Divorced 1.5 yr Update

Crafty_Try_423 · 2024-09-19T18:58:03+00:00

I’d say break it off. If she’s perfect except for her size and your eyes are already wandering, let her go. Don’t set yourself up for failure (infidelity, where you’re the WS).

But I also have question for you. Do you think your eyes are wandering because she’s too fat for you, or are your eyes wandering because the sex isn’t good enough to satisfy you? Because if it’s just the latter, then that’s something you can potentially fix. She may be insecure about her weight (justifiably, apparently) and maybe need encouragement to let go. You’re unlikely to be the man to give it to her if you genuinely don’t find her attractive. But I just wanted to put this idea out there because I think these are two very different scenarios with two possibly different solutions.

But please don’t keep this girl around “despite her looks,” just because everything else about her is great. I think that’s a recipe for problems.

THX1138-22 · 2024-09-19T12:51:05+00:00

Read “Gatekeepers: tactical guide to commitment” it has a well laid out list of criteria to decide whether she is a keeper. Don’t trust the momentary ups and downs of your emotions.

Exactly65536 · 2024-09-19T11:10:06+00:00

She’s (F30) incredible

I wonder what she'll be like when you divorce. I know this is a somewhat cruel comment, but also statistically it's also a correct one.

I’m worried my sexual desire will lead me away from an amazing person with high long-term potential.

That's a good worry. Don't let your reproductive system rule over you.

allstonguy1011 · 2024-09-19T09:41:26+00:00

Move on you don’t find her attractive don’t be an idiot and try to settle

You will find the one please this won’t work 100%

wroubelek · 2024-09-19T03:35:03+00:00

Agreed - my ex was so very negative and I thought it cute in the beginning but it wears on you after a while

Curious: would you say you trick yourself sometimes into thinking you like something, which you clearly don't, and then the problem reappears stronger, like above ↑?

SnooDucks2052 · 2024-09-19T02:02:06+00:00

So basically you don’t like her the way she is & you want to change her??????? You sound like my ex wife.

Ssla1 · 2024-09-19T01:52:31+00:00

In my experience, it’s not going to change, and I thought I could live with the less than desirable sex and physical attraction. Now, we both have lawyers after four years of marriage and a child. I’m not saying the two are related, but I really wish my circumstances were different. I have so much to lose for only having been intimate 10 times in the last four years.

Sasha_Stem · 2024-09-19T01:13:10+00:00

Be very careful. She may get in shape and lose attraction for you in the future. It doesn’t matter how good looking you think you are. Tread lightly. Be supportive. Good luck!

rsmiley77 · 2024-09-18T23:10:36+00:00

Can I be honest with you…. You could be dating a ten and you’ll find something wrong with her. Yea looks are important but make sure she has a job and can support herself easily. That’s the main thing you want.

I am currently dating a woman who is gorgeous. I joke that her super power is looking amazing in a swim suit. I still wonder if she’s good enough at times. It is always going to happen after your first marriage. Halle Berry says that when she was married to Dave Justice he’d stay down stairs watching sports center while she was waiting on him to go to bed. The grass will always be greener… or so your mind will tell you.

Dirk_13 · 2024-09-18T22:17:21+00:00

Encourage her in a nice way to do healthy things like fitness and eating right and do it with her she will more than likely appreciate you more for that

Jonger1150 · 2024-09-18T22:09:28+00:00

Ozempic. If that's her only drawback, maybe figure out a way to get moving on that.

probebeta · 2024-09-18T21:47:47+00:00

Changing your lifestyle a bit might get her to be active with you, eat less and eat healthier. Instead of beer and desert, and eating out maybe walks, bike rides, hiking? It sounds like a joke but imagine 5 years later, you'll be wanting to keep fit and look good and maybe she won't. This could be a problem if you're then looking for other options but you have a kid or two with her.

Complicatedlogic · 2024-09-18T21:05:37+00:00

I’m not trying to be funny, but have you tried taking her to the gym with you?

oclawyer1818 · 2024-09-18T20:09:28+00:00

Sounds like you need someone who prioritizes fitness. She also deserves someone who is attracted to her for how she is. Your feelings won’t change. you may have to prioritize what you really want.

SaltSpecialistSalt · 2024-09-18T20:05:09+00:00

perfect is the enemy of good brother. however physical attraction is also important and not caring to keep fit might cause even more problems in the future. maybe start getting workouts together and see how she takes it

also read the following

https://www.drpsychmom.com/how-to-tell-if-your-partner-will-stop-enjoy-sex-after-marriage-and-kids/

SpicyPandaMeat · 2024-09-18T19:48:23+00:00

Different strokes and all that, but kindness trump's beauty in my book.

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-09-18T19:40:53+00:00

Also if your wife left you 1.5 years is no time. Not saying your not ready but just look after yourself first dude 💪🏼

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-09-18T19:40:05+00:00

Looks like will fade when your both older. If you want a relationship for a few years for the rest of your life then this is what your looks will matter. If she has lots of great qualities as a person she’s for the long term. Also the women your looking at would potentially be awful partners. If you want long term wife/life partner accepts the few things you don’t like now. No one is perfect, so just choose.

rickyspanish12345 · 2024-09-18T19:20:16+00:00

You're always going to look around. Even if she was a 10 eventually you'll get at least a little bored. You're a man. It's okay.

Also, you don't need to be with someone. If you're not feeling a great connection then cut her loose. She might have a great resume, but that's not going to fulfill you long-term.

It's only been a year and a half. That's nothing in the grand scheme of things. Take things slow, work on yourself.

Good luck dude

Ecstatic_Love4691 · 2024-09-18T19:15:50+00:00

Delete this in case she ever finds your Reddit lol

familymanlikesfamily · 2024-09-18T19:08:00+00:00

She sounds great brother. I don't think any man does not think of the negative you listed. You already know better. Take your time.

Hour-Regret9531 · 2024-09-18T19:07:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Odd-Collection9840 · 2024-09-18T18:57:18+00:00

Was your ex wife fit? How did that work out for you. Is the sex not great because she has less experience? Work on it with her. You guys are new enough she probably would be willing to learn some things

DisgruntledSalt · 2024-09-18T18:41:19+00:00

Looks fade but the inner beauty is what last

Title	Divorced 1.5 yr Update
Author	Hour-Regret9531
Upvotes	20
Comments	47
Date	September 18, 2024 6:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fk05j0/divorced_15_yr_update/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorced-15-yr-update.1530597 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530597

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