if not all the medical costs.

Don't be a wimp.

pegleg_legal · 2021-08-26T02:06:20+00:00

I've offered to move out once the divorce is finalized and to split everything including the kids 50/50 no alimony no child support.

WTF

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2021-08-26T19:40:41+00:00

I would say no.. do NOT agree to walk away without alimony. As others said.. if for ANY other reason.. though it should be the least reason.. men are still largely screwed in divorce courts.. and men also largely will "walk away with no money" out of pride.. being the man.. make things super easy and not drag it on, etc. Sadly..that allows the continued trend of women get to screw men in divorce but the reverse seldom happens. I shouldn't say screw.. that makes it sound devious.. even if it is sometimes.

But.. MORE importantly is your well being. If you were a bum.. largely just worked basic jobs, had no goals/motivations.. and she made good money.. then I would agree with you if that was your disposition. That is.. you're a crap provider.. so you should just get nothing from her if she is working hard.. and you are unwilling to. BUT.. that is not the case. You left a good paying job to largely stay at home while working part time. For the kids and for her career. So why should you reap NONE of that in return? This more so than anything.. is why you should absolutely at least go through mediation and have them calculate what she should pay you in alimony. AT THE VERY LEAST.. get that information. Then you have more "ammunition" to work with. You can then bargain a bit maybe.. e.g. she pays you a bit less.. but you keep the house.. or something else.

Go get your fair share. You deserve it. Your kids deserve to see their dad not tucking tail and accepting whatever.. instead.. fighting for what you deserve.

Jbr74 · 2021-08-26T20:07:31+00:00

You are a unicorn, and I'm jealous.

Get that alimony!

SzDiverge · 2021-08-27T15:50:17+00:00

Dude.. you're leaving a TON of money on the table here.

The roles in this situation are usually reversed and the wife would get 50% of all assets and then absolutely would get alimony payments based on your income differential. Could be payments or one time pay-off.

Even if you split custody & parenting time at exactly 50/50, she would pay you child support based on your income differential.

No idea where you're located, but you could be looking to gain a significant amount monthly to help you out. Money you DESERVE. You quit a good job to be caregiver - that is a noble thing to do and the reason why you are owed alimony and child support.

Normalperson140 · 2021-08-25T13:26:40+00:00

Perfect take care.

Truthseek88 · 2021-08-25T15:50:53+00:00

Its not a divorce until lawyers get involved. Go to a lawyer and ask for this same deal. Move on

Lemon-law · 2021-08-25T16:46:15+00:00

At a minimum, take the child support. It’s exactly that, support for your children.

Title	Am I making a mistake
Author	Domesticated_Dave
Upvotes	11
Comments	58
Date	August 24, 2021 8:15 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/pavbbk/am_i_making_a_mistake/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-making-a-mistake.1064932 https://theredarchive.com/post/1064932

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