I don't know if I can do it anymore

No_Pace2396 · 2024-10-09T04:02:33+00:00

"We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need." - Tyler Durden

lackoffinance · 2024-10-08T20:09:46+00:00

I’ve been there before too. Yo keep this a simple reply, you are more desirable than you know. Put yourself out there. It will work out for you. It happened for me and I’m happier in a relationship than I’ve ever been.

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-10-07T13:51:45+00:00

Strange, so many of my friends are stuck in awful marriages and wish they were single but they essentially trapped by the system. Look at the silver lining

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-10-07T11:57:21+00:00

No need to give up... Join this private Facebook Group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/407835908157312

regertsrus · 2024-10-07T11:43:05+00:00

I was 41 when I found out my wife and friend of over 20 years with 3 kids, cheated, lied and manipulated me to the point of a mental breakdown. Her own family had to help me put the pieces together and now go through me to see our kids I too never dated and also didn't know how. The process of dating was grueling. I hated it. It was a lot of failures and pointless conversations and sex. I will leave you with just this simple advice. Find a good woman. They are out there. Keep trying. There are women that were destroyed by men and they refuse to put them selves out there too with no hope left. If you're a good decent person, do the world a favor and help someone find their path while you find yours. That's your secret sauce.

Commercial-Doubt-612 · 2024-10-07T11:33:34+00:00

I feel you man. Hang on there. To be able to breathe and being healthy is already a blessing. So, take things at a time. Cherish the moment. Count that little achievement and be proud of it.

probebeta · 2024-10-07T03:33:46+00:00

Do you have kids? Do your parents have health issues, and why do they need 2 hours a day of your time? You're 35 and making 70k; is that enough, a lifestyle opposite sex would be attracted to? How do you look like and how would you rate yourself? I'd start thinking about these...

You have plenty of runway left to improve all these areas in your life. You're going to have to make sacrifices, you need to make more money, better status, if you want to have options. It's not easy but it's better than getting stuck. One step at a time. What's the next in terms of money and career? Start prioritizing that now. At the place you're at I wouldn't bother taking dating seriously.

ADHD_247 · 2024-10-06T23:48:05+00:00

Identify what it is you like to do as a hobby. If you don't have a hobby, get one. Then, really lean into it. Search the internet for what it is other who share the same hobby like to do and where to meet these people. Check Reddit, there is literally a sub Reddit for just bout every possible thing.

You may also suffer from social anxiety or strees that needs treatment or medication to help take the edge off on social gatherings. Don't give up, get involved.

It's great your looking after your parents but you need to care for yourself as well. Step back for a moment and evaluate what it is you do, when and how often and evaluate does this make me happy? What would make me happy? It may be that looking after your parents is a downer for you. Id imagine it would be for most. That being said, it's very noble thing to do and the right thing but coming to an understanding of what truely make you happy and pursuing is paramount to fixing this issue.

Picture your life as a glass. Possibly 2 if you wish.

The 1st glass is responsibility to others, noble causes.

The 2nd glass is selfish you pursuing your happiness.

Try to come to understand the balance cause and effect glass 1 has on glass 2 when looking after your folks.

Be aware of the dynamic. Be aware glass 2 may be owed when glass 1 is full.

There are no shortcuts. Your essentially here because you've identified you feel cheated but what you have come not yet to realise it is you that is cheating yourself and perhaps even angry with yourself for not treating yourself fairly.

Continue to care for your folks but recognise the importance of making time to reward yourself.

Historical_Eye3756 · 2024-10-06T19:22:39+00:00

If you have no kids you are way ahead of the game. I have two and I have them the majority of the time. With my job and kids, I’m not able to get out and play the game.

roshi-roshi · 2024-10-06T18:50:24+00:00

I think Al we can do is have good healthy routines, focus on our kids and work. And then hope the depression/anxiety/guilt goes away. For some, like myself, I don’t think it will. If you want another relationship you can’t push it. If it happens it happens.

All of this easier said than done. I know.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2024-10-06T17:30:00+00:00

I’m 7 years ahead of you. Re: your friends, that will calm down a bit. Like others have said, you’re in your prime. Don’t rush anything, set yourself future self to be better off. Good money will help with that.

rickyspanish12345 · 2024-10-06T16:10:46+00:00

Dude you are IN YOUR PRIME. This sounds like low confidence and low self esteem. You've been divorced a few years and you're still in a funk, I think you should get into therapy.

When I was 35 I was dating legit hotties in their '20s. And I am average looking at best and have basically always been poor. You can do it too. You just have to believe in yourself. Start worrying more about you. Fuck all that other shit. Before you know it you're going to be 45 and then you'll be really depressed that you pissed away your best years.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-10-06T15:17:18+00:00

Well, it sucks to be you, it suck’s to be me, it just sucks period. Honestly, we ALL SUCKED!

But I know I can think of a few things that we don’t suck at. You being you and me being me.

You are a great son- you excelled beyond expectations!

You are only 35!- hooray for having a good job at 35!

You are a hard worker- yes, your dedication are noted and appreciated!

The hell with what people think of you! The hell with those damn meds that they say u should take! The hell with what society dictates how you should live!

Time to change our mindset!

It’s all about our mindset!!!! NEVER LET OTHER PEOPLES PERCEPTIONS OF YOU BECOME YOUR REALITY.

Boomhower113 · 2024-10-06T15:13:44+00:00

Self limiting thoughts. This post is loaded with them.

Don’t worry, everyone does it. You just have to realize it.

“Dating Essentials for Men” by Robert Glover. It’s not a pick up book, I promise. Either read it or listen to it.

You are a case study for the kind of guy that needs to read this. I was, too.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-10-06T14:38:35+00:00

you’re young, fresh out of marriage so pace yourself and dont rush it. the more desperate you seem, the harder it is to meet women. they can sense it and are repulsed by it.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2024-10-06T14:07:49+00:00

Be happy you learned your lesson at only 35. You have next 35 years to recover and rebuild your life. Just make sure you get a vasectomy.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2024-10-06T14:05:53+00:00

Well bud, join the club.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women.
- Child support, Alimony, your pension + retirement savings, government support + housing incentivizes them leaving you.
90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts.
- You will be called abusive in order to stress you out so you give in to their unjust demands.

What to do now?

Settle your case ASAP.
- The leeches (Judges, Lawyers, Therapists, Legal system will want to bleed you dry by leveraging your kids against you) The system gets paid by you fighting for you children.
Find a hobby.
Focus on your career/start a side hustle/Make more money.
Hit the gym daily.
MGTOW
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and any one who claims their ex was abusive. Do NOT raise another man’s child. You may end up being on the hook financially (Child support) for the kid if you leave.
Travel once a year.
RedPill knowlege (Read books like No more mr. nice guy). Visit the subreddit theredpill and read the sidebar articles as well.
Open up the New Testament and start reading daily + listen to Charles Stanely on YouTube.
- Learn to forgive your ex. This will set you emotionally and mentally free so you can begin enjoying life once again.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-10-06T13:40:23+00:00

Try reading "The Obstacle is the Way."

Every single (well most anyway) divorced man has been in your situation. Keep trying "something" until something clicks with you.

One quote I think of sometimes, when I'm in a rut is -"If nothing changes; nothing changes." And, yeah - 90% of the time I'm great now. But 10% of the time, I'll get back in the dark place and I know I need to do something different.

It's not like we - divorced men - have some magic elixir to make things better, mentally/physically. You got to keep moving forward. Accept your reality and decide what you can change and what you will change.

FUMoney · 2024-10-06T12:44:17+00:00

Seriously, since it's been a while, retain the services of a professional. Just do it. Break the drought, don't be scared of it. Find someone who is nice, mature, and simply have a relaxing evening. You don't need a pr0n star.

koboboba · 2024-10-06T08:43:25+00:00

Learn a trade or remote skill or degree like computer science, that will allow you by 40 a degree and chance to make more money with more freedom, for example work remote while travelling. Use your current stuckness to the utmost.

whatduzthefoxsay · 2024-10-06T08:27:41+00:00

There are ups and downs. This sounds like a down time. Things will get better— see if you can get a dog or play with your parents pet. Walk outside and get some sun. Workout if you are able (even walks around the block). Get antidepressants if you need them (recommend cymbalta or Wellbutrin, for a lift).

Try to do 2 new things each week. Eventually something will stick. It’s hard— but you’ve got this.

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2024-10-06T07:45:28+00:00

Go find some new hobbies, happiness not only comes when you have a partner. Who knows maybe you know someone from your hobbies group

Title	I don't know if I can do it anymore
Author	MstrRoshi2232
Upvotes	31
Comments	36
Date	October 6, 2024 6:46 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fxajhc/i_dont_know_if_i_can_do_it_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-dont-know-if-i-can-do-it-anymore.1532227 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532227

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