Fed up with divorce threats

RFC793 · 2024-08-08T01:48:47+00:00

Sounds like we have the same STBXW

probebeta · 2023-10-09T18:15:54+00:00

Point 8 is a red flag. It probably means that she's been thinking about divorce and is just waiting to pull the trigger. My ex has threatened divorce like this as well, but if she can still make use of you and doesn't have another branch to monkey branch to she will stick around. The moment she has no use for you she will try to take advantage of family law and get the most she can out of divorce. If you make a lot more than her get a lawyer asap and learn how to protect yourself. Not seeing your kids as often is one problem and then finances can be at huge risk too. You might be on the hook for alimony and child support which essentially will sustain her current lifestyle.

I still appreciate women but one lesson I learnt is that they are subconsciously paying attention to every move, money you make, and what you could be liable for post divorce. I think men should do the same, but I find that a lot of us were sleepwalking into marriage thinking that this is all love and good things.

With two young kids, it's a tough situation and I really hope you don't need to go through a divorce. But you need to start preparing for it because if you aren't it's going to be a tough position to be in.

TheNattyJew · 2023-10-02T01:23:19+00:00

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER NOW!!!

She is setting you up for a false rape accusation

Jedzoil · 2023-10-01T23:44:04+00:00

I went through 1,2,3,4,6,7. My ex always brought up divorce in arguments. She’s telling you where her mind is at, she can’t hide it when she’s angry. Get out ahead of it.

warrior_up · 2023-10-01T16:45:51+00:00

When there’s no consequences- you’re enabling it. End her game. She doesn’t respect you or the relationship anymore, obviously.

Want her to respect you - leave her in the dust

Please stop buying her shit man, flowers the chocolates will only make you look more pathetic. She treats you like shit and you reward her for it

Nice guy never wins with females and only get you bullied in life.

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-10-01T15:39:13+00:00

Get your ducks in a row and get out. If she's recording interactions and wanting "rough sex" and has already accused you of rape, the logical next step, for her, is filing charges. At the very least, she'll get you out of the house, emergency support (for her and the kids), orders for you to pay to maintain the home and car, etc, all without a final divorce order.

MrEgusi · 2023-10-01T15:13:39+00:00

"Everytime we get into an argument, she threatens divorce" You are DEFINITELY getting a divorce ...Just a matter of time.

However, you still have the chance to decide when the process starts and to start 'tidying up' your assets.

By the way, Your wife seems like a cluster B. If that's the case, marriage will not get better.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-10-01T11:00:13+00:00

Your percentage is off. This has a 0% chance of not ending in divorce.

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-10-01T08:38:50+00:00

What exactly are you getting out of this, other than drama and anxiety? You have one go on this spinning rock, why do it with a shitty narcissistic ungrateful woman?

Key_Preference_4594 · 2023-10-01T07:19:29+00:00

That’s horrendous.

As my ex sister in law said, you can’t say these things lightly………..

coffeefrog92 · 2023-10-01T06:49:12+00:00

Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine did. Those trips away from the home and divorce threats are trial runs. My guess would be she's already decided on it; based on my own experience.

And besides, once covert recordings and grape accusations come into play, what is left to save?

AdvancedAd3507 · 2023-10-01T06:13:23+00:00

Start hiding money now. Get her to abuse you and call the cops. All things you'll wish you could prove later.

FUMoney · 2023-10-01T05:28:13+00:00

Four year marriage? You better get moving, and fast. You could get off with maybe one year of alimony. Do not let it get to five years of marriage, court could easily tack on another year of alimony.

Never forget the clock is ticking. Your marriage is over. You know it, she knows it. The sooner you file, and the quicker you end it, so much the better for the financial resolution and outcome.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-10-01T04:24:32+00:00

Go talk to a lawyer and tell them what you’ve just wrote out here.

The writing is literally on the wall and it sounds like she’s already spoken to a lawyer, she’s recording you, she’s open to making false allegations….

Don’t be a statistic dude.

She makes a false allegation against you, you’re in for a hell of a time and she can and will isolate your kids from you and get a protection order out against you. You can and will be removed from the home, and be ordered to continue to contribute to maintain her and the children’s lifestyles.

SpiritualEnema · 2023-10-01T00:01:01+00:00

Get out. We were married to essentially the same woman. It will never get better, only worse with time.

A lot of these younger, modern women want to be brides, but not wives.

Also, look up the consent laws in your state in regards to recordings. If it’s a one party consent state start recording her. If it’s a two-party consent state then good news, her recordings won’t be admissible in court.

ramad84 · 2023-09-30T23:32:58+00:00

that part about rough sex and then accusation of sexual assault is bad news - you need to get away from that now before she tricks you into doing something that will get you in trouble

shes egging you on and then using your reaction against you - you need to exit that dynamic by creating distance

Flashy_Yam967 · 2023-09-30T23:02:25+00:00

The longer you're married, the longer and more painful alimony will be. See if you can start reducing your income while raising hers. Stop with the rough sex especially if she might record it and or falsely accuse you. Time to prep for the inevitable

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-09-30T22:26:32+00:00

Yeah, you should be executing an exit plan while these six months elaspe. A quick division of finances to begin with and the retention of an attorney are a starting point. Next, avoid as much intimacy as possible as it will dull the senses. Third, installing surveillance cameras (check state laws) may validate your position should allegations arise. It's about preparing for seriously more crazy.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-09-30T22:01:51+00:00

Its time to covertly plan for an eventual divorce. If you want to gain as much of an advantage as possible, don't let her think you are thinking this. In fact, try to meet her every demand, try to be the best husband and father you can possibly be, just to throw her off. In the meantime, do your best to get her into a job that pays as much as possible, the closer her salary is to yours the better. As far as assets in any personal accounts you have, talk to a lawyer to figure out what you can do with them (if anything).

Imputed income is generally done with 3 years history. That means you need to get her into a good job and then pull the trigger in 3 years. If in that time she somehow turns around and meets your demands, you stay.

RetractingTractor · 2023-10-01T08:24:51+00:00

Holy shit, sounds a lot like my ex. I really wonder how we could be so stupid to marry and have children with such useless people. They literally contribute nothing except probably companionship early on in the relationship. As soon as one ore two kids are in the mix, everything changes. Demands only, no housework, sex life decreases by a lot, and demands through the roof. As if they realize how fucked a man actually is in terms of familiy law.

Sorry you are going through that - only thing I can say (8 months past divorce, child support for two kids whom I see every two weeks, kept the house, paid her ALL of my money in return, was literally at 0 balance but slightly positive cash flow) is: totally worth it.

Never again will I get married and I still have not figured out why I even married such a cunt (you used a quite fitting term).

freelanceispoverty · 2023-10-01T17:39:57+00:00

Listen to a lot of the advice here.

I just want to say I’m subscribed here because my wife and I have been on the rocks, and it feels like we might be headed down this path sometimes. A lot of what you wrote sounds very similar to my experiences—sans the rape accusations after rough sex we both enjoy. I’d love for my wife to take a month at her parents’ place sometimes.

That said, I spoke with someone here recently who was also managing similar rage-filled outbursts from their wife. We were all similarly flawed (I drink, I’m petty, I curse, and I can punch the shit out of a door), but dealing with what generally feels like outsized outbursts on her behalf—with our worst moments often triggered by someone who knows which buttons to push at the wrong time.

We’re not wrong. But our response also isn’t right. We don’t hate our wives and families, we strive for peace, but something disrupts it—and it hurts especially as a breadwinner in a modern society that wants to eradicate gender roles without considering the man who picks up the slack. I gotta make all the money, make all the meals, find all the time, and do a majority of the invisible labor—and be understanding while repressing my own shit.

That said:

Check in on your wife’s physical health.

This could be the necessary segue to mental/emotional help without you being the man telling her she needs therapy and meds.

And I mean this with compassion. Postpartum is real but it also shows physical symptoms. Have her do a blood panel—maybe her iron and vitamin d are low and she’s fatigued; maybe there’s a hormonal imbalance. My wife’s doctors discovered a cyst between her eyes that’s likely been the cause of migraines, and the subsequent rage I’ve dealt with in the fallout.

A therapist is often reco’d then. That’s when she learns about the ways postpartum manifests itself, and comes to terms with that being a potential root-cause. You have very young children, and close in age (our girls are a few years older, but same age gap). Postpartum is very real.

“Failure to launch” or feelings of inadequacy are also big deals for women who had careers, or aspirations, and then families. Even if we didn’t ask them to put anything on hold, that’s how it’ll be interpreted—that we’re controlling, financially abusive, and ruined their earning potential with motherhood. My wife likes to joke that I “want her barefoot and pregnant.” I don’t. We have 2, I’m near 40, and we’re broke lol.

That said—I’m in your position. I almost feel it would be irresponsible to not be prepared for the worst but hesitate with the preemptive strike. Because I know this version of her isn’t her. But I don’t know how much I can compromise either when words do hurt, and threats to tear apart our family are things our oldest daughter comprehends at a crude level.

Fed up with divorce threats

Comments

9 isn’t a red flag. That’s a red billboard.

Title	Fed up with divorce threats
Author	jd385272
Upvotes	18
Comments	35
Date	September 30, 2023 9:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16wisv5/fed_up_with_divorce_threats/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/fed-up-with-divorce-threats.1233594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233594