Does one have to date ?

Dangerous-Yam2894 · 2026-05-31T18:31:58+00:00

I’ve realized that the women in my life have only taken on the whole, not given. I’ve never had a real partnership. I also have a bad picker. I’m much happier alone. I love my peace.

stantkoa602 · 2026-05-28T02:29:36+00:00

Don't bother nowadays. Just do you. Do whatever the fuck it is you do and kill it. Live the way you like buy the shit you want. You'll find enough to survive if you're out there in the world. Do shit you like some will be like minded. Maybe one sticks maybe not. Good luck.

TheSteveSteward · 2026-05-27T14:29:55+00:00

Don't have to date at all

darealyst · 2026-05-27T13:55:14+00:00

Women my age that are able to arouse me (and are single) are few and far between. I see a hot 25 year old and of course I feel myself stirring, but I don't want the hassle of a relationship with them. I meet a woman when I feel I need to and bang a few times but I never really feel drawn to commitment. I just want arm candy haha.

I don't think I could ever give up solo travel and good luck keeping your 45 year old girlfriend when you tell her you're f-ing off to Japan for a month without her. Ask me how I know.

Wildwing89 · 2026-05-26T18:51:58+00:00

nah man you don't have to. Personally I tried both 5 months after I left and 11 months after and it was brutal. Couldn't find any reason to plan a second one.

Dabbled in some other areas for affection and that has honestly made being single easier and more pallatebable. Makes not dealing with your brain making you miss shit that you shouldn't miss much easier. But again thats my choice.

Decon_SaintJohn · 2026-05-26T18:14:38+00:00

I wasn't mentally able to date anyone after my divorce. However, I was able to have sex with women without commitment and expected emotional ties. Doing so was very liberating and actually boosted my self esteem. I also needed it after having a dead bedroom in marriage, I was sex and affection starved. Two years later I'm now more in a position mentally to date.

So no, you don't have to date and I wouldn't recommend it if you're not emotionally ready. But at the very least, you could find a FWB to pass the time.

Responsible_Mind_206 · 2026-05-26T16:41:42+00:00

You can "move on", either with or without a woman. But if you want a woman, yeah you need to court them.

federally · 2026-05-26T16:20:12+00:00

There is much more to life then romantic relationships. Right now I don't think I'll ever date again and I'm content with that because the rest of my life is really great!

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-05-26T15:46:47+00:00

A year is still very early on. Years 3-4 you may feel differently. Enjoy this season of singleness it never lasts long enough.

rennyrenwick · 2026-05-26T14:06:33+00:00

No.

Follow what your body and mind are telling you. Maybe your feeling will change some day, maybe not.

UrAristotle · 2026-05-26T13:27:57+00:00

As your ex-wife showed you, there aren’t really any rules.

It doesn’t mean you aren’t moving on if you don’t find yourself interested in seeing someone. It just means you’re more interested in protecting yourself and your peace right now.

Perfectly normal.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-05-26T12:45:11+00:00

Do what makes you happy. You don't have to date or pursue women. Dive into a hobby. Work on you.

akihonj · 2026-05-26T12:30:01+00:00

Who said you haven't moved on.

When you think about her with another man what happens to your internal world.

Do you get angry, sad, laugh.

Or do you just not care anymore, if you laugh then it's because he's taking one for the team, maybe she was just exhausting and trapped in repeating patterns of her own choices she'll do to him as she did to you and he's thinking he won, which makes you laugh or...

Do you feel nothing at all, like you don't care what happens to her as long as she's nowhere near you.

If you're angry or sad then no you haven't moved on and that's fine.

If it's the other two then yes you've definitely moved on

The fa t you aren't really looking and not really interested or even clicking with anybody is also fine and nothing for you to worry about, he'll it's probably healthy for you on some level because it means you aren't rushing into another mistake.

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-05-26T12:23:20+00:00

It’s been 3 years for me since my ex an I separated. I went out on a date with an old high school fling early on and decided I can’t do it. It’s less about the ex these days and more that I’m happy where I’m at.

I have young kids and I don’t want to take on more. At 42, the options for women who don’t have kids and are willing to take on someone else’s are slim. I also know that since I don’t want to take on someone else’s kids, I can’t expect them to take on mine. Plus, my house is too small for more people and I’m not moving out of their district.

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-05-26T12:11:55+00:00

No you don't. 2 years on from separation, and I feel less inclined to date as more time passes.

My opinion of relationships is in a very poor place right now.

FirelineJake · 2026-05-26T12:03:44+00:00

Nobody has to date. A year out from that kind of blindside your nervous system is still in recovery mode, the spark doesn't come back on a schedule, it comes back when it's ready.

waggers5 · 2026-05-26T11:06:13+00:00

I just know I never want to go through this or anything like it again. And the statistics are against me. In the UK (where I am), 42% of marriages end in divorce but for second marriages that figure rises to 60%.

That said, I already miss the company and companionship that comes from having a life partner. So in my case I might try the dating game once I've got my shit together a bit more.

But if I'm going to enter into a serious relationship with a new partner, that person needs to be absolutely right for me without the slightest hint of any red flags, including the ones I clearly missed with my STBX. Therapy has helped me realise what those red flags are/were, what to look out for, and how to behave around them to avoid getting into this mess. But even equipped with that knowledge I'm very uncertain about any sort of relationship after divorce.

To answer your question: no. You don't have to date and if you're happy by yourself then so much the better.

bdkgb · 2026-05-26T09:29:59+00:00

We haven't filed yet but at this point and time I could see myself never dating again. Lol

LaCathedrale · 2026-05-26T08:53:39+00:00

My ex theoretically had the most inertia to stay through (what she felt was) a tough time in a relationship. We had a forever home, two dogs, two children. Mortgage and investment plans, yearly holidays, extended families all got on. She ditched it completely based on 'a vibe' and is already half moved in with her AP/monkey branch less than six months later. Why the hell would I risk my future with someone who has WAY less skin in the game?

In addition to that, now I'm dating as a father in my 40's my standards are, as you have said, much higher because the risk/reward ratio is much more significant.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-05-26T08:38:15+00:00

If you have kids then there is no reason at all to get married again so no need to worry or date if you don't want to. Most modern western woman aren't worth getting involved with anyways.

RunPeaceRun · 2026-05-26T06:28:14+00:00

We got traumatized. Person we deeply cared and loved for many years left us with Ted talk. We were doing daily things while they were checking out.

Therapy and gym. That’s the only answer I have and doing so or starting to do so 🥲

Narrow-Pop8696 · 2026-05-26T06:18:29+00:00

Similiar with me. I think it's because; 1. We've been traumatised 2. We've seen how fucked up modern women are 3. We're now guarded 4. Our standards have gone up significantly

AcademicAd8812 · 2026-05-26T06:15:04+00:00

take time to heal, go to therapy, exercise, make friends, spend time on your hobbies, sleep… there’s no rush, when you’re ready you’ll be ready.

Icy-Friendship1163 · 2026-05-26T06:09:40+00:00

You want to repeat divorce again ?

Dont forget to r/vasectomy

StinkyDuckFart · 2026-05-26T06:06:36+00:00

Getting under someone to get over someone isn't always the best advice. It doesn't matter what others say, do what feels right to you. Took me 2 years to even consider dating, even now, I don't care that much.

Title	Does one have to date ?
Author	Responsible_Mud_394
Upvotes	19
Comments	67
Date	May 26, 2026 6:00 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tny0m0/does_one_have_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-one-have-to-date.1581274 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581274

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