FEAR...

CosetteGrey · 2024-04-25T00:27:09+00:00

God damn. Be a man.

Illustrious-Tear-749 · 2024-04-24T20:37:03+00:00

Walking through hell now. I agree the unknown. When you can't talk to this person about anything because it "triggers" her. And the waiting in the unknown. 1 year separation, 90 days after filing. My biggest fear has been not finding myself again.

Such_Zucchini_3186 · 2024-04-23T00:58:43+00:00

The most interesting thing is that our brain makes us afraid of the unknown, but tries to make us continue with an Person we know that we know is no good. Or even a place to have a disgusting being back in our lives that we should give thanks to God for having left or even being expelled from our lives.

probebeta · 2024-04-22T18:45:24+00:00

There are two main ones: money and child care (5 yo) / parenting. With hard work you can handle these also but they are challenging at first. Dating wise, after waking up to reality I have realized women are abundant and everywhere. It might be hard to find the good one but they are everywhere

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-04-22T15:52:53+00:00

My biggest fear was and is the impact on our children. My college age children seemed to deal well enough with the ordeal but my boys at home really suffered. The changes that have impacted them have changed them in ways that are not good. I am afraid they may never recover from these impacts. I fear how it will impact my future grand children and how much I get to be with them.

ramboton · 2024-04-22T01:27:52+00:00

I am 60, my biggest fear is not finding someone new. Is it better to stay with someone who is really not that bad, but I am not in love with, or risk spending the rest of my life alone? At my age the good options are less, are they out there? yes, but there are less of them. A good friend of mine was on his own for 10 years before he found someone new.

demeve · 2024-04-21T23:50:56+00:00

I miss the person who I married and not the person whom I’m getting divorced from. Remember guys. The person you are leaving is not the same person you married

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2024-04-21T23:03:41+00:00

My biggest fear was the financial impact. At 59 I had just achieved what I felt I needed to be comfortable with the future and retirement down the road. Losing half of it and even more to not continue paying for a divorce I didn’t want totally sucked.

MidniteOG · 2024-04-21T22:01:56+00:00

Having to start over. Meeting people, trusting them, getting to know them and their families, building a relationship…..

But also the fear of letting go of the past 11 years as if they were nothing. This person meant so much to me, and then manipulated me and betrayed me.

AdventurousTrash1645 · 2024-04-21T21:04:51+00:00

My highest fear is going under financially to keep paying CS and Alimony. I fear I won't have the finances to help my kids in college and to start their families. I also fear being alone the rest of my life.

Least_Winter9632 · 2024-04-21T20:26:01+00:00

I was terrified about going through the discovery process. For lots of good reasons. It ended up not too bad. I produced everything they asked for, she produced nothing. Didn’t bother me bc she’s worthless. Shit job, no savings, racked up credit card, no 401K, no retirement. Her lawyer agreed neither party would touch the other parties accounts, for any of it. I have massive retirement I’ve been putting into for years and a nice 401K. I paid off all my debt (one credit card), student loan, and 401K loan over the last year. Soooooo, I came out pretty damn good. Just 1,800/mo i gotta pay worthless bitch. She just quit her shitty job too a few weeks ago and isn’t working. I’m sitting on 8 weeks of vacation, zero debt, investing my money, living my best life 💪🏻

LeftySmithy · 2024-04-21T20:14:31+00:00

I invested so much time or I guess you could say wasted so much time in that marriage of 18 years.

The time I spent with my kids was not a waste at all.

But the time I was with her was a complete waste because my feelings were never reciprocated.

It's a cold, harsh reality to realize that a person you were with for so long never really loved you to begin with.

Sure, I did a lot of wrong things in the marriage too... But I always had hope things would get better even when it didn't seem like they could.

A lot of us make the mistake of thinking that other people are as loyal and dedicated as we are.

I'm still kind of bitter about her leaving even after 9 months now..... I don't have any closure because of the divorce still isn't final.

We have two kids together so unfortunately, I have to deal with her very often through the week.

It sucks.

As far as uncertainty about the future.... I understand that entirely.

you aren't alone.

Wise_Serve_3140 · 2024-04-21T20:13:07+00:00

What helps me is, ask yourself what is the absolute worst thing that can happen in the divorce and assume that's going to happen and prepare and fight for more.

This helps soldiers in war, assume you're already dead and be surprised when you get home alive.

Bernie51Williams · 2024-04-21T20:02:44+00:00

I'm not afraid of shit. I'm good looking and so are you. If you're not then get good looking you know what to do. I have the world at my fingertips without anyone holding me down.

Do I miss my wife? Every hour ATM. But I miss who I thought she was. If she loved me she wouldn't have so much difficultly showing me..

salty-sheep-bah · 2024-04-21T19:45:56+00:00

I've developed this sort of catastrophic thinking and it's miserable. I'm not so sure it's going to go away, ever.

Squidgy68 · 2024-04-21T19:32:11+00:00

Biggest fear getting a divorce having to start dating again in my 50s and finding out that I'm just broken or the women are broken and I'm destined to be alone or date craziness for rest of my life.

kublakhan1816 · 2024-04-21T18:34:50+00:00

That’s a good question. Probably starting over with someone else and going the exact same thing and getting the same result.

DarkEnergy67 · 2024-04-21T18:25:11+00:00

Cotton controlling your emotions. Do not be ashamed of your emotions because they are a part of who you are, equally don’t be controlled by your emotions.

My biggest gain was finally learning to understand what motivates women.

Title	FEAR...
Author	DivorceRecoveryMen
Upvotes	22
Comments	60
Date	April 21, 2024 6:08 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c9ofw5/fear/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/fear.1515917 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515917

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